Poll: What is your view on a "polyamory" relationship?

[Something Amyss]

Was the single poll option intentional?

Anyway, probably wouldn't do it, but might if the right people came along. I have no problems with others doing it, long as we're talking consenting adults and so on.

 

[Kinokohatake]

SNIP

Your mindset for being in an open relationship is wrong from the outset. One does not use an open relationship to fix a relationship that is broken. In fact, with out relationship, if things are going wrong in our relationship, we put the extras on hold until we work things out.

Yes, I'm all for it (and bigamy should not be a crime!) but I don't agree with the OP's motives because I don't think it would end well at all if approached with that mindset.

This is not sex-exclusive either, women should be entitled to as many partners as they like too as long as all parties are aware and consenting.

Yeah this all the way this. You'd be amazed how many guys I know want multiple partners but are offended when it's mentioned their partner do the same thing.

 

[AngloDoom]

No. My big issue in relationships is trusting the other person and jealousy issues. At a push I'd perhaps have an extra person in bed with my partner and myself, but if I wanted sex with lots of different people I wouldn't be in a relationship.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

However, with a "polyamory relationship" you have to devote just as much time with your other partners. Which inturn, in my opinion makes you tend to appreciate the time more. Which in turn makes relationships stronger.

To poll question: Yes.

And in fact have done so in the past.

As to needing to devote as much time to both partners, that is not necessarily the case. After all, in a proper polyamorious relationship, your partners are also devoting time to one another. If I'm feeling crappy and want to sit and read alone, my partners can spend time together. If one of them wants some time to work on something in private, then I can spend time with the other partner. It actually makes some of that time-spending stuff easier. Plus, if we all want to spend time together, then we can all have fun together at the same time.

To be clear - my spouse and I are not _currently_ in a polyamorous relationship. We have been in the past, on multiple occasions. One ended well (still friends, still hang out, just don't date anymore) and another ended badly. Still, we'd do it again (and are kind of hoping of starting something with one of our more open minded friends in the nearish future).

 

[Chrono212]

If you're in multiple relationships, you're not really avoiding the fact that your partners quirks get on your nerves.

Even if you're 'taking a break' (regardless of having another partner or not) you're eventually going to go back to that person that you didn't feel you could be with in the first place.

So, long story short, relationships are hard, no matter how many people you have one with.

 

[Yopaz]

I voted yes because that was the only option.
Personally I wouldn't. It's difficult to devote as much of yourself to several people. It's even more difficult to convince each party involved that you don't devote more to the other party. I also don't think I would be able to devote myself to more than one, especially since I would have problem to devote myself enough to one person. I would also be concerned about hurting those involved and thus be unable to go with it. I am not against it, I'm sure it can work wonders for some couples and honestly, the classical family with a mother, a father and 2 kids doesn't ensure happiness or avoid pain in any way.
However I think I need to say that if you are unable to love your partner because of small annoyances then it's simply not meant to be. Having another person to join in would simply mean you'd find another person to discover annoyances with.

 

[cswurt]

I don't share my propetah.

 

[D0WNT0WN]

Being in a relationship is infidelity for lazy people.

I have had "relations" with a women in a polyamorous relationship and she downright said "I would still have sex with other people whether he disagreed or not. It is in my nature, I just don't like lying to him."

Somehow I think he didn't get as much sex as she did.

 

[Sarah Frazier]

Personally? No.

I have a hell of a time keeping a basic friendship once other people come into the picture. This has been the case for as far back as my memory goes and continues to happen to this day. I'm long past the point of having lost the ability to truly trust a person with any deep emotions if there's any chance that I'd lose them to another person. There's just no way I could willingly put myself in that kind of situation with something I'm emotionally invested in.

 

[Wharrgarble]

Nope, not for me. Mostly because one of my friends tried something similar and it was a hilarious disaster. He didn't quite understand that despite now having two girlfriends, that they also each had another boyfriend aside from him. Once he realized that he got incredibly jealous and bitter about having to share. I pointed out that his behavior was hypocrisy at its finest. Needless to say it didn't work out for them.

So if you're the type of person for it, I say all the more power to you. For me, personally? Between balancing time, other people and feelings? Waaaay too much of a hassle.




Edit: Clarity.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I used to identify as polyamorous, but I think fundamentally it's a flawed concept

Not for the reasons most people will say - I still have an "open relationship" or whatever you want to call it, I just don't think it's polyamorous.

My problem with polyamory is that I've come to read it (or at least its public face, behind the scenes I know most people who are polyamorous aren't actually like this) as an attempt at making open relationships "respectable", not for the benefit of people who have them but for the benefit of people who are offended by the idea of casual sex.

It's an attempt to deflect the allegation of promiscuity, and I say deflect rather than counter because the allegation is still there. The argument is just "well, I'm certainly not a slut, I have serious and committed relationships which totally aren't about sex." I think that's the secret of the current popularity of the term, but it's also kind of bullshit.

You'll notice that most people who write about polyamory tend to claim they have been influenced by looking at relationships amongst gays and lesbians, yet there are very very few gay men or lesbians who identify as polyamorous. To make a huge generalization, gay people are more likely to have much more organic open relationships, or to view their partners as more like friends than special people with whom you have to acknowledge a deep romantic relationship.

Romantic love was built around the expectation of the two person couple. Keeping those expectations after you've abandoned the idea of the couple is stupid. You don't need to love someone to sleep with them, you don't even need to love someone to care about them or respect their feelings. Treat people organically according to the roles they fill in your life, there's no need to formalize it around this hideous structure whereby everyone has to be equally "loved".

Basically, the core values of polyamory (honesty, respect for people, treating people like human beings instead of objects) are great, I just don't understand why we still have to have this hysterical fixation on "love".

Yeah, anyway, I haven't explained this very well so feel free to bash my argument.. it might help me pull my thoughts together.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I'd take it, but I probably wouldn't feel really good about it. I could be wrong, but in my miniscule experience with relationships, it seems like most people fall in love with behavior, rather when than with the person him/herself. The one thing I desire of another person more than anything else is contact. I don't need sex or money or security or faithfulness or even reciprocation. Just talk to me, or failing that, be my facebook friend or something where I can feel like I'm connected to you in some way.

In a polyamorous relationship, a person dating multiple people would absolutely cut in on a person's time with another person. I could live with this, possibly due to my incredibly low opinion of myself. The problem would arise from the other participant's expectations, which would almost certainly greater than my own. And before I know it, suddenly the girlfriend doesn't feel like being polyamorous anymore. And I'm alone again. It would be different if bisexuality and three-ways were involved, because then everyone would be on the same page. I like having sex and spending time with you and you. Saying I like spending time with you, when I'm not with him is a recipe for disaster, unless there are mitigating circumstances involved like distance/work/travel, etc. But circumstances change, and someone will get hurt eventually.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip.

Not gonna bash your argument, but I notice you said you have an open relationship but its not polyamory, does that mean you don't love your partner/s? And do you believe that romantic love is only possible/maintainable between two people?

(I'm monogomous myself, and just wondering what your opinion is. It's interesting, not for me though).

 

[trooper6]

I'm not personally into polyamory. I've been in open relationships before--just not polyamorous ones.
For me personally, I want emotional monogamy, but I don't need physical monogamy.

That said, I don't care what other people do with their lives. As long as people are honest with themselves and others, as long as they are doing what works for them...fine by me. More power to them.

But to the original post, I'm not particularly bothered that 50% of relationships end in divorce. I don't think anyone should be forced to be relationships that aren't healthy for them. I'd rather a couple be divorced that stay in an abusive/unhealthy relationship.

Really, I think fewer people should get married in the first place.

 

[orangeban]

Well, no, but I wouldn't enter any relationship because I'm a robot aromantic.

But I see no problem with it, if that's what people want to do then I'm perfectly fine with it. Ain't my place to tell people how to love. I did do a debate about this the other day, and it was an interesting one, discussing the benefits of raising a child in a multi-parent household in particular was an interesting one.

On the one hand, it may confuse the child (I'd say this is unlikely, children are actually pretty hard to confuse in my experience, they just roll with it). On the other hand, multiple role models, multiple people to turn to in a crisis, could make the child a more accepting, liberal person as well.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

(As far as I am concerned)

In the world of consensual adult relationships/marriages, so long as everyone is open, honest, and on the same page with each other; there are no wrong answers.

Edit: Also, 'alone-time' is just as important to any style of relationship as 'together-time', if not more so.

 

[Monkeyman O'Brien]

I don't share my toys.
But eh, it would not work for me at all. I would end up jealous and we would fight and it would just be bad.
But I do agree that too much time with someone kills a relationship. I started fucking this one girl I worked with, beforehand we had conversations that lasted entire nights and we loved being around each other. But then we started being around each other basically 24/7. We worked together, we slept together, we hang out with the same people. We basically knew everything about each other so there was nothing left to talk about.
We lasted a month before we just could not tolerate each other.

My current girlfriend I see 1 day on, 1 day off. It annoys the shit outta her but at least we have shit to talk about, I always get a decent nights rest every second night and we can always chat about what we did on our day off.

 

[Flight]

While I personally wouldn't enter into a polyamorous relationship, I have nothing against it. As long as nobody gets hurt and everyone's happy, there's no harm in it.