Poll: Would you date an asexual person?

[funguy2121]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Hell, no. Why have a relationship wherein you can't take part in the highest expression of intimacy?

But you CAN hug people if you are Asexual. :/

HUG vs. Make Love.

Hug loses.

 

[Kathinka]

-Snip-

My wallet is yours.

Funnily enough, I just got a Hanyuu figurine recently, like monday, or saturday.
She is sooo cuuuteee!
I wish I had a plushie of her to cuddle ;~;
As it is, I have various teddies, and a plushie of Miku Hachune.
[small]Cuuuteee...[/small]

Edit: Also, the amount of people who just assume that asexual/nonsexual people CAN'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER HAVE SEX is just astounding.

you completely misunderstand, no one thinks that. it's just that it's not about just sexing up your partner and being done with it, it is about engaging in the biggest possible act of intimacy and romance together. sure you can have sex with some one like that, and it can be fun. but it's not the same knowing that you're doing it with someone nonsexual.

 

[Leg End]

-Snip-

My wallet is yours.

Funnily enough, I just got a Hanyuu figurine recently, like monday, or saturday.
She is sooo cuuuteee!
I wish I had a plushie of her to cuddle ;~;
As it is, I have various teddies, and a plushie of Miku Hachune.
[small]Cuuuteee...[/small]

Edit: Also, the amount of people who just assume that asexual/nonsexual people CAN'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER HAVE SEX is just astounding.

I CAN SEND JOO MOAR HANYUU.

Also, I know, right? XDXDXD

It's like they think the reproductive organs of asexuals don't exist. XDXDXD

Really guys, they still have them. :/

 

[Verlander]

Spoiler: Previous conversation

I wonder how many people who claim to be "asexual" actually are? Like those kids who go through that confused stage, and claim to be bi sexual/gay, when really they are just confused by the fact that they can actually show appreciation for attractive people of the same sex? I've also noticed (on this site, and in real life) a LOT of "asexual" people seem to be nerds and suchlike.

I just want to throw this out there, that having bad/no sexual experiences, or having a deep resentment of attractive people, doesn't necessarily make you asexual...

Disclaimer: I'm not pointing out any individual, or anyone specifically on this thread or site. Just interested in the actual number of asexual people. Someone earlier said that 1% of the population was asexual, and I'm certain that's a vast exaggeration.

How many asexual people have you actually talked to? Asexuals are as human and as diverse in their interests as everyone else and you might want to do a bit of research before generalizing and stereotyping us into a derogatory category. You might want to go to the AVEN forum itself, it's one of the larger places for asexuals to chat and debate on the web. I happen to be an artist, a philosopher, an avid weightlifter and cyclist, and absolutely nuts about my project car.

Asexuality is lack of sexual attraction, nothing more nothing less. I know I am asexual from my experiences and intuitive feelings, I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone, including a person I fell in love with, there was never a thought nor a desire to ever "jump her bones" so to speak.

The 1% estimation is based on a very old study called the Kinsey report (old enough that it was old when George Bataille talked about it). Obviously it is not going to be an even distribution throughout the population, as some areas will have more asexuals, with some having less, there's no real efficient way to determine the actual number right now. Some people are even indifferent about their lack of sexual attraction to anyone that they don't notice it unless the conception of asexuality as an orientation is introduced to them, so they might not identify as asexual.

A few. Not many because it's not something that people generally bring up in conversation. It was more of an observation of the people who "claim" to be, and the people who actually are. I'm prepared to believe that a lot of people confused with their sexual orientation might relate to asexuality, but not actually be asexual. I wasn't making a derogatory comment about those who actually are asexual, more a comment on how those who feel socially rejected (such as "nerds") may claim to be, but not actually be.

I can understand that, but its also understandable why a person who has zero interest in sex can be alienated by a culture that is often saturated with it. People don't like being faced with the unknown for a long time, it's one of our natural instincts to often avoid it if we can, so I can understand why some would adopt a label like 'asexual' or 'bisexual' in order to find some level of comfort and belonging. I don't really hold it against them though.

Fair enough. I never really saw the immersion into a segregated culture as a reaction, more of a cause. I reckon it can probably go both ways, but I think mostly you are right.

It's difficult on this site, because you start talking to people normally, and then they throw some strange conclusion or bullshit "fact" at you, and you find out that you've been chatting to a child, a 13 year old all this time. Whenever a subject like asexuality or similar is raised, you then can't help but be a sceptic when so many people put their hands up and say they are. All you think about is many of the members being fairly young and in a lifestyle that potentially secludes them, and you come to the conclusion that they may only identify with the concept of asexuality, yet aren't actually/don't have the experience to decide.

It's a flawed attitude, and something I should get rid of (there are plenty of people in their 20's and 30's on here), but it is a natural conclusion I, and I think many of the other members, jump to.

Spoiler: Previous Conversation

Perhaps. But I'm aromantic, so I'll probably never know.

I've seen this term being bandied around, so I looked it up. It showed on Wikipedia like this:

Spoiler: Definitions of terms regarding romance among asexuals

Asexuals, while typically lacking in sexual desire for either sex, may engage in purely emotional romantic relationships.[19][20][21] Terms concerning this:
aromantic: lack of romantic attraction towards anyone of any gender
biromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of either gender
heteroromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of the opposite gender
homoromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender
panromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of any gender or lack of gender
transromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of variant or ambiguous gender
polyromantic: romantic attraction towards person(s) of more than one gender or sex but without implying, as biromantic does, that there are only two genders or sexes

Does that make you asexual as well, or not?

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are never necessarily the same. I am a hetero romantic asexual, hence, I am romantically attracted to the opposite gender (I do indeed 'fall in love', for the layman). Aromantic people do not become romantically attracted to any gender, often their relationships stay fairly platonic. It is quite possible to have homoromantic heterosexuals or hetero romantic homosexuals (which could account for some people who identify as bisexual, and even aromantic sexual people as well. It really depends on the person, human sexuality and gender are very diverse. Many people often use their own combination of romantic attraction and sexual attraction as the norm (hence all the people believing arelationship requires sex as well as love when it doesn't have to be the case). Why they do that is a whole other bag of worms with metaphysical and psychological implications that I don't want to get into right now (suffice to say it would require a lot of writing and I'm busy with essays on Hegel and Foucault right now).

Ah, good ol' Michel Foucault. I don't envy you, glad my essay writing days are long over. This wasn't directed at you, so your reply did nothing to enlighten me. I was asking is he was asexual, because I'm interested if sexually active beings were defining themselves as aromantic. Purely because it seems like a cop out way of explaining that they're a dick. With asexuals, I can easily understand this predicament. With sexually active people... not so much.

I'll be glad when I'm done too, though I find Foucault quite interesting.

That was the issue I was trying to address, but I doubt you'll find many people labeling themselves with a romantic orientation. As I've said, most people don't see a difference between their romantic orientation and their sexual orientation. Most aren't going to notice unless you introduce the concept to them. Anyhow, most people can't use being aromantic as an excuse for their actions. Most aromantics I've come across aren't sociopathic, they simply don't make that same emotional connection we call 'love'. This would be a lot easier if there was someone here that was aromantic to explain what they feel. Or check the AVEN Wiki, that'd be easier than me flailing around lol.

It's fair enough. I can imagine that if someone truly is aromantic, but sexually interested, their life must be a *****. Cheers for explaining some of it though fella!

 

[Leg End]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Hell, no. Why have a relationship wherein you can't take part in the highest expression of intimacy?

But you CAN hug people if you are Asexual. :/

HUG vs. Make Love.

Hug loses.

Nope.

I would rather engage in the act of firmly holding the one I love, acting as a guardian than penetrate her in an act of coitus.

Also, she is forever in love with Syaoran.

I am her fucking guardian, Loli-Damneet. (O_O)

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-

you completely misunderstand, no one thinks that. it's just that it's not about just sexing up your partner and being done with it, it is about engaging in the biggest possible act of intimacy and romance together. sure you can have sex with some one like that, and it can be fun. but it's not the same knowing that you're doing it with someone nonsexual.

I think you also misunderstand.
That edit was not aimed at you, it is aimed at the droves of people, both on this site and off, online and off, who do incorrectly assume that asexuals/nonsexuals are unable to have sex for some reason.
We're not interested, not celibate.
Sure, some may be, but the same can be said of any other sexuality.
And you have a nice opinion, but sadly, unless you can get into the head of everyone who has sex, it is wrong.
It could be said that if I were to have sex with someone, it would be more intimate/special, as I was not motivated to do so through sexual attractions, but purely from the love I have for the other person.

 

[Casual Shinji]

There can be love without sex. Hell, I can have sex with my boyfriend, just not interested. I can feel everything, I'm just not interested.

Not to pry or be judgemental, but is he okay with that?

I'm no expert on the matter, but typically the joy of sex is that you're not just enjoying it yourself but that you're making your partner feel good aswell. Wouldn't having sex with someone who has absolutely no interest in being sexually stimulated pretty much nullify this whole merger of primitive emotions and urges? It would be like dancing the tango with someone who has zero interest in dancing; You can still perform it, but the core sensation of two bodies insync with eachother is just not there.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it would seem a little odd.

OT: It would have to be one hell of an amazing girl. I would ultimately want to physically share myself with her and if that's out of the question, then there would have to be something exponentially glorious about her mere presence and personality for me to be fine with that.

 

[Kathinka]

Snip

i know it wasn't aimed at me, i was just throwing that in

the part about having sex with no sexual atraction being more intimate/special makes not the slightest sense though.

Whenever a subject like asexuality or similar is raised, you then can't help but be a sceptic when so many people put their hands up and say they are. All you think about is many of the members being fairly young and in a lifestyle that potentially secludes them, and you come to the conclusion that they may only identify with

this pretty much sums up large parts of the phenomenon, way better than i could have expressed it. the attidite might be a little flawed, as you say, but i think there are large portions of truth about it. it's why i have trouble taking some rather young self proclaimed asexuals in long-distance relationships with partners they have not yet or have only a few times met seriously.

 

[Leg End]

There can be love without sex. Hell, I can have sex with my boyfriend, just not interested. I can feel everything, I'm just not interested.

Not to pry or be judgemental, but is he okay with that?

Yes, yes he is.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-
Not to pry or be judgemental, but is he okay with that?

Well, you can take a look at his post [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.272598-Poll-Would-you-date-an-asexual-person?page=5#10515333], or ask him, yourself <3
I would happily do whatever I can to bring happiness to him.
I guess it is part of my personality. I exist to serve.
If sex will make him happy, then I guess it is on the menu. I have no interest in doing it for myself, but I would do it for him, without question.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-

i know it wasn't aimed at me, i was just throwing that in

the part about having sex with no sexual atraction being more intimate/special makes not the slightest sense though.

Well, look at it this way: I do it completely for him. Selflessly. I have no interest in the act, it is something personal that I would give freely without reward to the person I love.
With sexual couples, they both have an interest in it.
He has an interest, and I'd do it to make him happy. To be with him, and have the knowledge that I had made him happy.
Eh, that probably still doesn't help. You need to experience it to understand.
And yes, I have experienced both sides.
Not always have I been this way. Perhaps it will change again, but I have no way of knowing that.
But I've accepted the change that happened to me.

 

[Leg End]

[
As for what my boyfriend thinks, why don't you ask him yourself [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.272598-Poll-Would-you-date-an-asexual-person?page=5#10515333]?

Who? You just linked to a page. If your boyfriend is a member of this site couldn?t you just post a link to his account?

*facedesk*

She linked to his post. (-_-)

EDIT: Also, congrats on the triple 4.

 

[Katherine Kerensky]

-Snip-

Who? You just linked to a page. If your boyfriend is a member of this site couldn?t you just post a link to his account?

Incidentally, my web browser goes to the post, thus the permalink to the post.
I've gotten so used to it, I didn't realise that some may not do the same.
Also, he has the bottom post on that page.
I did consider linking his profile, but... linking his actual comment aslo shows part of his view, if just that post isn't enough for some people with other questions.

 

[bladax]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

Sorry Im probably about to make an ass out of myself but... well If we get along great WONDERFUL! but there will be sex. After all unless we are in the matrix they still have an anus or mouth. Again sorry If That sounded rude.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

This seems like the right place to put this: asexual people confuse the ever-loving shit out of me. Seriously, it just baffles my mind. How can you be a human being and NOT want sex of any kind at any time?

It's fucking weird in my book....but maybe that's cause I'm a very sexual-minded person. It just seems...unnatural (irony coming from a gay guy, but it does).

 

[mechanixis]

I think that's called "friendship."

 

[Leg End]

[
As for what my boyfriend thinks, why don't you ask him yourself [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.272598-Poll-Would-you-date-an-asexual-person?page=5#10515333]?

Who? You just linked to a page. If your boyfriend is a member of this site couldn?t you just post a link to his account?

*facedesk*

She linked to his post. (-_-)

And when I clicked on it just went to the page not to any specific post.

Well, I can't remove this bruise. :/

Though, what browser do you use?

 

[Casual Shinji]

-Snip-
Not to pry or be judgemental, but is he okay with that?

Well, you can take a look at his post [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.272598-Poll-Would-you-date-an-asexual-person?page=5#10515333], or ask him, yourself <3
I would happily do whatever I can to bring happiness to him.
I guess it is part of my personality. I exist to serve.
If sex will make him happy, then I guess it is on the menu. I have no interest in doing it for myself, but I would do it for him, without question.

Well, mix me in with eggs and flower and bake me to a light crisp! You and him?

This is me flabbergasted > *flabbergasted!!!*

I really need to stay intouch more with the goings on on this forum.

 

[gaiaquasar]

I have an open marriage, and great sex. I would definitely be interested in a romantic relationship with an interesting person, even if sex isn't on the table. Once you realize that sex is not the only thing that makes a relationship work, it becomes more about making connections with people. Those connections can be intimate, or intense, or physical, or emotional, or some combination.

 

[Illesdan]

Let's say you meet an asexual guy/girl who is heteromantic/homoromantic (Depending on your gender/sexual orientation). The two of you get along great and develop feelings for each other, do you think you could engage in a long term relationship with someone even if the two of you will probably never have sex?

I have it all, baby! I'm married and HAVE a great relationship with an asexual man. My husband is the best friend with benefits while my asexual friend is the fun one I go out and do stuff with when I can't drag my husband out of the house.

Life. Is. Good.