Poll: Screwing with telemarketers

[Lukeje]

The obvious is of course to answer every question with `Why?'.

...answering the question with a question always works.

 

[Canid117]

Try and sell them something.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

When no one's around, I usually just hang up.

But once, when no one was home, a telemarketer called and I pretended I was a male stripper company, and I got teh lolz.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I would occasionally start the conversation very normally, acting like I was interested in their services, and then let out a long, drawn out scream, followed by as much bellowing of "MY ASS IS ON FIRE" as it would take for them to hang up.

Also, doing celebrity impressions is awesome. I did a Yoda that was so good I almost peed myself trying not to laugh.

Another one is just screaming "WHAT?" every couple of seconds.

Not to mention that time I beatboxed until they gave up or the time I acted like i was trying to buy pot from them or the time I said that I would buy their product if they SANG the sales pitch to me...

But the best was when I answered it loudly crying and told them I'd buy their product if they could convince my wife not to leave me. I then handed my phone to my girlfriend who ad-libbed something great about how I farted too much in bed and the time she caught me touching myself while watching Harry Potter...

You win teh Interwebz.

I mean, Harry Potter man? Your girlfriend is a genius.

 

[omega 616]

Never fucked with them myself, but I always find it funny when people do:

Why did he want Diane to listen to it? What would she have said "I think we better not ring him again" or "lets raise his phone bill by £3 a month".

I get alot of machines calling me, about 5 or 6 a day, luckily my home phone can be put on silent.

I have done it while living somewhere else, they wanted to know if I want a brand new mobile phone, I basically ended up sending it to somebody in Manchester, they provided the address and everything, I just made up a name. I only remember 'cos it's not like me.

 

[NotYetForsaken]

My psychiatrist knows that. =] I'm sick, but it's not threatening to society. Hehe, I love deriving amusement from other people.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

I believe Calvin and Hobbes can weigh in on this situation:

I mean, it's not a telemarketer, but still.

 

[olendvcook]

M: What? No, it's 1949! Are you from the future or something?

WW2 ended in 1945

 

[Arcticflame]

I live in australia, so it's common for them to say "How good was that rugby/cricket/AFL score eh?", despite them being quite clearly from india.

Really? I've never had that before, though I've had some with really thick accents try to convince me they're living in Australia. Then I ask what the weather's like or something.

I'll admit it hasn't been recent that they've done that. But It was common for them to do it about 5 years ago.

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

No home phone. But, I was present at a friend's house when one called. Heavy breathing down the phone is simple but effective.

 

[Michael Logan]

telemarketer: Hi am I talking to "x"?
You: No
telemarketer: am I talking to "y"?
You: No
telemarketer: Who am I talking to then?
You: Secret.

 

[thylasos]

They already hate their jobs, as a rule. I'm not rude to them; they don't need that.

I just make it clear that I'm not interested and politely end the call.

 

[Thyunda]

I have to put this in all caps just so the 'tard who do this will see it.

I USED TO DO TELEMARKETING TO FEED MY FAMILY OR THEY WOULD STARVE IN THE PAST. I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF THAT JOB AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE DO WHO DO WORKED THERE. I QUIT AS SOON AS I COULD AND WHILE YOU PUT UP WITH A PHONE CALL TO MESS WITH THEM, YOU AT MOST WASTED FIVE MINUTES. TRY BEING THEM FOR EIGHT HOURS DEALING WITH SHITHEADS WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO BUT MAKE YOUR JOB HARDER.

I'm not saying hear them out, I hardly ever do but please understand that they are doing something that most of you probably aren't doing (I am not saying ALL, just those assholes who think this crap is funny.) and that is working instead of leeching money from their parents. Way to make them proud, now grow the hell up.

Son, I worked door-to-door sales. At least with a telemarketing job you can just hang up the phone. Ain't no telemarketer had a dog set on them, now, have they?

This isn't a dick size competition. It doesn't matter if my job was worst than yours or yours worse than mine. They both sucked and since my fiance is happy with my size, you can claim victory on this stupid debate. However like I said, they both sucked and it really isn't about who had it worst.

Nah, I only got half a point across 'cause I forgot what my other half was. I do indeed fuck with telemarketers, just like I fuck with Jehovah's Witnesses at the door. It is fun to mess with them. I don't get aggressive, I don't try to upset them, but I do like to have a laugh at their expense. If there's one thing I learned from canvassing, it was that if you step on their territory, they're entitled to do whatever they please.

 

[Paraprax]

I have to put this in all caps just so the 'tard who do this will see it.

I USED TO DO TELEMARKETING TO FEED MY FAMILY OR THEY WOULD STARVE IN THE PAST. I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF THAT JOB AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE DO WHO DO WORKED THERE. I QUIT AS SOON AS I COULD AND WHILE YOU PUT UP WITH A PHONE CALL TO MESS WITH THEM, YOU AT MOST WASTED FIVE MINUTES. TRY BEING THEM FOR EIGHT HOURS DEALING WITH SHITHEADS WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO BUT MAKE YOUR JOB HARDER.

I'm not saying hear them out, I hardly ever do but please understand that they are doing something that most of you probably aren't doing (I am not saying ALL, just those assholes who think this crap is funny.) and that is working instead of leeching money from their parents. Way to make them proud, now grow the hell up.

I agree with this person, even though I've never been a telemarketer. Some people have worse jobs than others and I can see how calling up dissinterested people for 8 hours using the same lines over and over would be pretty soul sucking. Then to get some juvenile idiot mess around with you whilst you're trying to pay your way? Fuck that.

It's as bad as the fucking kids who used to throw stuff at buses like eggs or in my area, iron bars, thinking it's a jolly good laugh to make a mess of someones day.

How difficult is it to not pick up when you see a number that you don't recognize? Or better yet, tell everyone you actually want to be able to contact you to only use your mobile, and ignore the landline completely?

Actually, I believe telemarketers are paid on a per-call basis, even if they don't actually sell anything. I also think their pay depends on how long they keep you on the line. So wouldn't it be better for them if someone did do all these pranks than not answer the phone at all? I mean, at least that way they are getting paid.

I used to work in telemarketing, I actually dropped out of it because it broke my spirit. No, I was not paid on a per-call basis. No the pay didn't depend on how long we kept people on the line. No it would not be better. Only thing in this business that pays at most telemarketing companies is the sale, some jobs have an hourly wage, but it's not uncommon for these things to go with 100% sales-based salary. Ie, no sales, no salary, no food.

I used to think it was a fun thing, and I still get a guilty laugh out of it when I come across a professional stand-up or the likes doing a routine on it. But honestly, I just get depressed on their behalf when I get calls these days.

Don't get me wrong, there are assholes working in the business as well, like someone asked why the TMer asked a co-worker to listen to the call with the guy screaming at him. Most likely it was so they could talk shit about you, some people deal with it that way. I couldn't deal with it personally so left that behind me. Now I'm stuck in unemployment, but at least I sleep well. Most people working as telemarketers, from my experience, do so because they've not been able to get other jobs and need some way to feed themselves and plausibly their family.

 

[WolfThomas]

If it's an interview I'll do it depending on length and if I'm busy. If they're trying to sell me something I just deny living at the house/property or knowing the owner. Which makes them really confused and they leave me alone.

Actually I eventually gave up on having a plugged in phone, because the only people who'd call were telemarketers. My friends message or emailed me, my parents called my mobile phone etc. Now I live at a hall of residence style thing, so I don't have a phone.

 

[FalloutJack]

This is a fun topic.

I'm an old master at these sorts of things. Unfortunately...I think I've also been black-listed by all telemarketing groups so I don't get called anymore. But...

There was the time I was on the can and I started talking at them (not TO them, mind you) like Joe Pesci.

There was the one where I kept interrupting every five seconds.

There was the time I impersonated my dad and gave them the rough voice lecture on things.

There was the time I said I'd be right back and then left the phone...for hours...in the basement.

There are the simple hang-ups, of course, when I'm not in the mood.

And of course, the time when I made use of a British accent to lead the caller on a merry way of dialogue of silly behavior until hanging up.

 

[Kermi]

I just hang up, or say I'm not interested and then hang up. The only time I've "messed with" a telemarketer was one time when the guy literally opened the call with "We want to give you a free camera phone!".
I paused.
"What do I have to do?"
"Nothing sir, it is completely free."
"What's the catch?"
"There is no catch."
"Ok, send me the phone."
"Ok, all you have to do is sign up for..."
"Stop. Free phone: send it."
"Yes sir, but first you must..."
"No, I must nothing. Any requirement imposed on me prior to my receipt of a free camera phone is by definition a condition of the agreement - a.k.a., 'the catch'."
*long pause*
*TM hangs up*


I agree most telemarketers probably hate what they do and have to put food on the table somehow, but don't think you can play that card to get out of jail free. Your job is annoying and nobody likes you. You accept that as terms of the social contract between yourself and the rest of society when you take the job.
People rip on lawyers and politicians too. You think they're saying "I gotta earn a living somehow!"? Maybe, but only ironically, because they're too busy driving their Mercedes-Benzes or Porsches to the big pile of money they sleep on at night to care what you think. Just because telemarketing pay is shit doesn't make you any more entitled to be free of the social stigma generated by your day job.

 

[Michael Dagastino]

I normally don't get called by them, for we are on the no call list, but when we do, we give em hell. Wish i had an example. I am normally the polite one. I just say, sorry not interested, bye.

I just cant stand to be mean (my RPG's that i play will tell you that). I wonder what'd happen if one called when i was pissed . . .

 

[thiosk]

I think I win.

The internets will be the judge of that. NOT you.

 

[Eumersian]

I wish. I've only come across one telemarketer, and they weren't really a telemarketer so much as a "reminder". I thought it was funny at the time, but when I realized who it was, I felt ashamed.