I didn't used to be afraid of death, in fact, I kind of accepted it. Eight years ago when I was coming out of high school, I was CONVINCED that I was going to join the United States Marine Corps, and I was going to fight and possibly die fighting on a distant battlefield. And that was that. I didn't see any other alternative, nor did I want to see any other kind of alternative. We've had 16 generations with at least one male in the army in my family, and I wanted to be the 17th.
Then, in the course of a year, everything changed. My older brother encouraged me to apply to college and I got in, I got my first girlfriend, I fell in love, and suddenly I felt like I had something to live for. Like life was not only worth living, but a pleasure to live as well. I think about joining the army now and the thought scares the hell out of me. It's not necessarily fighting, it's just thinking about all the sudden and random ways you can die on a battlefield. I wouldn't say the thought of death controls my life, but it definitely guides it.