Yeah. It means that you are openly trying to insult the other person. Sexuality doesn't actually matter, it is simply an insult. Well, where I come from anyway. Wonderful way of starting a slugging match in the middle of the street.
Is the question, "Are you gay?" offensive?
- Thread starter CrimsonBlaze
- Start date
It depends on context. Asking someone you know well is fine, so long is its done tactfully. Asking someone you've just met in a social situation... well that can easily cause offence even if only because its a very personal question to be asking a stranger, but also because the person asking is often homophobic - I'm not saying asking makes you homophobic, its just often homophobic people who pop that question socially.CrimsonBlaze said:
As most people have already pointed out, if you're asking someone about their sexual orientation (which is how you should phrase it, because someone may be bi, gay, lesbian, trans, queer etc.) then it's not offensive.
If someone did something and you said "what are you, gay?" then yes. It's offensive.
I know it's not what you asked, but you would not be offending someone asking if they are gay.
Unless they're insecure or closeted, then they may take offense, but it cannot be helped.
If someone did something and you said "what are you, gay?" then yes. It's offensive.
I know it's not what you asked, but you would not be offending someone asking if they are gay.
Unless they're insecure or closeted, then they may take offense, but it cannot be helped.
Really depends on intention. To be safe, you can always say "I don't mean to offend, but are you gay?"
Then again, you shouldn't have "to be safe". People shouldn't be offended if you ask their sexual orientation, just like they shouldn't with age. I don't see why such a question is offensive or embarrasing if the questioning party is purely curious.
Then again, you shouldn't have "to be safe". People shouldn't be offended if you ask their sexual orientation, just like they shouldn't with age. I don't see why such a question is offensive or embarrasing if the questioning party is purely curious.
I think it would be best to ask the question more along the lines of "excuse me, may I ask what your sexual orientation is?" Because this way they can define it themselves.
Otherwise, to take the age example from before, it's like asking "excuse me, are you a teenager?" or "excuse me, are you middle-aged?" instead of "excuse me, how old are you?"
It's much less open of a question. The person might be straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, questioning, and just asking one might not be the right way to phrase it.
Otherwise, offensive... not really. Intrusive? Yeah. But sometimes that's appropriate.
Otherwise, to take the age example from before, it's like asking "excuse me, are you a teenager?" or "excuse me, are you middle-aged?" instead of "excuse me, how old are you?"
It's much less open of a question. The person might be straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, questioning, and just asking one might not be the right way to phrase it.
Otherwise, offensive... not really. Intrusive? Yeah. But sometimes that's appropriate.
Context, context ALWAYS matters.CrimsonBlaze said:
Like asking a man who is married to a woman, "are you gay" you are basically asking him if his marriage is a sham. That IS offensive.
Or lets say an actor has to dress in drag for a part, it is his JOB not his preference. Then asking him if he is gay you are basically challenging is sexual preference just because he has to dress in a non standard way for a theatrical role. Yes, that IS offensive, I learned that the hard way. (it's quite common in British theatre, for both genders to cross-dress).
You have to realise is a question is never "just a question":
[HEADING=2]EVERY QUESTION HAS AN IMPLICATION[/HEADING]
Every time you ask a question you imply that the answer might be yes. Like when Senator McCarthy would ask "are you a communist" after stating he knew who were communists the implication is a man of elected office asking if you are a communist means this reputable person thinks you are and he just wants to hear you deny it.
You could ask:
"what is your sexual preference?"
Which is odd, as for any person it may require stating the obvious, but a married man may very well say he is bisexual or straight. The point is that is an open question.
Asking an imperative question "Are you X? Yes or No!" is a closed question, forcing people into the situation of either denying that or confirming that in the circumstances they would rather not. You NEED to accept that some gays DO NOT WANT TO BE OUTED! Respect people's will and preferences, don't just assume it is society's oppression that keeps gay men in the closet, they may want to stay in their for their own reasons.
The point is they are not lying or being withholding, but asking "ARE YOU GAY!" puts them in an awkward position.
This should be obvious to anyone if you just, for a single god damn second, stopped and put yourself in someone else's position and stopped making assumptions about people.
Aye, what he said. It is not offensive but it is very likely personal/awkward and there is the very real (and warranted) possibility of the person politely (or not so politely) telling you that it isn't any of your business.
Generally the best thing to do would be to simply wait for them to say something, as most gay people will tell you if they feel there's some legitimate reason you need to know. If you absolutely have to ask for some reason, just remember to stay polite and be understanding of his or her situation; there are as many people out there who will comfortably confirm or deny your query as there are who might feel cornered and respond in a much less friendly manner.
Generally the best thing to do would be to simply wait for them to say something, as most gay people will tell you if they feel there's some legitimate reason you need to know. If you absolutely have to ask for some reason, just remember to stay polite and be understanding of his or her situation; there are as many people out there who will comfortably confirm or deny your query as there are who might feel cornered and respond in a much less friendly manner.
If it's a genuine question it shouldn't be offensive, since an offensive question implies some kind of negativity. If i ask a person whom might have been flirtatious to someone of the same sex if their gay since I have no idea if they are or not and this is a question that can be relevant to the relation between us (note that the knowledge of sexuality can be relevant to a relation between people without being romanticly invested AT ALL) then the question should not be considered offensive. If I ask someone whom I hardly or just quaintly know if they're gay based on their clothes or something like that it could very likely be offensive since it could carry negative intentions towards that person AND gays.
The question itself isn't offensive, but the reason for asking it may be.
For example if someone were to ask me if I were gay, I'd answer yes and ask why they are asking me, if they say it's because I look gay, then, I'd take offence, but not over the question, I'd be offended at the reason for asking the question.
For example if someone were to ask me if I were gay, I'd answer yes and ask why they are asking me, if they say it's because I look gay, then, I'd take offence, but not over the question, I'd be offended at the reason for asking the question.
Is it rude to ask a woman 'How old are you?' It is not; many women just like to be snobby and bitchy about their age because they can't realise that they look well anyway. So no, I do not think it is rude to ask if someone is gay, because if they get offended by it, then they are most likely A: Homophobic, or B: Htill inside the closet.
I would be as offended about someone asking me if I were gay as I would be if they were asking me if I was a fish, i.e. not at all. I mean, the only annoying thing about it is that I've got to take one second out of my life to say "no". That's about it.
The question in and of itself is not offensive. The way the question is asked is the offensive part. What is done with the answer after, is also part of the problem. You could just take the answer and have it or you could totally destroy someone with it. But Gralian is also correct, it is a personal question and just for that reason some people may find the question offensive, following the same vein of thought is where in the world you are, some countries are more receptive towards the idea of being homosexual and others are not. You could always ask the question in a round-about sort of way; just ask if the person is strait. Keep in mind there are other sexual preferences out there then Hetero/Homosexual, so the best question in my opinion to ask is "What is your romantic preference?"