Poll: Is your virginity worth saving?

[2HF]

What if you save it and your partner saves it and you get married and you both suck at sex!?

Saving your virginity for marriage is ridiculous imo (NOTE THE IMO, don't ***** at me).

Some reasons? I'll give you some.

Seriously, what if you suck at it? What if you suck and can't get better.
What if you simply aren't sexually compatible? Should you be forced to live a sexless existence because your partner can only get off when some light choking is involved and you just aint diggin it?
What if you never get married? Some people die young, some die old, some die old without ever having married. Dying a virgin would suck the big one.
What if you end up divorced? What if you remarry? What if that second marriage was really the one? Does sex from the first marriage count? You CHEATED on the one god intended you to be with. You're a terrible person now!
What if aliens?
What if you get raped? Did god intend for you to marry your rapist? What a dick that guy is! The rapist and god I guess. More god though, he's the one who let it happen. Jerk. Also the rapist may be a woman so... what dick that guy/gal is!

 

[Ljs1121]

In our society, men who are virgins are typically looked upon as weak or inferior, two words which not a lot of people want to have applied to them. Also, I could imagine that having your wife be a virgin would make her wedding night a painful one as opposed to the joy a newlywed is supposed to experience.

I don't really see how either party benefits from saving themselves.

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

come on over to mine, things make much more sense here.

I'm not sure if that was intended to sound lgbt-phobic or if it just came out that way, but....Wow.

lgbt phobic? if the person identifies as a woman, she's a woman. that's not lgbt-phobic. and seeing as i'm a lesbian with an intersexed twin, i doubt i'd be overtly or subconsciously homophobic...perhaps it's one of those things wherein the homophobes tell us what to be offended about? like racists getting all up in arms about how "unconcerned" minorities are about stereotypes?

so, yeah, thanks for the offer, but i'm good!

 

[Leadfinger]

I don't think God cares about who you sleep with. In any event, your future wife would probably appreciate someone that knows whats what between the sheets,

 

[tofulove]

if your really really hot, it may be worth selling it. other than that no.

 

[aba1]

You know, I've come to believe that waiting until you're married to have sex might be among the worst decisions you could make about sex. Think about it for a second: if you're marrying someone, presumably, you should be looking to spend the rest of your life with them. So what if you never have sex before the big day and that night when you do, it's terrible? And what if it's not just first time awkwardness that's the problem, but it just never gets better because you don't mesh well in the bedroom? Sex is a pretty important thing in a marriage, like it or not, so wouldn't you rather find out that it's not going to work before making a very expensive commitment that's a pain in the ass to get out of? I'm not even saying you have to jump the bones of everyone you date, but if you've gotten to the point where asking the person to marry you is a real consideration, it's time to head to the bedroom and start taking off some clothes.

Virginity to me is nothing special. It's not some gift of loyalty or any other thing people tell themselves to convince them that it's important and something to be cherished. A healthy sex life between two people who love each other is far more important, and the only thing being a virgin tells me is the first time's going to be pretty damn awkward, but at least they aren't disease addled I suppose.

I agree a lot of people don't really consider the fact that their partner could be completely incompatible. How much would it suck if she was tight and you were large and you were incapable of having sex without hurting her. If you wait till your married that puts you in a extremely difficult situation where normally you could just break up no hard feelings maybe be friends even.

 

[aba1]

I've thought about this, but too be honest how hard can it actually be? I mean can the other person not give direction? I dunno but I don't see being good at it as that big of a hurtle. I imagine it would be like riding a bike, it's not all that hard to figure out if you've got someone teaching you.

Or I may be wrong eniterly and setting myself up for an extremly embarrassing moment in the future...

I have to agree with this one here. I know that me and my girlfriend have talk about it, and neither of us care how bad the other is going to be, we are not having sex until we are married, and even then only to have children. We dont care how ackward or strange the first time will be...thats not why we will be marrying/married to eachother for. We would be married because we are eachothers best friend and we want to spend time with eachother, specifially the rest of our lives. We already know its going to suck the first time, but it doesnt matter. Nothing on this Earth will get us to have sex until we are married. Hell, she is always saying that one of the things she likes about me is that I DONT think about sex with her, outside of marriage. Hell, even IN marriage, I wouldnt really care about sex. It sucks? Oh well, I guess we will go into the other room and she can punch people while I leave a neat hole in thier skull with a sniper on Borderlands. Or I can help her at Fallout. Or she can watch me tear up the track on Forza Horizon. Problem solved.

Not telling you to push this sorta thing but keep in mind people CAN be completely incompatible sexually. It is possible for a guy to be to large and a girl to tight to be capable of sex without injuring either party. If your young I wouldn't recommend rushing in or nothing but it is a good idea to make sure you do work together before getting married and being stuck.

 

[The Towel Boy]

Someways yes, others no, guys like me see it as "okay we got to get rid of my virginity", while with girls its usually kept until they're drunk, drugged, or feel like this is the "love of their life". As long as its not people I don't care about, fine go have a damn orgy for all I care, but if its someone I do care about, well hell i'm pretty damn mad I didn't get to screw.
Personally, I want my future wife to be tight, even if it hurts a little at first, they'll eventually get used to it. i don't want to marry a skank or someone who's banged another guy.

 

[Smolderin]

Yes, I do think it is worth saving. I grew up in a very traditional family and share many of their values, one of which is saving yourself before marriage. I save myself out of respect of those values, and also because I generally see myself not having a partner for the rest of my life. It may seem like a strange thing to say, but my personality and way of living generally works against the very notion of finding a partner. In a sense, it is almost as if I have nothing to save, cause I have no one to give it to, and will go out of my way to make sure it remains that way...cause that is who I am. But lets just say for curiosities sake that I do find a partner...even if for some reason she begs...it won't happen until after marriage.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Not telling you to push this sorta thing

Good. Because I can tell you right now that she would slap me if I asked. Again, one of the reasons she loves me is because I DONT ask, unlike other guys my age. Its gotten to where she trust me to touch her because she knows I wont touch her anywhere inappropriote. Like just he other day, we were lying down looking at my iPad, and I put my hand in the area just above her chest but below her neck, and she grabbed my hand, pulled it closer to her, and said to me "thats what I love about you. You dont grab at my chest like other guys would." If I tried asking her for sex and we arent married, I know I would really hurt her. And for what? "Because its fun" "because you may be incompatible." "because for the lolz." Screw that noise. I will keep her trust in me not being some sex obsessed guy who just wants to use her for my own fun.

but keep in mind people CAN be completely incompatible sexually. It is possible for a guy to be to large and a girl to tight to be capable of sex without injuring either party.

Ok, now what are the odds of that actually happening? I would wager at "Slim" to "unlikely". Certainly not enough to break her trust in me and risk getting her pregnant (since abstainince is the only 100% way to avoid unwanted pregnancy).

If your young I wouldn't recommend rushing in or nothing but it is a good idea to make sure you do work together before getting married and being stuck.

Im 19, and shes going to be 19 next month. Both of use have been told numerous times to not marry young, and we will not. We are waiting until I am done with college (when we will be around 23-24). Of course, with how close we are, at this point it would take a divine intervention (or for you athiest, someone successfully dividing by zero), to make us split up.

 

[ffs-dontcare]

Yes, my virginity is well worth saving in my opinion.

I'm saving it for my future spouse or, at the earliest, long-term girlfriend who I have been in a relationship with for at least 9-12 months or longer.

I've already had my first kiss (yes, laugh all you want) taken away by some drunken slag who only seconds earlier told me she thought it was nice that I was choosing not to kiss just any girl (if that makes sense).

I'm not losing my virginity that easily, especially to some drunk slag I met at a party or something.

If I end up with a partner who still happens to be a virgin when we have sex for the first time, then that's a bonus but over-all I'm not that fussed about her virginity. It's my virginity I'm worried about.

There's no such thing as safe sex, but there IS safeR sex.

Also, I'm not really a big fan of partaking in one-night stands. I couldn't develop that sort of attraction to someone unless I actually have real feelings for them and... well, you can guess what the complication here would be.

 

[LordLucan375]

"A woman should be like a good car, fully run in..."

 

[Calvar Draveir]

It's not about the physical act of sex. If that's all it was, there would be no problem. But the thing is, sex comes attached to people. And it's a moment of vulnerability with a person. And I don't care what you say, that means something. It might not mean that you have feelings for them, but that you dissasociate intimacy with feelings because you don't have them. I think that no matter the situation, sex has an effecto n you, and it can be good, bad, or negligible. But from what I've seen, carelessness with sex more often than not leads to bad things.

You all can be responsible, I know it. Choose whatever you want to do, whatever is right for you. But don't treat it carelessly. Think.

If you truly feel that this kind of intimacy is best saved for later, then stay true to that.

 

[144_v1legacy]

Male; so no.

why does being male make you not saving your virginity not worth it?

And I would elaborate your post lest the moderators get on you for posting something that lacks substance.

The acceptances of society at large in a great number of global communities should spell out quite clearly why gender has an impact on the importance of saving or losing one's virginity, and whether or not that that's a good or bad thing. Pretending you don't recognized that these social implications don't exist is naive at best, and unnecessarily troll-like and obnoxious at worst. He isn't saying that it is fair and/or correct, but it's clear that gender has an impact on what society thinks of one's response to this poll.

If the moderators get on his case, it's because they were eager to get offended at a statement nobody made. I'm hopeful they won't.

WOW, you need to chill the eff out dude. I LOVE anthropology so I'm well aware of everything you're saying, but different societies have different belief systems, and in some males have almost no sexual rights whatsoever, and in others, they're expected to be sexually upstanding. but the general specifics aren't what interested me. I was genuinely interested as to why this person equated being male with a disregard for virginity. I love hearing people's answers because it can reflect so much about them, it's interesting to me, and I in no way meant offense.

At best my question was enthusiastic and genuine curiosity, attempting to explore varying cultural norms across the diverse demographic that is the escapist.

The last sentence was meant to be a friendly reminder that low content posts are frowned upon at the Escapists, I myself have received several citations before. I'm glad he didn't receive moderation wrath, but I try to help a brother out.

looking at my post, I can see how you thought I was being rude, but I was probably in the middle of doing hw, in class, or half asleep while writing it and didn't realize it could be so easily misconstrued.

You don't need to be an ass.

If you can see why I'd misunderstand your post, why would you then end your clarification post with an insult?

Also, I genuinely don't believe your answer. I don't think you were in the middle of any sort of distraction, because then you wouldn't have had such an emphatic "genuine curiosity." You would be more focused in your post if you were so interested to hear his culturally-driven opinions, and distracting work or exhaustion wouldn't have been an obstruction that prevents you from showing this. I think that people don't bring up the subject of moderators unless they are trolling or serious, in which case to do so carelessly as a result of distraction would be a poor display of character. I also think low-content posts are just fine, especially in cases where they say all they need to, and especially in polling threads.

But wow, you must be an interesting person. Tell me more about your interest in anthropology. You must not have been able to fit that on your profile next to football, working out, Jesus, and writing undergrad as two words.

 

[AgentNein]

Male; so no.

why does being male make you not saving your virginity not worth it?

And I would elaborate your post lest the moderators get on you for posting something that lacks substance.

The acceptances of society at large in a great number of global communities should spell out quite clearly why gender has an impact on the importance of saving or losing one's virginity, and whether or not that that's a good or bad thing. Pretending you don't recognized that these social implications don't exist is naive at best, and unnecessarily troll-like and obnoxious at worst. He isn't saying that it is fair and/or correct, but it's clear that gender has an impact on what society thinks of one's response to this poll.

If the moderators get on his case, it's because they were eager to get offended at a statement nobody made. I'm hopeful they won't.

WOW, you need to chill the eff out dude. I LOVE anthropology so I'm well aware of everything you're saying, but different societies have different belief systems, and in some males have almost no sexual rights whatsoever, and in others, they're expected to be sexually upstanding. but the general specifics aren't what interested me. I was genuinely interested as to why this person equated being male with a disregard for virginity. I love hearing people's answers because it can reflect so much about them, it's interesting to me, and I in no way meant offense.

At best my question was enthusiastic and genuine curiosity, attempting to explore varying cultural norms across the diverse demographic that is the escapist.

The last sentence was meant to be a friendly reminder that low content posts are frowned upon at the Escapists, I myself have received several citations before. I'm glad he didn't receive moderation wrath, but I try to help a brother out.

looking at my post, I can see how you thought I was being rude, but I was probably in the middle of doing hw, in class, or half asleep while writing it and didn't realize it could be so easily misconstrued.

You don't need to be an ass.

If you can see why I'd misunderstand your post, why would you then end your clarification post with an insult?

Also, I genuinely don't believe your answer. I don't think you were in the middle of any sort of distraction, because then you wouldn't have had such an emphatic "genuine curiosity." You would be more focused in your post if you were so interested to hear his culturally-driven opinions, and distracting work or exhaustion wouldn't have been an obstruction that prevents you from showing this. I think that people don't bring up the subject of moderators unless they are trolling or serious, in which case to do so carelessly as a result of distraction would be a poor display of character. I also think low-content posts are just fine, especially in cases where they say all they need to, and especially in polling threads.

But wow, you must be an interesting person. Tell me more about your interest in anthropology. You must not have been able to fit that on your profile next to football, working out, Jesus, and writing undergrad as two words.

Jesus. "Male; so no." is low content, and because of that can be easily construed in many different ways. Some might take offense, and maybe it would've been a nice idea for the original author to clarify his stance. So as to avoid conflict.

So YOU can continue to think low content posts are just fine, but it's entirely in the right of other posters to point out that it's generally not just fine to the mods, and with good reason. And you are coming off pretty dickish, just FYI.

 

[darklilac]

Of course not. There's something dehumanising about placing too great a value on virginity. It's like you don't care about them as a person because now they are used goods, whereas you wanted a partner who was brand new.

This.

@ OP
Sex means different things to different people. Some do it for love, and some people love freely and share it with many people. Some people just like sex! And why not? Sex is awesome! Neither is wrong. What people do with their sexy bits does not mean they are lesser or "tainted" or "cheating on future spouses" or any of that crap. People can save it if they want, but the fact that you think saving yourself means you will simply get a wife for being a good boy is laughable.
Personally I love sex, and I don't care about virginity. It's a societal thing. And most girls lose their hymen simply from tampons, horseback riding, vaginal insertion, etc etc
I kinda am leaning towards virginity is bullshit made to oppress females and encourage sexual aggression in males.

Both my bf and I were virgins when we got together. Didn't last long. ^^
I think sexual chemistry is also important. I couldn't be with a man that didn't want to tie me up and spank me! Shaming people for their natural sex drive(all genders have them!) is pretty messed up.

 

[144_v1legacy]

Male; so no.

why does being male make you not saving your virginity not worth it?

And I would elaborate your post lest the moderators get on you for posting something that lacks substance.

The acceptances of society at large in a great number of global communities should spell out quite clearly why gender has an impact on the importance of saving or losing one's virginity, and whether or not that that's a good or bad thing. Pretending you don't recognized that these social implications don't exist is naive at best, and unnecessarily troll-like and obnoxious at worst. He isn't saying that it is fair and/or correct, but it's clear that gender has an impact on what society thinks of one's response to this poll.

If the moderators get on his case, it's because they were eager to get offended at a statement nobody made. I'm hopeful they won't.

WOW, you need to chill the eff out dude. I LOVE anthropology so I'm well aware of everything you're saying, but different societies have different belief systems, and in some males have almost no sexual rights whatsoever, and in others, they're expected to be sexually upstanding. but the general specifics aren't what interested me. I was genuinely interested as to why this person equated being male with a disregard for virginity. I love hearing people's answers because it can reflect so much about them, it's interesting to me, and I in no way meant offense.

At best my question was enthusiastic and genuine curiosity, attempting to explore varying cultural norms across the diverse demographic that is the escapist.

The last sentence was meant to be a friendly reminder that low content posts are frowned upon at the Escapists, I myself have received several citations before. I'm glad he didn't receive moderation wrath, but I try to help a brother out.

looking at my post, I can see how you thought I was being rude, but I was probably in the middle of doing hw, in class, or half asleep while writing it and didn't realize it could be so easily misconstrued.

You don't need to be an ass.

If you can see why I'd misunderstand your post, why would you then end your clarification post with an insult?

Also, I genuinely don't believe your answer. I don't think you were in the middle of any sort of distraction, because then you wouldn't have had such an emphatic "genuine curiosity." You would be more focused in your post if you were so interested to hear his culturally-driven opinions, and distracting work or exhaustion wouldn't have been an obstruction that prevents you from showing this. I think that people don't bring up the subject of moderators unless they are trolling or serious, in which case to do so carelessly as a result of distraction would be a poor display of character. I also think low-content posts are just fine, especially in cases where they say all they need to, and especially in polling threads.

But wow, you must be an interesting person. Tell me more about your interest in anthropology. You must not have been able to fit that on your profile next to football, working out, Jesus, and writing undergrad as two words.

Jesus. "Male; so no." is low content, and because of that can be easily construed in many different ways. Some might take offense, and maybe it would've been a nice idea for the original author to clarify his stance. So as to avoid conflict.

So YOU can continue to think low content posts are just fine, but it's entirely in the right of other posters to point out that it's generally not just fine to the mods, and with good reason. And you are coming off pretty dickish, just FYI.

I could repeat that last paragraph right back to you with only minor adjustments, and be completely accurate. Observe:

So YOU can continue to think low content posts are [not] just fine, but it's entirely in the right of other posters to point out that it's generally [] just fine to the mods, and with good reason. And you are coming off pretty dickish, just FYI.

 

[Spade Lead]

I don't regret all the post-break up sex I had with my ex-wife, or ex-fiancee, or even my girlfriends, what I regret is the three or four women who wanted to have sex with me while I was still a virgin that I turned down.

Also, that number would bring me even with my fiancee now, and for that, I am grateful, because she is phenomenal in bed, and there is no way that any virgin could be so great at my second favorite activity.

 

[Spade Lead]

but keep in mind people CAN be completely incompatible sexually. It is possible for a guy to be to large and a girl to tight to be capable of sex without injuring either party.

Ok, now what are the odds of that actually happening? I would wager at "Slim" to "unlikely". Certainly not enough to break her trust in me and risk getting her pregnant (since abstainince is the only 100% way to avoid unwanted pregnancy).

If your young I wouldn't recommend rushing in or nothing but it is a good idea to make sure you do work together before getting married and being stuck.

Oh, it happens. My fiancee has been with twice as many guys as I have women, and she is still all strict about the whole no anal thing because I am so big that I can't get it in there without hurting her to the point where she doesn't want it anymore. My ex-wife and ex-girlfriend loved having me in their ass, but she can't take it, and yes, guys can get bigger than me, I promise. Women can also get tighter than my fiancee.

I have had bad sex. And yes, while bad sex is better than no sex, we all deserve Great Sex, and if we aren't having it, and all of our friends are (maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually all of your married friends will be having amazing sex that leaves them unable to move or do anything other than breath for the next twenty minutes once they finish). If that happens, you and your beloved will begin to wonder why your relationship isn't like that, and begin resenting each other, and then comes the messy, hateful divorce where one of you sits helpelssly by themselves wondering how their ex can run around fucking every person they can, while the other still hasn't gotten over the relationship that ended over a year ago.

I read a book where a relationship expert talked about her own messy divorce, and why her three different psychologists told her that she hadn't had enough sex with enough men, and how she didn't believe it until they ended up divorcing and she found true happiness a few relationships later, after stretching out and trying new and exciting things with new partners. She had been happily married for like 15 years when I read the book, back in 2005, I think.