Poll: Your view on parents spanking their children?

[wings012]

I got caned as a kid. I daresay it worked. Except I got caned for just about the smallest dumbest things, like not wanting to eat lunch cause I wasn't feeling hungry. Eat your lunch kid! Or cane! As I grew older, I got verbally abused instead.

I'm not exactly a bully now, but my school was pretty good at maintaining order and whatnot and bullying wasn't a huge problem there as far as I know.

As for my own mental health though, and relationship with parents. I have a shit relationship with my parents and I don't talk to them about anything. I don't feel I can. It might be a response to avoid getting verbally abused, transferred from the whole fear of pissing my parents off as a kid.

Though I was babysitting someone else's kid... in a shopping mall. He wouldn't stop running all over the place. And its Malaysia! Kidnapping cases abound! And I had to take my own little cousin around, and couldn't very well be in two places at once. In the end I resorted to violence and punched him in the gut to send a strong message, and finally got him to an arcade center where I managed to survive the rest of the babysitting time out. When words don't get through, violence works. I still think back sometimes, could I have done it any other way? No idea now, but the one thing is for sure was that violence worked here.

For me, I think whacking your kids are fine, it just depends... how much you do it and for what reason. I got caned for trivial shit, and I daresay that didn't do me much good. A whole upbringing full of negative reinforcement.

So for the vote, as a last resort I suppose.

 

[Neonbob]

I am a step-father now, and I have not yet spanked my daughter.
I understand the idea behind it, but she'd have to do something pretty bad, more than once, for me to spank her. Mostly because I'm incredibly leery of even slightly resembling the abusive step dad image.
Her mother will pop her hand sometimes if she isn't listening when we try to correct her behavior. But most of the time she just gets a time out if she does something wrong.
The only time she's been immediately popped was right after she hit another little girl, because we are flat out not standing for that shit.
Hypocritical, yes, but it worked.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

Im all for parents spanking their kids especially in the confines of there own home and in public if the need arises, some kids[footnote]that were so bad calling them bratty would be an understatement[/footnote] especially in grocery stores like the one i used to work at didnt get the message their parents were trying to send until they got 'spanked' whether this came in the form of getting popped on the tail or a slap to the back of their head.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Adults behave like we should because we understand and care about the ideas of long-term consequences, for ourselves and (hopefully) for other people.

Children are often too young for either, and any deterrents against unacceptable behaviours must be fast and direct. Physical punishment is, for this reason, effective.

Now obviously you don't want to cause any kind of real damage, but sometimes they need a smack upside the head.

basically agree, as a child, you really couldn't give an ounce of fuck on the matter of long term decisions, logical example of a child's thought process: "lord knows I won't owe any money/labor if I break something, and all that energy I have built up for the day and that pile of rocks sitting on the ground is just asking for it. TIME TO THROW ALL THE ROCKS!"

the only thing that remotely got me to care in the slightest about what an adult had to say on the matter was usually a swift smack on the ass (if i was having fun doing something that is, such as chasing the cat with a spray paint can...fun story from my childhood)

I think it all depends on the severity of whatever the child did, I know I warranted a good number of smacks as a child (I "liked" fire, explosives, dangerous chemistry and sharp things), and I got them, hell I was once even punched by a teacher in front of a whole class(I deserved it)

Things like putting the child in a corner work only with certain personality types, and each child is a individual so it is impossible to say one way of punishment is more effective than the other when talking about all children, however I do not think children should be abused or scared in anyway by anybody, and you will always have crappy parents, but those that abuse their children are not going to follow the laws, so its a tricky question on whether or not it should be completely illegal.

Instead, I think it should be restricted by the law and children should be made more aware of support systems and the laws as well as the limits and consequences of abusing a system set up for their protection. but even then there is now way to make people stop excessively punishing or beating their children short of a complete invasion of privacy.

also a good quote, thumbs up.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

The most disgusting thing about these threads is how judgmental the anti-spankers get. "you're a bad parent. You need therapy. You're hurting the innocent! Spanking is sexual!" Yet the pro-spankers say it's all cool if you want to spank or not, they are leaving it up to the parent to decide what is right for their own kids. No one is advocating abuse, no matter how much some of you may want to spin it to sound like that.

agreed, (while i think spanking can work depending on the child, i've had a few friends who never were spanked once and grew up just fine, so i personally have seen it work both ways.) it is quite gear grinding worthy when they are essentially verbally punishing/harassing you to the point it's a slight hypocritical way for the slight physical discipline that you used/were used on.

I have a feeling I will get obliterated for that, but mehh, oh well, spank me if you feel the need to rage so hard about it.

 

[Signa]

it is quite gear grinding worthy when they are essentially verbally punishing/harassing you to the point it's a slight hypocritical way for the slight physical discipline that you used/were used on.

I'm losing you here. Are you saying they need spankings? You're right. I think they need spankings too.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

it is quite gear grinding worthy when they are essentially verbally punishing/harassing you to the point it's a slight hypocritical way for the slight physical discipline that you used/were used on.

I'm losing you here. Are you saying they need spankings? You're right. I think they need spankings too.

Meh I explained it horribly, and I'm sure this won't be much better but I'll try again:

Non-Spankers : Feel they are above you and verbally harass/abuse you to death for using such barbaric ways, in a way, a slight bit of hypocrisy for what they are abusing you about. (for giving a child a quick smack on the bum).

Also, I find it a bit funny when they say a "spankee" can't possibly know the outcome of not being spanked growing up...

funny, all those times I was in time-out in school and were given a "stern talking to" before my parents tried spanking must have just been in my dreams...

 

[Use_Imagination_here]

It is well documented that children who are subjected to physical violence as a method of punishment suffer significant drops in IQ scores similar to that of adult victims of post traumatic stress disorder.

Furthermore, I don't find "violence is a good method of solving problems" to be a great lesson to teach children, especially if you don't even properly explain what the child has done wrong, and MUCH more importantly, WHY it is wrong.

Really? I'm a member of MENSA...so there doesn't seem to be much wrong with my IQ.

...And this proves what exactly? It just means that the effects weren't very severe with you personally, or it could even mean that they are and you should be much smarter. Sometimes genetics just wins over how you were raised.

 

[Hunter65416]

Do you disagree with the government telling people not to beat their children? How hard does a parent have to hit before it goes from a spanking into child abuse?

Ofcourse I disagree whith child abuse.. A smack is just one or two whacks on the butt hard enough that the child would be startled by it, If the parent actually put some strength behind it to the point that it actually hurt the child then thats abuse.

 

[xshadowscreamx]

use the rod, beat the child.

 

[Smiley Face]

I don't think it should ever be used - not because it's wrong, but because there really isn't a reason to use it. The option up on the poll 'only as a last resort' doesn't quite work, because frankly, in a situation where you really have expended all your options, corporal punishment ISN'T GOING TO WORK EITHER.

There's plenty more reasons - corporal punishment only corrects behaviour via fear - and fear can be circumvented pretty easily: working harder not to get caught, playing it safe until you can leave home, finding a way to defend yourself or retaliate - the kid doesn't learn why a thing is wrong from fear, they just apply themselves to one of those avenues of neutralizing it. The wrong lesson is learned.

Also the point that it just won't work on some kids. I know that if my parents ever tried anything like that with me once I was developed enough to be, well, me (11 or older, let's say), I wouldn't have learned a thing from it, I would've just resented it like mad and found ways to take it out on them without them knowing it was me at every opportunity. Or, you know, fighting back, because by then I was taller and fitter than both of them.

As for whether it should be made illegal, YES, because of its scientifically demonstrated ineffectiveness, harmfulness, and maybe, hopefully, it'll encourage people to look to other, more effective, methods.

 

[Ampersand]

The short answer is that disciplining your children with violent action teaches them all the wrong lessons. If they learn that the best way to get people to behave the way you want them to is to hurt them, then don't be surprise if your kid turns into a bully.

 

[Sectan]

I was spanked. I didn't turn into a fuck up. I don't really know anything else to add. I guess my brothers were spanked too. They aren't fuck ups. My sister got spanked and she had a hell of a time with meth, drugs and debt. (Don't worry she's clean with a family of her own now and is doing fine.) Nobody can put a blanket statement of "SPANKING IS GOOD/BAD". Different people need different punishments. Spanking probably works great for some children and they'll grow up living happy lives, while others will have psychological problems from it. I don't know the answer and I doubt anybody else really does.