And you are more than entitled to your preference. Far be it for me to tell you how to filter your potential sexual partners.Lil devils x said:
Poll: Virginity. purity, innocence
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Speaking as a perma-virgin I don't care if a woman had sex before. By the time you're 23 like me practically everyone has already had sex anyway.
And when you're a teenager, you come across all sorts of other issues about virginity because of these things. The hymen can break through all sorts of methods, from exercise to masturbation, so that seems like a silly method. Soem cultures still rely on it; some Middle Eastern cultures expect women to bleed on their honeymoon so they "fake it" with bits of meat or the "artificial hymen." Yes, that's a thing.Phasmal said:
And, of course, males have no analogue to the hymen, so when do they lose their virginity? What about gays and lesbians? Our culture kind of views penis-in-vagina intercourse as the definition of sex. Both gays and lesbians can penetrate their partners, but a lot of people don't count it as sex for the same reason straight people don't count the "alternatives." Is penetration required? Most of the women I know have used tampons at some point in their life, but I don't think many of them would consider a tampon their "first," even if they'd never had anything inside them before. Yet this was apparently so much a thing it was addressed in sex ed.
As for lying about virginity, I can see it in a few circumstances, but those are mostly where the truth will lead to physical harm or the like. Of course, at that point, there are PROBABLY bigger problems than the lie so maybe it's moot. Pretending you had sex (or didn't) to improve your image just seems dumb. But then again, I've never been one of the cool kids, so what would I know?
Not quite the same, but you know the Leviticus section that deals with homosexuality?Colour-Scientist said:
18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.
20:13 If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
My reaction has always been "okay, so you can't have vaginal sex with a dude. Gotcha."
Also, I giggle when the phrase "loopholes" is used in reference to sex. Partially because I have the mind of a five year old.
And she's not getting it back!
This is related to what I was saying to Phasmal (part of the reason I quoted you both in the same post), but it seems to dovetail with the ambiguity as to what sex actually is in our culture, and how far we'll go to justify "not sex." Personally, I don't think you even need to get to sex for it to be cheating, so I think it's sort of moot, but the more relevant point is that I totally wouldn't be surprised at the whole "buttsex doesn't equal cheating" thing, because to a good chunk of society, anal doesn't mean sex.
Because ponies.
I know I'm dating myself a bit here, but I was in high school when the Clinton sex scandal hit. You know, this one?
As a result, there was a lot of discussion as to whether or not oral sex equaled sex, because it turned out she went down on him. And there was the cigar thing, bu that was referenced more with snickers and giggles than actual discussion.
Honestly, a bizarrely large number of people came down on the "not sex" side of things. I find it baffling that something with "sex" in the name isn't considered sex, especially since it's not some obscure use of the word or something.
Abomination said:
!Your going to have to run that one by me, because it makes no sense what so ever, because there is literally NO risk involved in waiting, because nothing can happen from nothing.
OT: Its not a deal breaker, but I would prefer it. Of course, its kind of a moot question now because I am more or less spoken for, and she is a virgin and even stricter about it than I am, and would h;ave very unkind words for those who say she should just get it on with someone and stop worrying about it. She takes pride in the fact that we are going to be one of the 1:4 couples that get married as virgins, and will set it to prove that sex doesnt matter in a relationship (she would only have it to have kids anyway).
Of course, this has not stopped us from talking about what we both want and what we will do. With that said, anyone who isnt an evangelical Chrisitan would say "Wow, you guys are SO boring!" Why? We wouldnt like ANYTHING of it. No toys, no out of the ordinary, no anything except the most intensly concentrated vinella known to man. And its just because both of our opinion on such things are "Sorry, not interested." Hell, the last time we talked about it the conversation was along the lines of
"Me: So, what about anal?"
"Her: Um.......maybe if I was really drunk or felt like it was a really romantic night, but otherwise no."
"Me: And oral?"
"Her: Oh HELL NO! Theres no way I would do that!!"
"Me: Good. The feelings mutual. I mean, why would I stick my man-bits into your mouth. I kiss you there! That would be like kissing my own man parts. *shudder*"
So tell me, it thats our reaction to something as seemingly "vinella" as oral and anal, what do you think we would do toward more bizarre (but apparently "fun".....to some people I guess) things out there. Although, we decided I will let her be the one who "controls things" the first go around so that its less painful for her, since she can feel if she is hurting and control herself better to ease the pain.
Indeed. It's amazing what people believed in prior to Maury Povich running all those paternity tests.the antithesis said:
On a more topical note I'd probably be a bit weirded out if I encountered a girl in the same age range as me (30 (+/-) 4) who was a virgin. Thankfully this hasn't happened yet so I can't tell you what my exact reaction would be but I cannot imagine this leading to a healthy relationship. Reason being that to me sex is just sort something you check off on the way to becoming a mature adult so for someone to intentionally delay that is kind of a red flag for the potential of actual mental health issues (maybe a bit harsh assessment?).
I think Abomination was speaking more to the paperwork of marrigae, though I admit I could be wrong here.Lil devils x said:
I've had partners who outright got offended that I wanted to use protection when sleeping with them. Yeah, that was awkward.
I would think the risks involved in waiting until marriage would be that you could have completely different sex drives, thus risking the makings for a crappy marriage. If you have someone with a high sex drive and someone with a low sex drive, it causes resentment in the relationship and results in an unfulfilling marriage. However, if you have people with compatible sex drives and you determine this prior to considering marriage, they are more likely to be satisfied with their sexual partner and it is less risky for the resentment build up that exists in sexually disfunctional relationships.BOOM headshot65 said:Abomination said:
Your going to have to run that one by me, because it makes no sense what so ever, because there is literally NO risk involved in waiting, because nothing can happen from nothing.
OT: Its not a deal breaker, but I would prefer it. Of course, its kind of a moot question now because I am more or less spoken for, and she is a virgin and even stricter about it than I am, and would h;ave very unkind words for those who say she should just get it on with someone and stop worrying about it. She takes pride in the fact that we are going to be one of the 1:4 couples that get married as virgins, and will set it to prove that sex doesnt matter in a relationship (she would only have it to have kids anyway).
Of course, this has not stopped us from talking about what we both want and what we will do. With that said, anyone who isnt an evangelical Chrisitan would say "Wow, you guys are SO boring!" Why? We wouldnt like ANYTHING of it. No toys, no out of the ordinary, no anything except the most intensly concentrated vinella known to man. And its just because both of our opinion on such things are "Sorry, not interested." Hell, the last time we talked about it the conversation was along the lines of
"Me: So, what about anal?"
"Her: Um.......maybe if I was really drunk or felt like it was a really romantic night, but otherwise no."
"Me: And oral?"
"Her: Oh HELL NO! Theres no way I would do that!!"
"Me: Good. The feelings mutual. I mean, why would I stick my man-bits into your mouth. I kiss you there! That would be like kissing my own man parts. *shudder*"
So tell me, it thats our reaction to something as seemingly "vinella" as oral and anal, what do you think we would do toward more bizarre (but apparently "fun".....to some people I guess) things out there. Although, we decided I will let her be the one who "controls things" the first go around so that its less painful for her, since she can feel if she is hurting and control herself better to ease the pain.
Say you have sex with her the first time, you think it is the greatest thing ever and want to do it again and again, and she decides then she doesn't like it and she never wants to do it again? Since you have agreed to "until death do us part" you're stuck with celebacy for life! LOL
Pretty much got the "general" jist of it.Lil devils x said:
While I would be more likely to jump into bed with someone I would be less likely to actually tie the knot. Marriage is something I'm serious about because it's both a relationship commitment AND a legal contract.
Before I agree to marry someone I want to make sure we are sexually compatible - at least. How can I be sure how much someone loves me if they won't even engage in intercourse with me? Hell, I wouldn't marry someone who couldn't satisfy my sexual needs and if I couldn't satisfy a girl's sexual needs I wouldn't want to marry her for that reason too.
Rumpy-bumpy should be fun, not a chore. You don't buy a car before you take it for a test drive.
There?s already a thread going on about cheating and I can assure you two people having a sexually dysfunctional relationship would be the prime contender on why one of them will sleep with another person. ?You can only have sex with me, and we?re not going to have sex!? can be a bit of a deal breaker.
I admittedly felt sorry for Heather's husband when she told me she has never had an orgasm from a man. When his wife is telling her friends that man has never given her an orgasm, you can't help but feel bad for a guy to never have the opportunity to feel what real sex is like.Abomination said:
I personally have a high sex drive and am very content with a partner who does as well. I have been in a relationship before with a guy who did not have a very high sex drive, and it was definately NOT fulfilling and left you wanting more. However, there is no need to "cheat" when that happens. Be honest with them and break it off and move on and find someone you are compatible with.
When there's marriage involved though "break it off" isn't the most easy of solutions. "What they don't know won't hurt them" is also a justification used in those situations... and it's actually true: if they don't ever find out they won't get hurt.Lil devils x said:
I agree the whole marriage thing makes it a bit more complicated than that. And I honesty think when someone says the word" marriage" it is like cursing at me. That is a VERY scary word. It makes you feel like you are suffocating, you can't even breathe and like you need to run away.. like you are on fire.Abomination said:
Although you should also consider that it is far more harmful to you to cheat when married, because at that point, when your spouse finds out they will own your ass in court and you can expect to be paying for it financially. Rather than cheat, it would be better to get divorced first then move forward from there otherwise you will have even more hell to pay in court. You can get sympathy from the court by claiming emotional distress caused by a spouse from lack of affection rather than gain wrath from the court by having it shown you were a liar and a cheat.
EDIT: Also the idea that "they won't find out" is a pretty ridiculous one considering the spouse usually knows when something is not right, and well in other cases, they could be setting you up to begin with for financial gain.
You know how it is... nobody commits a crime thinking they'll get caught.Lil devils x said:
The one thing rings true though... before you get married: shag. Shag a lot. Get it out of your system. If you still love the person after the typical first 4 weeks of straight shagging and living with them for at least twice that - sharing everything and still having a comfortable sex life - then consider getting hitched.
I meant that paperwork proving they have no STDs.Zachary Amaranth said:
The logistics behind it is the main reason, if you ask for it before you have sex it's like "You really fancy your chances, don't you?" or "Really? NOW? We just got naked and into the heavy petting." and if it's after sex one can only ask "What's the point NOW?"
Sure it sounds good "on paper" (ahah, see what I did there?) but in practice it's a brick wall in the middle of a horserace.
I've collected a couple of virginities in my time, none of which was a particularly pleasant experience. In one case I didn't have any idea he had been a virgin until almost a year later. That destroyed my confidence and I went off sex entirely for a long time. I would be very hesitant to sleep with another virgin, that sort of pressure is a bit much for me. I don't want to be anyone else's big regret.
So, don't lie to the person you're about to bang about your sexual experience, would be my advice.
So, don't lie to the person you're about to bang about your sexual experience, would be my advice.
To be honest, I do value it, but it is something that I wouldn't ever put to much stress on. While it is a part of my faith that people are supposed to stay virgins until they are married (yes, I am a Christian, please insert comments on my supposed lack of intelligence and ironic statements about how my hatred of anyone who is different than me ruins the world below) because it represents giving yourself to another, two people becoming one, blah blah blah you know the drill but to be honest if I was with a chick I was absolutely nuts about and I found out that once upon a time she was, let say, a hooker in Vegas I could look past it if I truly loved her and after a little time it wouldn't even bother me at all, because that is not what is truly important, it is who you are on the inside that really matters.
I can see how it would be a comfortable lie to tell yourself if you're a germaphobe or something but I've never been particularly worried about STDs myself. Condoms and other forms of protection are so godawful they almost make sex more trouble than it's worth and about the only time I've ever used them was when I was hooking up with random strangers. Even then I only did so begrudgingly. Thankfully I'm something of a serial monogamist so that's usually not an issue for me, I just find someone who's hopefully clean and on birth control then stick with them for as long as I can. Even if that weren't feasible I'm not sure I wouldn't risk it more often anyway, the guarantee of bad sex is far worse than the possibility of catching 'em all.
I can't help but feel superior to people who take pride in their virginity. They're like people who are proud of themselves for vegetarianism or for abstaining from drugs and alcohol. "Look how much fun I'm not having with my brief, temporary life you guys!!1" Awesome. You're going to die anyway and if you're not having any fun then what's the point?
I can't help but feel superior to people who take pride in their virginity. They're like people who are proud of themselves for vegetarianism or for abstaining from drugs and alcohol. "Look how much fun I'm not having with my brief, temporary life you guys!!1" Awesome. You're going to die anyway and if you're not having any fun then what's the point?
I'd like my first time to be with another virgin so its not completely horrible but thats not gonna happen since im 19 in the North of England. Its gone past the point of being innocence since I missed out on the 'awkward fumbling first time' malarky that most teens go through and I'm afraid most partners will expect experience that I do not have.
I suck at relationships though so I'll be dealing this problem in an other few years or so.
I suck at relationships though so I'll be dealing this problem in an other few years or so.
Well it kinda is, well not exactly, but if you don't prevent it, you will end up with growing a bunch of new organs inside of another person (or yourself).Colour-Scientist said:
I don't know, just think the entire thing is rather gross. Just like eating a meal when you saw the cook spit in it earlyer.
At the end of the day the entire point is to reproduce, it feels good to encourage that. The fact that we found a way to prevent it from happening and do it for fun is just strange to me.
It's just biochemestry anyways, so I could also draw parallels to drugs, if just feeling good is the point, but let's not get into that here.