If someone is a post-op transsexual, are they obligated to tell the person they are pursuing/dating?

[D Moness]

You are going on the false assumption that chromosomes serve any purpose further than storing the information that amino acids use to make proteins. The chromosomes themselves are not used to make organs, proteins are. If the chromosomes' ability to make certain proteins in certain ways are blocked by hormones, then they might as well not be there at all(disregarding non-sexual characteristics on the X chromosomes, of course).

You are trying to reason with a person who takes "his" opinion from his teacher. In blind fate without looking at the world around him. He won't change his opinion whatever you say. Using statements that massively contradict each other as well (as i just pointed out towards him).

Rather then really explain (or rather probably just parroting his teacher) he feels the need to insult. I waste no time with people like that (and the ignore button is the best solution for that)

 

[ReinWeisserRitter]

Not really any of the other person's business by that point, as it no longer has any effect on them; the transsexual is functionally the other gender now anyway. There are some close-minded individuals that would be better off not knowing besides, because they'd just react poorly to the news, whereas without it they'd never know the difference.

I wouldn't blame the transsexual for wanting to tell their partner, but that's their right to tell them, not the other person's right to know.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

That's where it gets sticky really. if someone is convinced that it's not relevant since they are now female, who are we to say they're wrong or that such information should be revealed? They haven't done anything wrong. Knowing about child bearing is one thing, but why would someone need to know you're a post-op or even care beyond, I guess, bigotry or homophobia? I honestly can't think of a good reason.

How about those of us that are not attracted to transsexuals don't appreciate being lied to, or mislead.

If your not attracted to transsexuals then you could never possibly be in a situation that one would have to lie to you, right?

If you are in fact attracted to someone who is a transsexual then it would be an issue would it not?

Except there are some transsexuals that have had very good plastic surgery, and can pass very well as a women, so they are mistaken for actual women.

 

[robert022614]

I think they should be upfront about it. If the person doesnt like it or cant accept it than there you go. You know that person is not right for you.

There are some lines that just cannot be crossed for some people and even if they truly love you and you tell them years later that can be a relationship ender and due to the fact it was a long and serious relationship the emotional damage would be exponentially worse than if they just told them in the beginning and that was the end of it.

 

[Sandytimeman]

That's where it gets sticky really. if someone is convinced that it's not relevant since they are now female, who are we to say they're wrong or that such information should be revealed? They haven't done anything wrong. Knowing about child bearing is one thing, but why would someone need to know you're a post-op or even care beyond, I guess, bigotry or homophobia? I honestly can't think of a good reason.

How about those of us that are not attracted to transsexuals don't appreciate being lied to, or mislead.

If your not attracted to transsexuals then you could never possibly be in a situation that one would have to lie to you, right?

If you are in fact attracted to someone who is a transsexual then it would be an issue would it not?

Except there are some transsexuals that have had very good plastic surgery, and can pass very well as a women, so they are mistaken for actual women.

But that's what a transsexual is, isn't it? A person who gets surgery to become another sex? If you arn't attracted to a transsexual then why is it an issue?

If you could tell the difference but if you can't see or feel a difference then it should be a non issue shouldn't it?

If there is no noticeable difference in anyway, and you can't tell except to be told, then really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

Is that to be taken as a serious comment? You do realize that there is a difference, right? I hope you know enough biology to know there is a difference from somebody who gets surgery to look like a women and somebody who is born female.

 

[Zenn3k]

Why do people ask these kind of questions??

Of COURSE you should, if you even have to ask on an online forum, you probably shouldn't be dating anybody.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

Is that to be taken as a serious comment? You do realize that there is a difference, right? I hope you know enough biology to know there is a difference from somebody who gets surgery to look like a women and somebody who is born female.

I'm gonna guess they know, of course, i think they meant on the surface, not biological.

I really hope so. As a guy, I would be insulted if someone said to me that there is no difference between me and a women who had a sex change to look like a man.

 

[Sandytimeman]

really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

Is that to be taken as a serious comment? You do realize that there is a difference, right? I hope you know enough biology to know there is a difference from somebody who gets surgery to look like a women and somebody who is born female.

I have done some checking, if the surgery is done right not even a gynecologist can tell a difference. If the surgery is botched sure, but I've done some looking and some of them look damn impressive.

If you as a lover could not tell a difference, then there is probably no meaningful difference.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

Is that to be taken as a serious comment? You do realize that there is a difference, right? I hope you know enough biology to know there is a difference from somebody who gets surgery to look like a women and somebody who is born female.

I have done some checking, if the surgery is done right not even a gynecologist can tell a difference. If the surgery is botched sure, but I've done some looking and some of them look damn impressive.

If you as a lover could not tell a difference, then there is probably no meaningful difference.

Except to those of us that don't want to have sex/date/marry transsexuals.

 

[Sandytimeman]

really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

Is that to be taken as a serious comment? You do realize that there is a difference, right? I hope you know enough biology to know there is a difference from somebody who gets surgery to look like a women and somebody who is born female.

I have done some checking, if the surgery is done right not even a gynecologist can tell a difference. If the surgery is botched sure, but I've done some looking and some of them look damn impressive.

If you as a lover could not tell a difference, then there is probably no meaningful difference.

Except to those of us that don't want to have sex/date/marry transsexuals.

Sounds like you have some religious/phobic hang up. And I'm talking strictly about male to female post ops (because I have no data on the other), if physically they can pass for a woman to a doctor trained to look at vaginas. Then they are basically a woman who can't have children.

Most Transgenders feel like they were meant to be the sex they get oped into, so..they are probably closer to an actual woman in mentality and temperament than if a regular man just got the surgery.

I guess what I'm getting at is, you fell in love with someone via their looks, personality, etc. during an extended friendship and then you wanted to move into a relationship with them, what should it matter what they were born as. If they can fulfill your physical and emotional needs should that be what matters?

Unless you have religious objections in which case why are you even arguing the matter?

 

[GigaHz]

If your not attracted to transsexuals then you could never possibly be in a situation that one would have to lie to you, right?

If you are in fact attracted to someone who is a transsexual then it would be an issue would it not?

What I think they meant to say was that they aren't attracted to your stereotypical easy-to-spot transexual. However, some transexuals are very good at emulating the gender they identify with. They are perfectly capable of attracting straight males who wouldn't know what to look out for when spotting a transexual.

It doesn't mean that the straight male would be fully attracted to a transexual if they pulled off an effective illusion, it just means that the straight male would dupe themselves into believing that the transexual is a biological female. They would likely become disgusted if the transexual revealed that they weren't a biological woman.

As for my take on the OT, yes they should tell the person they are pursuing/dating that they are a post-op transexual. Deception is deception, doesn't matter what kind of spin you put on it. Any sort of relationship built on lies is bound to crumble. If you are afraid that the partner you're pursing isn't going to accept you for who you are, you are with the wrong partner to begin with.

How is it fair to them that they'd have to put up with the shame and betrayal of sleeping with a cosmetically altered man against their knowledge? It couldn't be very good for their psychological health and would probably scare them off women in general after the relationship ends.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

really is there any actual difference between say a post op and a barren woman?

Is that to be taken as a serious comment? You do realize that there is a difference, right? I hope you know enough biology to know there is a difference from somebody who gets surgery to look like a women and somebody who is born female.

I have done some checking, if the surgery is done right not even a gynecologist can tell a difference. If the surgery is botched sure, but I've done some looking and some of them look damn impressive.

If you as a lover could not tell a difference, then there is probably no meaningful difference.

Except to those of us that don't want to have sex/date/marry transsexuals.

Sounds like you have some religious/phobic hang up. And I'm talking strictly about male to female post ops (because I have no data on the other), if physically they can pass for a woman to a doctor trained to look at vaginas. Then they are basically a woman who can't have children.

Most Transgenders feel like they were meant to be the sex they get oped into, so..they are probably closer to an actual woman in mentality and temperament than if a regular man just got the surgery.

I guess what I'm getting at is, you fell in love with someone via their looks, personality, etc. during an extended friendship and then you wanted to move into a relationship with them, what should it matter what they were born as. If they can fulfill your physical and emotional needs should that be what matters?

Unless you have religious objections in which case why are you even arguing the matter?

First off, try to go without using ad hominems. Second, I don't have religious motivations, nor do I have a fear of transsexuals(they are humans after all, not ghost or demons). I simply don't want to be in a romantic relationship with a transsexual. It is my choice, and I don't see what is wrong with it. If other people want to be in a romantic relationship with a person they know is a transsexual, that's fine. However I'm not one of those people, and I wouldn't appreciate being lied to and tricked.

 

[Alaster Angelo]

They should tell at the start of the relationship, before anything too intimate happens, to let their partner know what they're getting into. Otherwise, I'd rather not know. There are some things I just don't want to be told, "You just boinked a man" being one of them. Of course, this is only my opinion.

 

[Sandytimeman]

snip

I think your putting to much on it. If they didn't want to talk about their past, if they felt they had been reborn. Then I think they shouldn't have to tell, imo. Do you reveal to everyone absolutely everything about your past?

If say someone was molested as a child, should they have to reveal that to you as well. Its obviously something thats going to effect them sexually. So should that matter too?

I think most of this debate is influenced by the "I ain't no queer" type of thinking that pervades almost ever aspect of modern society. If a human being loves another human being does it really need to matter beyond that? (barring reproductive issues, ie going into a relationship knowing they want kids and you can't have them kind of thing)

That's ideally what we should be going towards here. Overall its generally better to be honest with someone but if you and your past are completely separate beings from your present then maybe its better to just leave the past in the past.

 

[OldNewNewOld]

I would like to know if the person I'm dating is a transsexual, but I don't think they obligated to tell me or anyone.

They did the op for a reason. They don't want their birth gender to haunt them for the rest of their life. They just want to forget about that and to live a new life.

That's not the case with every transsexual person, but those who don't want to forget that part of their life, they won't hide it.

Just my opinion.

 

[Sandytimeman]

First off, try to go without using ad hominems. Second, I don't have religious motivations, nor do I have a fear of transsexuals(they are humans after all, not ghost or demons). I simply don't want to be in a romantic relationship with a transsexual. It is my choice, and I don't see what is wrong with it. If other people want to be in a romantic relationship with a person they know is a transsexual, that's fine. However I'm not one of those people, and I wouldn't appreciate being lied to and tricked.

Well we've pretty much argued our viewpoints to a standstill then. Personally I think its the human being that matters on the inside, that should really be the focus of the relationship.

If you fall for a person, then you should love that person and the outside shouldn't matter. That's my view on it, and I guess we can't move past that XD