Poll: Isn't crying about the deceased pointless?

[Sovvolf]

To answer the poll do I cry when someone close to me dies? Well honestly the first and last person close to me that died was my Granddad around February time. Did I cry at the funeral, no... I didn't. Was I close to my Granddad? yes did I cry because crying is stupid and pointless? No.

I didn't cry because the family looks at me as a more smart and logical guy (yeah, shows how low the bar for intelligence goes in my family ) so I kept strong and held them back. I'm sure if I broke down crying, it may have just made matters worse for everyone. Infact I even smiled and chuckled at my Granddads funeral. Mainly because the priest fellow said something that reminded me of the good times with my granddad.

I suppose your wondering the relevance these two paragraphs have to the thread. Well, it was mostly the poll option really. I answered the last one "No, never." and I thought I needed to justify my answer and not sound like some sort of pretentious edgy emotionless prick. I have emotion, I just wanted to hide it from my family at the time because I thought it would have benefited them. I was visibly upset but I wasn't crying as much as I wanted to.

That doesn't mean I won't. I imagine if someone like my brothers or parents died I wouldn't have the will power to hold it back.

As for the O.P's question. Yeah sure its pointless if your a robot who only likes to think of logic. So is painting your walls, playing video games, having nice things, romance, love, emotions, reading, deoderant... The list goes on.

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Crying in general, regardless of circumstance is pointless. When I was a little kid I wasn't allowed to cry and now it isn't the natural response to anything other than something getting into my eye.

 

[Gothproxy]

Crying is a reactionary response to sadness.

We can't help how we feel.

The first response says it all. It's human nature. Since we are human that's what happens.

 

[The-Epicly-Named-Man]

What benefit is it to anyone for you to post this idea on a gaming site? Crying is an expression, the same as smiling or frowning. It's an expression of sadness. And besides, why is the emotional relief pointless, in the end it could lead to the individual coming out of the depression quicker than if they bottled up how they felt.

Edit: just FYI, I don't cry when relatives die. That's more to do with lack of attachment to anyone than control of grief though.

 

[Mackie Stingray]

A response, possibly redundant, because it like its hypothetical identical predecessor is lost within pages upon pages of replies:
We don't cry for those we lost. We cry for ourselves. To cry for the dead is pointless. To cry for our loss has a high probability of personal value.

 

[Love Deluxe]

i remember hearing once somewhere that when you cry over someone you've lost, you're not really crying for them. you're crying for yourself.

either way, i'm not even really capable of crying. believe it or not, that sucks.

 

[Zyxx]

I cried little if at all at the last couple of funerals I attended - even when I was very close to the person in question - but nobody called me out on it.
It wasn't a conscious choice, though: I just didn't really feel like it.

I decided a long time ago (when my grandfather died) that I would simply allow my grieving process to run its course on its own: if I felt like crying I would cry, if not I wouldn't, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either way. I figure that my grief knows how to handle itself better than I do. As Travis Touchdown put it, "Everyone deals with grief differently. Some people fuck at funerals. I cut off heads."

I have no issue with crying in and of itself: emotional release is an important part of a healthy psyche.

 

[Lejsen]

"We don't cry for the dead, they don't need our tears, they're for us."

May not be an entirely accurate quote.

 

[loc978]

I didn't cry over my grandfather's death when I was twenty-seven... and that disturbed me. There's a certain release, a catharsis to crying from grief. That was denied to me with the loss of my last grandparent, and all I have left of him is regret over quality time we didn't have in his later years.

'Course, he was a World War 2 vet, I was an Iraqi Freedom vet still in the service, and I was in uniform at the funeral. I felt that I wasn't allowed to break my composure, standing at my uncle's side (a Vietnam vet) as he accepted the flag from the honor guard guys.

 

[Nieroshai]

You're mandating that we get over an emotion because it serves no practical purpose? That would defeat the point of an emotion. Besides, I cry because I miss someone, not because of the deadness. It's the fact that I want that person in my life, and no matter how hard I try, I will never have that person back. It hurts, and if you can't understand pain, that's your loss but don't tell us we're stupid for feeling it.

 

[PrototypeC]

I didn't cry when my father died for just about the entire ordeal. Nobody thought it was weird; in fact everybody else kind of relied on me as their "rock" or what-have-you. I was also one of the only two people who had the guts to go see him at the funeral home, and I even took pictures just so I can remember everything about that moment anytime I need to. OK, that sounds kind of weird and creepy but it made sense at the time shut up

The point is; when I cry it's because I choose to cry and it makes me feel better. I feel like men have this outside reaction to crying like it's some weird thing that will only make you sadder. If that were true, sure it would make no sense. Thing is, few actions relax your muscles and calm your mind like crying. You even get a little rush of endorphins so you feel happier afterward. There IS a logical, useful reason for crying, so where do so many people get this idea that it's pointless?

 

[PrototypeC]

Ha, and the Hot Thread right on top is "Internet troll jailed after mocking deaths of teenagers online"

 

[gillebro]

You've possibly phrased the question wrong. I would say that crying FOR the deceased is pointless. It's not like they can hear you. I'd say there is a lot of reason to cry over the deceased's death, for the living. The grieving process is an important process, etc etc. The funeral itself isn't for the dead. Not really. It's for the living. We need to grieve and for some of us, that involves crying. But if the person was not somebody you were emotionally attached to, there isn't really much point. Your job there would be to be a shoulder to cry on for any friends or family who were emotionally involved.

 

[funguy2121]

Now before you go all "evil wannabe-manly guy" on me, please listen:

I understand that being sad about dead people has its right to exist, as you can never see someone again you maybe liked or loved. It's just there to relieve the stress of bearing with that.
Still, that begs the question:

Except for you(and people you're crying with) maybe feeling better, does it make any sense? It surely does not reverse the situation or anything like that, sometimes I even feel like it's really stupid to do that, because the dead person surely wouldn't want you to be sad, so why the hell do we do this?
Why do we almost mandate that people must be sad when someone dies? And yes, it's also a cultural thing to a point. If I am not crying at a funeral(which doesn't mean I didn't love them) then everybody calls me out for that and calls me heartless and the like. Why do we continue this trend in culture? Your parents almost teach you that you have to be sad, and case in point, it would also be sad for people without that, yes, but not that sad. It's just like getting angry at certain things, it's also a part of the education how strong you react to something, so why do we make it worse than it actually would be?

What can I say? The internet is for children too.

Why are you asking Escapists and not neurologists, psychologists and endocrinologists why people cry? Why are you describing it as though it is a decision?

 

[WilliamRLBaker]

Of curse crying doesn't change things...but neither does being happy, or angry.
all emotional states concerning death change much of nothing about that death reversing it and the like..so you cant just cme up with crying is pointless since its all pointless...and once you start going down that path then life and deaht, and doing anything is pointless...

 

[KarmaTheAlligator]

I don't cry because I know they wouldn't want to be remembered as a source of sadness. Remember the good times as well, not just the bad ones.

 

[Alanj95]

It is useless when you don't factor in emotion.

 

[psychodynamica]

Sorry, when did a reaction have to be a solution. If you don't cry at the one point in your life where it WILL help, that is you being an idiot for whatever reason, wither that or you don't give a crap. Personally if someone takes something away from me i'm sad, but if something takes someONE away from me i am shattered. If you are sat looking for a point so you can justify not displaying an emotion that us as human beings are supposed to feel, that is a flaw within you not the rest of us.