Poll: How often do you masturbate?!

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

OT: God I love these threads! They're a nice breath of fresh and silly air after the last couple years of "OMG CONTROVERSY!"

For once, it wasn't me!

As for the question, I know it seems really stupid given the subject matter of my last two threads but I am actually a bit bashful about answering this.

Eh, at least once a week, definitely not e'ryday.

I've never done anywhere inappropriate and I tend to use visual aids because I'm lazy and it's usually to unwind a bit in the evening.

I'm actually cringing so hard right now. XD

I'm sure OP is just one of your alt accounts!

Why you cringing so much?
What are you a prude?

Shit you've caught me!

I am Colour scientist's subconscious mind! I am her reptilian brain! Which is why I am named after a colour-changing reptile!

She might be cringing because of all the cheesey euphemisms she subconsciously wrote.

Aha! I knew it! You might have been able to fool these puny humans but I am a Sheep!
I saw through your ruse with my special eyes.

OT: God I love these threads! They're a nice breath of fresh and silly air after the last couple years of "OMG CONTROVERSY!"

For once, it wasn't me!

As for the question, I know it seems really stupid given the subject matter of my last two threads but I am actually a bit bashful about answering this.

Eh, at least once a week, definitely not e'ryday.

I've never done anywhere inappropriate and I tend to use visual aids because I'm lazy and it's usually to unwind a bit in the evening.

I'm actually cringing so hard right now. XD

I'm sure OP is just one of your alt accounts!

Why you cringing so much?
What are you a prude?

Apparently I am. :3

It must be old age.

Getting old seems terrible. You get bad hair, all saggy, and become a prude!
Time to move on grammy, let us young-ins take the wheel.

 

[Itdoesthatsometimes]

Here it is, was my exact words when I saw this thread. Hilarious and proves it was the logical conclusion.

Spoiler

Visual, imagination, I am sometimes even too lazy to bother imaging anything. But my imagination is usually the best. That said I am a several times a week person. Some days not at all, other days up to three times (not very often). I think the funniest is when I am sleeping and my erection wakes me up to address it's issue. Half asleep knock it out half ass clean up, and make a mental note to make more consideration for my penis in the upcoming week. My penis gets, less attention when I play Civ5. This leads to the logical conclusion that sexy games allow me to sleep better (<----had to throw that in there).

Edit: I forgot the odd places

Spoiler

I have masturbated while driving my car before. I started an outside the pants thing while riding my motorcycle, but decided it was not a good idea and stopped (masturbating I kept riding).

 

[Rabbitboy]

Alright It took me some time to get me to post this. And I feel like I am going to regret this one day.

Spoiler

I do it at least one or two times a week sometimes more. Only in the evening at the end of the day especially on Mondays.

I used to do it more but I've been building it of. I Don't require "visual stimulants" but I do use them more often than not. Also while I am right handed I "do the thing" with the left.

Spoiler

My penis gets, less attention when I play Civ5. This leads to the logical conclusion that sexy games allow me to sleep better (<----had to throw that in there).

But when you are playing Civ you have one hand free. And when Theodora or Boudica comes into image, just Hnnnnngggggg.

 

[Itdoesthatsometimes]

Alright It took me some time to get me to post this. And I feel like I am going to regret this one day.

Spoiler

I do it at least one or two times a week sometimes more. Only in the evening at the end of the day especially on Mondays.

I used to do it more but I've been building it of. I Don't require "visual stimulants" but I do use them more often than not. Also while I am right handed I "do the thing" with the left.

Spoiler

My penis gets, less attention when I play Civ5. This leads to the logical conclusion that sexy games allow me to sleep better (<----had to throw that in there).

But when you are playing Civ you have one hand free. And when Theodora or Boudica comes into image, just Hnnnnngggggg.

I use both hands for Civ. And find Wu Zetian the hottest. But to each there own.

 

[geK0]

Depends on how many times I look at your pictures.

...

Spoiler: :)

I'm so flattered : D

......


oh god that creepy dr.who face in the spoiler though >.>

 

[Andy Shandy]

Actually, it varies. Just whenever I have the urge to splurge, you know. Said at least once a week because that's the closest to an average.

And it's about half and half on the visual/imagination front.

 

[Sassafrass]

Erm...
Well...
Let me give you a visual representation that's SFW.

Spoiler

Just ignore the gavel.
I may also be joking but you'll never know for sure.

As for if I need visual aids, I'd say it's a 80/20 split in favour.
No, I haven't done it in an inappropriate setting.
As for time of day, whenever the mood takes me. *shrugs*

 

[shrekfan246]

Wouldn't you like to know.

Perverts, the whole lot of you.

#BlameColour

Snip

Wait, you mean to tell me you don't use a gavel?

I think I've been doing it wrong.

EDIT:

Spoiler: I'll obligingly add something moderately on-topic, I suppose.

My imagination alone is rarely enough, so I don't tend to do it without visual/textual aid.

Weirdest place would probably be "friend's house". Long story. Probably NSFL.

 

[Sassafrass]

Wouldn't you like to know.

Perverts, the whole lot of you.

#BlameColour

Snip

Wait, you mean to tell me you don't use a gavel?

I think I've been doing it wrong.

Well, whatever floats your boat, buddy.

Some do, some don't. It's all about what feels good to you.

 

[geK0]

So a friend asked me what I was doing, I said that I was participating in a hilariously awkward thread, I link this thread....... and now it's awkward >......>

*derp*

 

[Sassafrass]

Depends on how many times I look at your pictures.

...

Spoiler: :)

Why look at pictures when I can watch you through your window?

Spoiler

How ya doin'?

So a friend asked me what I was doing, I said that I was participating in a hilariously awkward thread, I link this thread....... and now it's awkward >......>

S/He's had a very strange welcome to the world of the Escapist. XD

 

[Dragonbums]

Spoiler

I makes sure I love my vagina like once or twice a day. Heh heh yeah. Good times.

 

[geK0]

So a friend asked me what I was doing, I said that I was participating in a hilariously awkward thread, I link this thread....... and now it's awkward >......>

S/He's had a very strange welcome to the world of the Escapist. XD

I guess she doesn't share my sense of humor


...I'm totally a smart dude like that : \

 

[NemotheElvenPanda]

I'll shoot (giggity). I'm a single gay man surrounded by really attractive straight dudes that I know I'll never have a chance in hell with, so naturally all that testosterone, feels, and sex-appeal really gets to me. Since I'm in college with a roommate that hardly ever leaves the room beyond classes, work, and meals, I really only get to go at it three times a week in the morning. When I'm alone I can go as much as five times a day when it gets really bad. I use plenty of porn to get the task done, but my imagination is strong enough to work on its own.

 

[josemlopes]

because I am a woman, and I can do it for an hour and get several orgasms in, because it's fucking awesome to be a woman

Im a dude and a lot of times after being done and thinking to myself "Thats done, lets see what is on the rest of internet" some random picture of a sexy girl shows up (anything movie related basicly) and well... when Im alone and the guy downstairs wants it then he has to have it.

OT: It depends, when working I can go around 2 straight days (wow) without doing anything but if I am alone at home doing nothing then its almost none stop. It sucks because I usually have some things that I want to get done but eh... at least I am enjoying my time. Those things usually get done when there are other people in the house.

 

[L. Declis]

It depends. I haven't seen my fiancee for about 2 months, so... I'd say about 4 times a day. Hell, I damn near cannot sleep without "mixing up the man batter".

However, when she is about, I always feel it's somewhat rude to "fiddle the flute" when there is a perfectly willing and lovely partner to partake in, so I don't.

What time of the day? Well, like I said, I can't sleep if I don't "finger the pennywhistle", so there is once. And then more or less any time I am working at home or interneting and I see something attractive on ye olde net, or I look through my old photos and see pictures of my fiancee, I just get the urge to "evac the sack".

I have "painted tissues" during my teenage years more or less at the drop of a hat; I remember one of my exes giving me a "hand shandy" at school once. Embarrassing to think of now.

I tend to think about sex. If my thoughts ever go off topic, I tend to have to start from the beginning.

 

[geK0]

I'm masturbating right now!

OT: I only get the urge to whack it when I see this person [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/] around, I just can't help myself.

It's that picture I posted, isn't it?

So a friend asked me what I was doing, I said that I was participating in a hilariously awkward thread, I link this thread....... and now it's awkward >......>

"Hey man, what are you doing?"
"Haha, not much, just asking people online how often they jack off"

That was pretty much the gist of it.