Is it moral to date my friends ex?
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It's a bad situation but you shouldn't go out with her. Consider it this way:
You and her go out. He then tries his hardest to avoid you both. Your friends are split between both of you, but will probably side with him, as your in the 'wrong'. Things turn sour between you and the girl. Suddenly you've not got her, or your friends. Bad times!
'Mates' before 'Dates' dude. Always.
N.B. Of course I could be miles off the mark, everything works perfectly, all live happily ever after, etc, etc...
You and her go out. He then tries his hardest to avoid you both. Your friends are split between both of you, but will probably side with him, as your in the 'wrong'. Things turn sour between you and the girl. Suddenly you've not got her, or your friends. Bad times!
'Mates' before 'Dates' dude. Always.
N.B. Of course I could be miles off the mark, everything works perfectly, all live happily ever after, etc, etc...
This is not a difficult situation to resolve. If you're not into it, don't do it. If you are, ask your friend how he'd feel about it.
EDIT: "Bros before hoes" doesn't mean "always defer to your friends whenever there is a situation involving both friends and ladies," it means "don't cock-block your friends just so you can get some."
EDIT: "Bros before hoes" doesn't mean "always defer to your friends whenever there is a situation involving both friends and ladies," it means "don't cock-block your friends just so you can get some."
Anyone who says 'Bros before Hoes' is an idiot and I will hunt those people down to the ends of the world and beyond and shove various types of grenade down their throats before stepping back and allowing my pet wolves tear them limb from limb, just as the grenades explode. Oh, and I'll make sure acid is dripping on them during he ordeal as well, for good measure.
Avykins, this applies to you too.
Now that's out of the way, I'll be serious. Take my life as an example. I used to fancy one of my housemates, but didn't do a damned thing about it. Now she's dating one of my other housemates. If they were to split up and she decided she liked me, I'd definitely go for it. Obviously since I get on with them both, I'd try and make sure it was okay with my male friend first, but even if it wasn't I wouldn't let that stop me. When you split up with someone who are you to say who they can and can't date? You don't have that right and if your ex-partner wants to date your friend then you can't stop them. You may not be happy, but it's not your decision to make for them.
Hence, OP, I say go for it. If you like this girl, go on and ask her out or whatever. Maybe let your friend know, just because it's still good to be honest with him, but don't let him tell you what to do, and don't let him keep a claim over her like she's a piece of meat. At the end of the day though, it's up to her and you, not your friend.
Avykins, this applies to you too.
Now that's out of the way, I'll be serious. Take my life as an example. I used to fancy one of my housemates, but didn't do a damned thing about it. Now she's dating one of my other housemates. If they were to split up and she decided she liked me, I'd definitely go for it. Obviously since I get on with them both, I'd try and make sure it was okay with my male friend first, but even if it wasn't I wouldn't let that stop me. When you split up with someone who are you to say who they can and can't date? You don't have that right and if your ex-partner wants to date your friend then you can't stop them. You may not be happy, but it's not your decision to make for them.
Hence, OP, I say go for it. If you like this girl, go on and ask her out or whatever. Maybe let your friend know, just because it's still good to be honest with him, but don't let him tell you what to do, and don't let him keep a claim over her like she's a piece of meat. At the end of the day though, it's up to her and you, not your friend.
You know the bad thing? This is surprisingly correct.Avykins said:
Generally, you're more likely to keep a friendship with a guy friend, then a relationship with a women. Generally for women it is just a 'when' the bomb stops ticking, but if you lose a friend then you're fucked sideways.
It is generally a bad idea to carry a women of a close friends ex, but if they're just associates I see no reason not to.
Honestly though, I may not be the best person to ask. Lack of self-control I would very likely attempt to break people up, have a women fall madly in love with me.. And then me losing interest.
You never date or sleep with any of your friend's ex's without express permission by said friend beforehand. This also applies to his sister.
Seriously dude, that's like one of the top ten rules of the bro code.
This isn't the same as "bros before hoes", which is something I completely ignore anyways. That's because the guy that usually says that is the one that's not getting any.
Seriously dude, that's like one of the top ten rules of the bro code.
This isn't the same as "bros before hoes", which is something I completely ignore anyways. That's because the guy that usually says that is the one that's not getting any.
Did he broke up with her?
has it been a long time?
Does he have or has had other girlfriend(s)?
Is he ok with it?
How close are you?
all of these might give you and idea of what to do.
My current girlfriend was girlfriend of a friend mine, they were in a relation for a year but now we have been in one for over 3 and a half years so to everybodys eyes she is more my girlfriend more than his exgirlfriend. I was man enough politness to talk to him about it and he told me to do it, though i was kind of a hypocrit because i would have done so even if he wasn't ok with it. They had broke up a month ago... In my defense he had a girlfriend already too. He married his girlfriend about a year ago and my girlfriend and i plan to marry in 2011.
Friend and i werent really that close btw.
has it been a long time?
Does he have or has had other girlfriend(s)?
Is he ok with it?
How close are you?
all of these might give you and idea of what to do.
My current girlfriend was girlfriend of a friend mine, they were in a relation for a year but now we have been in one for over 3 and a half years so to everybodys eyes she is more my girlfriend more than his exgirlfriend. I was man enough politness to talk to him about it and he told me to do it, though i was kind of a hypocrit because i would have done so even if he wasn't ok with it. They had broke up a month ago... In my defense he had a girlfriend already too. He married his girlfriend about a year ago and my girlfriend and i plan to marry in 2011.
Friend and i werent really that close btw.
If you're straight with your friend about it, and he's cool with it, you're golden.
If he freaks out, then you need to make a choice - him or her.. If he's a good friend, the choice should be him. If he's not that great of a friend, or you REALLY REALLY REALLY like her, then c'est la vie.
If you sneak around behind his back, and he freaks out, then shame on you. I'd at least want a friend of mine to tell me that was happening.. I probably wouldn't care if he did it, but to hide it from me, that's low.
If he freaks out, then you need to make a choice - him or her.. If he's a good friend, the choice should be him. If he's not that great of a friend, or you REALLY REALLY REALLY like her, then c'est la vie.
If you sneak around behind his back, and he freaks out, then shame on you. I'd at least want a friend of mine to tell me that was happening.. I probably wouldn't care if he did it, but to hide it from me, that's low.
We'll need pics if we're to gain a better understanding of the situation.
Kid's got issues...Trivun said:
Okay, so this is what happened to me.
I am currently dating what is my ex-best friend's ex-girlfriend. She is awesome. The story behind what happened though is retarded. I'll spare you most of the details, but he broke up with her after about 3 weeks. Now I waited for about 2 months before we started speaking. At the time, I wasn't interested in her, but when we started talking for god knows what reason, something sparked. So, after the 3 months, I asked her out. We've been going out for 2 years now.
My "best friend" hated me for doing this. He said "friends don't do that to other friends" and how "we can't be friends if I go out with her" and shit like that. Fuck bros before hoes. If your friend can't understand that you two have feelings for eachother, then he isn't a friend deserving of your time.
If your friend went out with her for a month or two, you can do whatever you want with this girl. She is anything, but off limits.
Eventually my "ex-best friend" saw the error in his ways and has tried to reconcile, but...its just not the same anymore.
I am currently dating what is my ex-best friend's ex-girlfriend. She is awesome. The story behind what happened though is retarded. I'll spare you most of the details, but he broke up with her after about 3 weeks. Now I waited for about 2 months before we started speaking. At the time, I wasn't interested in her, but when we started talking for god knows what reason, something sparked. So, after the 3 months, I asked her out. We've been going out for 2 years now.
My "best friend" hated me for doing this. He said "friends don't do that to other friends" and how "we can't be friends if I go out with her" and shit like that. Fuck bros before hoes. If your friend can't understand that you two have feelings for eachother, then he isn't a friend deserving of your time.
If your friend went out with her for a month or two, you can do whatever you want with this girl. She is anything, but off limits.
Eventually my "ex-best friend" saw the error in his ways and has tried to reconcile, but...its just not the same anymore.