Is the question, "Are you gay?" offensive?

[C. Cain]

Preface it like you did in your introductory post and it's most definitely not offensive.

Apart from that:

(...) As with most things, context (and tone) is everything.

 

[Yanzo]

Well since you're asking the question like that it implies you're leaning towards the "I think you're gay but I'm not sure" so it could be interpretted as offensive.

 

[D Moness]

Not to me i prefer people ask it. I find more offensive when people try forming an opinion about being straight/gay without asking just due to the way I act.

If you wanna know ask do not try to guess.

 

[mrhateful]

Of cause its offensive but so is the new green lantern movie, what I've come to realize is that a lot of things is offensive but it doesn't really matter and you shouldn't actually care about what people find offensive.

 

[alandavidson]

It all depends on context and intent. I've had quite a few gay guys hit on me and ask if I am gay. I politely told them I was not, and it was no big deal.

 

[Mallefunction]

No. Besides I'm used to it. My parents thought I was going to be a lesbian when I was a kid because I cut my hair short, wore boy clothes, hated Disney Princesses and pink, watched 'boy' cartoons like DBZ and Thundercats, played with super soakers, video games, and legos.

But they failed to take into account that I also had horse toys, watched Rainbow Brite, Sailor Moon, loved Xena, owned Barbies, adored my Easy Bake, and loved creating uber girly fantasy games (basically, I larped as a kid XD) with my girl friends.

So no, I don't care if people assume my sexuality. It's happened before and it didn't bother me then. Why would it now?

 

[Hitokiri_Gensai]

oh my GOD i hate it! its SOOOO offensive! it hurts!

seriously, its a simple, and honest question, and its not meant to hurt anyone, just pose a curiosity.

 

[Toar]

It is offenseive. I understand if a woman is curious, but when they ask it is like they aren't sure that I am a straight male. That means my worth is little in her reprotuctive scope. I am then worthless to her... which means I am worthless as a whole.

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

It would not offend me. But as with most things, context (and tone) is everything.

...Your avatar just blew my mind.

Just don´t ask Wolverine if he´s a straight guy or two gay (bat)men. Unless the context (and tone) is appropriate ;p

 

[Susan Arendt]

Depends on the context, and the person being asked. Interestingly, I've offended a number of people by not assuming they were straight and asking if they had a "boyfriend or girlfriend." I figure it's presumptuous of me to assume they're hetero, but seems like many people are still quite unsettled by the mere suggestion that they might not be straight. *shrug*

 

[Gralian]

It's not that the question specifically is offensive, it's the fact it's a personal question to ask. It's like asking someone if their hair is really blonde or what their age is. People tend to feel a bit insulted at such direct personal questions and you can't blame them for that. I certainly wouldn't ask someone i barely knew "Excuse me, how old are you?" or "Do you dye your hair or is that really your natural colour?" and even then i might feel funny asking such personal questions to people i knew unless they were good friends. But to ask someone outright what their orientation is? Why should that by itself be offensive if it's a genuine question? It's not like the other party is going to ridicule them for their answer, or that he's checking if you're gay or not and are going to call the rainbow police. If people tiptoe around things like this for the sake of being too PC we'll never get to the stage where being gay isn't a big deal anymore.

 

[Ghengis John]

Well to tell the truth it's context sensitive. If some one asks and they're trying to hit on you it can be awkward but flattering. If some one asks you if you're gay because you're not married yet, it's offensive because they're making an assumption. If some one asks because you keep fit or use moisturizer then that's making an unfair generalization. If someone asks because you are a guy who's a gentleman with girls or you're a girl who's a tom boy then that right there is outright an insult. If you ask some one genuinely and they're not you can hurt their feelings by making them self-aware or by calling into question their self-image. So yes, I'd say it's context sensitive.

 

[Dr. Crawver]

I say it shouldn't be, but then being a heterosexual man I simply laugh it off (or I would if someone did ask me, I live in england where offending someone is a sin only akin to beheading the queen), but then maybe to others it is offensive. I can only talk for myself

 

[ZeroMachine]

Let's look at the different ways that I've heard people ask that, because sometimes, it can be a very loaded question.

1. The Legit (And Sometimes Flattering): I think almost got this question a while back because I was talking about how I liked Glee in a GLBTA meeting. Then I mentioned my ex girlfriend. A guy that I was getting along with looked disappointed, but then we went back to joking around about the fact that we just saw the guy that did Zuko's voice making out with another dude in a movie.

In this case, the question would be totally justifiable, because it's legitimate.

2. The Legit (But Insulting): I got this quite a bit when I was younger. I used to be... let's say "naive", and I thought I wouldn't have sex until I was married. When I mentioned that, one of the jocks looked at me and said "are you gay?" to which my response, at least nowadays, would have been "are you implying gay guys don't have sex?" to which I would have probably gotten a hell of a confused look.

I also feel like I got more than that guy ever did, because god damn was he ugly >=) anyways...

In this case, it's obviously offensive, mostly just to the person being asked it, but also to homosexuals, because it implies that there is something wrong with both parties. Maybe it isn't purposeful bigotry, as the guy was young at the time (we were 15), so it could just be general ignorance. But it doesn't make it any less wrong.

3. The Joke ("Hah Hah"): I have an openly gay friend. When he was talking about musicals and theater, I asked "what are you, gay?"

He said "duh, but don't bother asking me out, I have standards".

We laughed our asses off. Therefore, obviously not offensive. But that's only because I'm good friends with him.

4. The Joke (... Really?): Before previous said friend was openly gay, he was in the closet throughout his high school career. Once, someone made a joke and then ended it with "so I asked him, 'what are you, gay?'" and it came off as EXTREMELY homophobic. This is, in my opinion, the worst kind, because the guy was actually homophobic. He 100% meant "gay" as an insult to homosexuals.

So, offensive. Duh.

5. The Abstract (Grapes): A Bronie once asked me if I was gay. I said "Only in Wonderland, but I've never been, so I wouldn't know." Then, we flew off to Detroit to watch the cast of Community face off against the New England Patriots in a game of cribbage.

So, that one is bananas.

But those are just my personal experiences.

 

[GraveeKing]

If anyone is offended by this - please I would ask you as someone who would probably fit under said category rather well - to give that person a slap and tell them to get over themselves.

It's not offensive in the slightest! Bloody political correctness thinking EVERYONE is that insecure! Well at least you asked politely I guess.