Okay, so... Married, here. Nothing to prove. Not looking. Bear that in mind in what I'm about to say.
I do not doubt that the stereotypical "nice guy" who is code for "thinking that being 'nice' ought to get you laid" actually exists. To indulge in further stereotyping, men are often mechanical thinkers; the whole "if 'x', then 'y', if not 'y', why not" thing is very much in a lot of men's wheelhouse, so to speak.
That said, I think the whole "nice guys are really jerks just acting nice trying to get laid" gets thrown about, and the sentiments put in the mouths of people complaining about being overlooked, way too often.
Some men are genuinely nice, and that doesn't deprive them of the right to be frustrated. Some men are hoping for something more than just sex, and they don't deserve to be turned into leering wolves by others' supposition.
And... And here's where someone is probably going to want to hand me my head... A lot of these "nice guys" aren't frustrated because their bottom-rung "niceness" isn't getting them in the door with the guy who's nice and good looking and confident and rich, etc.
They're frustrated because while they're nice, they're watching the object of their affections sigh after some boorish prick who treats them like dirt.
Not even necessarily a well-employed, immaculately groomed, rogueishly good-looking boorish prick, mind you. More like the kind of guy who forgets his wallet every time they go out, showers twice a month, cheats on her behind her back, and never calls back.
The rules of attraction aren't simple, mechanical things. And they don't play fair. If you throw this kind of accusation at a "nice guy" who's been someone's shoulder to cry on when one of "those" guys acted according to type and shook his fists at the sky because he'd never treat her like that, frankly, you're not some knowing sage or righteous scold. You're just indulging in a stereotype that allows you to feel better about your own crass behavior.
I am the child of two second marriages. I heard about my mother's disaster of a first husband, so awful in his behavior that the Catholic Church granted her an incredibly rare annulment. I have heard all about the first man one of my sisters seriously dated, and the stories of the one my elder sister did. I was friends with one of the men my wife was with before me, and charming though he may have been, he was also that "boorish prick" in spades. And it still haunts me a little that I can chart the disintegration of one of my own relationships from the moment I told my girlfriend that I loved her (a sentiment she enthusiastically returned at the time) and stopped neglecting her, keeping her at arm's length.
To be blunt, young women as a whole are not fonts of astoundingly good judgement when it comes to relationships. No more than young men, natch. But for all our enlightenment, we're still prone to assume women with bad judgement are victims and men with bad judgement are predators.
It may well be that society encourages many young women to have such crappy self-esteem that someone showing them attention while simultaneously treating them like crap (as they expect) increases the perceived worth of the person treating them so, making them that much more attractive. And powers preserve us, I think most of us get over this kind of thing as we become more self-assured in our own skin.
So if you take something away from this other than an immediate need to hit reply to tell me I'm a sexist jerk, please just consider the possibility that not every unhappy "nice guy" fits neatly into this narrative. If nothing else, sending the message that trying to be genuinely nice is going to make you the target of antagonism and suspicion is a narrative that's going to screw over everyone in the end.
