Strange situation I'd like some male advice on:
I've been friends with my ex since we split three years ago (generally amicable, faults on both sides, etc). We were together for four years, engaged, and I was his first girlfriend. I also managed to stop him taking relatively soft drugs, and getting so hammered he didn't know where he was.
We still speak occasionally (once a month or so), he tends to call at random intervals because he wants someone to talk to. He doesn't speak to his friends anymore because he decided it was a good idea to get a mortgage during the housing crisis, but that's another story.
He turned up on the doorstep earlier this evening out of the blue (albeit with seven calls to me that I didn't answer in the past week, but I did text once), apparently to see if I'm alright as I was taken into hospital a little while ago. We spoke for a while about nothing in particular, all the usual stuff about pets, work etc. Then he went home after saying he'd speak later on IM. Then looked me up and down appraisingly and mentioned how I "still looked really good"...
Basically, we promised early on to tell each other if we started seeing someone, just out of good faith. That promise was two years ago, but I've since found out via the 'net that he has a girlfriend. One who he's been posting pictures of on Facebook from September until two days ago.
I tried to approach the subject when we spoke later on IM, but the connection apparently failed on his end, just at the point where I mentioned her name followed by a questionmark, to see how he'd react. I was rather glad of it's failure, it felt a little petty at the time, the way I approached things. He insisted he had no new friends and had absolutely no-one to spend time with when I asked some leading questions.
I am not remotely jealous, just miffed that he hasn't mentioned her. It's a pretty big thing. He has also asked some pretty leading questions - What went wrong, Could we work if we had met now instead of then, etc. That was around September, but it was after a few drinks.
He also called after the IM'ing, and pretty much poured his heart out about how bad things are at work, bills, etc. I kept thinking, why can't you speak to her about this? You've been together for four months, surely you can lean on her for this type of thing?
All I'd like to know is what other people think of the situation. My sister wants me to cut all ties, my mother wants to just cut things off (I've been in a nasty situation like this before, but I was still with the guy at the time, so I can't blame them).
I still want to be friends, as we get on really well together, but if he is lying about such a large thing, especially if it's for an ulterior motive or any lingering feelings, then I'm not so sure anymore. I have never been worried about our friendship until now though, I don't want to over-react, especially since a lot of friends are mutual, so I can't ask their opinion. This post is the furthest this situation is going to go outside the two of us.
We also used to keep chinchillas together which he still owns, but keeps thinking of excuses as to why I can't see them, and now I'm starting to wonder why.
I've been friends with my ex since we split three years ago (generally amicable, faults on both sides, etc). We were together for four years, engaged, and I was his first girlfriend. I also managed to stop him taking relatively soft drugs, and getting so hammered he didn't know where he was.
We still speak occasionally (once a month or so), he tends to call at random intervals because he wants someone to talk to. He doesn't speak to his friends anymore because he decided it was a good idea to get a mortgage during the housing crisis, but that's another story.
He turned up on the doorstep earlier this evening out of the blue (albeit with seven calls to me that I didn't answer in the past week, but I did text once), apparently to see if I'm alright as I was taken into hospital a little while ago. We spoke for a while about nothing in particular, all the usual stuff about pets, work etc. Then he went home after saying he'd speak later on IM. Then looked me up and down appraisingly and mentioned how I "still looked really good"...
Basically, we promised early on to tell each other if we started seeing someone, just out of good faith. That promise was two years ago, but I've since found out via the 'net that he has a girlfriend. One who he's been posting pictures of on Facebook from September until two days ago.
I tried to approach the subject when we spoke later on IM, but the connection apparently failed on his end, just at the point where I mentioned her name followed by a questionmark, to see how he'd react. I was rather glad of it's failure, it felt a little petty at the time, the way I approached things. He insisted he had no new friends and had absolutely no-one to spend time with when I asked some leading questions.
I am not remotely jealous, just miffed that he hasn't mentioned her. It's a pretty big thing. He has also asked some pretty leading questions - What went wrong, Could we work if we had met now instead of then, etc. That was around September, but it was after a few drinks.
He also called after the IM'ing, and pretty much poured his heart out about how bad things are at work, bills, etc. I kept thinking, why can't you speak to her about this? You've been together for four months, surely you can lean on her for this type of thing?
All I'd like to know is what other people think of the situation. My sister wants me to cut all ties, my mother wants to just cut things off (I've been in a nasty situation like this before, but I was still with the guy at the time, so I can't blame them).
I still want to be friends, as we get on really well together, but if he is lying about such a large thing, especially if it's for an ulterior motive or any lingering feelings, then I'm not so sure anymore. I have never been worried about our friendship until now though, I don't want to over-react, especially since a lot of friends are mutual, so I can't ask their opinion. This post is the furthest this situation is going to go outside the two of us.
We also used to keep chinchillas together which he still owns, but keeps thinking of excuses as to why I can't see them, and now I'm starting to wonder why.
