Poll: You are an evil overlord! Which army of mooks do you employ?

[Akytalusia]

i s'pose they could be considered minions. but what i do is discreetly manipulate the current world leaders. my pawns literally have armies of their own pawns, all serving my ends. trickling down, the whole world is already in the palm of my hand, to shape as i please, from the beginning.

 

[WouldYouKindly]

Stormtroopers. Mostly because they're kind of people so I can mold them to be what I need. It's better if your minions are creative and able to effectively suppress rather than just murder everything. You've got to have a sliding scale of response rather than just a zombies button.

 

[ISearchForTraps]

Easily Cybermen, they defeat all the other armies combined with ease:

Stormtroopers, legendary for being pathetic, lost to Ewoks.
Koopa Troopas, shells won't do much to Cybermen.
Orcs, Pre-Gunpowder weapons will be ineffective against Cybermen.
Zombies, Bites won't penetrate the metal outer casing.
Roman Army, like with Orcs, Pre-Gunpowder weapons won't do much.
Skynet, was losing to the remnants of early 21st Century humanity, Terminators were meant to turn the tide. Cybermen are far more numerous and technologically advanced.
The Martians, were killed by microbes, Cybermen can easily engineer a virus, and their Walkers don't compare to Cyberships.

So yeah, Cybermen could roflstomp all the others at the same time.

 

[ISearchForTraps]

Cybermen. Not the rubbish Nuwho ones that are half-arsed Borg rip offs, the old ones the Borg were half arsed rip off of.

Yeah, the Cybermen only lose when The Doctor is around, or humans have access to the Glittergun. Without those elements they are nigh-unbeatable in-canon. It took the entire galaxy uniting against them to topple them, they are cunning, ruthless, and utterly deadly. Unlike the others on the list, who are either incompetent or simply not in their league.

 

[MikailCaboose]

Orcs definitely. Even though Storm Troopers have ridiculous technology while remaining loyal, orcs just seem...easier. I'd rather have an army that I know can be kept in line simply by showing them a target and saying "Have at 'em", and I'd not want a group like the Cybermen or Terminators who, let's be honest, would easily be able and willing to turn on me.

 

[ISearchForTraps]

Orcs definitely. Even though Storm Troopers have ridiculous technology while remaining loyal, orcs just seem...easier. I'd rather have an army that I know can be kept in line simply by showing them a target and saying "Have at 'em", and I'd not want a group like the Cybermen or Terminators who, let's be honest, would easily be able and willing to turn on me.

I wouldn't be so sure, LOTR Orcs were only loyal to Sauron because he was a Maiar and controlled them through force of will, you'd need to be pretty amazing to command them. As for Cybermen or Skynet turning on you, that's true, but while Skynet will most likely kill a puny human like you, if you're lucky and especially skilled and intelligent, the Cybermen may Upgrade you into a Cyberman, maybe even a Cyber Controller if you're really useful. Giving you a position of power even if you were turned on.

 

[KoudelkaMorgan]

I picked Stormtroopers. Not because I'm a huge Star Wars fan, as I am not.

I just saw crippling flaws in my other top choices. Orcs are rather messy and smelly, and they could turn on you. Skynet WILL turn on you.

Storm Troopers are essentially an army of completely expendable clones, trained from zygotes and essentially programmed to do your bidding.

You want an army of Halo-style super soldiers? You can make them. You want an army of fishmen, suicide bombers, flying squirrel snipers, or radioactive gelatinous cubes? Clone the mofos and go to war.

 

[TheKwertyeweyoppe]

Can I have an army... of Godzillas?

 

[-Dragmire-]

I'd take those pig guys from BattleToads, they kicked my ass enough to make me give up trying... Might be a good army to have.

Or Prinnies for explosive uses...

 

[Vegosiux]

I find the lack of Prinnies disturbing.

You totally win the thread, dood!

But I shall still take the liberty of choosing the Koopa Troop from the provided list.

And if I could choose anything, including stuff that's not provided on the list, then I'd go with an army of evil Hero Boys. While the world is dying of laughter, I'll discreetly take over. Cookies for the people who get the reference. (But, would you trust a cookie from me, hmmm...)

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

My mooks would be insects. All of them. Muhahahahahaha. An clowns, just to scare those that dont give a crap about insects.

!!!! FLAMING CLOWN SPIDERS !!!!

That would truly be horrifying. You would give so many people nightmares!

I have it. Asian Giant Hornets. Billions of them. I wouldn't so much as command them as simply unleash them, and watch them swarm and sting the unholy bejesus out of everyone. As long as I had a way to keep them from attacking me we're good.

 

[FancyNick]

I picked Koopas. I doubt their effectiveness but it would certainly be amusing. Until I am overthrown and hanged for my heresy that is.

 

[Quazimofo]

I'd personally actually prefer a good Battle Company of a few hundred of the Warhammer 40K Adeptus Astartes Space Marines, but I guess that would be a bit OP? xD

Well, depends on who the opposition is... Chaos Marines/Daemons, yeah, fair fight...

Grey Knights? With Draigo?! That's OP...

OT:

Spoiler: Man, I need to watch this again...

I'm sure a crew of monsters will be able to cause some trouble... -_-

Well, in this particular scenario I think we mean modern Earth (since he mentioned that Romans would be out-teched compared to today's standards) soooo? yeah?

?Earth would be screwed. (So long as I successfully hide the fact that the world they're attacking is a pre-historic Holy Terra of course. "Look guys, these guys have literally no symbols worshipping the Emperor! They must be corrupted by Chaos! Cleanse them all!")

And that's why you get Death Korps and explain the situation to the comissariat and generals.

 

[rutger5000]

My mooks would be insects. All of them. Muhahahahahaha. An clowns, just to scare those that dont give a crap about insects.

!!!! FLAMING CLOWN SPIDERS !!!!

Change spider to cockroach and then you will be the sickest evilish person ever.

As much as I'd like to take credit for the brilliant find of flaming clown spiders, it's simpely not my work. It's a reference, just google flaming clown spiders, watch the video and you'll know what I'm talking about.

 

[saintpinhead]

Skynet - I will make myself a cyborg (like Marcus in the newest film), I will then join with skynet becoming one and the same, so no usurping.

Of course if it were my actual army of choice, I would use an army of overly sexualized beautiful girls aged 16-28 wearing skimpy outfits, for various reasons...

1. I'm Evil, I can drop all social pretence and rules and just be unapologetically sexist. An army of beautiful women obeying their superior male leader is very good for the mega-ego.

2. There can be only one alpha male. The rest need to be crushed.

3. They would be able to infiltrate pretty much any country easy enough "hiding in plain sight" sort of thing.

4. They would be excellent at distracting and stealth killing most military personnel.

5. My cooking and cleaning would be covered.

6. Having to fight an entire army of "synchronized" female soldiers every 4 weeks will spread the kind of fear to my enemies the way no other army could.

7. I want to be able to boast have screwed an entire army of beautiful women, and you know actually screw the entire army of beautiful women too.

... and I could go on and on.

It works up until the start fighting with each other, they would be worse of than the orcs. When they "synchronize" it would be much worse. Also have you ever tried to boss around a group of pissed of teens/women before. I do not think that will be ending pretty. Last, just because you have an army of them doesn't make them ruthless killers. The koopas have a better chance, at least they are trained. Poorly but still trained.

 

[kickyourass]

I'd go with either Storm Troopers or Orcs from LOTR, though before I did a single thing with this army, I would implement the most nightmarish training program straight from Hell I could find until they could nail a dime at a 500 meters or hold a formation that would make a Roman general proud, whichever level of tech I was working with. (Plus Storm Troopers have Star Destroyers, if something can't be solved with a ground engagement I have an excuse to blast a continent to dust)

 

[saintpinhead]

I picked Koopas. I doubt their effectiveness but it would certainly be amusing. Until I am overthrown and hanged for my heresy that is.

At least with a koopa army you have variety. As a last resort send the ball on a chain to each country. Take away the chain, and hope no one finds a star power up. Past all of that use the turtles, just keep them away from areas with lots of fire/lava/water. Then have the cloud guys and the hammer guys join forces and rain down koopa glory on everyone. Just wait until Halloween and the ghosts can join in on the fun.

 

[Kyr Knightbane]

Give me a legion of Vampires. Not sparkly ones, or ones addicted to sex. I want a legion of Reaper Strain Vampires:

We'll just destroy everything. Start off on this planet and then move to the next. I'm sure i'll encounter someone with super Tech and eventually cure them of their incessant need to feed and then they'll be invincible. A daywalker? Thats cool, he had trouble with 1 Reaper. How about 1000? or 100,000? Or an entire PLANET worth?

 

[Malty Milk Whistle]

I'd personally actually prefer a good Battle Company of a few hundred of the Warhammer 40K Adeptus Astartes Space Marines, but I guess that would be a bit OP? xD

I go with clone troopers. Sure, they may not be able to hit for shit, but they did help create and maintain a galactic empire? and that has to count for something?

I'd go for a big 'ole chunk of Iron Warriors renegades, mainly due to baddassery, and the HUGE amount of mecha demon dinosaur gunbots that will be rampaging around.
And I could turn into a robot. So there's that.

From that list? Probably orcs, just give 'em cheap and cheerful guns and let them do the rest.
And when all the puny humans are dead, set 'em to building HUGE statues of yours truly.

 

[saintpinhead]

Definitely stormtroopers... but only because they have the best equipment by far. Then I'd revamp their training regimen. I'm sure they've got the old pre-imperial training documents laying around somewhere. I'd take a bit of that and a bit of what I know to make them less a fear-dependent police force, more a military again.

Do I get the space-naval vessels that they're stationed on too?

Develop a airborne virus to only target their genes, that way if they step foot on out planet and breath our air they are dead. Next we will contaminate all of our water supply with this as well.