Poll: girl problems

[Hashime]

Give up. Date a university girl, preferably one at yours. That way it is possible to have some sort of physical relationship.

 

[JonnoStrife]

Bail.

 

[Mitchell Smith]

Talk to her in person...

But you'll most likely find that she considers you a friend and not a potential boyfriend, which is abit shitty at first but also means you can go for her friends.

 

[ApeShapeDeity]

So, as an older gent, (I'm 34 and divorced) I can tell you plain... At 18 you're essentially still a kid. It doesn't feel like it at the time of course, but life has funny ways about it. Also, 21? Ever heard the old track mannish boy? Well... moving on...

Basically, I'll tell you this much, in spite of everything you feel and percieve that she does or should, at your age it's by and large VERY temporary. I don't say this to be a prick, but that's the truth of it.

If she's changed her feelings toward you without telling you... well, get used to it. It's going to happen again my friend. Different woman, different time, but it'll happen. Trust me on this.

My advice is this... If she's not going to treat you the way you want to be treated, move on. Now. There are are a lot of wonderful experiences to be had at your age, many of them under the covers, but don't get yourself hung up on a girl who is too flippant to love you for what you are right now... ok?

 

[Stasisesque]

You're not actually committed to her, so she's done nothing wrong. As adults, men and women generally see dating as more of a "keeping your options open and getting to know many different people" thing than a teenage "you asked me out so you're my boyfriend/girlfriend now". Even her saying she'd like to get to know you better shows no commitment, so first of all - calm down. She's a free agent and can do whatever she likes. There's no mind games going on here.

If you haven't openly expressed interest in her (by this I mean asked her on a date, explained (with words) you want to be "exclusive") then don't expect her to guess your intentions and stay away from every other person she may find attractive.

If you have, and she hasn't given you a straight answer - then yes I'd move on, because it sounds like she's not as interested as she first appeared.

The third option is, she got to know you better and did not see you as a potential partner so did not pursue it and didn't think it worth mentioning as you never made a move.

If you're looking for true love, I believe you are being incredibly naive. Treat this as a casual thing if you really want to go for it, but nothing more.

 

[Azrael the Cat]

i've lived away, and have now moved back home, so i can see a girl who i like who i have been texting and calling pretty much every day.

last night we and a group went out, she kissed some other bloke and walked her "sick" ex boyfriend home, then she and a friend went home. over the last couple of days she has also showed absoloutely no interest in me, not in a romantic way at least. ive been at home almost a week.

naturally im pretty gutted about this, and am not sure how to respond. vote on the poll, please feel free to post comments as well, im genuinely unsure how to handle this.

EDIT*

this seems inadequately brief. so to bulk it out and provide more inforamtion.

im a 21 year old student who was away at uni, she is a 18 year old secondary school student at home. im back for easter break, which lasts until the end of this month, then i leave for 2nd year exams next month, then i return june, staying for 4 months.

we met in january when a mutual friend organised a day out, she contacted me a week later via facebook with her number and a message saying "i would like to get to know you better" and since then we have talked fairly constatntly. i make her laugh, we generally aren't awkard when we meet, but romantic situations are uncomfortable for me and i haven't been able to make any since i got back, then the above happened.

i like her, we get on really well, but this has made me think: is she not interested or is she ignoring me, or is she completely unaware?

EDIT 2*

we have been talking and joking about the most random crap, occasionally joking about sexual things, past history, etc, its uncomfortable to talk about feelings over the phone, so i haven't.

She's 18 dude. You're 21. She's obviously not very mature for her age. Trust me on this when I say that the age difference IS too significant. Go back to college and find someone in your own age, with interests closer to yours. I've seen first hand how scenarios like this play out, it's just a waste of time and emotional energy. Drop it. Be friends, but forget about her when it comes to romance. I personally would've seen it as a huge turnoff when she kisses people left and right and go home with exes, and obviously this bothers you too. Those are my two cents, maybe three even.

This. There's every chance at 18 that she doesn't really know how to have a committed relationship yet. At 18 most folks are still a bundle of nerves and egoes, and she's likely to flirt with you because it feels good and makes her more confident, while flirting with everyone else for the same reason. A girl/guy in that position isn't ready to have a monogomous relationship, even a short-term one, as their ego is riding on having others flirt/chase them.

Doesn't mean she's a bad person. Just that she hasn't learnt yet that you can't do that without hurting others and sabotaging your chance to have a meaningful relationship. She'll learn when a few guys have walked away, or when she gets older and just becomes more confident so that she doesn't need the constant affirmation that others are attracted to her.

 

[endnuen]

GFTOG.
Go fuck ten other girls.
It will help you realize she is not that special.
Trust me, it helps. I'm in a similar situation, except this girl have had some sort of breakdown so she is utterly incapable of handling anything emotional atm.

So I'll bide my time and seek out other girls. By the time she comes around you can either take it back up or call it done.
But for now, it's lost.

 

[Candidus]

Telling her how you feel and perhaps getting rejected costs absolutely nothing. The emotional toll of cutting your losses because her behaviour could be percieved as a rejection is identical to the emotional toll of actually telling her, asking her out and being rejected. In the latter case, you have the bonus that you will have exercised bravery (which will make your courage easier to find from now on, even if the result isn't good) and won't be in any doubt- no "what ifs", which can magnify the damage no end.

Not saying something would be idiotic, in my view. Good luck.

 

[Fetzenfisch]

Well on the one hand, you got nothing to loose, so try it.
On the other hand, why going for school kids when you can get crazy at the university? thats what it is for as far as i know (and experience it for 3 years now).

 

[spartan231490]

i've lived away, and have now moved back home, so i can see a girl who i like who i have been texting and calling pretty much every day.

last night we and a group went out, she kissed some other bloke and walked her "sick" ex boyfriend home, then she and a friend went home. over the last couple of days she has also showed absoloutely no interest in me, not in a romantic way at least. ive been at home almost a week.

naturally im pretty gutted about this, and am not sure how to respond. vote on the poll, please feel free to post comments as well, im genuinely unsure how to handle this.

EDIT*

this seems inadequately brief. so to bulk it out and provide more inforamtion.

im a 21 year old student who was away at uni, she is a 18 year old secondary school student at home. im back for easter break, which lasts until the end of this month, then i leave for 2nd year exams next month, then i return june, staying for 4 months.

we met in january when a mutual friend organised a day out, she contacted me a week later via facebook with her number and a message saying "i would like to get to know you better" and since then we have talked fairly constatntly. i make her laugh, we generally aren't awkard when we meet, but romantic situations are uncomfortable for me and i haven't been able to make any since i got back, then the above happened.

i like her, we get on really well, but this has made me think: is she not interested or is she ignoring me, or is she completely unaware?

EDIT 2*

we have been talking and joking about the most random crap, occasionally joking about sexual things, past history, etc, its uncomfortable to talk about feelings over the phone, so i haven't.

I don't know about where you are, but where I live, most women wait for the guy to make the first move. If you give up, you will never know for certain what would have happened, and I think you will regret that a lot more than if you tell her how you feel, ask her out, and get shot down. I say you should go for it, for whatever my opinion is worth.

Also, I'm not sure that asking the escapist what to do in a relationship is the best idea. How many "friend-zone" and "How do I get a girlfriend" threads have you seen on here? I see a couple of each every month at the least, seems like a bit of a jaded and inexperienced place to get relationship advice to me.

 

[spartan231490]

Well on the one hand, you got nothing to loose, so try it.
On the other hand, why going for school kids when you can get crazy at the university? thats what it is for as far as i know (and experience it for 3 years now).

some people want a relationship with a girl they care about. Not sex with a different sorority girl every weekend.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

seriously give it up, girls have agenda's on their minds, they will be wanting you one second because your the last resort, but as soon as something else happens they will drop you in a heartbeat.

just cut your losses and enjoy your life!

 

[Sonority]

There is only one reasonable solution to this and it depends on how much balls do you have and the level of charisma you possess.

Confront her with your feelings in the line of "Hey, I think I might have fallen for you here, so I would like to know your opinion on the matter, would you be interested in some dating and getting to know each other a bit better?" - The wording will weary on the situation and personality of you and the girl in question. However sounding confident and serious will show that you mean what you say.

The worst possible thing you could do is "let it die", meaning you wont get any closure on the matter and will be "left hanging" on what could-have-been. If she rejects you then its fine, you can begin recovery. If she says "I will think about it" then you can go to the nearest gym, since there will be a kiss or sex in the next 2 weeks if you don't screw things up (girls like to overthink things and experiment for the final judgement to pass).

In case of rejection, don't act all dramatic, go with the "meh bummer" reaction (gives a sort-of-risk-taker feeling) and don't worry about being embaressed, you are 21 years old and mature enough to take it (and also your story might spark some interest in another girl who previously left you unnoticed)

- Personal experience speaks...

 

[Communist partisan]

i've lived away, and have now moved back home, so i can see a girl who i like who i have been texting and calling pretty much every day.

last night we and a group went out, she kissed some other bloke and walked her "sick" ex boyfriend home, then she and a friend went home. over the last couple of days she has also showed absoloutely no interest in me, not in a romantic way at least. ive been at home almost a week.

naturally im pretty gutted about this, and am not sure how to respond. vote on the poll, please feel free to post comments as well, im genuinely unsure how to handle this.

EDIT*

this seems inadequately brief. so to bulk it out and provide more inforamtion.

im a 21 year old student who was away at uni, she is a 18 year old secondary school student at home. im back for easter break, which lasts until the end of this month, then i leave for 2nd year exams next month, then i return june, staying for 4 months.

we met in january when a mutual friend organised a day out, she contacted me a week later via facebook with her number and a message saying "i would like to get to know you better" and since then we have talked fairly constatntly. i make her laugh, we generally aren't awkard when we meet, but romantic situations are uncomfortable for me and i haven't been able to make any since i got back, then the above happened.

i like her, we get on really well, but this has made me think: is she not interested or is she ignoring me, or is she completely unaware?

EDIT 2*

we have been talking and joking about the most random crap, occasionally joking about sexual things, past history, etc, its uncomfortable to talk about feelings over the phone, so i haven't.

Leave her, she have showed strong tendencies she is not interested, turn single and live the hell outta life by WINNING!

 

[ajemas]

Whatever benefit you can get out of trying to tell her how you feel is, at this point, not equal to the amount of suffering you would have to deal with. Just forget her and move on with your life.
Also, I accidentally clicked on the wrong poll option. I hate when that happens.

 

[Mordwyl]

If you cut her loose it's there and done.
If you tell her how you feel you have a free conscience and it's there and done.

Being in this situation quite a few times it always sucks, especially when you have genuine feelings for someone.

 

[hurfdurp]

Perhaps she was goading you when she kissed the other person, and since you presumably had no reaction to it, she was offended that you apparently don't have feelings for her after all of that interaction you've been having recently. I hope I'm not right since that isn't a great way to conduct yourself, but if you're still interested in her you should tell her.

 

[Woodsey]

You only definitely lose out if you don't say anything.