Poll: Girls Don't Like Assholes.
- Thread starter Panzer_God
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If you didn't snip all of it, you'll note I specifically said _in my next sentence_ thatMortai Gravesend said:
Big disclaimer, pays homage to statistics and acknowledges I might not be on the median. For all I know I'm an outlier. This is just 23.5 years of experience which isn't even that much compared to others. And I'm noting that "in my subjective experience", nice doesn't work out. I also note that I still do it but I'm questioning why and pondering how much morals and "being nice" mean to me.Cyberjester said:
Caring is like being honest, they will set you back and you'll need to be mentally strong in order to keep them up. If your experiences differ, good for you. And good for the world in general since that means I really am an outlier and people aren't that bad. On the other hand, excessive bad experiences have made me a bit cynical and I'll hedge my bets till then.
Although if we want to rip each others posts apart, then
Applies to you and every other person alive since no female is "all females", regardless of what you've heard about the hive mind. It's all a conspiracy.Mortai Gravesend said:
Hell, it applies doubly so to folk like us since we're guys, although then we start on the "disassociated viewpoint leading to a less subjective opinion", "I'm more intelligent than you are so my point counts for more" and on and on it goes eventually concluding with "Well I know nothing, let's go get drunk/play D3". I'm going to skip to the end here and go watch Justified whilst sipping whiskey because why the hell not.hf
Holy crap, that sums up the entire six-paragraph rant I was about to go on. Well done.Allthingsspectacular said:
/thread
Well all three obviously...<.<Panzer_God said:
Yelling at you for being a jerk...
Making fun of you for your post permiating the theme of low confidence=bad,in an almost That Handsome Devil, Middle America Satire sort of way... though being serious...
and agree with you for the fact that, the inability to admit ones own faults in the pursuit of women is infact very self centered and shouldn't automatically give rise to the conclusion that wome only like assholes... seeing as how there's absolutely no way you could ever be an asshole...
But most of all I was giving my personal opinion and defending my own lack of self confidence and ability to rant regarding false facts and unopposed on the internet when it comes to pursuing a relationship... seeing as how I'm not quite so arrogant to simply dismiss women as having bad tastes when I get my heart broken... and I'm not quite so out of touch to think that my lack of self confidence, social skills, ambition, etc. somehow makes me a desireable partner... I understand that it makes me a much more vulnerable person and that I assume a gender role opposite to my own in wanting to be swept off my feet rather than doing it myself... which of course basically alienates me from the rest of traditional society...<.<
Plus a bunch of other stuff I don't feel like bringing up...
I don't mean to post just to applaud someone, but thank you for this post. Telling people to conform or be left in the dust is not a way to go about this. People who have confidence should be helping the ones who don't, not stepping all over them because they assume them to be spineless foreveralone cowards. So many people are different that making stupid generalizations are ridiculous. Not all assholes are in relationships, and not all people in relationships are assholes, or confident. And many confident people aren't in relationships.Sacman said:
Nothing against you OP, but you must realize that your opinion based off your (1 person out of the entire populations) relationships does not describe all relationships ever.
Greets!
Interesting thread about a common internets problem, it appears.
I would agree that the passive-aggressive standpoint of low confidence and/or low self-esteem individuals generally results in much complaining, be it face to face or on the interwebs, but is the fabled 'friend-zone' something that is actually created by the zoned to salve yet another hit to their shattered confidence, if their confidence is even shattered?
So many ways one can look at the so called 'friend-zone' I believe. This is not something that is limited to males, however. I've ran into pleanty of women who have their own working concept of the friend zone.
Have I ever experienced the passive-aggressive logic applied to the friend-zone? Not really, while I am very much aware of what I like in women, as a guy I am actually apathetic towards relationships. I will give my relationships the importance they deserve, but I wont go seeking a relationship just because I believe I need it. This results in me being a 'very nice guy' or some such rubbish.
Personally, I just dont have that much ambition. If I become a friend to someone then I will remain a friend, if I develop something more with a woman, then I'll give the relationship the attention it deserves. Unfortunately, I respond really badly to forms of manipulation, which I am sad to say has happened with the few ladies I've become friends with in my area.
Ladies, I do not care if you want your boyfriend to be like me, now stop trying to sleep with me!
Maybe my attitude betrays my confidence in trust, but I really couldn't care less, I am more interested in what my future holds.
As for any partners I have in the future, they will come when they will come, in the meantime I will continue to endevour in my ventures of study in the mind, which is one of my joys of life.
Interesting thread about a common internets problem, it appears.
I would agree that the passive-aggressive standpoint of low confidence and/or low self-esteem individuals generally results in much complaining, be it face to face or on the interwebs, but is the fabled 'friend-zone' something that is actually created by the zoned to salve yet another hit to their shattered confidence, if their confidence is even shattered?
So many ways one can look at the so called 'friend-zone' I believe. This is not something that is limited to males, however. I've ran into pleanty of women who have their own working concept of the friend zone.
Have I ever experienced the passive-aggressive logic applied to the friend-zone? Not really, while I am very much aware of what I like in women, as a guy I am actually apathetic towards relationships. I will give my relationships the importance they deserve, but I wont go seeking a relationship just because I believe I need it. This results in me being a 'very nice guy' or some such rubbish.
Personally, I just dont have that much ambition. If I become a friend to someone then I will remain a friend, if I develop something more with a woman, then I'll give the relationship the attention it deserves. Unfortunately, I respond really badly to forms of manipulation, which I am sad to say has happened with the few ladies I've become friends with in my area.
Ladies, I do not care if you want your boyfriend to be like me, now stop trying to sleep with me!
Maybe my attitude betrays my confidence in trust, but I really couldn't care less, I am more interested in what my future holds.
As for any partners I have in the future, they will come when they will come, in the meantime I will continue to endevour in my ventures of study in the mind, which is one of my joys of life.
True, but getting emotional about people's sweeping generalisations could only put you onto the same level.Hammeroj said:
Such generalisations, be it politically correct or not, are done for a reason and that reason may very well be that they cannot cope with the responsability of their experience, regardless of percieved failure or not.
Confidence and lack of can have drastic effects on behaviour.
Captcha: Heavy Metal. Something is definately heavy.
And, therefore, totally useless.Panzer_God said:
I'm not trying to be aggressive or attack you in any way, so I certainly hope this does not come across as this: but what's the point of lumping people together when we know for a fact they cannot be?
I know women who openly admit they like people I would call an 'asshole', and woman who hate such a guy. I've been with women who thought I was an 'asshole', and other women who liked me because I wasn't an 'asshole'. I've been with women who wanted me to be more of an 'asshole', and had girlfriends who said they'd leave me at the first sign of me being an 'asshole'.
I've met girls who say that men who have ever had casual sex are an 'asshole', and girls who say that their boyfriend who punches anything that so much as disagrees with them is not an 'asshole'.
We're speaking such broad terms now as to totally devalue the entire weight of the argument. In the end we can only conclude that different women find different things attractive, just like different men find different things attractive...so the end result is men and women aren't divide or united as a result of their sexual organs, which isn't exactly a ground-breaking theory.
Of course, we can learn from trends and people are naturally going to be socialised differently in different cultures due to their sex. It's not a stretch to say that most men would punch a man who punched them and not punch a woman who did the same.Hammeroj said:
That said, relying on such leanings will inevitably end up with you slipping up at some point. My experiences will be very different from yours: from my previous experience I'd say women are far more concerned about looks than men. Hell, my longest relationship ended because my girlfriend at the time finally believed me when I told her I genuinely found her beautiful, and promptly left me because she said she felt she was out of my league now she realised she was attractive.
Even just moving between twenty-mile stretches in a country as tiny as England, the expectations of women change significantly enough to be noticeable, even if they don't fully escape their cultural grounding. I suppose it comes down to the individual to decide how much faith to put in generalisations, but I've found from moving around a lot that if you do find someone who suits the stereotypes 100% they generally aren't worth the bother: they're very uninteresting individuals.
Sadly, some of us are slaves to the BMI system just the same, as retarded as it may be. Forget professional medical opinions - it's potential employers that hold the cards. For example, if I exceed a certain BMI (in many cases it's 25, as things stand today) I won't be able to apply for tenure once I start my teaching career.aprilmarie said:
Not to say that this is a completely bad thing. Coming to terms with the harsh reality this standard imposes made me get my act together and get in shape; I've still got a small way to go (about 25lbs to my goal), but so far I've shed roughly 100lbs over the past 19 weeks and I feel much better now. And yeah, looking in the mirror and thinking, "Who's this guy?" with a self-satisfied smirk on my face is certainly a confidence booster.
OT:
That said, why try so hard? I mean, it's been about 8 years since I've been in a relationship (and that was a farce at best), so I'm probably well beyond rusty when it comes to flirting and stuff, but I can honestly say I'm living a damn good life right now, and I don't feel like I'm tragically missing out on anything. If I happen to meet someone special in the future that's great, but if I don't I see absolutely no reason to feel down. I have no intention of cruising clubs and strutting about like a peacock - that's not me, nor am I even remotely attracted to the type of female who looks for that behaviour in a potential partner... Let everyone else play their games and shred it up on the dance floor, I'm perfectly happy with not giving a shit, enjoying a good drink at the bar and perhaps engaging in interesting conversation when the opportunity presents itself.
As for women liking assholes or not, well... I feel uncomfortable with making sweeping statements, but some of it is simply determined by biology. At the most basic level we're animals, and some of us (no matter the gender) are more prone to being governed by their hormones. While there are behaviours that legitimately qualify as asshattery and douchebaggery, from an evolutionary perspective this kind of display is often attractive to females (at least around ovulation) because it signifies the ability to provide for and protect a mate and offspring.
Obviously, this does not count for all women out there. Some girls like sensitive guys, down-to-earth guys, quiet guys, loud and bubbly guys etc, and that's OK; some girls like assholes, and guess what - that's OK too. There's about as many nuances in personality as there are stars in the sky, so you can rest assured there's someone out there who'd go for you - whether they ever cross your path is a different matter. If you're looking to find a significant other I'd say it's wrong to expect the perfect mate to just drop into your lap without any effort on your part, but at the same time I see nothing wrong with the wait-and-see approach if you're happy with your station as is. Not giving a crap goes a long way towards being at peace with yourself in my experience.
To be honest the amount of whine I've seen from men (and women interested in women) about women on the internet has solidified my choice in abstinence.
Maybe confidence is key, but really I kinda prioritize manners above all else, if you can display a level of human empathy I'm usually not going to turn you down. (Will probably go on one date which I'll pay equally for and explain I'm just terrible at relationships so you're barking up the wrong tree but thanks anyway/leave if I find out you're secretly a douche)
But that's myself. Women are complicated, trying to categorize or finding out a 'working formula' may APPEAR to work on the surface but really it's all bullshit, all women are different. All have strange mental cases that make approaching each one a different experience unless you hang out in the circles that hang out in one particular place and are socially brain addled to behave a certain way then...okay, maybe there's a trick. But if you broaden your horizen's to local coffee shop, random meetings, parks, just anywhere you happen to make a googly eye at someone, there's going to be some varying reactions. Just...try... that's it. There's is no more advice.
No garuntees.
Try.
Maybe confidence is key, but really I kinda prioritize manners above all else, if you can display a level of human empathy I'm usually not going to turn you down. (Will probably go on one date which I'll pay equally for and explain I'm just terrible at relationships so you're barking up the wrong tree but thanks anyway/leave if I find out you're secretly a douche)
But that's myself. Women are complicated, trying to categorize or finding out a 'working formula' may APPEAR to work on the surface but really it's all bullshit, all women are different. All have strange mental cases that make approaching each one a different experience unless you hang out in the circles that hang out in one particular place and are socially brain addled to behave a certain way then...okay, maybe there's a trick. But if you broaden your horizen's to local coffee shop, random meetings, parks, just anywhere you happen to make a googly eye at someone, there's going to be some varying reactions. Just...try... that's it. There's is no more advice.
No garuntees.
Try.