Maths and Science Jokes!

[perfectimo]

This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

Spoiler: If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

My AP Comp Sci teacher has the shirt. I want it >.<

This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

Spoiler: If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

I laughed so hard when my friend couldn't get this. Thats one more virus for his compy! Cr0wned!

Did either of you get my other joke in the post?

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Not really a joke as per say, but I still find it funny.

 

[Saskwach]

A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

That guy was a bad stats professor. I bet he'd even say the odds of the second dog being male was 1/2.

 

[Calobi]

Quotes

Did either of you get my other joke in the post?

You used 10 (decimal 2) again? Is that it?

 

[nimrandir]

crimson5pheonix, I dig the psychology experiment; I must remember that one. This one is in a similar vein.

A farmer wants to enclose a field for his livestock to graze, but he can only afford a fixed amount of fencing. He gets three consultants together to discuss the matter: an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician. The engineer immediately sets up a square fence, figuring that he can build on this decent working solution to the problem.

He turns to find the physicist laughing at him. The engineer snaps, "Do you have a better idea?" The physicist takes down the square fence and precisely sets a circular fence in place, all the while carefully explaining how a circle encloses the maximum area for a given perimeter.

The pair notice that the mathematician is struggling to hold in his laughter over the situation. The physicist challenges the mathematician to arrive at a stronger solution. The others are confused when the mathematician sets up an impossibly short fence around himself. He then confidently declares, "I define myself to be outside the fence."

 

[51gunner]

Remember the joke, "I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves"? One student here at Dalhousie tried that on one of the profs, hoping to rattle her. She turned sharply on her heel, staring the miscreant down and shot back:

"Yes, but that would make me your integral, and frankly I don't want to be occupying the area underneath you."

The class gave her a standing ovation.

 

[haveyouseen_mywallet]

This is the biggest size I could find in about 10 minutes:

Spoiler: If you claim to be a nerd and don't understand this then leave.

shirt on thinkgeek, nice

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

*applause*


I love this place.

 

[perfectimo]

Quotes

Did either of you get my other joke in the post?

You used 10 (decimal 2) again? Is that it?

Yeah, just wasn't sure because I put it before the joke.

Now to add to this thread and not just reply.

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

There was an old lady called Wright
who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.

 

[jim_doki]

there are several instances of events that move at light speed, lightning, electricity, the space between how long it takes for a light to turn green and for somebody behind you to honk

 

[Dys]

Whats the square root of sixty nine?
Eight something.

 

[Clairaudient]

My inner nerd child is calling out.

Scientists do it on the table, periodically.

Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

Fibonacci, it's easy as 1, 1, 2, 3,

Kinetic Energy: Pass it on!

Gregor Mendel, giving peas a chance since 1856.

 

[odatnarat]

Why was six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine.

Just thought I'd chuck this in [http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=x1cnJ_pOAdQ]

Spoiler: There is also xckd. There's always xkcd. This is one of my favourites.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/centrifugal_force.png

i also laghed at this when i was a child hahaha a project in school was about math jokes ahaha and this is the only one i remember hahaha

 

[perfectimo]

This is more of an anecdote that a teacher told me about a psychology exam but it's still pretty funny.


There was a question on a year 12 exam with several pages to right out your answer, the question was "Define empathy and apathy" and all a student wrote was "I don't know and I don't care." They got an A+.

 

[PureChaos]

during a class, a teacher holds up a small, transparent box. she explains to the students that the box represents their life. she has some stones next to her and put as many as she can in the box. she says 'these stones represent the important things in your life; friends family, career ect.' the students then agreed with the that the box (their life) was full with friends, family, etc. she then got some marbles and tipped some into the box and they fell between the gaps of the rocks and filled the space. she explains 'these marbles represent the lesser important things, like cars and holidays which, although they are important, are not quite as important is the stones. now, is your life full? the students say yes. she then gets some sand and adds that to the box and it will us the remaining space. 'the sand is the least important thing, its thing you don't need but are nice to have, like DVDs, ipods, mobile phones etc. all these things together are what make you life full.' just then, one of the student stands up and walks to the front carrying a can of beer. he empties the can into the box which is soaked up by the sand and gathers in the bottom of the box. the moral of the story is: no matter how full you life ism there is always room for beer!

 

[jeiku]

i have one, as an A-level biology student im aware this one sucks, but here goes...

How do you determine the sex of a chromosome...pull down its genes!

 

[MagikMystery]

First thread I ever created and it's got onto the third page over night

Anyways, here's some more.

Two maths proffesors are sitting in a cafe discussing. The first one says "I think most people have at least some mathematical knowledge."
The second says "No way, most people don't have a clue about this kinda stuff."
Shortly after this, the second proffessor goes to the bathroom and the first one calls over the waitress and says "Could you do me a favour, in a minute, I'll ask you a question, could you answer a third x cubed."
"A third x cubed, allright then." replies the waitress, and goes back to work.
When the second proffessor returns, the first calls over the waitress again and asks her " Hello Miss, my friend and I were having a discussion and we were wondering if you could help us with something, do you know what the integral of x squared is?"
"Yeah, it's a third x cubed" replies the waitress.
The first proffessor grins smugly at the second but then, as the waitress is leaving, she calls over her shoulder "Plus a constant."


An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar, the first orders a pint, the second orders two thirds of a pint, the third orders two ninths of a pint, the fourth orders 4/81 of a pint and the fith orders 2/243 of a pint.
Before the sixth can order the barman pours out two pints and says "The extra 0.052 of the pint is on me."

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

For a seasonal joke try here:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/2_8.html#Christmas_2
its very long so I can't post it here but its basically mathmatical "proof" that santa cant exist followed by a rebuttal to that proof followed by a rebuttal to the rebuttal followed by another 9 rebuttals (mathmaticians *rolls eyes*).

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short,
they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire
reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa,
meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater
than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be
pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

-I can travel through time and I do ... at the unremarkable rate of one
second per second
-Black Holes were created when God divided by zero
-Physicists do it at two places in the universe at one time

Spoiler: joke (tidied for neatness)

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician are all challenged with a
problem: to fry an egg when there is a fire in the house. The
engineer just grabs a huge bucket of water, runs over to the fire, and
puts it out. The physicist thinks for a long while, and then measures
a precise amount of water into a container. He takes it over to the
fire, pours it on, and with the last drop the fire goes out. The
mathematician pores over pencil and paper. After a few minutes he
goes "Aha! A solution exists!" and goes back to frying the egg.

Sequel: This time they are asked simply to fry an egg (no fire). The
engineer just does it, kludging along; the physicist calculates
carefully and produces a carefully cooked egg; and the mathematician
lights a fire in the corner, and says "I have reduced it to the
previous problem."

 

[Hyper-space]

You see, 10=2 in binary.

ahhhh.....



i still dont get it......

nah i kidd

edit: now i know more! and knowing is half the battle!

The other half is losing.

Wait, that's not right is it? Let me check...

G.I. joooooooeeeeeee

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

If the picture is blue, you are going too fast.

Ok, that made me laugh the loudest.

Why was 6 scared? Because 789.

An infinite number of maths students enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint...
"I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.


Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right.
The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"