Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

-Dragmire-

King over my mind
Mar 29, 2011
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Andy Chalk said:
Chris Sevier is a lawyer with a problem. He can't stop looking at porn. He can't stop comparing hot, young porn actresses to his wife, who it is implied is neither hot nor young. And he can't stop looking at porn. Did I mention that he can't stop looking at porn? Because he can't. Because porn.
I have to know, how fun was this to write?

This whole thing is pretty damn funny.
 

TwoSidesOneCoin

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Dec 11, 2010
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"caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male"

This, this little bit from this "article" made me stop reading and start laughing a lot harder than I should ever have. Appealing to his biological sensibilities as a man..., that's fucking genius writing right there.
 

Zer0Saber

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Aug 20, 2008
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Ok, I'll just throw this out there. I look at TONS, I mean TONS of porn on a daily basis, and somehow it doesn't seem to hinder my life. He just needs to learn about priorities. Hmm, I really need to do this, but...porn...No. Work now, porn after. Wife sad, but...porn...No. Take care of wife now, porn after. One must learn to properly prioritize the use of porn.
 

mdqp

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Oct 21, 2011
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Wife/girlfriend catches you watching porn? Blame *insert random corporation here*! they aren't doing anything to stop you from watching porn, it's their fault! Also, porn corrupts our youth, etc...
 

omega 616

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May 1, 2009
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He can't stop spanking it so he is trying to get Apple to put filters on (which I think has already failed in the UK when ISPs were asked to do the same) there computers AND to get $75,000?

How about some self restraint? Christ, if it has caused this many problems he must have been spanking it like once an hour!

Also, how was he comparing them to his wife to the point they broke up? "hey honey, you should have seen this girl on the net! She had the nicest ass, not like yours, it was just so tight!"?

Kind of feel sorry for him.

 

Seydaman

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Nov 21, 2008
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Hey, guys, don't be so mean, it's a common mistake to accidentally go to www.sexual-escapades.com instead of www.escapistmagazine.com

Snark snark snark. No, seriously, this guy is dumb.
 

Doom972

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Dec 25, 2008
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Let's say that they actually implement this. What would stop a potential porn addict from getting Apple to disable the filters? Nothing. Which makes it useless.

Also, I thought that in the US you had to be 18 years old to participate in porn, but 21 years old to watch it. Can someone from the US clarify this for me?

I don't see why a problem of his, and presumably a certain small portion of the population receive special treatment. If he has this problem, it's his responsibility to acquire and install a porn filter.

synobal said:
Only if they install religious filters on them too so I don't have to keep reading all the filthy religious sites, and message boards.
^ Also this.
 

Miss G.

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Jun 18, 2013
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marcooos said:
OT: How does one mispell Facebook as Fuckbook? Was he having a stroke at the time?
Of course he was, just the fun kind. I think Apple should just ban him from their products so he could go and bother Microsoft when the same thing happens.
 

RonHiler

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Sep 16, 2004
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Doom972 said:
Also, I thought that in the US you had to be 18 years old to participate in porn, but 21 years old to watch it. Can someone from the US clarify this for me?
Hah! Does that mean if you are a pornographic actor/actress between the ages of 18 and 20, you have to close your eyes while filming so you can't watch what is happening? Hehe.

But actually, I think it's 18 on both counts (participating and watching). You just can't be drunk while doing it :)

Also: This is the very definition of a frivolous lawsuit. Maybe this guy ought to look up the term "Personal responsibility".
 

sleeky01

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Jan 27, 2011
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omega 616 said:
He can't stop spanking it so he is trying to get Apple to put filters on (which I think has already failed in the UK when ISPs were asked to do the same) there computers AND to get $75,000?
Really? That can't be right....

Huh..Well look at that. It is.

http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/06/isps-to-include-porn-filters-as-standard-in-uk-by-2014/

You got a link to how it might have failed?
 

Micalas

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Mar 5, 2011
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I came in here expecting to have to rail against those moronic "Family Groups" but I find myself very surprised.
 

Kyr Knightbane

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Jan 3, 2012
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This is really a thing? A dude with a massive porn addiction is demanding the internet be locked away behind safeguards and filters? Really?

What's Next? He'll have the FCC come in and Censor real life? People won't have genitals anymore?

Exercise some self-control, don't have unrealistic expectations about females and enjoy the woman you have. Although i doubt she'll stick with him for long after the comparison.
 

Dark Knifer

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May 12, 2009
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Kyr Knightbane said:
What's Next? He'll have the FCC come in and Censor real life?
Not being american my first thought of the FCC was a band called the flying cunts of chaos. I was enjoying imagining them running around censoring real life.

OT: Yeah this dude needs help and not the kind that gives him a lump sum of money for making his problem everyone else's problem.
 

omega 616

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May 1, 2009
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sleeky01 said:
omega 616 said:
He can't stop spanking it so he is trying to get Apple to put filters on (which I think has already failed in the UK when ISPs were asked to do the same) there computers AND to get $75,000?
Really? That can't be right....

Huh..Well look at that. It is.

http://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/06/isps-to-include-porn-filters-as-standard-in-uk-by-2014/

You got a link to how it might have failed?
I did say "I think", I was sure I read somewhere that it had gone the way of SOPA and PIPA but I might be wrong.

Not sure were I read it, if I did read it in the first place ... I might just be incorrectly remembering.
 

Screamarie

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Mar 16, 2008
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I love how it even states that the wife "abducted" their son. Don't me wrong a parent can kidnap their own child...but this time I don't think that's the case. I think this was a case where mommy saw that daddy was GOING NUTS and decided her child shouldn't have to watch that. It even seems to me that he's blaming his wife for not being as attractive as a pornstar...what the fuck? If she wasn't good looking enough for you then why'd you marry her? Also let's shove a human being up between your legs, let you carry it around for nine months, then shove it back out through a tiny hole, and then start taking care of this little human being pretty damn close to 24/7 and then we'll measure how hot or not you are, sir.

This guy has a lot more than just a porn addiction fucking him up. He doesn't seem to have any concept of personal reposibility. He must be a god send to his clients. "What? You mean you stuck your hand INTO the moving blades of your lawn mower without turning it off and lost your entire hand? CLEARLY THEIR FAULT! I'm going to make sure you get ten million dollars!"

I get that the guy has mental issues and all, but as someone who also has mental issues I know that it doesn't absolve me of my actions when I fuck up. It doesn't for this guy either. He's not just ruining his life with this shit, he's ruining his wife and his son's life. Just gotta hope that the kid has a healthier mind that dear old dad.
 

Baresark

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Dec 19, 2010
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This is completely priceless. It's like he is inviting people to watch how mentally challenged he really is and then openly comment on it... it's like a free pass to make fun of the partially retarded guy. We should be thanking him for this once in a lifetime chance.... but not by allowing this ridiculous case to go through.