Ok, I'm sorry, but I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive. I'm not getting a car, I am picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So what if this one thing doesn't add up. If everything else does, it shouldn't matter.
The rest of your life. That is why EVERYTHING should matter. Everything should be measured. Everything should be tested. Sex is such a fundamental part of romantic relationships and the risk you take of having differing sex drives can lead to years of disappointment or unwelcome pressure.
ps: Its also worth mentioning that out of the two cars I have ever owned, I test drove neither. I could tell what I needed to know by looking at it. And anything that needed fixing, I was willing to fix, unless it was already too far gone. To compare this to the analogy of a woman being a car, this would mean if we get along and there are some problems, I would point them out and try to fix them together, and if we just cant get along, then the problem is already too large and I wouldn't bother.
Yes but this is FOR LIFE. If there's a problem and it's already to far gone what's the resolution? Divorce? Fixing a relationships isn't like fixing a car.
I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive
Is it? Mister, you don't know my girlfriend. She gets VIOLENT toward cheaters. To the point she threatened her STEP DAD at one point!(her mom and him have since divorced). She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running. And she has already said that if I ever cheat on her, she is going to come after me with her katana and a black Cadillac possessed by Satan[footnote]If you don't get that last one, listen to this song. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVEBZLrjpw4][/footnote], so I already know that she would get angry enough to make the Devil envious.
Your girlfriend sounds like a fucking psycho. If a man doesn't feel sexually fulfilled it's entirely his fault? If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
Well I don't have much experience in the "Love" department.
Ugh ... I'm so alone.
Putting my depressing out of the window I have to say that I would like a virgin.
Not just because I'm Christian (I'm on the border of doing when your married and that stuff) but putting my religion aside I would really prefer it if I have a lover who is a first timer like me.
Then it would be "Learning together" you could say.
It would feel less awkward I guess.
But I just would prefer that the person who I am going to spend my life with is the same as me (A virgin.)
I know its damn selfish but I can't help that I'm human. (With an Archangel complex)
THOUGH I should sort out the first problem. "Finding a girlfriend" HAH~
[sub][sub]I can't believe I'm laughing at myself/[/sub][/sub]
But yeah, I value innocence/purity/virginity.
Ok, I'm sorry, but I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive. I'm not getting a car, I am picking the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So what if this one thing doesn't add up. If everything else does, it shouldn't matter.
The rest of your life. That is why EVERYTHING should matter. Everything should be measured. Everything should be tested. Sex is such a fundamental part of romantic relationships and the risk you take of having differing sex drives can lead to years of disappointment or unwelcome pressure.
ps: Its also worth mentioning that out of the two cars I have ever owned, I test drove neither. I could tell what I needed to know by looking at it. And anything that needed fixing, I was willing to fix, unless it was already too far gone. To compare this to the analogy of a woman being a car, this would mean if we get along and there are some problems, I would point them out and try to fix them together, and if we just cant get along, then the problem is already too large and I wouldn't bother.
Yes but this is FOR LIFE. If there's a problem and it's already to far gone what's the resolution? Divorce? Fixing a relationships isn't like fixing a car.
I find that line of thinking to be over-the-top offensive
Is it? Mister, you don't know my girlfriend. She gets VIOLENT toward cheaters. To the point she threatened her STEP DAD at one point!(her mom and him have since divorced). She believes that the reason divorces are so high now a-days is because "Men cant keep it in their damn pants!!!" and if your excuse for cheating is "I'm not getting enough." Well..........Lets just say When her voice drops an octave, and she starts speaking in a southern accent, its time to start running. And she has already said that if I ever cheat on her, she is going to come after me with her katana and a black Cadillac possessed by Satan[footnote]If you don't get that last one, listen to this song. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVEBZLrjpw4][/footnote], so I already know that she would get angry enough to make the Devil envious.
Your girlfriend sounds like a fucking psycho. If a man doesn't feel sexually fulfilled it's entirely his fault? If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
I honestly thought you and I would never really agree on much, but in regards to this, She does sound scary from what he has stated here. But then again, the idea that someone can have a clue about sex without actually having it is so far off base it is not surprising to me that this happens. Honestly, from what I have read here on this, it sounds like a wedded recipe for disaster, but hey to each their own, live and let live. They can run off to a farm house like George and Augusta Gein and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad" and deal with the consequences of doing so themselves, or they can come to their senses later and wake up and realize "WTH was I thinking?" Either way, it isn't like someone warning them on the internet is really going to matter in the whole of it all.
Not mine. And if I tried to make it so, I would have a mark on the side of my face that looked like the back of her hand, and have her trust in me permenately damaged. Good thing Im not asking, huh?
HEY!!!! She may be a psycho, but she is MY psycho!
In all seriousness, she really isnt. Yes, she has a very dark side, but you will almost never see it. She is very shy, kind, and hates fighting. Its just this *one* issue that gets her so mad, and I outlined why that may be in the post above yours. Anything else, you will be fine and wouldnt no a thing about her darkness.
But if you say anything to the effect of "Cheating can be justified, even if only some times." or admit to cheating in front of her, then you will awaken 1,000,000,000 screaming demons from the 9th circle of Hell which will then proceed to give a verbal, and possibly physical unholy beatdown.
If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
Nah, only with the sword. I mean, a Katana is pretty easy to get, even here in Kansas. But where the hell is she going to get ahold of a black 1957 Cadillac El Dorado possessed by Satan. I mean, thats not exactly something they sell at the store down the street, and even if you found one could cost 100,000's of dollors. I mean, we are talking about a car that can drive itself and will repair itself if it got in a crash!
In all seriousness, the "woman who has [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yHGPmbu3QNk] been cheated on and [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rB7ONnfIjaI&feature=fvwrel] takes revenge against the cheater [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WaSy8yy-mr8]" is a common theme in Country music, because it happens enough in real life to be a thing. A good rule of thumb to remember is "Dont piss of women from the country" is what I am trying to say.
Already way ahead of you there. We both absolutely HATE the city, and the biggest town in our area is 50,000 people (which is skirting the edge of "Too Big" for us). In the actual towns we live in, hers is only about 2,000 people and the town I live in (5 minutes down the interstate) is so small its unincorperated, meaning it has no local government and our population is included in the nearest incorperated town. However, we cant have any more than 50 people here, its that small. Then if I get a job in Topeka like I am hoping (working for the government), I will live in one of the nearby small towns because 120,000 is WAY too big.
and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad"
1) Thanks for the use of rather inflammitory language there. Im sure that must mean everyone who says thier kids can have sex (you know, like, EVERYONE in my state) must be indoctrinating thier kids too, right? Because I would call that "good parenting."
2) False. I do not believe that sex is "dirty and bad." I believe it is "Beautiful and Good".........so much so, that it must be strictly rationed. And of course, the "beautiful and good" part only applies if it is with someone you care about and have been with for a long time and thus have a emotional connection to them. One night stands and the like? Now THATS "dirty and bad." But do what you want I guess.
like George and Augusta Gein and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad and deal with the consequences of doing so themselves,
Who? *One google search later* So let me get this straight. You are saying that by enforcing rules on our children that they will not have sex until they are married (rules, I might add, that can only be enforced until they turn 18, and then about all we can do is give them the evil eye) will cause them to become serial killers? Am I getting that right?
1) I am not in any way, shape, or form alcoholic (in fact, I dislike alcohol) and have a steady job that I can easily hold down.
2) She is not religious by any meaning, interpretaion, or twisting of the word unless we go by the most broad meaning possible. Although shes not athiest either, she believes in God.
3) We will be HAPPILY married, thank you very much!
4) She is not Misanderous. She doesnt hate men. Just men who cheat on their spouse. So do I.
5) Just because we wont have sex often, and the reason we are is because we are trying to have a child, that doesnt mean we wont enjoy it.
6) We are both still somewhat interested in sex. She is very much looking forward to her first time, and then after that I will too (just because the first time I will be too afraid I am hurting her). That doesnt change the fact that the only reason we would have sex is to have a child.
7) She would not condemn other women as sluts.......unless they were acting like one. And even then, most likely not (as she hates fighting and yelling)
8) The day we read the Bible to our kids as a bedtime story (especially fricking Old Testament!) is the day the sky burst into flames and Jesus Christ desends from on high to do battle with Satan while riding a T-rex. We will read them REAL kids books, like Dr. Seuss and such.
9) She is in no way some pure little flower. She curses like a sailor (a point of joking among my friends as I am not to fond of swearing), her mind easily drops to the gutter the second certain words (or numbers) are said, and does have a pervert side.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.392148-Female-student-sells-virginity-for-US-780-000?page=1
Some people obviously value virgins. Well, atleast value them enough to pay $780,000.
OT: Speaking from what i have heard as a 17+ male virgin, it always seems like a competition to see who can "get" the most; and girls who "give" are looked down upon.
Not my opinion, just going by what i hear.
In MY opinion, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody (physically, emotionally, etc) then it shouldn't matter what you do or whom you do it with. Life is short, and the time you available to have fun even shorter.
I don't think it's okay to value virginity in your dating life unless you're a virgin yourself, like I still am.
When I was younger I would've preferred to be going out with a virgin due to the idea of "purity" as well as the fact that I was one. Now that I'm turning 25 this year, I find myself not really caring as much (not to mention it's practically impossible to find someone who still happens to be one at around this age) but part of me would still prefer someone with relatively little experience as I simply have none to speak of. Also, I would love to end up with someone who doesn't make a big deal out of sex in the first place ("why don't we ever have sex I have needs you know if you don't sleep with me, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I'm going to cheat on you because you don't satisfy me blah blah blah blah blah") due to the fact that I don't consider it one of the more important issues in a relationship in the first place. If it happens, it happens. It's not something I believe in planning.
As I get older still, virginity becomes less and less of an issue to me and not long from now it will be a non-existent issue. That said, there is still the primal fear deep within my head that someone with experience will be intimidating in that way. What if I can't perform to their expectations? You know what I mean.
I don't think less of anyone who isn't a virgin though. But I do think less of people who sleep around in an irresponsible manner. As one guy said on the first page, safe sex matters more than virginity. And even then, there's no such thing. There is safeR sex, however.....
As for my virginity, I'm saving my first time for someone that matters, but it's not like I'm going to be like "hey this is my first time this is gonna be so cool". I may be socially awkward but I'm not that much of an idiot.
Not mine. And if I tried to make it so, I would have a mark on the side of my face that looked like the back of her hand, and have her trust in me permenately damaged. Good thing Im not asking, huh?
I am sorry but this is one of those "doomed to failure" type of relationships if you can't even discuss an aspect of a relationship without physical harm occurring.
I do not see why you're so nonchalant about the idea of your significant other using violence to prevent you from discussing something... if she'll do it with one thing I can promise you she'll do it with something else she feels "strongly" about.
Not mine. And if I tried to make it so, I would have a mark on the side of my face that looked like the back of her hand, and have her trust in me permenately damaged. Good thing Im not asking, huh?
HEY!!!! She may be a psycho, but she is MY psycho!
In all seriousness, she really isnt. Yes, she has a very dark side, but you will almost never see it. She is very shy, kind, and hates fighting. Its just this *one* issue that gets her so mad, and I outlined why that may be in the post above yours. Anything else, you will be fine and wouldnt no a thing about her darkness.
But if you say anything to the effect of "Cheating can be justified, even if only some times." or admit to cheating in front of her, then you will awaken 1,000,000,000 screaming demons from the 9th circle of Hell which will then proceed to give a verbal, and possibly physical unholy beatdown.
If he dares "cheat" (this will be entirely her decision as to what cheating is) she feels entitled to attack him with a sword or run him over in a car?
Nah, only with the sword. I mean, a Katana is pretty easy to get, even here in Kansas. But where the hell is she going to get ahold of a black 1957 Cadillac El Dorado possessed by Satan. I mean, thats not exactly something they sell at the store down the street, and even if you found one could cost 100,000's of dollors. I mean, we are talking about a car that can drive itself and will repair itself if it got in a crash!
In all seriousness, the "woman who has [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yHGPmbu3QNk] been cheated on and [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rB7ONnfIjaI&feature=fvwrel] takes revenge against the cheater [http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WaSy8yy-mr8]" is a common theme in Country music, because it happens enough in real life to be a thing. A good rule of thumb to remember is "Dont piss of women from the country" is what I am trying to say.
Already way ahead of you there. We both absolutely HATE the city, and the biggest town in our area is 50,000 people (which is skirting the edge of "Too Big" for us). In the actual towns we live in, hers is only about 2,000 people and the town I live in (5 minutes down the interstate) is so small its unincorperated, meaning it has no local government and our population is included in the nearest incorperated town. However, we cant have any more than 50 people here, its that small. Then if I get a job in Topeka like I am hoping (working for the government), I will live in one of the nearby small towns because 120,000 is WAY too big.
and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad"
1) Thanks for the use of rather inflammitory language there. Im sure that must mean everyone who says thier kids can have sex (you know, like, EVERYONE in my state) must be indoctrinating thier kids too, right? Because I would call that "good parenting."
2) False. I do not believe that sex is "dirty and bad." I believe it is "Beautiful and Good".........so much so, that it must be strictly rationed. And of course, the "beautiful and good" part only applies if it is with someone you care about and have been with for a long time and thus have a emotional connection to them. One night stands and the like? Now THATS "dirty and bad." But do what you want I guess.
like George and Augusta Gein and indoctrinate their children to believe that sex is "dirty and bad and deal with the consequences of doing so themselves,
Who? *One google search later* So let me get this straight. You are saying that by enforcing rules on our children that they will not have sex until they are married (rules, I might add, that can only be enforced until they turn 18, and then about all we can do is give them the evil eye) will cause them to become serial killers? Am I getting that right?
1) I am not in any way, shape, or form alcoholic (in fact, I dislike alcohol) and have a steady job that I can easily hold down.
2) She is not religious by any meaning, interpretaion, or twisting of the word unless we go by the most broad meaning possible. Although shes not athiest either, she believes in God.
3) We will be HAPPILY married, thank you very much!
4) She is not Misanderous. She doesnt hate men. Just men who cheat on their spouse. So do I.
5) Just because we wont have sex often, and the reason we are is because we are trying to have a child, that doesnt mean we wont enjoy it.
6) We are both still somewhat interested in sex. She is very much looking forward to her first time, and then after that I will too (just because the first time I will be too afraid I am hurting her). That doesnt change the fact that the only reason we would have sex is to have a child.
7) She would not condemn other women as sluts.......unless they were acting like one. And even then, most likely not (as she hates fighting and yelling)
8) The day we read the Bible to our kids as a bedtime story (especially fricking Old Testament!) is the day the sky burst into flames and Jesus Christ desends from on high to do battle with Satan while riding a T-rex. We will read them REAL kids books, like Dr. Seuss and such.
9) She is in no way some pure little flower. She curses like a sailor (a point of joking among my friends as I am not to fond of swearing), her mind easily drops to the gutter the second certain words (or numbers) are said, and does have a pervert side.
I apologize for going off like that. I usually am much more reserved in my sarcasm, and had just read about "The woman who drove a man Psycho" then read your post on your "girlfriend's darkside" and her love for 1920's - 1950's, However, it is the side that she doesn't show often that you should be most concerned about considering that is a serious red flag that should be considered. It is what people don't show you/ tell you that becomes the most serious issues after you have been in the relationship a while, and something as serious as violence should NEVER be taken lightly. Do you think John Bobbitt would have ever imagined Lorena would take things to such extremes beforehand? You do not see how someone really is until after you have lived with them for a while.
What if she suspects you and you are innocent and reacts with violence regardless? This is not something to be taken lightly.
As for someone " knowing their body" , honestly masturbation has NOTHING to do with actual sex with another person. Even if you masterbate 7 times a day, the actual mechanics of sex are quite different. First, for women, the first time completely sucks. You are not going to orgasm because it is painful, you bleed, and it hurts for days after. Even though you can have an extremely high sex drive, the first time is not enjoyable, however, after you have sex more frequently it gets MUCH better, but in all honesty practice makes perfect.
It is NOT good parenting to teach your kids they have to wait until marriage to have sex. In fact it can be detrimental to teens to over shelter them and not give them options. That is shutting the lines of communication down and leaving them no where to turn. Instead they should be given choices and all the information available so they can make good choices.
One of my friends in Highschool shot himself when his parents became angry when he told them that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and felt that he had let them down because they did not believe in sex outside of marriage. From what I have seen from this living in the bible belt, I have seen much more bad than good come from trying to force kids into waiting for marriage and it is also the reason people marry too young resulting in an increase in failed marriages and divorced families with children.
For example:
http://hardnewscafe.usu.edu/?p=9419
Rather than try to force people into marriage, they need education and understanding. They need to know that no matter what choice they make, you will be there for them. If they know they can come to you, they are more likely to be more open with you and not just have to have a life behind your back and not allow you to be a part of that. Attempting to overshelter kids is far more harmful than good, and chances are they will grow to resent you for it.
"Rationing sex?!" That is such a strange idea, I am not even sure how to respond to that. Um no, we should not ration sex. It is not like rationing food because there is not enough to go around. Instead, you should find a partner with a compatible sex drive and have as much sex as you possibly can. Happier sex life= Happier life.
From my observation of people in general, I always thought that beyond a certain age, virginity is a taint. A sign of failure to meet social standards.
If, by the time you're old enough to go to school, you haven't learned to tie your own shoes, you're gonna get laughed at.
If, when you reach adulthood, you still haven't learned to drive a car, you're gonna get laughed at.
If, when it comes time to move out of your parent's home, you haven't learned how to cook and prepare your own meals, you're gonna get laughed at.
And likewise...
If you still haven't lost your virginity, by the time you reach an age where most everyone else has, you're gonna get laughed at.
Frankly, it sucks.
Beyond a certain age, virginity becomes an extremely unattractive trait. People tend to think "Eww, if no one else has slept with you yet, there must be something wrong with you!"
That's been my experience of it anyway.
I went with 'value' mainly cos it'd be kinda nice. It would take some pressure off me (near 25 year old virgin...ughhhh...), and It'd be quite nice sharing a new experience with someone. I don't think I'd be compatible with someone who's been racking up the numbers. I've yet to met anyone with a high number of casual sex partners that wasn't treating it as a sport in comparing attractiveness with others. Admittedly, that kind of rationale is flawed once you look closer, but I guess it's some sort of a yardstick for people. Even if I was very attractive, I don't think I could get into that scene. Pretending to be into someone I don't even know and faking passion still feels like something from another universe to me.
More blah about me for bored people:
Unfortunately for me, I am and have always been a fairly proud person with high standards for himself. That'd be great if I had the physical raw ingredients to reach said standards, but I don't. As a result, I've fallen well behind my peers in the sexual experience stakes trying to cultivate some self-improvement to reach a state where I could actually be something a woman would want, rather than just something she's making do with; whilst basically baby-sitting a load of blown-up family problems for the last 6 years; moving four times; getting through uni; couple rounds of surgery, yada yada. So, yeah, I've kind of failed on that one. Admittedly, it's all my fault for not seeing this coming when I was ~ 17 or so and just checking in with any girl who seemed vaguely interested; but back then I genuinely believed I could change myself enough to make someone happy, rather than get stuck in a rut like I have. One thing the past few years have taught me is how to just schedule and make yourself do things regardless of how you feel. It can be exhausting, and it rarely makes you feel happy, but it is totally necessary if you want a shred of self-worth.
These days, I guess I'll just keep trying to make more money (gotta be honest: I'm still a little fuzzy on how I'll do that one), stay as fit as I can and get better on my guitar to try to keep some level of self-respect. Hopefully along the way I'll meet someone who actually likes me. Whether or not I'll let on about my level of inexperience in dating and sex, I don't know. It's something you can't take back once you tell someone, it's easy for them to use it against you; and it can forever taint how they look at you, especially at my age. I think I could blag my way through. I'm getting quite good at faking confidence and up-beatness at work anyway; and I have taken some time to collect info on different sexual techniques and the vagina. Even if I fail, I'm over the 'never had a proper girlfriend & virgin' hump; which beats possibly getting dumped before the act and being back to square one. If I'm still in this position in another 5 or 10 years, I dunno. I've felt worse about who I am as I've gotten older, I'd be surprised if that changed. If nothing else, I'll at least know by then not to make the mistake of passing on my genes regardless of any opportunity with a woman who's desperate to simply have a kid; as I'd never want my child to wind up like me.
Why are you even expected to tell people you're a virgin anyway?:
In fact, can anyone explain why it's such a supposedly terrible lie (not telling your first you're a virgin)? There are no personal or health risks associated; worst case scenario the sex isn't great, but surely that happens once in a while with proper couple anyway? It's only a concern for the non-virgins if they're dumb enough to believe that the virgin will imprint on them like a cub on it's mother, weld themselves to their leg and threaten to drown them both if the relationship doesn't work out (ya, know, just like they DIDN'T [.....right?]). If you believe the last by the way, check yourself out for narcissistic personality disorder, you've probably got it.
But now you reply with: "Well, why can't you be honest about it, if you think it doesn't matter?" To which I point you to the library of wild negative assumptions made about anyone who admits they're a virgin past ~ 19; condescending treatment; and the right most people think they have to gossip about it. It's plain prudent not to tell people.
(Also: Yes, I know the negative assumption about me that I lack self-esteem and may be depressed is probably correct. Plenty of people in relationships have worse personality traits than that. No, I will not waste good money on some quack handing me pastel shade leaflets filled with platitudes).
Virginity is not a necessity for me when it comes to a partner, although I would prefer a guy who doesn't have bedhopping tendencies as it would certainly create small issues regarding trust.
I don't intend on waiting for marriage but I do want to be in a serious relationship (as in "he won't run away should unexpected things happen" serious) before I have sex since I don't just want my first time to be with the first guy that comes along and actually wants to date me. If that were the case I would have hit that little milestone over 2 years ago.
However, it is the side that she doesn't show often that you should be most concerned about considering that is a serious red flag that should be considered. It is what people don't show you/ tell you that becomes the most serious issues after you have been in the relationship a while, and something as serious as violence should NEVER be taken lightly.
Except that its not like she is trying to hide it. Ive seen it before after her stepdad cheated on her mom (twice, even after being forgiven the first time, the bastard). Its just her berserk button. Simple as that. I have one, she has one, most people have one. That one thing that you dont poke at because you are likely to end up getting in a very bad spot, and at the very least getting the mother of all ass chewings.
First, for women, the first time completely sucks.
Which is why we have talked about that and decided that when the said first time rolls around (on our honeymoon, according to her XD) I am going to let her have complete, total, 100% control, the reason being she can feel her pain better than I can and do it so that it causes her less pain. Because really, that is MY biggest concern, that I will hurt her too much trying that.
It is NOT good parenting to teach your kids they have to wait until marriage to have sex. In fact it can be detrimental to teens to over shelter them and not give them options. That is shutting the lines of communication down and leaving them no where to turn. Instead they should be given choices and all the information available so they can make good choices.
One of my friends in Highschool shot himself when his parents became angry when he told them that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and felt that he had let them down because they did not believe in sex outside of marriage.
For your first part, that idea reminds me of something my dad told me and my brother when we were old enough to understand what he was talking about: "This house isnt a democracy. Its a dictatorship. And weather I am a kind ruler who listens to his people or an iron fisted tyrant is entirely based on how you behave." Needless to say, we both behaved well. And I will tell any children of mine the same thing. If they dont like the rules, tough. They can wait until they are grown and out of the house. Of course, if they behave and listen to what I say, I will grant them more privilages. If they disrespet me/thier mother or break my rules, they can kiss thier privilages goodby.
As for the second part, I would really hope that it doesnt come to that in my family. Sure, I would be mad, but I would also be a whole lot less mad if he stuck around, took care of the little lady and his child, and supported them. That would make him 10x the man most other highschool daddies are. And I would be very clear on that.
From what I have seen from this living in the bible belt, I have seen much more bad than good come from trying to force kids into waiting for marriage and it is also the reason people marry too young resulting in an increase in failed marriages and divorced families with children.
And from what I am seeing growing up in the Midwest, its working fine. Our teen pregnacy rate is at, or in some states below, the national average, our divorce rates are WELL below the national average, and the average marriage age is actually getting higher (I think its 23 now?). So I guess we are both colored by our experiances.
Rather than try to force people into marriage, they need education and understanding. They need to know that no matter what choice they make, you will be there for them. If they know they can come to you, they are more likely to be more open with you and not just have to have a life behind your back and not allow you to be a part of that. Attempting to overshelter kids is far more harmful than good, and chances are they will grow to resent you for it.
As I said above, I will be there for them and be understanding, but I will still tell them that they should wait. And its not like we are going to throw them to the wolves. When they get to that age, we will tell them about contraceptives, but if they want any they will have get it themselves because we dont want them having sex yet. And if we have a daughter, my girlfriend has already said that unless it was because of rape or its going to kill her, she will not approve or sign off on an abortion (which I couldnt have agreed to faster).
But if that happens, sure, we will be angry for alittle bit and be mad, but we will still try and help them and hope that they learn thier lesson from that. And like I said, the more important thing would be that if its a son getting a girl pregnant, he sticks around, and if its a daughter, I will track down the parents of the guy who did it and recomment the same thing (that they try and have him stick around and take care of his child), and we will help as best we can.
"Rationing sex?!" That is such a strange idea, I am not even sure how to respond to that. Um no, we should not ration sex. It is not like rationing food because there is not enough to go around. Instead, you should find a partner with a compatible sex drive and have as much sex as you possibly can. Happier sex life= Happier life.
I was actually paraphrasing Vladimir Lenin ("Freedom and Liberty are so valuable, they must be strictly rationed"). What I meant was that we most likely will not have sex often, but we will enjoy it more when we do just because its less common. Its like eating steak: The more you have in a shorter amount of time, the faster you will get bored with it.
fucking a virgin is nice-especially male virgins which are a bit older (18-20+)-the kind of reaction is very sexy, it feels very real and sincere and i like that. And because loosing ones virginity seems to have a profound meaninf for men as kind of rité de passage-so often ist seems to be soooo important for them to "become" a man (which is bs because such a big part of your identity and self worth shouldn´t be valuated through sex) so if that happens there is a very sincere kidn of happiness, a bit of surpride and, hmn i cant describe that very good in english-but its very nice to experience that as a woman :]
as for women-i had women which had sex with men before but never with women and women which had-and there wasnt that big of difference. more important was whether this person knows herself AND ist comfortable with herself and the situation-because sex is only fun if all want it and can let loose and trust the other person(s)
if thats not the case its simply not good.
so-it doenst matter at all-but in men, its a nice addition or the first time
ah-well, my first time was painful as hell but, well he was well built and i am very very very sensitive and have problems being touched at all-which seems usual for aspies. after that i laid there and couldnt feel my body for a time. after that i said to mekay, people talk about it like its fun-so i just have to get used to it. and well after 2 month it didnt hurt anymore but i felt nothing particularly good and after 6 month it started to become nice. I think after these 6 month i started to have fun.
after that i tried out a lot and fucked around-was a good time and very important to get me to know myself better, to know what i like and what i want. And i learnt to know my limitations and-very important: to state them and to stick to them against some people who cant take no for an answer
(Disclaimer 1: NEVER BE THAT PERSON. Don´t Suck. Ask fort it, ask sexy but learn to take a no as answer without whining to trying to persuade-because than, yeah, you have your fun with a person who just does it because you are too miserable or to assholish to take a no.)
(Disclaimer 2:: if you want to fuck around, do it safe. really(you can have fun with condoms. if you can´t get on with it-train. Or take STD-tests on a regular level. But don't be that asshole which infects persons and is then part of the reason they might die, get sterile or have to go through a shitty, hard(and very expensive)therapy
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