Meeting Online Friends IRL

[LawlessSquirrel]

I've not done it myself, such cases were always bringing someone I know offline into something online, but I have seen success elsewhere.

A friend from uni met some people online, formed a clan with them (Bad Company 2, I think), and later found out some of them go to the same university. No problems there, but then again, there is that extra level of relate-ability.

Another friend of mine met someone online with whom he started a long distance relationship. I believe it's been going on for around a year, and right now he's gone from Australia to America to spend a few weeks of a holiday with her. From what I hear, there's been no issues there either.

Surprises me, actually. I wouldn't have thought that people I know would have such success with online-to-offline relationships. But I've seen more success than failure so far.

 

[Fearzone]

My experience is: real relationships don't begin until you meet somebody in person.

Text chatting in an onling game isn't good enough, nor is ventrillo or the phone. Either way, there is just too much about that person which remains unknown and is filled in with a fantasy image. If one becomes too enamoured with the fantasy, then reality is sure to disappoint.

Obviously this is more true for an intimate connection than a casual "drinking buddies" encounter.

That said, I've had some highly successful encounters with people I met online. What I try to do is meet them in person soon enough to prevent the "fantasy image" from becoming too developed, and try to keep channels as open about character flaws as possible, and to go in to the actual encounter knowing there is a good chance the chemistry just won't be right, which is nobody's fault. You just try again.

 

[S_K]

I'm meeting up with people at the end of this month for a couple of days. I was disorganised last time so I didn't get to talk to them much but I dunno I guess online shows more what goes on in your head rather then how you might act in real life which is just not fun enough for some people.

 

[StandardIssue]

That was my question, thanks for answering Dr. Mark. I would however like to point out the trip had absolutely nothing to do with romance, all of us that met up were in relationships at the time.

I was originally planning to go to a gaming convention and some online friends had similar plans so we intended to meet up there. When the gaming convention was no longer an option we opted to hang out together anyway.

While it is a downer that I now no longer talk to some of them, the experience was well worth it, and in retrospect one of the buddies at the meet up had reason for being unable to keep in touch, and now we're closer than ever. Although, he was the one I thought least likely to mesh with, hah.

I do have a question, though. How long has it been since you saw them? I know the first time I met one of my friends online it was a while before we could shake the awkward feeling.

The most recent get together was early August. I have however had an online friend I didn't know in person stay with me last June. We haven't talked since, but that situation was awkward on many accounts for both of us, so I didn't expect much more contact there.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

My only experience with this left me pretty well scarred. I developed a very close-knit group of "friends" while playing WoW. We'd "known" each other for years, spent dozens of hours "together" each week, and I even fell in "love".

Then I quit the game, and everything changed. I felt like a complete outsider, struggled to earn attention or even responses from texts and IM, and that "love" of mine? She ended up falling for the guy who replaced me. No joke.

I came to realize that all of my online exploits, much as I wanted them to be "real", were not. They were virtual approximations of actual interactions and emotions, and they all evaporated the moment I took myself out of the virtual world that had connected me to these people.

That's not to say that these things always happen, but I think it's more or less by fortunate coincidence that an online friend somehow manages to become a RL friend (or lover). When things turn real, it's like meeting people for the first time all over again - and just like the first time, it can go any number of ways.