MetroidNutQuest 2012

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Ascend to the highest point of the building. Play some epic music while doing so.

You're pretty sure there's no way onto DIRK's roof, and you think dramatically climbing one set of stairs to face off in his UPSTAIRS HALLWAY would be kind of stupid.

 

[MetroidNut]

>Take and equip his DOOR as a weapon, then start breaking stuff with it. Starting with his stairs.

That door is made of the strongest PLYWOOD in the world! With your staggeringly low MUSCULATURE, you simply have no way of removing it from its frame.

Just opening it was a bit of challenge.

 

[Robert632]

>Play dead to lure out DIRK

 

[SamuelT]

>Call the cops: Obviously he's a burglar

 

[Pappytech]

>MN: Quote "Of Mice and Men" in order to confuse Dirk. He probably doesn't understand anything but anime, right?

 

[VuvuZelaMan]

>MN: Rip off your SHIRT and say, "Come at me bro!" to lure DIRK out of hiding.

 

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Quote "Of Mice and Men" in order to confuse Dirk. He probably doesn't understand anything but anime, right?

You SCREAM that he ain't worth a greased lack pin to ram him into hell.

His exposure to NON-ANIME ENTITIES seems to have left him CONFUSED! You hear a loud crash from the room behind you.

 

[MetroidNut]

>Call the cops: Obviously he's a burglar.

You don't have a PHONE! Maybe there's one somewhere in DIRK'S HOUSE.

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: Your glasses are your phone. Why else would they be so bulky and pointy?

>MN: Acquire SHITTY REPLACEMENT WEAPON from the FOYER.

 

[Pappytech]

>MN: Construct a telegraph from the STAIR RAILING and POCKET LINT. Call in an airstrike using said communication device.

 

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Acquire SHITTY REPLACEMENT WEAPON from the FOYER.

What the fuck is a FOYER? Is it some kind of DOG?

 

[CJ1145]

>MN: Go find Dirk's FOYER TERRIER

 

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Construct a telegraph from the STAIR RAILING and POCKET LINT. Call in an airstrike using said communication device.

Using the STAIR RAILING and a bit of LINT from your PANTS (no, not the PANTS you had on your head), you construct a WIRELESS TELEGRAPH. You attempt to call on airstrike with it, but you seem to get in touch with the POLICE instead.

You go ahead and tell the POLICE that there's a BURGLAR in here, and he's ARMED AND DANGEROUS! The POLICE tell you that a squad was already on its way to a neighboring HOUSE, and they'll drop by to help you on the way. You thank the POLICE and give them the address of DIRK'S HOUSE.

The SIRENS in the distance have gotten quite loud, haven't they?

 

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Go find Dirk's FOYER TERRIER.

By stunning coincidence that has absolutely nothing to do with author laziness, Dirk's FOYER TERRIER has just stepped into the room! No, hold on. That's just your UGLY DOG. Wait...what's it doing in DIRK'S HOUSE? Has it been consorting with the enemy!?!

 

[VuvuZelaMan]

>MN: Exit DIRK'S HOUSE through the BACK DOOR. Hide in DIRK'S BACKYARD.

 

[Pappytech]

>MN: Ride your FAITHFUL STEED to victory. Or, make a joke about how doing so would be incredibly (adjective).

 

[SamuelT]

>MN: Realise you have been staring into a mirror

 

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Exit DIRK'S HOUSE through the BACK DOOR. Hide in DIRK'S BACKYARD.

On the way to the BACK DOOR, you enter DIRK'S KITCHEN! In it, you find a questionably-conscious DIRK PACE, who in his CONFUSED state seems to have run into a WALL! Looks like he dropped your SHITTY AIRSOFT REVOLVER, too. You suspect these events are related.

 

[MetroidNut]

>MN: Ride your FAITHFUL STEED to victory. Or, make a joke about how doing so would be incredibly (adjective).

Doing so would be incredibly (adjective)!

 

[CJ1145]

>Dirk: Be fake-sleeping to avoid being mauled by the WINDOW-HOPPING VARMINT

>WHV: Hop through window, Varmint in MN's direction