New Device Allows Dogs to Use Twitter

Tom Goldman

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Aug 17, 2009
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New Device Allows Dogs to Use Twitter



One of Mattel's latest toys will elevate tweeting to a level of uselessness not seen before.

A new toy developed by Mattel called "Puppy Tweets" is designed to relate a dog's daily experiences on Twitter. Simply sign the dog up for a Twitter account with a clever name of some sort (bonus points for "bark" or "arf" in the name) and place the device around the dog's neck. It comes in pink or blue for a very reasonable $30.

Puppy Tweets works by fusing directly to your pet's brain through a painful surgical procedure and cannot be removed once attached without killing the animal. Just kidding: it uses a variety of motion and sound sensors. If it were to detect, say, lots of annoying barking, it would tweet something clever like "Barking is the spice of life," or something similarly cringe-worthy.

The Puppy Tweets collar sends a wireless signal to a USB adapter that must be plugged into a computer whose power lever is pulled into the "on" position. The device comes loaded with over 500 different tweets it can annoy the internet with, and even more are planned as DLC. The tweets will likely cover acts such as defecation, urination, playing in the snow, licking parts of an animal's own reproductive system, drinking water, licking parts of another animal's reproductive system, taking a nap, eating feces, running, and eventually death. Sorry, but everything dies, even if it's wearing Puppy Tweets. Happy Valentine's Day.

(Via: Engadget [http://www.engadget.com/2010/02/13/puppy-tweets-will-turn-your-pooper-into-a-world-class-twitterer/])

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Srkkl

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Apr 1, 2009
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Thats funny as hell, however if it got it for my dog it would be "tweeting" "my owner is beating me to take out his anger on wasting money on this thing." Just kidding, I wouldn't buy it.
 

Zahri

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Dec 15, 2008
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Whyyyyyyyy??? Why does a world have to exist where robotic dogs lacking faces can patrol the streets, and where multiplayer games have to suffer from Lag Gehrig's disease? (see what i did there?) Looking at you Bioshock 2!

That being said, why do the people who invented this still have their jobs? o.o
 

Clashero

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Aug 15, 2008
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Heh... ha... haha.... AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, but this is beyond incredible. I'm tempted to get this for my dog (her Twitter would actually see more use than mine).

"Meh... boring day... OMG WALK, WALK, WALK, I'M GOING FOR A WAAAALLLKKKK"
 

Snotnarok

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Nov 17, 2008
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I thought twitter was useless before but now I just despise it. I don't care what someones dog is doing, I can't imagine who would care. Then again...dogs scare me, don't judge meeeeeeee
 

CounterAttack

A Writer With Many Faces
Dec 25, 2008
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That has got to be, without a doubt, the stupidest invention I have ever heard of. Of all time.

Is there a Darwin Awards-equivalent for stuff like this?
 

PiggyGamer

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Jul 22, 2009
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I have now lost my last shred of faith in dogmanity.

This is the stupidest thing I've heard of in quite a while.

It must be some sort of joke.
 

Sir Kemper

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Jan 21, 2010
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Jakesnake said:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.
This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:


"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, ************"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"
 

Dragon_of_red

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Dec 30, 2008
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Julianking93 said:
Why?

Twitter shouldn't even be available for people
I agree with you so much right now.
Sir Kemper said:
I'm in a state shock right now.

I can't even think of anything.

Help?
Just laugh and say how useless and stupid it is.
 

Rhade

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Jan 2, 2010
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We need to start culling some of the social networking developers/advertisers/marketing people from the planet.

Twitting with Twatter is already and exercise in spreading the mindless, unintelligible boredom plague to anyone that cares to subscribe. Domestic animals probably wouldn't really be aware of what was going on if they were forced to partake but still, it feels like it'd be some form of animal cruelty.
 

The Rogue Wolf

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Sir Kemper said:
Jakesnake said:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.
This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:


"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, ************"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"
"Feeeeed me, Seymour!"
 

Crimsane

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Apr 11, 2009
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Stop hating on this device. It'll probably increase the intelligence level of the average Tweet by a few dozen points, at least.
 

Kollega

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Jun 5, 2009
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Oh look, they finally found a perfect market for their service!

Rhade said:
We need to start culling some of the social networking developers/advertisers/marketing people from the planet.
Maybe we can bio-engineer a virus that will attack everyone who has no heart and/or is creatively sterile.
 

Sir Kemper

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Jan 21, 2010
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The Rogue Wolf said:
Sir Kemper said:
Jakesnake said:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.
This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:


"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, ************"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"
"Feeeeed me, Seymour!"
Shhhhh, don't spiol the DLC.
 

War Penguin

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Jun 13, 2009
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That is the most stupidest thing I have ever seen and I love it. :D

Just think of the Tweets they'll give.

Woofy99: Bark
xXBonesXx: Bark
Woofy99: Bark Bark
DiggingAHole: Bark Bark Woof
Woofy99: LOL


In other words, it'll be just like what Twitter is now. XD