Poll: Would you ever pursue someone who is taken?
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Sounds like a sure-fire way of getting punched in the fact and being called a scumbag, in my opinion. How confident in you would that woman be if you won her over by not caring whether she was in a relationship or not? How confident would you be knowing she can quite easily cheat on her boyfriends?Brawndo said:
Trust is a big thing.
I don't really know how to describe my feelings on this. I do not actively pursue women who are involved in relationships. However, if the relationship is bad, then I wouldn't have any problem letting her know that if she wants a change, I'm up for it. I guess that's the best way I can describe it. Although that seems a little more on the yes side than what I actually mean.
Oh well.
Oh well.
Dennis Reynolds isn't my idol for nothing!
so yes I would, unless it was marriage because they've made the commitment and I'd feel like a dick if I broke it.
so yes I would, unless it was marriage because they've made the commitment and I'd feel like a dick if I broke it.
Yes, you have to look after your... wait, you mean "taken" as in "seeing someone else", not as in "kidnapped by a rival clan", don't you?
'eh, too late to change my vote now, but, no, if a girl's seeing a guy, that means she likes him, this isn't some movie where women are inexplicably going out with men they hate for plot convenience. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you, wouldn't she?
No reason you shouldn't hover around like a vulture waiting for them to break up, though.
'eh, too late to change my vote now, but, no, if a girl's seeing a guy, that means she likes him, this isn't some movie where women are inexplicably going out with men they hate for plot convenience. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you, wouldn't she?
No reason you shouldn't hover around like a vulture waiting for them to break up, though.
Relationships, however troublesome, are not to be violated. Besides. If you go after a taken woman, and she turns away from her boyfriend and onto you, how long do you think you'll last before you start arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes, and she lets herself be whisked away by the next 'exciting' new face?
If you have any success in taking a taken woman, it means other people will be successful in taking her from you. If you have any respect for the woman, for the concept of relationships, and for yourself, you'd stay safely away.
If you have any success in taking a taken woman, it means other people will be successful in taking her from you. If you have any respect for the woman, for the concept of relationships, and for yourself, you'd stay safely away.
I've tried back in high school with a girl that was clearly about to end the relationship anyway. still left a bad taste in my soul though.
I did, and to a certain success I might add.
It was under circumstances, her ex was srsly controlling and really making her unhappy, so I white knighted her out.
Never a married woman, ever.
It was under circumstances, her ex was srsly controlling and really making her unhappy, so I white knighted her out.
Never a married woman, ever.
I wouldn't say that makes you "True Neutral" so much as "a self-centered d-bag." At the risk of a flame warning, but seriously, we're talking about breaking up a relationship based on what you want. How else does a halfway decent person describe it *without* coming off as flaming?TheDarkEricDraven said:
Absolutely not. Having been on the receiving end of that once--where someone else was going after my SO at the time and eventually that led to me getting cheated on and eventually dumped for the other person--I wouldn't want to risk inflicting that sort of thing on anyone else.
No, never.
If there's a guy that I really like and I find out that he's already taken then he's off limits. I'm not going to ruin his current relationship just because I feel like being selfish and completely disregard his choices.
Also, if, for whatever reason, I decide to do that, what makes me think he won't leave me hanging when some other girl comes along and shows interest? Not worth it.
If there's a guy that I really like and I find out that he's already taken then he's off limits. I'm not going to ruin his current relationship just because I feel like being selfish and completely disregard his choices.
Also, if, for whatever reason, I decide to do that, what makes me think he won't leave me hanging when some other girl comes along and shows interest? Not worth it.
Unless I know the guy she's with, or there's a ring on her finger, I see all women as free game, if I'm better for a girl than the guy she's with, then she can choose, and he can suck it up and learn to be a better man. May sound cruel, but in nature that's how it works, it's all one big competition, if you can't compete, or refuse to compete you lose by default.
Uhm logic would decree that if the woman is willing to cheat on her boyfriend for you, then she's just as willing to cheat on you for someone else. Why would you want to associate romantically with someone who can't even be faithful enough to their current partner.
The Idea that you can woo a woman off her feet, get her to ditch her current boyfriend with your greatness and live happily ever after is absolutely retarded. I'm certain I'll be quoted by someone recounting a valiant tale of how they did this and ended up in such a 'great' relationship. I don't particularly care, it just means they haven't found someone to replace you yet. That could be an insult or a compliment, I'll let you decide.
The Idea that you can woo a woman off her feet, get her to ditch her current boyfriend with your greatness and live happily ever after is absolutely retarded. I'm certain I'll be quoted by someone recounting a valiant tale of how they did this and ended up in such a 'great' relationship. I don't particularly care, it just means they haven't found someone to replace you yet. That could be an insult or a compliment, I'll let you decide.
Lots of guys responding to this one - goes both ways y'know. Anyway, yes, sometimes it's appropriate to court those in a relationship, particularly if you are aware of that relationship being an unhappy one. It is true that women (at least in my experience and that of my friends) tend to stay with a guy even if they are not keen on the relationship lasting forever, for lots of reasons - some of them very practical and rational and others more related to emotional insecurity and/or societal perception of being "alone."
That said, the more assertive women in relationships who are unhappy are probably already on the hunt for themselves and if they haven't baited a trap for you, you're not on their list of potentials. As someone who has not been single for 15 years, but only in my current (very happily engaged, I might add before anyone calls me something rude) for 10, I have some experience with this process.
On the other hand, some men act the same way, but usually out of what I assume to be a denial factor of the failure of the current relationship and the stigma attached to failing with a woman in society that their gender seems unduly burdened with. Basically, my view of why men "cheat" (and I never liked that term, since it seems to contextualize long term relationships as a test and anything outside the relationship like a sheet of crib notes or something similarly ridiculous) is that it is somehow better for them to have two women at once, one they are obviously unhappy with or they wouldn't be going elsewhere and one they can't create real relationship with because of aforementioned woman, than to "fail" with one woman by leaving her to go look for the next; whereas women "cheat" when they are preparing to leave the man they're with, but have guilt about making him out to be such a failure when in fact they just aren't that into him anymore. At least that's how I always felt about it - getting a guy to break up with me because my breaking up with him would be painful to him was always the worst part about ending a relationship in my younger years.
Then again, being solicited when one is in a relationship they are happy (or happy enough, depending on the circumstances) in is really quite bothersome, and can cause problems where there weren't problems before - sometimes causing the relationship they are in to become unhappy and/or end prematurely.
It also depends largely on the relationship in question. A "friends with benefits" relationship is pretty open to outside courtship, generally speaking, and usually viewed as a temporary situation by both parties anyway, but a marriage is supposed to be something binding and impenetrable from the outside, ideally speaking. There's a lot of gray area there too - and age groups take these things differently. A couple movies and a dinner does not a "relationship" make in some people's opinion, for other people that's already serious. There are a lot of factors to consider.
So, in answer to your question: it isn't a very good way to go about finding a relationship for yourself, in my opinion. If someone in a relationship wants to change over to being in one with you, they'll let you know - fishing for that can put you in a position to become a problem for everyone, and also isn't very nice, and is - as you can observe from some of the other responses, rather frowned upon. By both genders, I might add. When I was in the market, I always considered a man who was with another woman to be "hers" in every aspect of the word and wouldn't consider going after him under any circumstances. Now, if he were to seek me out without any actions on my part to encourage that - then that's a different thing in a way, and I would consider it - but usually, as a woman, dealing with the previous woman is way more hassle than that guy is likely to be worth, especially if he will be shopping around to one-up me while I deal with that mess.
That said, the more assertive women in relationships who are unhappy are probably already on the hunt for themselves and if they haven't baited a trap for you, you're not on their list of potentials. As someone who has not been single for 15 years, but only in my current (very happily engaged, I might add before anyone calls me something rude) for 10, I have some experience with this process.
On the other hand, some men act the same way, but usually out of what I assume to be a denial factor of the failure of the current relationship and the stigma attached to failing with a woman in society that their gender seems unduly burdened with. Basically, my view of why men "cheat" (and I never liked that term, since it seems to contextualize long term relationships as a test and anything outside the relationship like a sheet of crib notes or something similarly ridiculous) is that it is somehow better for them to have two women at once, one they are obviously unhappy with or they wouldn't be going elsewhere and one they can't create real relationship with because of aforementioned woman, than to "fail" with one woman by leaving her to go look for the next; whereas women "cheat" when they are preparing to leave the man they're with, but have guilt about making him out to be such a failure when in fact they just aren't that into him anymore. At least that's how I always felt about it - getting a guy to break up with me because my breaking up with him would be painful to him was always the worst part about ending a relationship in my younger years.
Then again, being solicited when one is in a relationship they are happy (or happy enough, depending on the circumstances) in is really quite bothersome, and can cause problems where there weren't problems before - sometimes causing the relationship they are in to become unhappy and/or end prematurely.
It also depends largely on the relationship in question. A "friends with benefits" relationship is pretty open to outside courtship, generally speaking, and usually viewed as a temporary situation by both parties anyway, but a marriage is supposed to be something binding and impenetrable from the outside, ideally speaking. There's a lot of gray area there too - and age groups take these things differently. A couple movies and a dinner does not a "relationship" make in some people's opinion, for other people that's already serious. There are a lot of factors to consider.
So, in answer to your question: it isn't a very good way to go about finding a relationship for yourself, in my opinion. If someone in a relationship wants to change over to being in one with you, they'll let you know - fishing for that can put you in a position to become a problem for everyone, and also isn't very nice, and is - as you can observe from some of the other responses, rather frowned upon. By both genders, I might add. When I was in the market, I always considered a man who was with another woman to be "hers" in every aspect of the word and wouldn't consider going after him under any circumstances. Now, if he were to seek me out without any actions on my part to encourage that - then that's a different thing in a way, and I would consider it - but usually, as a woman, dealing with the previous woman is way more hassle than that guy is likely to be worth, especially if he will be shopping around to one-up me while I deal with that mess.
It depends on what you mean by 'persue'. I was into this girl who had a bf, but we just stayed friends (we eventually got together, long story). But I think that finding out that a girl your into is sleeping with somebody and then blowing them off the second after is an even bigger dick move.
Dramatized of course
Dramatized of course
My fiancee was in a relationship when I met her. There was a mutual romantic undertone to each of our conversations. She would call and text me more than her boyfriend. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I knew she was unhappy in hers. She would complain about him all the time and I told her she should break up with him. About a week after she did I asked her out. My point is I only pursued it because I knew she was unhappy and we both liked each other. If she was in a happy relationship I would not have pursued it. I would have been in the on deck position as a friend but I would not wait forever for her.