Meeting Online Friends IRL

The Cheezy One

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Dec 13, 2008
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Met one person from online IRL, and that was to buy a game from him. Meeting some other people for an Escapism UK Halloween thing, which should be fun.
It's part of a (mainly teenage male) human fantasy that you when you meet someone new, they will be female, attractive and 'into' you. So when given this opportunity to meet new people, many people feel disappointed that there are none of the aforementioned 'available'. This causes them to pout slightly and have less fun. I know, I've done it myself. Probably another cause of this could be the number of guys who have female profile pictures on online accounts.
The halloween thing, I already know is mainly, possibly only guys, and I am only going for fun. Will still be fun though.
 

Myiven

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Apr 23, 2008
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I only have success stories from meeting friends in real life who I met first online. In fact, I was in a wedding earlier this year for a friend I met online. It usually takes several years before I meet in person, and I've only met people I share multiple interests with instead of just one or two games we happen to play, but it's always been a great experience and I keep in touch with most of them on a daily basis.

*Dating* online hasn't worked out so great, but I'm optimistic about it as a concept...
 

Divine Miss Bee

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Feb 16, 2010
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Mark J Kline said:
What happens when you meet your online friends in real life?
apparently, i date them. i've met, in person, two guys that i met here on the escapist, and i've been seeing the both of them for quite some time now. i've actually never been happier dating than i am now, too-they're both amazing people who i've fallen completely in love with and i couldn't have imagined a better outcome. :)
 

RMcD94

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Nov 25, 2009
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I'm sorry what?

Real life relationships?

How are online relationships any less real than offline? Simply because they are not bound be the aesthetic shackles of meeting someone does not make them any less real, and it's devaluing to say so.

Edit: Also to those scared of meeting someone, someone on the internet is no more or less likely to rape/assault/etc you than someone you know offline.

Before the internet people were still taken advantage of, it'd be extremely ignorant to think otherwise.
 

carpathic

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Oct 5, 2009
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An excellent and thoughtful article.

Thanks again Dr Mark.

also "I'm also hoping the reverse is true and some people aren't quite as big idiots as they seem online."

One can only hope.
 

Labyrinth

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Oct 14, 2007
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Well...there's been quite a few successful meetups around here;

Escapism UK [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.218071-Escapism-UK-2010]
Escapism Down Under [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.193307-Escapism-Melbourne-2010-details]
Escapism UK - Halloween [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.229010-Escapism-UK-Halloween-2010-Event]

I've met huge amounts of people I've met online but sometimes it's just personality clashes. People are odd.

Just meet up with some new ones. There's always loads of decent people around.
Root, you mention only one of the five "down under" Escapisms that have happened. The others are here ('08) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.80224-Escapism-Oh-Ate-a-Labyrinths-Tale#1042067], here ('09 I) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.108007-Escapism-Sydney-09-Labyrinths-Tale-The-Second#1809019], here] ('09 II) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.162684-Escapism-09-II-A-Labyrinths-Tale-3#4181469] and here ('10) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.183594-Escapism-Sydney-2010-A-Labyrinths-Brainssssss#5496855], threadwise, for those who want a look.

Dr. Mark, if you want the title too, I organised the first "Escapism" (or at least, the first I saw or heard of, and I've been here a while) when I was barely 16. Many of the people who turned up were under 18, and that's continued through the other three I've organised, and the one I attended in Melbourne which I just strolled along to.

One particular event which occurred will likely interest you. There's a user here, [user]Ultrajoe[/user], who was very well known at the time of the second Escapism. His forum persona has always been male, indeed the person behind The Ultrajoe is male. If you look at the thread linked above, the first of the 2009 Escapism, you'll see a picture of a female with the caption "The Ultrajoe". The woman pictured is a close friend of mine who I asked to play The Ultrajoe at that event, with his consent and collaboration. The revelation that sparked throughout the forum community was fascinating to watch.

What was even more intriguing was the reaction to the second revelation, when this thread [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.118686-A-Journey-A-Revelation-And-Some-Nudity#2280245] was posted.

The Ultrajoe and I are close friends now, as I am with a number of other Escaparinos. I don't think this would have happened if I didn't step out of my shell at such a young age. My parents still don't know any of these events occurred, they certainly Would Not Approve of my attendance let alone organisational power. While I respect their position as people who are supposed to take care of me (I'm 18 now, so presumably more independent than when the Escapisms began) and I understand their concern more than I'd like to, I feel that there can be an over-abundance of both when it comes to middle to late teens. The closest we had to a parent along for the ride was when one guy (15 I think) requested that someone be available to talk to his father if the father wanted that extra assurance. I volunteered for the job, but it wound up not being necessary.

The group in that occasion consisted of an age range between 15 and in high school, to a couple in their mid-20s. I suppose we're just not stereotypically paedophilic enough to be frightening.

I think that parents need to see more examples like these Escapisms because I honestly feel that they present a good image of what can occur. Okay, maybe less so with the zompocalypse, but my point remains. It's hideously easy to organise a meet-up such as those I did, and the Forces for Good need to use this to reveal hyperbolic paranoia where it occurs.

I haven't touched on one-on-one meetings because I think they're an entirely different barrel of worms, and often more risky. The Escapisms have all been very public events to avoid that, meeting in public places with lots of exits rather than inviting The Internet around to someone's flat. It was a suggestion at one point, and I turned it down out of more than a vague respect for furniture. Teenagers, and internet users of all ages actually, need to learn how to set up meetings in such a way that they are safe, and education on both the positives and potential negatives is key.
 

dietpeachsnapple

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May 27, 2009
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Three stories I think. One minor failure, one major failure, and one work in progress where the person and I were only acquainted online and were in the same area.
 

Psydney

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Oct 29, 2009
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My husband and I hosted a WoW guild party at our place in central California a few years back. People came from Los Angeles, the Bay Area and Calgary, Canada (one Canadian guildie who couldn't make it sent along an awesome cake with the guild logo). Some of us already knew each other irl, which may have made things easier, but we had a great time and a few of us that hadn't met before grew a lot closer and more involved in each other's actual lives.

Although one of the guildie's wives, dragged along unwillingly, had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that half the guild members were women and one of the women (me) owned a house that didn't have crushed Cheetos on the furniture. Video games were only some stupid hobby for men, right? She made her husband quit playing shortly after that :(
 

Nannernade

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May 18, 2009
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Well I haven't actually met up with them in real life but we were so close we actually called each other and the phone calls lasted for pretty much over an hour. I do have the reverse of it though, have some IRL friends and we ended up finding up we played the same MMO but sadly only I and one other of them still plays, but it's understandable.
 

Malkavian

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Jan 22, 2009
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Perhaps interestingly enough, my closest friends are acutally people I have met online. Not because I lack friends made IRL, but because I, luckily, met a bunch of people on the same gaming website, and really hit if off with them.

The friendship and cammaraderie in our little group went from a spam thread, to messenger, to skype and then, finally, to real life, during a meet up event for the gaming website. Since then, we hang out multiple times every month, sometimes the whole group, sometimes one on one. The advantages, I found, was that we met in an environment where we always had the option of tapping out. We could pop offline whenever we wanted. There was no expectations, and no effort involved in talking or joking. It was easy and casual. When we finally met up, it was like we had known eachother for ages, which, to be fair, we had. No awkwardness.

One of the guys are actually comming up to visit me tomorrow.

EDIT: Oh, and last weekend, my Clan had a meetup. Three days in a cabin in the woods, and all kinds of teambuilding activities. Loooots of awkward silence the first day, but all in all a great experience and a lot of stories from that weekend.

Only got positive experiences with meeting people from the interwebz.
 

Krafty_Krocodile

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Jul 6, 2010
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Me and my online Girlfriend have been going out for about 6months and we talk face to face via webcam we have been discussing meeting up but i'm not particularly sure about it
 

xyrafhoan

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Jan 11, 2010
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I've had some hit and miss experiences meeting people from the internet. My first meetup was with a local RO player, and we had lunch together. We were friends online but... wow it was awkward when neither of us had social skills.

On the other hand, I met my boyfriend over RO as well. We were friends online for a year, and then a couple for 6 months, and we've been together for 4 years ever since. He moved to Vancouver from the other side of the country after several meet-ups, too.

Another meet-up with a long-time (something like 7 years) forum friend didn't ruin a friendship, but it did pose some challenges. He obviously hadn't been out of the house very often and lacked some manners that I expected from the friends I'd made at school, but he's slowly learning and I'd invite him back here. It was just a change in perspective.
 

Empyreal EoV

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May 21, 2010
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I definitely agree with the first few statements. For the most part, people are very different online. To be stereotypical, a lot of us can be reclusive. I know that in FFXI, if you were in a top linkshell or considered an end-game player; then odds are the phrase "I'm going out tonight" was probably not in your regular venacular. When I tried to have a vocal conversation with friends who seemed totally out there in-game, I couldn't pull two words out of them. On the flip-side, I have a good buddy who lives a full coast away from me but we have been in touch for over 6-years now and are doing great. I'm sure when we meet face-to-face our friendship will even grow. People are funny and their reasons for playing MMORPGs vary greatly. That 'Second-Life' type of game is an escape for them. For others, it's another social experience that is taken pretty lightly. If you feel that in your heart-of-hearts you want to meet an online friend, then go for it. Just don't be overly disappointed when you find out they aren't totally who you made them to be. To pull a statistic out of my ass, 80% of their being comes from what you have observed; the other 20% derives from your imagination. People aren't always what we want them to be, especially online.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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Labyrinth said:
Root, you mention only one of the five "down under" Escapisms that have happened.
They weren't as good as ours ;)

The group in that occasion consisted of an age range between 15 and in high school, to a couple in their mid-20s. I suppose we're just not stereotypically paedophilic enough to be frightening.
Try being a late 30's guy showing a bunch of 18 year olds around London. Luckily I work with tweens anyway, so I'm still down with the kids. ;)
I think that parents need to see more examples like these Escapisms because I honestly feel that they present a good image of what can occur.
I think this needs to happen more in general. The isolation that happens purely from all the scare stories is insane. And it's quite nice for us 'chronologically enhanced' people to match wits against the up & comers as well. :)
 

Lono Shrugged

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lewism247 said:
A great way to strengthen friendships is with actual talking, Skype has been fantastic for this. I'm a bit iffy about chatrooms, people tend to be a bit odd.
Totally! Many of my college friends are now working in Japan and Oz and we chat the whole time. Sometimes crack open a beer over a skype window. It's not as weird as it sounds
 

beema

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Aug 19, 2009
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I'm surprised they agreed to an entire week right off the bat. Maybe one day to start with...
 

BioTox

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Nov 19, 2009
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This article about a same sex or different sex relationship? To start, I am a male. I've met one of the guys that play(ed) World of Warcraft and Warhammer Online with me. He stayed the week at my house and it was great. When he went home, it returned to the normal online play and jokes. The key, to me, of translating an online relationship (friend or more intimate) is finding someone that you are comfortable meeting.

How do you know this person is worth meeting? Well, don't just base it on how they act in game(s). I added my friend to FaceBook to see how they are in real life. You can find out what activities they like to do other then play video games. Most likely, you're not going to want to have a friend over and just play World of Warcraft sitting next to each other.

You wouldn't want to date someone just because they play the same game as you. What if you leave the game or decide you don't like that game anymore? Then you don't have anything keeping you together. Life isn't just one dimension. I sound like a match dot com ad. =P I hope this was sort of the answer that could help.

**EDIT**
I love these articles, btw. I always stop what I am doing to read them.