Maths and Science Jokes!

[crimson5pheonix]

At the end of his course on mathematical methods in optimization, the professor sternly looks at his students and says: "There is one final piece of advice I'm going to give you now: Whatever you have learned in my course - never ever try to apply it to your personal lives!"
"Why?" the students ask.
"Well, some years ago, I observed my wife preparing breakfast, and I noticed that she wasted a lot of time walking back and forth in the kitchen. So, I went to work, optimized the whole procedure, and told my wife about it."
"And what happened?!"
"Before I applied my expert knowledge, my wife needed about half an hour to prepare breakfast for the two of us. And now, it takes me less than fifteen minutes..."

 

[MikeTheElf]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

 

[Fruhstuck]

http://www.snorgtees.com/piberational-p-563.html?osCsid=ae5577c46dcd91695a33030268c4f686

^^ my fave math pun, i don't know hot to embed >.< sorry

 

[jim_doki]

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

that is the best thing i have ever read, and I've read Watchmen

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

 

[MikeTheElf]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

But wait, how can it equal 2 if the number you're adding just keeps halving? It'd only equal 2 due to rounding?

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

But wait, how can it equal 2 if the number you're adding just keeps halving? It'd only equal 2 due to rounding?

Yes.... Do you see the joke now?

 

[MikeTheElf]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

But wait, how can it equal 2 if the number you're adding just keeps halving? It'd only equal 2 due to rounding?

Yes.... Do you see the joke now?

eh, I guess lol

 

[crimson5pheonix]

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician's solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ....
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.

wait a sec, how does 1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8...? Do I not know something or does 1/(1-1/2) not solve as 1/(1-1/2) = 1/(1/2) = 2? Or did you mean 1/((1-1)/2)? which would end in division of 0

As far as jokes go:
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic (I think this was said earlier)

My favourites are actually the math/science pick-up lines:
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

It's just an extra step to confuse you. 1/(1-.5)=2 and 2=1+.5+.25+.125+.0625 etc.

But wait, how can it equal 2 if the number you're adding just keeps halving? It'd only equal 2 due to rounding?

Yes.... Do you see the joke now?

eh, I guess lol

Okay then. Lousy non-mathematicians and their not understanding simple jokes.

 

[Lukeje]

By the way, why does water put out fire? Does it evaporate at relatively low temp so it sucks out all the energy or what?

It cuts off the oxygen supply... Physicists, I swear.

It actually does both.

And here's a joke courtesy of xkcd:

 

[TommyGun465]

Two atoms walk into a bar and one says "I think I've lost an electron". The other says "Are you sure?", "I'm Positive"

Now excuse me, my humor array needs recharging.

 

[Kuweekee]

 

[Labyrinth]

My favorite math joke doesn't work as text, time to scour Google Images for a picture of it...

After a tedious 10 second search, I found it:

Spoiler: Click For Picture

YES! WIN!

 

[stompy]

 

[Saskwach]

Optimists see the glass as being half full
Pessimests see the glass as half empty
Engineers see the glass as being two times larger than it needs to be.

Actually, a good engineer using proper safety practices would see it as 16.666666... percent larger than it needs to be.
You see, the standard safety factor for any procedure is 0.6. What this means in simple terms is that every object is made so that the worst conditions it is expected to withstand - maximum force, for instance - is only 60% of what it can hold before failure. 0.5 divided by 0.6 = 0.833333...; If you reduced the glass by 16.66666...% you'd have a glass 83.33333....% as tall as the original glass, which contains an amount of water - that we assume is the maximum it is expected to hold - that goes up to 6/10ths of its total height.
What?

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Optimists see the glass as being half full
Pessimests see the glass as half empty
Engineers see the glass as being two times larger than it needs to be.

Actually, a good engineer using proper safety practices would see it as 16.666666... percent larger than it needs to be.
You see, the standard safety factor for any procedure is 0.6. What this means in simple terms is that every object is made so that the worst conditions it is expected to withstand - maximum force, for instance - is only 60% of what it can hold before failure. 0.5 divided by 0.6 = 0.833333...; If you reduced the glass by 16.66666...% you'd have a glass 83.33333....% as tall as the original glass, which contains an amount of water - that we assume is the maximum it is expected to hold - that goes up to 6/10ths of its total height.
What?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Engineers... The science equivalent of Drummers.

 

[Jobz]

My favorite math joke doesn't work as text, time to scour Google Images for a picture of it...

After a tedious 10 second search, I found it:

*Snip*

YES! WIN!

Indeed.

 

[gerrymander61]

O da^2/dt
.
.
.
.
.
.
Circle jerk

 

[Erana]

Not exactly a joke, but all the biologists I know are either professors or really smexy gamer chicks.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

You don't know how tempted I am to start spewing Drummer jokes right now. Especially since I'm running out of sciencey jokes.