From my observation of people in general, I always thought that beyond a certain age, virginity is a taint. A sign of failure to meet social standards.
Personally, I'd have people do what they wanted provided they're beyond the age of consent, but I don't decide what is socially right or wrong, the majority do, and they appear to say that virginity is a mark of shame, and as they are the majority, it is so.
I insist on getting any new romantic/sexual partners screened for STDs/STIs before we sleep together, so the STD thing is a non-issue for me.
Personally, I'm not too fussed whether my partner is a virgin or not. As a few other people have said in this thread, when you sleep with someone for the first time, it's basically a clean slate anyway. It's bound to be slightly awkward/uncomfortable the first time around because it's unfamiliar territory.
I'd prefer my first night with my partner didn't end in blood, particularly because I'm the only one who should have a hymen, and it's already been broken.. so I'd like to know where the blood was coming from, please.
I would think the risks involved in waiting until marriage would be that you could have completely different sex drives, thus risking the makings for a crappy marriage. If you have someone with a high sex drive and someone with a low sex drive, it causes resentment in the relationship and results in an unfulfilling marriage. However, if you have people with compatible sex drives and you determine this prior to considering marriage, they are more likely to be satisfied with their sexual partner and it is less risky for the resentment build up that exists in sexually disfunctional relationships.
Ok, but I don't see how that is something that cant be solved by talking. I mean, even if you haven't had sex, you should be able to tell what your own sex drive is. Then again, may we can only because ours are SO low. Or maybe they aren't low, and are just being insanely well controlled, because both of use believe that "sex is only for children", and would only have sex in such situations.
Say you have sex with her the first time, you think it is the greatest thing ever and want to do it again and again, and she decides then she doesn't like it and she never wants to do it again? Since you have agreed to "until death do us part" you're stuck with celebacy for life! LOL
I didn't marry her to have sex. I married her....well, I guess will be marrying her (after I am done with college) because she is my friend, I enjoy spending time with her, and I want to have a family with her. Sex does not even enter that code. Its completely secondary, and If I am unsatisfied, so be it. But I will never cheat on her just because she isn't giving me enough. Because I already hate those kind of people.
Abomination said:
Rumpy-bumpy should be fun, not a chore. You don't buy a car before you take it for a test drive.
Ok, I'm sorry, but I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive. I'm not getting a car, I am picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So what if this one thing doesn't add up. If everything else does, it shouldn't matter.
ps: Its also worth mentioning that out of the two cars I have ever owned, I test drove neither. I could tell what I needed to know by looking at it. And anything that needed fixing, I was willing to fix, unless it was already too far gone. To compare this to the analogy of a woman being a car, this would mean if we get along and there are some problems, I would point them out and try to fix them together, and if we just cant get along, then the problem is already too large and I wouldn't bother.
?You can only have sex with me, and we?re not going to have sex!? can be a bit of a deal breaker.
Is it? Mister, you don't know my girlfriend. She gets VIOLENT toward cheaters. To the point she threatened her STEP DAD at one point!(her mom and him have since divorced). She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running. And she has already said that if I ever cheat on her, she is going to come after me with her katana and a black Cadillac possessed by Satan[footnote]If you don't get that last one, listen to this song. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVEBZLrjpw4][/footnote], so I already know that she would get angry enough to make the Devil envious.
Oh, it's much worse than that. Every place that's worth sticking it is a bacteria or fungal infested cesspit. I don't care how clean you think you are, your body/personal petri dish is already host to billions of other organisms, with some of the absolute highest concentrations in the deepest, darkest pits of the living donuts that constitute your digestive/waste tracts. Just remember, your ass, your pussy, your mouth, aren't really the insides of your body. They're on the outside, and the things that live out there are waiting around to eat whatever you eat, including flesh. Have you ever moved sheet plastic that's been sitting outside in the damp shade for a few months and watched all the worms, bugs and beetles squirm around? Sex organs are a lot like that, only with built-in incubators and a lot more human shit, piss and spit.
She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running.
I will admit, I try to be accepting of people's fetishes, but the virginity-fetishisation is a bit too much for me. I don't mind it when it's like, a preference or something that turns them on, but I've seen some ungodly creepy descriptions of people who've fantasised over every little detail. That's what creeps me out.
Also, fuck virgin-shaming. And virgin-prizing. And fuck slut-shaming, too, since I'm at it. Virginity is no big deal. It's just something you are, and then you're not. Nothing changes. It doesn't matter at all.
The only person's virginity you should ever concern over is your own. If you want the loss of it to be a special moment shared with a person you are absolutely sure you want to have it. Great! If you don't want to believe that it is overly important, and simply want to get on with your life doing whatever acts of fornication you want. Equally great! I think the value placed on the virginity of someone aside from yourself does nothing but weigh people down with a mountain of poor social implications.
On one hand, it can be a form of slut shaming. It's used to degrade people who choose to engage in an active sex-life by implying that they are no longer 'pure' because of it, that you are disgusting or unclean. It's used to look down on a person because they didn't save their first time for 'you', and that not saving it for 'you' is a failure on their part. It's incredibly arrogant.
These implications can also be carried over into cases of sexual abuse. Someone brought to believe they must keep their virginity to be 'worthy' of certain partners can find it being a reason why they let cases of sexual abuse go unreported. They wouldn't want anyone to know they were violated, and therefore no longer 'innocent'.
And on the opposite side. It can also be seen as a mark of failure when you do keep your virginity. As if the decision to not have sex is a failure on your part. That you absolutely need to dedicate a portion of your time to sexual pursuits, regardless of how much it actually means to you. That not having sex is proof of being undesirable. This can even go so far as to add pressure to give in to the advances of someone even if they are not sure they want to have sex.
Decide how important your own virginity is to you, not the virginity of anyone else.
The entire idea behind the whole "virginity=purity" thing goes back to when women were treated as objects, and sold as possessions. The men of that time could be very picky about what they wanted, all that horrible shit. It still sticks to this day because we humans are pretty damn horrible to each other, even to this day.
Sabitsuki said:
The only person's virginity you should ever concern over is your own. If you want the loss of it to be a special moment shared with a person you are absolutely sure you want to have it. Great! If you don't want to believe that it is overly important, and simply want to get on with your life doing whatever acts of fornication you want. Equally great! I think the value placed on the virginity of someone aside from yourself does nothing but weigh people down with a mountain of poor social implications.
On one hand, it can be a form of slut shaming. It's used to degrade people who choose to engage in an active sex-life by implying that they are no longer 'pure' because of it, that you are disgusting or unclean. It's used to look down on a person because they didn't save their first time for 'you', and that not saving it for 'you' is a failure on their part. It's incredibly arrogant.
These implications can also be carried over into cases of sexual abuse. Someone brought to believe they must keep their virginity to be 'worthy' of certain partners can find it being a reason why they let cases of sexual abuse go unreported. They wouldn't want anyone to know they were violated, and therefore no longer 'innocent'.
And on the opposite side. It can also be seen as a mark of failure when you do keep your virginity. As if the decision to not have sex is a failure on your part. That you absolutely need to dedicate a portion of your time to sexual pursuits, regardless of how much it actually means to you. That not having sex is proof of being undesirable. This can even go so far as to add pressure to give in to the advances of someone even if they are not sure they want to have sex.
Decide how important your own virginity is to you, not the virginity of anyone else.
I think you're from an alternate universe. As far as I've been told by society, if you're a virgin, you're a hopeless loser who obviously can never be loved, and not having sex is something to be ashamed of.
To those who say get tested even if you're a virgin (which I am): If I do and I happen to be the carrier of something nasty, would I have to die, become a eunuch out of fear of infecting someone or get castrated to ensure I never penetrate an orifice?
*topic* I don't really care much about other peoples' virginity. Although it would be a bit stressing if I were to bone someone who has been as thoroughly run through as a well-known hardcore pornstar, I think it would be even worse were I to bone a virgin female (at my age? Such a notion would be preposterous), as I'm basically introducing her to the world of sex.
captcha: mumbo jumbo. Describes my post perfectly.
To those who say get tested even if you're a virgin (which I am): If I do and I happen to be the carrier of something nasty, would I have to die, become a eunuch out of fear of infecting someone or get castrated to ensure I never penetrate an orifice?
*topic* I don't really care much about other peoples' virginity. Although it would be a bit stressing if I were to bone someone who has been as thoroughly run through as a well-known hardcore pornstar, I think it would be even worse were I to bone a virgin female (at my age? Such a notion would be preposterous), as I'm basically introducing her to the world of sex.
captcha: mumbo jumbo. Describes my post perfectly.
Of course not!!! The most important factor in getting tested is early treatment. I am not going to attempt to powder puff it and make it out to be a great thing if you do test positive for something that is not easily treated, but it increases your chances for a better life the earlier one starts treatment. Also the idea that you somehow have to give up sex and life simply because you have an illness is also false. Many people live happy fulfilling lives and take proper precautions to protect those they care about. Yes, it does carry responsibility, and certainly would be a life changer, but there are also a great many support groups in existence now so that you would not have to do this alone. There are people to help you through. There are even STI specific dating groups where they only date people who have already been exposed so they do not have to worry about causing harm to another. I am not going to tip toe around it and make it out to be better than it is, but that does not mean your "life is over" if you should test positive. You can still have a happy and good life regardless of the challenges that are thrown your way.
Which is wierd because her reaction to just about everything is "I don't care. Do what you want." Seriously, I try to ask where she want to go for lunch and her reaction is "I dont care. Anywhere is fine." In fact cheating is the only thing she gets really judge-y on. Oh sure, SHE may be picky and say "You should wait until you are married to have sex." she will let you do what you want (Though she will still say that the reason marriage is collapsing because guys can't keep it in their pants, and that one of the reasons she loves me is BECAUSE I don't want sex with her). I think the reason she gets so mad is because she has seen cheating destroy her family time and time again. Her real dad divorced her mom (who married him when she was 16 and had her first child that same year. He was a soldier if that means anything). She then went through 4 stepdads, who all cheated on her mom, and now her mom has sworn off men. I was around when the final guy was there. Even after her mom forgave him, he STILL cheated on her (hence her "Men can't keep it in thier pants!" opinion). She was PISSED over that, to the point she didn't even want to see ME for afew days. And I want lying when I said she threatened her own stepdad. Her mom still likes me though because she knows I am a good kid and would hurt her like that.
If it means anything, she always says how the 1900-1920 and 1940-1950 are her favorite time periods.
Ok, I'm sorry, but I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive. I'm not getting a car, I am picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So what if this one thing doesn't add up. If everything else does, it shouldn't matter.
The rest of your life. That is why EVERYTHING should matter. Everything should be measured. Everything should be tested. Sex is such a fundamental part of romantic relationships and the risk you take of having differing sex drives can lead to years of disappointment or unwelcome pressure.
ps: Its also worth mentioning that out of the two cars I have ever owned, I test drove neither. I could tell what I needed to know by looking at it. And anything that needed fixing, I was willing to fix, unless it was already too far gone. To compare this to the analogy of a woman being a car, this would mean if we get along and there are some problems, I would point them out and try to fix them together, and if we just cant get along, then the problem is already too large and I wouldn't bother.
Yes but this is FOR LIFE. If there's a problem and it's already to far gone what's the resolution? Divorce? Fixing a relationships isn't like fixing a car.
I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive
Is it? Mister, you don't know my girlfriend. She gets VIOLENT toward cheaters. To the point she threatened her STEP DAD at one point!(her mom and him have since divorced). She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running. And she has already said that if I ever cheat on her, she is going to come after me with her katana and a black Cadillac possessed by Satan[footnote]If you don't get that last one, listen to this song. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVEBZLrjpw4][/footnote], so I already know that she would get angry enough to make the Devil envious.
Your girlfriend sounds like a fucking psycho. If a man doesn't feel sexually fulfilled it's entirely his fault? If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
Well I don't have much experience in the "Love" department.
Ugh ... I'm so alone.
Putting my depressing out of the window I have to say that I would like a virgin.
Not just because I'm Christian (I'm on the border of doing when your married and that stuff) but putting my religion aside I would really prefer it if I have a lover who is a first timer like me.
Then it would be "Learning together" you could say.
It would feel less awkward I guess.
But I just would prefer that the person who I am going to spend my life with is the same as me (A virgin.)
I know its damn selfish but I can't help that I'm human. (With an Archangel complex)
THOUGH I should sort out the first problem. "Finding a girlfriend" HAH~
[sub][sub]I can't believe I'm laughing at myself/[/sub][/sub]
But yeah, I value innocence/purity/virginity.
Ok, I'm sorry, but I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive. I'm not getting a car, I am picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So what if this one thing doesn't add up. If everything else does, it shouldn't matter.
The rest of your life. That is why EVERYTHING should matter. Everything should be measured. Everything should be tested. Sex is such a fundamental part of romantic relationships and the risk you take of having differing sex drives can lead to years of disappointment or unwelcome pressure.
ps: Its also worth mentioning that out of the two cars I have ever owned, I test drove neither. I could tell what I needed to know by looking at it. And anything that needed fixing, I was willing to fix, unless it was already too far gone. To compare this to the analogy of a woman being a car, this would mean if we get along and there are some problems, I would point them out and try to fix them together, and if we just cant get along, then the problem is already too large and I wouldn't bother.
Yes but this is FOR LIFE. If there's a problem and it's already to far gone what's the resolution? Divorce? Fixing a relationships isn't like fixing a car.
I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive
Is it? Mister, you don't know my girlfriend. She gets VIOLENT toward cheaters. To the point she threatened her STEP DAD at one point!(her mom and him have since divorced). She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running. And she has already said that if I ever cheat on her, she is going to come after me with her katana and a black Cadillac possessed by Satan[footnote]If you don't get that last one, listen to this song. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVEBZLrjpw4][/footnote], so I already know that she would get angry enough to make the Devil envious.
Your girlfriend sounds like a fucking psycho. If a man doesn't feel sexually fulfilled it's entirely his fault? If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
I honestly thought you and I would never really agree on much, but in regards to this, She does sound scary from what he has stated here. But then again, the idea that someone can have a clue about sex without actually having it is so far off base it is not surprising to me that this happens. Honestly, from what I have read here on this, it sounds like a wedded recipe for disaster, but hey to each their own, live and let live. They can run off to a farm house like George and Augusta Gein and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad" and deal with the consequences of doing so themselves, or they can come to their senses later and wake up and realize "WTH was I thinking?" Either way, it isn't like someone warning them on the internet is really going to matter in the whole of it all.
Not mine. And if I tried to make it so, I would have a mark on the side of my face that looked like the back of her hand, and have her trust in me permenately damaged. Good thing Im not asking, huh?
HEY!!!! She may be a psycho, but she is MY psycho!
In all seriousness, she really isnt. Yes, she has a very dark side, but you will almost never see it. She is very shy, kind, and hates fighting. Its just this *one* issue that gets her so mad, and I outlined why that may be in the post above yours. Anything else, you will be fine and wouldnt no a thing about her darkness.
But if you say anything to the effect of "Cheating can be justified, even if only some times." or admit to cheating in front of her, then you will awaken 1,000,000,000 screaming demons from the 9th circle of Hell which will then proceed to give a verbal, and possibly physical unholy beatdown.
If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
Nah, only with the sword. I mean, a Katana is pretty easy to get, even here in Kansas. But where the hell is she going to get ahold of a black 1957 Cadillac El Dorado possessed by Satan. I mean, thats not exactly something they sell at the store down the street, and even if you found one could cost 100,000's of dollors. I mean, we are talking about a car that can drive itself and will repair itself if it got in a crash!
In all seriousness, the "woman who has [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yHGPmbu3QNk] been cheated on and [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rB7ONnfIjaI&feature=fvwrel] takes revenge against the cheater [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WaSy8yy-mr8]" is a common theme in Country music, because it happens enough in real life to be a thing. A good rule of thumb to remember is "Dont piss of women from the country" is what I am trying to say.
Already way ahead of you there. We both absolutely HATE the city, and the biggest town in our area is 50,000 people (which is skirting the edge of "Too Big" for us). In the actual towns we live in, hers is only about 2,000 people and the town I live in (5 minutes down the interstate) is so small its unincorperated, meaning it has no local government and our population is included in the nearest incorperated town. However, we cant have any more than 50 people here, its that small. Then if I get a job in Topeka like I am hoping (working for the government), I will live in one of the nearby small towns because 120,000 is WAY too big.
and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad"
1) Thanks for the use of rather inflammitory language there. Im sure that must mean everyone who says thier kids can have sex (you know, like, EVERYONE in my state) must be indoctrinating thier kids too, right? Because I would call that "good parenting."
2) False. I do not believe that sex is "dirty and bad." I believe it is "Beautiful and Good".........so much so, that it must be strictly rationed. And of course, the "beautiful and good" part only applies if it is with someone you care about and have been with for a long time and thus have a emotional connection to them. One night stands and the like? Now THATS "dirty and bad." But do what you want I guess.
like George and Augusta Gein and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad and deal with the consequences of doing so themselves,
Who? *One google search later* So let me get this straight. You are saying that by enforcing rules on our children that they will not have sex until they are married (rules, I might add, that can only be enforced until they turn 18, and then about all we can do is give them the evil eye) will cause them to become serial killers? Am I getting that right?
1) I am not in any way, shape, or form alcoholic (in fact, I dislike alcohol) and have a steady job that I can easily hold down.
2) She is not religious by any meaning, interpretaion, or twisting of the word unless we go by the most broad meaning possible. Although shes not athiest either, she believes in God.
3) We will be HAPPILY married, thank you very much!
4) She is not Misanderous. She doesnt hate men. Just men who cheat on their spouse. So do I.
5) Just because we wont have sex often, and the reason we are is because we are trying to have a child, that doesnt mean we wont enjoy it.
6) We are both still somewhat interested in sex. She is very much looking forward to her first time, and then after that I will too (just because the first time I will be too afraid I am hurting her). That doesnt change the fact that the only reason we would have sex is to have a child.
7) She would not condemn other women as sluts.......unless they were acting like one. And even then, most likely not (as she hates fighting and yelling)
8) The day we read the Bible to our kids as a bedtime story (especially fricking Old Testament!) is the day the sky burst into flames and Jesus Christ desends from on high to do battle with Satan while riding a T-rex. We will read them REAL kids books, like Dr. Seuss and such.
9) She is in no way some pure little flower. She curses like a sailor (a point of joking among my friends as I am not to fond of swearing), her mind easily drops to the gutter the second certain words (or numbers) are said, and does have a pervert side.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.392148-Female-student-sells-virginity-for-US-780-000?page=1
Some people obviously value virgins. Well, atleast value them enough to pay $780,000.
OT: Speaking from what i have heard as a 17+ male virgin, it always seems like a competition to see who can "get" the most; and girls who "give" are looked down upon.
Not my opinion, just going by what i hear.
In MY opinion, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody (physically, emotionally, etc) then it shouldn't matter what you do or whom you do it with. Life is short, and the time you available to have fun even shorter.
I don't think it's okay to value virginity in your dating life unless you're a virgin yourself, like I still am.
When I was younger I would've preferred to be going out with a virgin due to the idea of "purity" as well as the fact that I was one. Now that I'm turning 25 this year, I find myself not really caring as much (not to mention it's practically impossible to find someone who still happens to be one at around this age) but part of me would still prefer someone with relatively little experience as I simply have none to speak of. Also, I would love to end up with someone who doesn't make a big deal out of sex in the first place ("why don't we ever have sex I have needs you know if you don't sleep with me, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I'm going to cheat on you because you don't satisfy me blah blah blah blah blah") due to the fact that I don't consider it one of the more important issues in a relationship in the first place. If it happens, it happens. It's not something I believe in planning.
As I get older still, virginity becomes less and less of an issue to me and not long from now it will be a non-existent issue. That said, there is still the primal fear deep within my head that someone with experience will be intimidating in that way. What if I can't perform to their expectations? You know what I mean.
I don't think less of anyone who isn't a virgin though. But I do think less of people who sleep around in an irresponsible manner. As one guy said on the first page, safe sex matters more than virginity. And even then, there's no such thing. There is safeR sex, however.....
As for my virginity, I'm saving my first time for someone that matters, but it's not like I'm going to be like "hey this is my first time this is gonna be so cool". I may be socially awkward but I'm not that much of an idiot.
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