Poll: You get a free wish (from an asshole genie)

[Soods]

I'd wish for a TARDIS (manual included). I know I'd eventually make the universe explode with paradoxes, but it would still be awesome.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

Me? I'd wish for the genie to shut the hell up, then continue on my merry way.

He shuts the gates of hell up forever. Demons with nowhere else to go rise to the surface and terrorize humanity.

Best not to use figures of speech when making a wish.

 

[Logan55689]

I wish for an improbability drive, turn it on, and then wish for the ability to poke loopholes in anything. I finally wish that the genie will take pictures of the world from space. For eternity.

 

[SilentCom]

What if I wish for something bad? would the genie try doing the opposite and essentially do something good? Reverse psychology!

 

[Damien Black]

"I wish 'X'... in such a way that the execution of this wish is in complete accordance with my own present desires should I be made aware the complete and total extent of all consequences of said wish. Further, that the execution of the wish shall deal no harm, as I currently perceive harm, to me or anyone I care about. This must take into account and not alter my present understanding of any of these words. Nothing outside of the parameters of this wish shall be granted secondarily. Finally, should any aspects of fulfilling this wish be contradictory to laws governing existence or logic and inflict harm as I perceive it, you [the genie] will first submit those as difficulties for revision before granting the wish."

I leave "X" open because I can't think of anything in particular that would be worth my only wish on.

 

[dfphetteplace]

I would wish that no matter what, when I wished to buy something, I could reach into my whatever I'm wearing pocket and pull out the exact change every time no matter how expensive. That way I wouldn't be wishing for a million dollars and have to worry about it. This might backfire somehow, but seems good right now.

 

[PayneTrayne]

....I'll have a coke then.

If you fill in the ellipsis with a racist story about genies, you win!

 

[poppabaggins]

I would get a team of lawyers to draft up a perfectly loophole-free wish and submit it to the genie. Yay lawyers! (wait, did I just say that?)

 

[Thundero13]

I wish for a different genie who would be someone that I consider to be nice to grant my wish... is that allowed?
Or just ask for something inconsequential like, I dunno, a pancake that doesn't have any ingredients I wouldn't enjoy on their own inside it that I also consider to be nice tasting... can't think of any catch, and if he can then it can't be something big... right?

 

[Princess Rose]

Congratulations! You just summoned a magic genie, and as a reward, the genie will grant you one wish.

The catch, obviously, is that he's a complete asshole who will try and use your own wish against you. You wish to be the most attractive guy on Earth, he kills everyone less attractive than you. You wish to meet George Clooney, he convinces a serial killer to change his name to George Clooney and sends him to your house. You wish to end world hunger, he eliminates "hunger" meaning "desire for food". Everyone loses the drive to eat, and we all die of starvation. Et cetera, et cetera.

I wish for personal restorer nanites that give me complete control over my body, and that I can share blood-born with another.

This is always my wish with a genie. I'm not sure if this counts as a massive wish or an inconsequential wish, but either way, it's what I wish for.

Since I'm basically wishing for magical robots that cure all disease, heal all injury, and grant an extended lifespan, and for them to be entirely under my control, I think I'm pretty safe. And, if not, fuck it - it's worth the risk.

I'd never have to diet again. Never have to take another birth control pill (or any other kind of pill), and I wouldn't have to shave my legs or bikini area anymore. Plus, I could up my cup size to C without surgery.

Plus, if everything worked out okay, I could share with a few special people. I'd have control over their health (or they would, depending on how the genie interpreted the wish, but I'm assuming worst-case here), so I could keep them from getting sick either. Plus other modifications upon request.

 

[Willem]

i wish for a big cock to rape all the children with fuck

 

[CaptainKoala]

I would wish for two wishes, and make one wish that I have the best lawyer in the world to write a loop-hole free contract so I can safely make my second wish.

 

[CaptainKoala]

i wish for a big cock to rape all the children with fuck

Ummmmmmmm...... wat?

 

[cthulhumythos]

Congratulations! You just summoned a magic genie, and as a reward, the genie will grant you one wish.

The catch, obviously, is that he's a complete asshole who will try and use your own wish against you. You wish to be the most attractive guy on Earth, he kills everyone less attractive than you. You wish to meet George Clooney, he convinces a serial killer to change his name to George Clooney and sends him to your house. You wish to end world hunger, he eliminates "hunger" meaning "desire for food". Everyone loses the drive to eat, and we all die of starvation. Et cetera, et cetera.

What would you do? Would you wish for something so simple it couldn't have serious consequences, would you wish for the thing you've always wanted, but make the wish so intricate and specific, it would (hopefully) be free of loophole abuse, would you try to use your wish to give the genie a taste of his own medicine, or would you be like these guys [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0y5dHmVRIc] and not care what happens?

You can always take the War Games approach, ("The only winning move is not to play") but the genie will follow you around until you wish for something or die. No one else can hear or see him, but he'll try to be as annoying to you as possible.

Specify what exactly you'd wish for in the comments. If you think your wish is incapable of being twisted, please so say, and I'll try to prove you wrong.

NOTE: No, you can't wish for more wishes, nor can you wish for the ability to grant wishes or other reality-altering powers. Just... no.

wish for an unexpected consequence.

 

[QuantumT]

I'm pretty sure a catch all for this is:

"I wish for _____. Specifically, I wish for exactly what I intend with those words, not whatever screwed up interpretation of them you use."

 

[tomenater42]

i wish i could catch all the pokemons

 

[Aleos Vance]

I would wish that the genie had could not interact with the whole of existance, or affect it in any way following this wish.

 

[KAPTAINmORGANnWo4life]

"I wish that everybody I ever meet, or ever have met, will, no matter the circumstances, respect me, and that respect could then progressively become affection (in the form of friendship or love) in a way that is congruous with the natural progression of Earth Human of the 21st century AD of the Gregorian Calendar relationships, and find me to be an agreeable person who is worthy of trust, and deserving of any request I could make of them, so long as that request is not made rhetorically, sarcastically, or in such a manner that it would require doing something that they either have no ability (either skill or the means to perform the task easily available according to the judgement they use outside the effects of this wish), or would not have the desire to do so under other circumstances."



Fuck you, genie. THE POWER OF RUN-ON SENTENCES TRUMPS ASSHOLE GENIES.

 

[JMeganSnow]

"I wish you weren't an asshole and would give me a nice wish out of the kindness of your heart."