Maths and Science Jokes!

[crimson5pheonix]

An engineer, physicist, and a mathematician were playing cards in a parlor. A fire breaks out. The engineer starts to calculate how much water it takes to put out the fire. The physicist figures out the best theory on how to put out the fire. The mathematician tries to prove the fire doesn't exist.

 

[Kraukz]

Not really a joke but its a good math song
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=P9dpTTpjymE

 

[WeedWorm]

Spoiler: This thread could just be about xkcd.

Romantic and nerdy at the same time, who'd a thunk it? If you know what the binary actually means, I tip my hat to you, sir.

 

[gigastrike]

Looks like something Glados would make.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Heres one my biology teacher said...

Q: How do you make a Hormone?

A: Don't pay her

That joke doesn't work if you pronounce it correctly: hor-o-mone.

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A physicist and a mathematician sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leaps towards the sink, fills the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, gets a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

 

[gigastrike]

Is it just me, or do all these physicist, engineer, and mathmatician jokes all sound exactly the same?

 

[Gotham Soul]

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

Ba-dum Tish. [http://www.instantrimshot.com/]

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

Is it just me, or do all these physicist, engineer, and mathematician jokes all sound exactly the same?

What does that tell you about Physicists, Engineers and Mathematicians?

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Is it just me, or do all these physicist, engineer, and mathmatician jokes all sound exactly the same?

That's because they all believe in constants.

 

[Fruhstuck]

Heres one my biology teacher said...

Q: How do you make a Hormone?

A: Don't pay her

That joke doesn't work if you pronounce it correctly: hor-o-mone.

Theorem. A cat has nine tails.

Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.

HaHaHa lol my little brother uses that logic to win arguments with his teachers

Also: this thread makes me feel stupid, i don't get half of the jokes

 

[Hunde Des Krieg]

Optimists see the glass as being half full
Pessimests see the glass as half empty
Engineers see the glass as being two times larger than it needs to be.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Jokes are starting to be repeated now. New material is needed!

 

[Battlefrank]

I'm 10 years old!
explanation to be posted in about 10 minutes

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

 

[olicon]

If y = r3/3
Then dy = r2.dr == r.dr.r, or "Har-Dee-Har-Har"

Ah, so that's what it is. (A Simpsons joke that I do not remember? Shame on me!)
Personally I'm into Physics, so I'm not fuzzy with where I put the dr. (I did get it down to the r^2dr form, but I totally didn't see the Har-Dee-Har-Har.

To be strictly accurate, the number would have to be (pure) imaginary for that to work, rather than simply not real.

If a number lies outside of the real line, it is imaginary. That is, it HAS to be expressed in form of A+Bi.

Not all scientists are very boring. Why, I have lengthy conversation with my friends about going on a huge trip to find magnetic monopoles. We believed it is just beyond the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hidden by some unicorns. But we probably have to track down a bigfoot so we can steal the map to get to the end of the rainbow first.
Unfortunately the trip didn't happen because nobody wants to explain all those to the admin when we ask them to fund our project.

Also, physicists have the nicest facial hair out of all professions.

By the way, why does water put out fire? Does it evaporate at relatively low temp so it sucks out all the energy or what?

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Something easy,
Q: Do you already know the latest stats joke?
A: Probably...

 

[crimson5pheonix]

If y = r3/3
Then dy = r2.dr == r.dr.r, or "Har-Dee-Har-Har"

Ah, so that's what it is. (A Simpsons joke that I do not remember? Shame on me!)
Personally I'm into Physics, so I'm not fuzzy with where I put the dr. (I did get it down to the r^2dr form, but I totally didn't see the Har-Dee-Har-Har.

To be strictly accurate, the number would have to be (pure) imaginary for that to work, rather than simply not real.

If a number lies outside of the real line, it is imaginary. That is, it HAS to be expressed in form of A+Bi.

Not all scientists are very boring. Why, I have lengthy conversation with my friends about going on a huge trip to find magnetic monopoles. We believed it is just beyond the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hidden by some unicorns. But we probably have to track down a bigfoot so we can steal the map to get to the end of the rainbow first.
Unfortunately the trip didn't happen because nobody wants to explain all those to the admin when we ask them to fund our project.

Also, physicists have the nicest facial hair out of all professions.

By the way, why does water put out fire? Does it evaporate at relatively low temp so it sucks out all the energy or what?

It cuts off the oxygen supply... Physicists, I swear.

 

[olicon]

Hey, how could I forget about that? And Ouch! (I shamed myself and I shame all Physicists in the world T-T) I'm going to go and jump into a black hole now.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Hey, how could I forget about that? And Ouch! (I shamed myself and I shame all Physicists in the world T-T) I'm going to go and jump into a black hole now.

That's right, we mathematicians rule the world!