Maths and Science Jokes!
- Thread starter MagikMystery
- Start date
Recommended Videos
That joke doesn't work if you pronounce it correctly: hor-o-mone.Chezzz said:
Theorem. A cat has nine tails.
Proof. No cat has eight tails. Since one cat has one more tail than no cat, it must have nine tails.
A physicist and a mathematician sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leaps towards the sink, fills the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, gets a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.
Is it just me, or do all these physicist, engineer, and mathmatician jokes all sound exactly the same?
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Ba-dum Tish. [http://www.instantrimshot.com/]
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Ba-dum Tish. [http://www.instantrimshot.com/]
Optimists see the glass as being half full
Pessimests see the glass as half empty
Engineers see the glass as being two times larger than it needs to be.
Pessimests see the glass as half empty
Engineers see the glass as being two times larger than it needs to be.
A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.
Ah, so that's what it is. (A Simpsons joke that I do not remember? Shame on me!)Lukeje said:
Personally I'm into Physics, so I'm not fuzzy with where I put the dr. (I did get it down to the r^2dr form, but I totally didn't see the Har-Dee-Har-Har.
If a number lies outside of the real line, it is imaginary. That is, it HAS to be expressed in form of A+Bi.nimrandir said:
Not all scientists are very boring. Why, I have lengthy conversation with my friends about going on a huge trip to find magnetic monopoles. We believed it is just beyond the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, hidden by some unicorns. But we probably have to track down a bigfoot so we can steal the map to get to the end of the rainbow first.
Unfortunately the trip didn't happen because nobody wants to explain all those to the admin when we ask them to fund our project.
Also, physicists have the nicest facial hair out of all professions.
By the way, why does water put out fire? Does it evaporate at relatively low temp so it sucks out all the energy or what?
At the end of his course on mathematical methods in optimization, the professor sternly looks at his students and says: "There is one final piece of advice I'm going to give you now: Whatever you have learned in my course - never ever try to apply it to your personal lives!"
"Why?" the students ask.
"Well, some years ago, I observed my wife preparing breakfast, and I noticed that she wasted a lot of time walking back and forth in the kitchen. So, I went to work, optimized the whole procedure, and told my wife about it."
"And what happened?!"
"Before I applied my expert knowledge, my wife needed about half an hour to prepare breakfast for the two of us. And now, it takes me less than fifteen minutes..."
"Why?" the students ask.
"Well, some years ago, I observed my wife preparing breakfast, and I noticed that she wasted a lot of time walking back and forth in the kitchen. So, I went to work, optimized the whole procedure, and told my wife about it."
"And what happened?!"
"Before I applied my expert knowledge, my wife needed about half an hour to prepare breakfast for the two of us. And now, it takes me less than fifteen minutes..."
wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0crimson5pheonix said:
As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)
My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.