Poll: Your view on parents spanking their children?

[The White Hunter]

I'm studying psychology at my university and I took a class a few semesters ago on developmental psychology. From what I read in that class, hitting a child is not only an ineffective form of punishment (they rarely can foresee the consequences of their actions if they even understand the concept of consequence), but can be terribly damaging to a child's mental state. A child may often learn to fear rather than respect a parent's authority which can damage the long term relationship with their parents and even develop self esteem and self efficacy issues.

Punishment is better often taught through other means such as the classic time out for the little ones or additional household chores if the child is a bit older. The reason parents will sometimes say these don't work is that the kid naturally rebels against the punishment and the parent does not have the strength of will or time to make the child follow through.

And beyond the psychological effects, hitting a child is sickening, how is hitting something that is both helpless against you and totally unaware that it has done something wrong ever justified? Should we hit someone with brain damage if they misbehave? Should we hit an Alzheimer's patient when they act out? No, and neither should we hit a child.

As somebody who's done a fair bit of study into behaviour management on children I'd have to agree, though I'm really on the fence with the whole thing it's generally better to make sure the child understands what they did wrong and punish by loss of privilege as opposed to violence.

Also, parents should not play good cop bad cop or you just undermine each other
And two parents is better than one because when both respond to a childs behaviour in the same way it gives greater reinforcement of the intended message than if one adult responds.

I'd think of an example but fuck it. I'm leaving pedagogy anyway it's too much hard work for too little pay off.

 

[F'Angus]

Hell I got hit as a child...but I was a horrible child. I turned out pretty well, don't do drugs or steal cars or anything so I reckon it worked. If I'm allowed to I will hit my children.

 

[Kukakkau]

It should definitely be allowed where the situation warrants it - a deterrent of physical pain is one of the most effective methods of teaching any species. You touch something and get burnt, you won't do it again. You misbehave and get hurt for it, you'll think twice about repeating.

Spanking is great for that since it does the job of getting pain across and it's practically impossible to actually injure a child doing it, unless you are doing it horribly wrong

I notice a trend now as well where kids who are growing up after it became common place to frown on spanking are mostly growing up to be detestable little shits who don't think twice about behaving badly and have no fear of consequences.

But of course words should be used in preference and spanking should only be used for some more major offences

 

[TheIronRuler]

Hell I got hit as a child...but I was a horrible child. I turned out pretty well, don't do drugs or steal cars or anything so I reckon it worked. If I'm allowed to I will hit my children.

How are you planning to hit them?

 

[Kukakkau]

It was fucking hilarious, I read a recent study that showed that kids should not be punished at all, in any form ever. I'm not joking, you literally give in to the children on every single demand, and it's meant to produce happier parents, better kids etc

I just think this is the ultimate form for political correctness, it's simply reached its zenith

I have a friend who did some work out in a nursery and they were not allowed to touch any of the children in any way whatsoever, were not allowed to scold any children and had a list of banned words including: naughty, bad, misbehaving, stop and no

In other words they had to just stand there and watch them misbehave, even as they bully other children

 

[F'Angus]

Hell I got hit as a child...but I was a horrible child. I turned out pretty well, don't do drugs or steal cars or anything so I reckon it worked. If I'm allowed to I will hit my children.

How are you planning to hit them?

Probably Spank them...not gonna go punching them in the face or anything.

 

[Rule Britannia]

I made a thread similar to this a while ago . Interesting topic I thought


OT:
My parents spanked myself and my 2 older brothers when we were younger. This worked 100% of the time up until my oldest brother hit my mother back after she spanked him. The physical punishments stopped at that point.

 

[TheIronRuler]

It was fucking hilarious, I read a recent study that showed that kids should not be punished at all, in any form ever. I'm not joking, you literally give in to the children on every single demand, and it's meant to produce happier parents, better kids etc

I just think this is the ultimate form for political correctness, it's simply reached its zenith

I have a friend who did some work out in a nursery and they were not allowed to touch any of the children in any way whatsoever, were not allowed to scold any children and had a list of banned words including: naughty, bad, misbehaving, stop and no

In other words they had to just stand there and watch them misbehave, even as they bully other children

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I don't understand how they would realize what certain things are wrong or not if others with authority won't tell them themselves, thus teaching them... life.

 

[Keoul]

snip

You must of had SOME method of training the animal, they don't magically become obedient, I assume it would be something a long the line of treats? Because treats don't work on kids they start to "expect" treats.
I never said spanking didn't hurt, spanking's only useful purpose is discipline, that and for some fetishes but that's beside the point, if used with some restraint it won't exactly hurt ridiculous amounts, we're not talking full on beating the kid into submission with the palm of your hand, just enough to leave an impression so they realize "Hey, this hurts, why are they hitting me maybe I shouldn't do it next time".
If there was a more effective method to teach kids without the use of spanking then I'm all for it, I just feel that it's the most effective at the moment.

 

[Eternal_Lament]

So long as the parent is simply spanking the child then I have no issue. Sometimes a quick smack that isn't hard enough to cause damage but hard enough to cause notice is good enough. On it's own it doesn't do much, but it is an effective method to at least let the kid know that they are getting too out of line when coupled with explaining to the kid why what they did was wrong. Sometimes a simple grounding isn't good enough, especially if a) you're too young for grounding to even mean anything or b) your in a lifestyle where grounding is just putting you in the exact position you spend most of your days. It isn't exactly necessary for all parents to do, but neither is it completely unacceptable. Hell, I sometimes want to discipline kids that are out of line in public, I can only imagine that the parents that deal with them all day feel the same.

 

[Agayek]

Honestly, spankings are very much a good, if not necessarily needed, tool in the parenting toolbox. It has its place, and it really comes down to the situation whether or not it should be employed.

The only thing I'd say that is really needed when administering corporal punishment is that the kid understands why they're being subjected to it. Sit the kid down, explain that X was wrong and that they need to be punished for it, then smack 'em one. There should never be any permanent damage (hell, hard enough to make bruises is pretty borderline), but cuffing kids for fucking up can, and sometimes should, be used, so long as they understand why.

The line between corporal punishment and abuse is pretty clear: permanent damage and/or random assaults is abuse, brief pain for a clearly defined (and valid) reason is valid punishment. That's really all there is to it.

 

[Worgen]

Does more harm then good, the threat of a spank can be much more effective then an actual spank since there is a legal limit to how much you can beat your kids.

 

[CarbonEagle]

This is just the first step on the road to insanity. First you cant spank kids cause some parents beat them. Next you cant lecture kids cause some parents yell (which is apparently just as damaging as beating). After that you cant give them timeouts cause someone locked their kid in a room for a week. Next thing you know your not legally allowed to discipline your kid and we slide back to the stone age with everyone fighting over a piece of meat cause nobody has ever learned discipline. Its already happening with youth crime rates increasing.
Spank your kids but not out of anger. If they know they did something wrong you barely need to tap them and the message will get across.

 

[TheIronRuler]

Does more harm then good, the threat of a spank can be much more effective then an actual spank since there is a legal limit to how much you can beat your kids.

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You have a point. For that, don't let your child see you go back on your word.

 

[Veylon]

Spanking is an extreme measure and should only be used on very young kids who deliberately cross the line. Once they're older and can understand morals and cause and effect and such, then it shouldn't be used.

Is it physical assault? Yes, it is. Just as keeping your kids from leaving the house is imprisonment and making them wash the dishes and take out the trash is slavery. Unfortunately, youth lack the experience, knowledge, and intelligence to make informed decisions on their own, so parents have to be the authority figure and make them for them.

 

[Tayh]

>Checks poll results
>Loses faith in humanity

Spanking your child will not teach it what's right and what's wrong; it will teach it to fear you and/or resent you.
Talk to your child explain what she/he did wrong, explain what the acceptable course of action would have been, agree on a solution.

 

[elvor0]

I only had one parent growing up and I used to get a smack if I was being a little shit when I was a kid, (and only if I was being really out of order) then my mother would explain why she did it, and why what I was doing was wrong. There we go, you get the immediacy of the hurt, and the lesson about what you were doing was wrong, instilling a sense that you shouldn't be a dick, and here is why. Simple.

For example, I think I was throwing a tantrum once because my mum wouldn't buy me a toy, classic example, as she was trying to get me to calm down, I bit her,(I was really young at the time) so she gave me a clip round the ear. "Oh I better not do that again!" then, after I'm calmed down she explains why me throwing a tantrum is bad, why you shouldn't hurt people jut because they wont do what you want, I am more enlightened for it, and we're both happy again.

If a child has is being really, really bad, you can give them a smack. Then if you've done your best to bring them up properly, you should be able to sit down with them and explain things to them in a way they can understand, just hitting them is no good, because it doesn't explain anything to them. As you grow up you learn to understand how actions have consequences etc etc, and naturally think "oh I shouldn't do that because it's not a nice thing to do."

Because in real life, if you're a dick people tend to do a damn site more than give you a clip round the ear. And on the reverse of that, there are some people you just can't talk to, who need a smack in the mouth to instill a sense of humility. You can't ALWAYS talk about things.

Seriously, some of the people here need to understand the separation between abuse and a clip round the ear. You're acting like we're advocating beating your child with a metal rod until he's with an inch of his life. Fucking think about what your saying. It just stops me from taking any of you seriously, and I just think fuck off.

Look, I get on really well with my mother, and always have, I am not mental, a quivering wreck, insane, psychologically damaged, mutilated or damaged. In life, sometimes you get a smack for being a dick.

And it's not like I just don't agree with anyone against me just for the sake of it, it's just some people go "IT'S CHILD ABUSE AND RAPE AND TORTURE AND STICK MY FINGERS IN MY EARS! YOU'RE ALL EVIL CHILD ABUSERS! NO NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING!" You're not actually looking at things in like... real life or context.

The people who actually go on to explain themselves generally have good points and I can say "okay fair enough, I see where you're coming from". I don't /agree/ with them, but I can see their point. Rather than just using ludicrous hyperbole and straw-mans.

 

[TheIronRuler]

This is just the first step on the road to insanity. First you cant spank kids cause some parents beat them. Next you cant lecture kids cause some parents yell (which is apparently just as damaging as beating). After that you cant give them timeouts cause someone locked their kid in a room for a week. Next thing you know your not legally allowed to discipline your kid and we slide back to the stone age with everyone fighting over a piece of meat cause nobody has ever learned discipline. Its already happening with youth crime rates increasing.
Spank your kids but not out of anger. If they know they did something wrong you barely need to tap them and the message will get across.

No, if we accept your absurd slippery slope fallacy as valid soon we'll have to ban video games. We can't have that.

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You're right, his argument was... poor. The last bit made no sense (About the stone age).

 

[Ljs1121]

My mama had to knock some sense into my through my hindquarters a few times when I was younger, but my punishment was normally to stand in the corner of doom[footnote]This was just a regular corner in the living room, no torture traps or anything like that[/footnote] for a little while or have my mouth washed out with soap and water.