Marijuana - Advice?

[Nocola]

One bit of advice I can give from personal experience is that demanding that a person stops something they like for your personal comfort has a likelihood of building resentment, they will get the feeling of you trying to control them (which no human being likes) again, depending on the situation this feeling may not be born in reason any more than your dislike of marijuana, so it will be difficult to combat. But honestly, that's all I have for you, best of luck.

Well to be fair, I didn't demand she stop. I raised my concerns to her, told her it made me uncomfortable and that I have a problem with it. Yes, I did ask her to stop. Knowing full well that's not an entirely fair thing to ask. It's difficult to simply not be bothered by things that bug you.

She said she'd stop out of respect for what is entirely MY problem. I'm trying to fix this. This is partly why I created this thread.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Ah so many posts to respond to. I'll start with yours.

^^ Thank you!

If it was legal would I still have an issue... Yes, probably. But if that's because I inherently don't like it morally or due to societal perceptions built up over many years I don't know. There's so many factors. I think it's just the fact that it's so ingrained to think of it as a negative thing. Why it seems to bother me so much more than other people, to the point of making me angry (like at my friends) I don't know.

But I would be bothered if she broke the law in other ways, fraud, stealing. Quite bothered actually now that you mention it.

Okay, so the issue really is your moral compass. Any "amoral" activities, according to you, are going to set you off (not just marijuana).

To that, there really isn't much to say. You know that marijuana isn't all that harmful, but that isn't your issue with it. It's illegal, and you don't like illegal things. That's... hard to argue with.

I'm not sure you're going to find much help here. From what you've said, I think it's just going to bug you, no matter what.

As far as suspecting your girlfriend of smoking it when she says she isn't, my only advice is to trust her. If she says she isn't smoking it, then you should believe her unless or until you find evidence to the contrary (and it should be better than circumstantial evidence). If you find a bag of marijuana in her purse, that's evidence. You smell it on her after she's been hanging out with your friends who also smoke, that's circumstantial.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I can only imagine the american idea is that drinking and smoking, hell that's the Marlboro Cowboy and John Wayne drinking Jack Daniels, that's just american living, but weed is the vice of hippies and dropouts and therefore bad.

Otherwise they'd legalise it, tax it and all would be well, hell, get enough people to have the odd joint and we could end the wars and legalise gay marriage too Just need a few joints handed around to loosen up a lot of really uptight people. (Yes, I'm vastly simplifying things for comic effect)

I do think that sometimes you do also have to consider what's really wrong, what can be legally right can be morally wrong and vice versa, and you need to make those decisions for yourself.

It could be she is having the occasional toke with friends when you're not around, but I'd say it's highly likely she's quit, because she loves and respects you enough to do that for you. It's up to you to get around this block that's stopping you showing those feelings back by accepting her at face value.

I don't mean to come across as mean, but if she's done that, it's a pretty big thing, weed's a fairly social thing, just like drinking, and she may have cut friends out of her life, choosing you over them. It's more than just quitting the occasional high.

 

[Ti0k0]

It's just culture.

You grow up with hearing weed is bad and only losers smoke it. Your morals form around that.

Then once you reach the age to smoke weed those with strong morals don't smoke it, thus reinforcing the whole weed is bad and only losers smoke it thing. As those with strong morals are probably more likely to have that same perseverance when going after jobs, promotions etc.

It's a kind of self-sustaining prejudice.

Legalizing weed would probably go a long way towards removing it. It works where I'm from (the Netherlands) and we have among the lowest weed usage rates in the western world.

^
This
It's just culture. People should see marijuana as a party drug, and like all party drugs (XTC, speed, cocaine, alchohol) you shouldn't overdo it; just once in a while, when you feel like doing it.
I am not judgmental about it, people should do with their lives what they want to.

My advice to you? Don't think too much of it, considering all the coke that is snorted by businessmen everyday, a joint once in a while won't kill anyone (or your girlfriend)

 

[RagTagBand]

Sounds like you have, and I apologize in advance if I get the usage of this phrase wrong, swallowed The Man's? Koolaid. Welcome to your first experience of noticing how society can program you to deeply and firmly believe something that makes no sense.

Next stop, religion.

 

[Nocola]

See I've done this a few times, read about half a dozen, in my life

Not a regular user, but at the right party and in the right mood I would again....

No ill affect, and I'm not a waster....and to be fair haven't used in 6 years maybe, crowd I hang and party with no-one uses and I'm not inclined to find my own supply...

But to be fair it's your life, and if you have issues with it for whatever reason...that's OK.

What concerns me is this 'Although, sometimes I wonder if she still does sometimes. I don't like that it bugs me to the point of distrust'

That's wrong. You either need to trust her more, and if you can't you either need to seek help or maybe a new relationship...alternatively face your distrust, is it the possible side affects, the fact it's illegal or fear of the unknown....

But that distrust is gonna eat at ya and spread if you can't trust her on this, what's next? And TBH I think THAT is the issues hear, trust, not drugs....

I agree. My trust issues are wrong, and I need to fix that. But I don't think they are related to my problem with weed. Thanks for your advice.

 

[RicoGrey]

If you asked her to stop weed, and she continues behind your back, your relationship is doomed, and it will most likely end with her cheating on you.

 

[Nocola]

I don't mean to come across as mean, but if she's done that, it's a pretty big thing, weed's a fairly social thing, just like drinking, and she may have cut friends out of her life, choosing you over them. It's more than just quitting the occasional high.

You aren't coming across as mean, no worries brother. However could you explain the above quote a little more?

 

[The-Epicly-Named-Man]

I think it's fair to be wary of a depression, paranoia and psychosis inducing drug. Sorry my far-left friends, but I simply can't support legalisation of such a substance.

 

[poleboy]

I guess this may sound a little harsh, but I think you're just being judgmental. You are of course entitled to an opinion when it comes to your girlfriend or your family, but if you don't have a problem with it in general (and you don't seem to), frankly, it's none of your business what people you are not related to do, if it doesn't affect you, and doesn't hurt anyone (but themselves).

 

[EvilPicnic]

That's fair enough: there is a lot of societal pressure telling us that weed is bad and alcohol is good, it's natural that it should affect us, and an emotional response is often hard to explain away rationally.

I don't really have any advice other than that love and trust are important in a relationship, as is keeping a rational head. It's not like she has a history of cheating, or taking class A drugs or something horrible like that.

There is nothing wrong with disliking something or having an opinion, and if she's agreed to respect your views then that sounds perfect. Trust her, focus on the positive in the relationship and confront your prejudices with her help.

[EDIT]

I think it's fair to be wary of a depression, paranoia and psychosis inducing drug. Sorry my far-left friends, but I simply can't support legalisation of such a substance.

I agree, we should ban alcohol right away.

 

[thequixoticman]

I smoked weed for about four years from when I was sixteen until my sophmore year of college. I eventually stopped (I am now 27) because when I was stoned I'd get intensely paranoid and feel stupid. I would literally be scared to talk because I would be certain that anything I could possibly say would be dumb. That said, I recognize that this is a problem I had personally with the substance, and not a reaction EVERYONE has to it. At the end of the day, pot is just pot. The negative health effects are fairly negligible, by my knowledge no one has ever died from smoking too much pot and the same cannot be said for tobacco and alcohol. What's more, there isn't much of anything harmful about pot smokers. The worst that I can say about them is that if you're sober they can be kind of annoying to hang around, just like anyone who doesn't think that well. Also, they will occasionally come up with ideas that are just moronic. I remember one time in college, some friends of mine decided that it'd be a great idea to go outside and start fighting each other with big sticks they'd found in the woods. Probably not the best idea they'd ever had. On the whole, the effects of weed seem to be boring conversations, laughing about dumb crap, enjoying Family Guy more than someone really should, and a strange desire to build more ways to smoke pot. And eating. But boredom does a lot of that too.

The biggest advice I could give you, relax. This issue you have with weed, it seems to be largely unwarranted. If you can't come up with a good argument for why this particular substance is causing you such agita, you probably should stop harping about it. If you don't like hanging out with your girlfriend when she's stoned, don't. Frankly, I don't think you have the right to tell her you wish she wouldn't do it at all. You don't have good reasoning on your side, you have a gut feeling. That is rarely a good metric for making informed decisions.

I am not among those who thing you need to smoke pot. You don't. Some people enjoy it, some people don't. But you do have to get over this. It's not about you. Some people just like to get stoned.

 

[commodore96]

The only way to get over your fear of the unknown is try it! But it seriously isn't that bad at all

 

[major_chaos]

My issue with weed is that I know people who smoke it, and while some of them are intelligent fun people ordinarily, they tend to be annoying and dumb as a post while high. the rest are just morons to begin with, with or without the weed. Also I believe it is possible to get in trouble legally just for being around someone who smokes it especially if they do something dumb like leaving a joint in your car.

 

[Phasmal]

I'm 21, I've never smoked it and I never will.
Partly because I have heard it can cause mental problems to show themselves and my family has somewhat a history of mental instability.

A lot of people have told me I should be fine with it for a variety of reasons, but I'm not. I wouldn't go out with anyone who smoked it; hell I wont go out with someone who smokes tobacco but thats more of an issue of I dont want to kiss someone who tastes like ashtray.

In short, nothing wrong with not being okay with it.

 

[xXGeckoXx]

snip

This first reply is accurate. There is another take I had on it for a while. I had this bizzare image of unprofessionalism around it. I could not shake that. It was only when I shook that mentality that I could understand the topic. It was a minor issue that made me uncumfortable with the idea of ME using it. Friends used it, actually all my best friends did and I was just as accepting of their use as they where of my lack there of.

I'm 21, I've never smoked it and I never will.
Partly because I have heard it can cause mental problems to show themselves and my family has somewhat a history of mental instability.

A lot of people have told me I should be fine with it for a variety of reasons, but I'm not. I wouldn't go out with anyone who smoked it; hell I wont go out with someone who smokes tobacco but thats more of an issue of I dont want to kiss someone who tastes like ashtray.

In short, nothing wrong with not being okay with it.

Another good post. If you have a family problem with mental issues then you may want to stay on the safe side as with ALL drugs.

snip

You aren't coming across as mean, no worries brother. However could you explain the above quote a little more?

I'll give it a shot; you are entitled to your opinion and abstinence and I RESPECT that I did it (still basically do it) as well but I would never impose it upon friends. The only thing I have ever tried to impose on someone else was to quit smoking tobacco and even then It was only a suggestion. What Tumor is saying is that by stopping your girlfriend from smoking you may be causing her harm as she may want to smoke with some friends, enjoy herself, relax but she wont be able to you because (hopefully she respects you and listens to your requests. Her friends knowing that she likes weed wont be able to understand her situation and importantly (I know this one weeell) it is hard to be the non stoned one in a group during relaxation.

If weed caused harm I could see how you could be concerned (like my friend who smoked) but if your worries aren't health related then maybe what you are doing is not in her best interest that is all.

Once again I don't want to sound mean, I completely respect YOUR distrust for or irritation about weed but not in relation to others.

 

[Eventidal]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Ranyilliams - Yes in fact I was about to bring up that point in my original post, the whole "you can't judge something you haven't tried". I completely agree, it's just when it comes to weed I just can't bring myself to do it. I have such a predisposition to it. That and I'm in the Army. If I'm caught I will get kicked out and charged. I had this feeling about weed long before I joined the army so I don't think the threat of being kicked out of the military factors into my feelings either.

I understand the point of "you probably have a problem with it because it's illegal" and yes that makes sense, but it feels like I have a much bigger problem with it than anyone else, even if they agree with it being illegal.

I definitely would never try weed. It's like smoking. It smells like ass and I don't care about some psychological effects. Even if it turned out to be great, why should I try it if it's so much trouble? I'd rather be blissfully unaware of the "high life" (lolpuns) than to have tried it and opened up the door for the bad things that can come with it.
It's a matter of risk vs reward, and the reward seems hardly worth pursuing.

In terms of why I hate it, it's likely the illegality factor for one, and the stereotypical view of people who smoke pot. Those I know that do, fit the bill quite well, and the stereotypes don't paint them in a very good light either.

 

[z121231211]

Sure, it won't kill you, but it turns you into a useless sack of what should be human. I'd rather be dead. People should do more with their lives than get high and eat Cheetos all day. Just saying.

People should do more with their lives than play video games and eat Cheetos all day.

Any form of escapism is a problem if you do it too much.

 

[cheese_wizington]

Honestly you are thinking way to far into this, are being irritatingly self important and should get over it.

Not trying to be too hard hitting or anything, but threads like this really grind my gears.

 

[Flying6LeggedWhale]

You sir have listened to propaganda, which changed your morals to see it as wrong. Open your mind up. Stop judging people on such silly things and you won't look like a jack ass.