Poll: No children: a turn-off?
- Thread starter Jonluw
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That's actually part of what brought me and my GF worked out. Neither of us want kids (with the possible exception of adoption in many decades) and it has only brought us closer together. I dislike children and so does she.
While I respect the choices of someone else, I would view someone who has chosen to never have children as someone with whom I could never have a meaningful relationship.
If you have decided, on a personal level, that your genes are not worth passing on, then that's up to you. I've already decided that mine are, most definitely, worth preserving. Enjoy your evolutionary obsolescence. My progeny shall create a new era.
Also, your vagina is gross to me now.
If you have decided, on a personal level, that your genes are not worth passing on, then that's up to you. I've already decided that mine are, most definitely, worth preserving. Enjoy your evolutionary obsolescence. My progeny shall create a new era.
Also, your vagina is gross to me now.
Speaking from personal experience, this would not deter me from my decision of pursuing a relationship. I don't want kids now (being only 24) but I might later. That being said, I did date someone for two years who absolutely did not want kids at the time. With me being intelligent, I knew women change their minds and feelings towards certain topics on a regular basis, so I knew her perspective of bearing children would change as well. Just as I knew would happen, almost two years later she stops taking her birth control, starts bugging me with baby questions, and persists that I hop on board with the idea of starting a family. The relationship fizzled off and we ended up going our separate ways - last I heard she has three kids with two different fathers and is living in complete misery.
Now an important message to the boys and men of The Escapist (though this is primarily directed towards the inexperienced boys and ignorant men here). If you believe a female under the age of 30 is going to keep her current perspectives, then you are a fool. Brace yourself and just expect that she is going to change because it will happen. There is nothing wrong with this, but it amazes me how my friends can be caught off guard when this event unfolds and their girlfriend/wife suddenly changes.
Now an important message to the boys and men of The Escapist (though this is primarily directed towards the inexperienced boys and ignorant men here). If you believe a female under the age of 30 is going to keep her current perspectives, then you are a fool. Brace yourself and just expect that she is going to change because it will happen. There is nothing wrong with this, but it amazes me how my friends can be caught off guard when this event unfolds and their girlfriend/wife suddenly changes.
The poll is a little unclear. I mean, yes, it would affect my desire to be in relationship with them, in that I'd like them a little more - so I think by your poll, I should've voted 'no.' But in response to the question itself, it'd be 'yes.' Anyway, moving on.
I'm 17 years old, and have so far never wanted to have children. I do have some vague plans for a career, and having children doesn't really fit into those vague plans. Furthermore, I firmly believe that I'd be a terrible mother. At this age, having kids isn't really the first thing I discuss with a boyfriend, but I've actually talked about it with my current boyfriend, who does want to have kids at some stage. The thing that I found interesting was that he's also talked about moving out together and being together through university.
So I think he's either resigned to breaking up with me after uni and going to find a woman who wants to bear his offspring, or he's expecting me to change my mind. I don't know. I still need to get over the whole 'I'd be a terrible mother' thing, after all.
I'm 17 years old, and have so far never wanted to have children. I do have some vague plans for a career, and having children doesn't really fit into those vague plans. Furthermore, I firmly believe that I'd be a terrible mother. At this age, having kids isn't really the first thing I discuss with a boyfriend, but I've actually talked about it with my current boyfriend, who does want to have kids at some stage. The thing that I found interesting was that he's also talked about moving out together and being together through university.
So I think he's either resigned to breaking up with me after uni and going to find a woman who wants to bear his offspring, or he's expecting me to change my mind. I don't know. I still need to get over the whole 'I'd be a terrible mother' thing, after all.
You could always be devious....poking certain holes in certain protective wear, I mean theyre only 99% effective right.
But I dont really care, fuck children. I had to raise my baby bros and Im done.
If she wants them fine but Ill make sure she knows the responsibilities, the time you give and no real payoffs other than a creature that loves you.
But I dont really care, fuck children. I had to raise my baby bros and Im done.
If she wants them fine but Ill make sure she knows the responsibilities, the time you give and no real payoffs other than a creature that loves you.
The only way I could have kids with my partner is adopt, since I'm gay and I don't really like kids all that much. So no, it wouldn't bother me at all. In fact, it would probably make me like him more.
Nah, wouldn't bother me at all if we were just about to start dating. But I would like a son so that I may raise him to be a badass gunslinger like myself, so that we may bring a hailstorm of bullets down onto our foes and hear their cries of agony as they writhe in pain until they bleed a slow and painful death...
Sorry, got a bit carried away. But I would like a son to raise as a better person than I am. Maybe he'd get my dad's green eyes, too.
Sorry, got a bit carried away. But I would like a son to raise as a better person than I am. Maybe he'd get my dad's green eyes, too.
In my opinion that`s extremely stupid. I might get a warn or something but that`s just how i feel.Zorak the Mantis said:I know plenty of couples who can reproduce yet they choose to adopt purely because of the fact that there are so many children who are unwanted.saruman31 said:But it would be YOUR watermelon. No adopted child can ever replace that. And i can`t imagine a couple capable of making kids who would adopt instead.Mallefunction said:I like the idea of adopting in the future, but no WAY am I having my own children. I've been subjected to the 'lovely' sight of birth before. There is nothing magical about pushing a watermelon out of my vagina. 'Sides, so many unwanted kids in the world
Anyway, it would be a bit awkward if the man I wanted to be with wanted kids of our own, but hopefully they would be the kind of person that can accept the fact that I personally would rather adopt.
As for me, I don't care. I'm definitely not interested in having children ANY time soon. If and when I get to that point in my life I think adoption would definitely be something I would consider. I would much rather bring hope to a child who is already alive than one who has yet to be conceived.
I'd probably be fine with it as I'm not planning on having children. If it was the reverse and he really wanted to have children some day then that would definately sway me. It wasn't the reason my ex and I broke up but it was a bit of a sticking point between us (basically whenever he vaguely mentioned he'd like to have kids some day I'd freak the hell out lol). I would prefer a guy who wouldn't mind either way.
I get what what you mean, we are all entitled to our own opinions. I can't expect everyone to agree with my viewpoint on the subject.saruman31 said:
Do not want (children). They tend to annoy me. I'm still reeling in shock that a friend's children aren't *completely* rotten little monsters. I don't know how to raise them, I need to sort myself out first or I won't be able to raise them, and I grew up around evil little s***s so until recently that was all I knew, children-wise, so it will take me time to come to grips with the fact that it's not all of them who are like that.
Eh.....I'm not opposed to having kids but I have no real desire to have them either. If a woman either doesn't want or can't have kids, I'd have zero issues with that. At least right now....obviously minds can change and regrets can be had but my brother has kids to I guess the lineage will continue....even if it is the crappy part of our lineage....so I don't feel like I have to reproduce.
Having been a child of divorced parents (in which my father remarried) I can say that this event may have colored my view. I grew up between households, my father and stepmother's during school days and my mother's on vacation times. At least when my mother had "time" for me, otherwise I was pawned off on one set of grandparents or the other. The only times I spent with my "mom" was when she seemed to be trying to buy me off by taking me to cheap knockoff themeparks/water parks or downing on my father for re-marrying. In contrast both my father and step-mother NEVER downed on my mother. In fact they only answered questions I had honestly much later in life when I was an adult about her.Jonluw said:
My stepmother cared for me like I was her own kid, came to every one of my little league games, tried different ways of helping me cope with certain issues in my life and most of all supported me in anything I did, even if she was giving me harsh but constructive criticism. All in all, my stepmother went out of her way to love me, care for me and take me in as her own kid whereas my biological mother wanted little to do with me except cause problem for my father and have the right to call me her son without taking responsibility. My father had full custody and my mother NEVER paid a dime in child support.
So in essence, I am now 31 and engaged to a woman who has a child of her own who I care for as if she were my own thanks to the example led by my stepmother. I guess I'm saying it doesn't matter if a woman has kids of her own that aren't mine, I'd love them anyway because all children deserve that, and most children of divorced/broken families have an issue with one parent being crappy and the other struggling to do their best to raise the kid/kids by themselves.
I don't down on anyone who doesn't want to be with someone with kids who aren't theirs but really IMO it shouldn't matter. Kids are wonderful, whether they're ours biologically or not, and we have an effect on how they grow/learn.
What I don't understand about people not wanting "children" is the very short-term view they always seem to take.
Granted, it can't be much fun for the first few years or so, and maybe then even from 10-18 could be **** or demanding but worth it depending on how you feel but... how cool (and useful) would it be to have "children" that were in their 20s... 30s... 40s?
Then potentially a whole army of children and grandchildren as you sit around at 85, feeling oddly satisfied with yourself and your (hopefully) cohort of new people left to continue your important life's work after your gone. And SHOW EVERYBODY *shakes fist*. It can be hard to truly show everybody in one lifetime, I bet. Think of all the enemies one might accrue over the decades and the myriad ways of showing them that might be necessary.
Granted, I would ****ing bawk at the idea right now but I'm only 23 and under-experienced in life even for that. But I don't think it makes sense to think of "children" literally only as mere children, especially when that's only true for a few short years and then things are very different.
But oh well, I suppose most western countries are overpopulated anyhow so I really shouldn't be dissuading people =O
EDIT:
Another thing to consider... people have mentioned their dislike of children.
I might suggest the possibility... as merely something to consider as a thought experiment... that disliking other people's children and finding other people's children annoying is not necessarily relevant when we are talking about children, yes, but your children which is a very important distinction.
If you've never liked a single child you've ever encountered then that may be but... why wouldn't other people's children be annoying? They're nothing to you. They've no real potential to benefit you, but some potential to malefit (that must be a word) you. So it's perhaps only natural to feel that way. But YOUR children may be a very different thing altogether, in that they are children which is in common with the others but that's possibly not the most important factor here.
Granted, it can't be much fun for the first few years or so, and maybe then even from 10-18 could be **** or demanding but worth it depending on how you feel but... how cool (and useful) would it be to have "children" that were in their 20s... 30s... 40s?
Then potentially a whole army of children and grandchildren as you sit around at 85, feeling oddly satisfied with yourself and your (hopefully) cohort of new people left to continue your important life's work after your gone. And SHOW EVERYBODY *shakes fist*. It can be hard to truly show everybody in one lifetime, I bet. Think of all the enemies one might accrue over the decades and the myriad ways of showing them that might be necessary.
Granted, I would ****ing bawk at the idea right now but I'm only 23 and under-experienced in life even for that. But I don't think it makes sense to think of "children" literally only as mere children, especially when that's only true for a few short years and then things are very different.
But oh well, I suppose most western countries are overpopulated anyhow so I really shouldn't be dissuading people =O
EDIT:
Another thing to consider... people have mentioned their dislike of children.
I might suggest the possibility... as merely something to consider as a thought experiment... that disliking other people's children and finding other people's children annoying is not necessarily relevant when we are talking about children, yes, but your children which is a very important distinction.
If you've never liked a single child you've ever encountered then that may be but... why wouldn't other people's children be annoying? They're nothing to you. They've no real potential to benefit you, but some potential to malefit (that must be a word) you. So it's perhaps only natural to feel that way. But YOUR children may be a very different thing altogether, in that they are children which is in common with the others but that's possibly not the most important factor here.
Ok, kinda amazed that I am the first person to pick up on this... the OP specificly and clearly states that you have already established that this hypothetical partner IS NOT "the one".
Why would their attitude to children have any bearing on what you have already decided is gonna be a short term relationship, unless you are planning on getting them pregnant/getting pregnant by them, then dumping them.
This discussion only becomes reasonable and responsible if the context is changed to "you have just decided that this person could well be "the one", when they tell you that they never want kids..."
Why would their attitude to children have any bearing on what you have already decided is gonna be a short term relationship, unless you are planning on getting them pregnant/getting pregnant by them, then dumping them.
This discussion only becomes reasonable and responsible if the context is changed to "you have just decided that this person could well be "the one", when they tell you that they never want kids..."