If EA took over *blank*

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

you realize it's all jokes and fun in here..right? No one is actually suggesting that EA take over anything. just a "what if.." type scenario.

Right. Sure. There's no way people have malicious intentions toward the company that was voted the worst in America. Nope, it's all innocent.

When the TL;DR for the thread is "EA makes terrible games and ruins good developers", I don't think you get to make the "it's all in good fun" excuse.

well considering nothing will come of this hypothetical situation besides just banter and ideas among the users on escapist, yeah, i consider that innocent.

who in here besides the party pooper isn't having fun? It's all hypothetical, nothing will actually come of it, and if it does, it's just coincidence.

not to mention, considering how many devs they have bought out and have either shut down or the games have become watered down B versions of what they used to deliver, I think it's fair game, as do many people in here.

 

[DustyDrB]

If EA took over my house, I'd be living on the streets within a few months:
-Want some water? Sure! $5
-Hey! You gotta pay the fee to use these stairs! $8
-Awww! Your dog is so cute! I bet you want to play with him, right? Just $15 for that.
-Hey, you have visitors. Err...It's illegal to share your living space for any amount of time, so you're going to have to buy this plot of designated "Visitation Area" land next door for $100,000. And while you're at it, why not hire certified EA contractors to build an awesome Quality Time Shack? Only another $10,000!
-Uh oh! Looks like the grass is dying. You better give it some plant food! Here's some Gatorade! It has what plants need! Electrolytes, yeah! $16/square foot.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

-Uh oh! Looks like the grass is dying. You better give it some plant food! Here's some Gatorade! It has what plants need! Electrolytes, yeah! $16/square foot.

hah reminded me of this:

probably would be true, just as sims is expensive as shit, so would living your real life...

to add to yours:

wanna go downtown? Need to buy the whole downtown expansion! 50 dollars!
wanna go to a movie? the grocery store? Get the urban experience! 120 dollars!

 

[sunsetspawn]

Hell, have you played DA:O, remember that dude named Zevran (I think that was his name), he was much worse than Traynor or Cortez.

that's kind of funny..I played as a female and I actually had no Idea Zevran liked men untill I read it on the internet..I just took him as a womaniser

Zev just likes his balls emptied, and he really doesn't care how.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Except it was.

I explore my ship. I reach the lower level, talk to the first person I see. He blurts out "BY THE WAY I'M GAY AND I HAD A HUSBAND AND HE DIED IN THE WAR DID I MENTION I'M REALLY GAY". Yeah, that's how homosexuals always introduce themselves to others, apparently.

So after a resounding fuck that I take Shepard to the citadel. Yeah, this is pretty cool, just walking along... Suddenly, you overhear a LOUD AS FUCK conversation between a gay couple who just can't stop emphasizing how gay they are.

What makes this doubly amusing is that the straight couples in the ME universe never got this treatment. Apparently heterosexuality is out of fashion in the future.

Wait, what? Did we play the same game?

(About a minute in. Please ignore the unfortunate player commentary)

He said "husband" once. No one ever even says the word "gay". I mean yeah, there's a lot of male pronouns, but come on. They're kind of hard to avoid in a conversation about men. You could replace "Husband" with "wife" and all the appropriate "he"s with "she"s, ("him"s with "her"s, etc.) and the conversation would still make perfect sense. It's literally the EXACT same treatment a straight character might get. And about the couple on the citadel: They were in the background. As far as I know, Sheppard can't even interact with them in any way. (if we're thinking of the same couple that is) How exactly is that "shoving it in your face?"

 

[Allthingsspectacular]

From Software:

Dark Souls gets turned into a fast paced hack n' slash with lots of explosions and flashy kills. Of course, it would be like God of War.

 

[irmasterlol]

EA merges with Activision. CEO is the Antichrist himself. All Hell literally breaks loose. End of days occurs.

 

[DJ_DEnM]

Kayne and Lynch - Actually not any worse under EA.

/thread right there. You have gained 100% of my respect.

Rockstar: GTA gets even more choices throughout the game which in the end lead to the same damn ending.

Every.
Single.
Time.

 

[DustyDrB]

-Uh oh! Looks like the grass is dying. You better give it some plant food! Here's some Gatorade! It has what plants need! Electrolytes, yeah! $16/square foot.

hah reminded me of this:

probably would be true, just as sims is expensive as shit, so would living your real life...

to add to yours:

wanna go downtown? Need to buy the whole downtown expansion! 50 dollars!
wanna go to a movie? the grocery store? Get the urban experience! 120 dollars!

Yeah, I was going for Idiocracy. But I messed up the quote. I need to watch that movie again. It always makes be feel really really good about myself.

 

[Matthew Jabour]

EA takes over Nintendo.
Mario: Mario's overall colors change to grey & brown, and Luigi is unlockable with $20 DLC.
Zelda: Link gets a new item; the AK-47, and that temple's boss is Shoota, Generic Tentacle Man.
Pikmin: Franchise discontinued for being 'Too narrow an audience'.
Metroid: Three direct sequels to 'Other M', where Samus gets a new suit of armor that is basically 3 scraps of fabric.
Kid Icarus: No direct sequels, but every other handheld game developed would use the same controls.

 

[psicat]

EA takes over Valve.

- I'd laugh in delight while all Valve fan-boys would be screaming in rage.
- Valve games would go onto a rapid development cycle, but at least it's better than a shit all development cycle.
- Steam exists just to make money so it would continue unchanged. After an obligatory let's not buy anything protest by it's consumers, that probably wouldn't last a day.

 

[TsunamiWombat]

If EA took over Gamefreak

The same Pokemon game released every year, but with a few minor changes, such as different characters, Pokemon, and region. There would be a spinoff sometimes, and fans would buy it every year, regardless. People would complain that the only good one was the first one, while disregarding all newer ones.

So... like Pokemon is now?

 

[Ix Rebound]

If EA had the ability to take over the Halo games......

There would be:

Iron Sights
Chest High Walls
COMPLETELY Recharging health instead of the genius hybrid of shields and health
No Vehicles
Customizable Weapon Classes
2 hour Campaign
DRM
Online Pass
$20 Dollar Map Packs
Master Chiefs face would be revealed (At the begining of the game)

don't forget that you will have to buy forge and pay each month for the new spartan ops missions

 

[GreyJedi]

I don't remember Jacob being black ever coming up.

Yeah, I mean, apart from his skin being dark and all.

If anything, he was a Latino. And yes, his personality was rather bland. But I still think you can't say that about the majority of ME3's major characters.

Jacob was black . James was Latino. Which in no way justifies Smash's statement they're all bland characters just because you appear to have got them mixed up. There is a high percentage of 1-Dimensional characters but some of them are awesome, Garrus and Tali for example.

OT: EA buys out Grasshopper Studios. The release rate for games actually goes down, they start including DLC and doing direct sequels and lose any sense of joy or creativity as Suda 51 is 'respectfully asked to step down'. I still remember the fear when I saw EA's logo on the Shadows of the Damned box *shiver*

Whoops. You're absolutely correct. My apologies.
And yes, Jacob and James were rather bland. Like I said, I agree that -some- of the characters are rather one-dimensional, but I disagree that this would somehow apply to all of them...
For example, the same logic doesn't apply to, say, Joker, Anderson, Garrus, Tali, Liara, etc...

 

[Elate]

-snip-

Wanna know the funny thing.. I ditched Morrigan for him, because I found her so badly characterized. I didn't even realize untill he subtly hinted at it, then I thought (His character being the type to joke around) that he was pulling my leg.. that was until the sex and what not. He was was one of the best characters in that game.

As with Me3, gotta disagree, walking into Cortez being all emotional was fucking hilarious. It was so over dramatized. It made me laugh for all the straight "I DONT WANT THE GAY IN ME3" guys who had to play through that.

 

[Bassik]

Dawn of War 3 is written by Matthew Ward and C.S Goto.

Jesus... you can go too far with a joke, you know? Some people have actually read that shit. A little bit of respect.

I reported you to the mods for being incredibly offensive and cruel.
Bad boy.

 

[Zagzag]

anyway, Traynor, gay sterotype?....she doesn't hate men, she doesn't talk about feminism, no shaved head....nothing to indicate she is gay untill the shower scene..

Dispite going into the game completely blind, and not even knowing that there were homosexual romance options in the game, I had still picked up on the surprisingly unsubtle clues by then.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

1) No one is there for the gameplay anyway. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who plays ME for the shooting bits. Close to everyone is there for the juicy conversations and story.

*raises hand*

I actually enjoy just about all of bioware's gameplay...hell, I don't think my 100+ playthroughs of kotor 1 and 2 could be justified without me enjoying it, and i know I put at least 10+ playthroughs into me1 and me2, which as said, I'd have to be crazy to replay that many times if i didn't enjoy it. granted alot of the enemies don't change much in actual styles and such, but really, not too many games do either, so I don't think you can really count that against them that they have only 4-5 different types of enemies.

Yeah it's not the best gameplay, wouldn't ever argue that, but it's enjoyable enough that it has never once stopped me from continuing the flow of the game or being actually broken.

but, I'll say cortez's sexual preference was a bit..thrown in there, it wasn't exactly "LOOK, I'M GAY, LOOK, HEY, LOOK!" but it was much more of a defining cheesy trait than it should have been, they should have actually up played his personality more or something. you don't see every straight person on board going "HEY. LOOK AT ME I LIKE BOOBIES!" whenever you walk by, usually they are just either talking about the ship or something going on in the galaxy.

 

[Someone Depressing]

Takes over Frictional.

Instead of stealth, you have a machine gun. Instead of sanity, you need to drink tons of liquor. Instead of the subtly, you're in a brightly lit palace-room. And it's a top-down joy-stick shooter. And the creepy, destructive, monsters that could only be more mutilated if they were Roberta William's face from the KQ4 game-over screen, you have cartoonish green-skinned zombies, like the ones from Clock Tower Ghost Head - a much worse game from Amnesia, but still pretty good if you want to learn about the basic human anatomy.

Oh, yeah. Instead of Daniel, you have Vulva Stones, a dirty, womanizing necrophile who is an ex-general in World War VII: The War of The Ownership of The Hookers.

 

[Someone Depressing]

No I shall not capitalize the word god.

Snip

I disagree. When you meet Cortez he tells you that he lost his husband. That's it. If it were a straight dude he would have sqaid that he lost his wife. I am actually quite happy with what Bioware did with that. A lot of movies, games and comics, gay personages have one character trait, being gay, that annoys me, even though I am straight.

Hell, have you played DA:O, remember that dude named Zevran (I think that was his name), he was much worse than Traynor or Cortez.

My problem with Cortez is him being gay is his only real personality trait. Him being gay is what people remember him by. That's exactly what I'm talking about when I say it's being shoved in your face, or that Bioware characters are terrible. They are all one dimensional husks with a single cliche separating them from everyone else. Cortez is gay, Jacob is black, Jack is an angsty teenagers, and on and on it goes. These characters have NOTHING else. There are one or two notable exceptions to this rule, but that's it.

The thing is, and this is what puzzles me about this, you would be fair in asking just how much characterization you can fit into a 30-40 hour game. The answer is a lot, but Bioware instead choose to focus on something else, which is weird. Since

1) No one is there for the gameplay anyway. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who plays ME for the shooting bits. Close to everyone is there for the juicy conversations and story.

2) Even though Bioware repeatedly ignore character progression to focus on developing God knows what, the actual gameplay STILL sucks ass. ME3 in particular is riddled with so many basic designing flaws, it's incredible.

So the question is, where is all this extra development going? It's not going into the characters, it's no going into graphics, it's obviously not going into the gameplay (I mean ffs, you shoot the same 4 types of enemies all game)...

They had 2 years to work on Mass Effect 3, and a big budget, and yet they continue to ignore the massive issues that plague almost every aspect of their games, the most prominent being one dimensional characters.

snip

See above, pretty much answers your post too.

I kind of liked KOTOR's combat, enough. And I liked the shooter-parts in Mass Effect, if not only because everything else about the game was utterly boring as fuck - not saying it's a bad game, but if you so much bat an eye at a durnken Hanna or whatever those jellyfish things were called, you get 7-paragraphs of text about their species, usually reinforcing reasons why they look like jellyfish.