Poll: Your view on parents spanking their children?

[Hedgebull]

I think the important distinction is whether the child learns something or not.

As a child I was smacked 5 maybe 6 times. It was never the first resort, it was always after I had been warned, punished in another way & warned again.

The first time I was ever spanked was because I kept repeatedly trying to put my hands on the door of the oven, which would have burned me very badly, but sure, smacking me once on the backside to prevent me from getting 2nd degree burns should be considered child abuse. /sarcasm off.

In my experience the most vocal contributors in the "never smack children" section of this debate aren't parents.

My daughter has never been smacked because it's never been necessary, but that's my point, smacking shouldn't be the norm but as a very occasional parenting tool, when nothing else works, it can be very effective.

 

[Andrew Bascom]

Honestly I was spanked as a kid and as much as I hated it, I learned my lessons, but then again, my mom would just give me the evil eye and I knew to stop being bad. As I grew older the punishments changed partly because I didn't need them so much. I think it actually hurt my dad more then me, when he spanked me, so I highly doubt parents do it because it's easier. My parents also had other punishments, such as the corner, but truthfully I learned my lessons best from spanking. Either way I agree 100% unless it's like full abuse, the government has no right to tell parents how to take care of their children.

 

[Neonit]

if you ask me, go ahead and start spanking, as long as you realize EVERY spanking issued by you, means your failure as a parent.
child will learn that he isnt supposed to think about "what an impact my actions will have" beyond "i might get hit".

i recall discussion some time ago, and someone said "dont act like you never stole from your parents". i was shocked when i heard that, i for example never even thought about doing it. i was spanked maybe twice in my entire life. i turned out fine.

later on i noticed a lot of "they wont catch me anyway" mentality from a lot of people, and if you ask me - thats caused due to physical punishments.

a well raised child wont do bad things because of moral dilemma, a badly raised child wont do bad things due to fear of punishment.

but yeah, thats my Utopian vision of humanity.

so short version - last resort only, and i do mean LAST.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I think it's a disgusting thing to do and I would never advocate spanking in any situation. That someone could justify hitting someone who is not only weaker than them, but utterly dependent on them, completely blows my mind.

 

[Ledan]

It's wrong to do it to an adult (unless they ask you to.....) and it's wrong to do it to a child. I think it's even worse.

The goverment does have a right to tell you how to raise your kids. They are still citizens of this country and are protected. They are very vulnerable to psychological abuse that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. How we raise our kids is a concern of everyone, cause it affects everyone.

 

[MetalMagpie]

I only got hit when my mother completely lost it. In those cases, her anger made far more of an impact than the pain of being hit. (I was a kid who fell down and scraped my knees a lot, so being smacked across the back of the hand wasn't memorably painful. My mother shouting however, was very memorable indeed!)

On that experience, I don't think it's really needed. If the child is old enough to understand the idea of consequences, then there are far more effective ways of punishing them than a bit of pain. If the child is too young to understand consequences in that way, then they're easily young enough to be scared by an adult without being hit. Adults are big and scary when you're small.

When I was little - if I was really bad - my mother would hold my head tight behind her hands and put her face very close to mine. By this point, she would generally be red-faced and shaking with rage. She would then explain (very softly) just what it was that I was never going to do again. It was utterly terrifying, and very effective at making me remember the lesson!

So I don't plan to hit my own kids, but I'm not about to tell other people what their parenting style should be.

 

[AngloDoom]

A little slap as a last resort is sometimes good to remind a child that they are very much under your power. However, if it becomes an 'arms-race' of hitting the child harder because they're only getting bigger and more capable of hitting you back, then all you've effectively done is teach them that violence gets you your own way and have created a thug.

An excellent parent should never have to hit a child, in my very inexperience opinion, but we're not all going to be above-average parents, are we?

EDIT-

A horrible and barbaric way to "discipline" a child. Anyone who considers physical abuse good parenting should be sterilized.

Y'know, I never grow tired of this sort of bizarre logic.

 

[Phasmal]

Are you sure you were never hit? I ask because I always thought that I was only spanked once as a child, I only remembered it once, and then having this conversation with my parents and sister I found out that I was spanked all the time when I was a toddler, I just learned my lesson and didn't need to be spanked anymore once I could remember.

That said, you certainly can discipline some kids without spanking, some people are just naturally well-behaved, even as children. However, I will argue that some kids won't learn their lesson unless they're spanked.

Yes, I'm quite sure.
Me and my mother talk loads, and obviously cause I work with kids the issue of spanking has come up in conversation. She told me she felt spanking isn't appropriate because you wouldn't hit an adult for not doing what you wanted.
She always preferred the `Go sit on the bottom of the stairs and think about what you have done` approach, which always worked.

I just feel there are always other ways than spanking, if you have one child in the room or twenty.

 

[Mr Mystery Guest]

Children need to understand cause and effect. No-one should spank a child for having a tantrum but it is exceptable if say one child caused physical harm to another.

Two weeks ago in my street a six year old boy thought it was funny to smash a brick into a two year old's head, who is still in hospital. Now i'm sorry, but behavior like that can not be tackled with a timeout and having his toys taken away. Spanking must be used for these extreme circumstances but if so it must be immediate. A child must understand and relate the action that they did to their punishment. What parents must not do is leave the punishment until later. Many of mothers use the "Wait 'till your father gets home" technique which only causes stress, psychological trauma, and damages the relationship with father and child. If the spanking is left for too long they won't even remember why they are being punished and so making the act redundant. Threats are far worse on a child's psychological development than a quick scolding.

 

[schizow]

I,ve been hit a hand full of times as a kid and every single time I had it more then coming.
however there is gigantic difference between giving your kid a slap when he is out of line and abusing someone. Abuse should never be ok no mather your age, getting slapped in the face because you are being a little ahole however is a different story.

 

[FalloutJack]

Glad to see the majority realize that spanking still has its place.

Man links own post to answer question. Film at eleven! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.384811-Poll-Do-you-think-you-would-be-a-better-parent-than-your-own-parents#15277720]

Man doesn't know difference between "a solid beating" and a smack on the butt. Video at eleven!

How sad your you, boyo. Don't tell me how my life played out.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I'm pretty sure I became well behaved as a kid thanks to my mum spanking me (I was a wildchild back then). Granted that was in the past so I wouldn't know if would still work in the prsent but I view spanking as the last resort. Beside if that shows Super Nanny is true then it goes to show you still can decipline your child without resorting to spanking just as long you know how to do it.

 

[MetalMagpie]

I think it should be used as a last resort. My cousin for example does whatever she wants because she knows that her actions have no consequences, you tell her to stop, even yell and she pretends not to hear, what else can you do to make her understand that turning on the oven is not fucking ok ?

When I was little, my mother's preferred method for making herself very clear was to hold my head between her hands and bring her face very close to mine. Then she'd do the telling off. If I tried to look away from her, she'd give me a shake. She wouldn't let me go until she was satisfied I'd understood.

Being forced to look at her enraged face at that close distance never failed to completely terrify me. So I can still remember most of what I did to earn that treatment! In comparison - while I do remember getting smacked across the back of the hand a couple of times - I don't remember what it was I did to earn it. Smacking takes less time (and doesn't actually hurt that much compared with falling over and skinning your knees) so it had less impact.

 

[spartan231490]

This would be a compelling argument, except that the vast majority of people never internalize morality. Very very few ever go beyond avoiding bad behaviors to avoid punishment. If you try to teach your kid to behave by this methodology "that's a long wait for a train don't come." as Mal would say.

You don't abandon the right path because it's difficult. Knowing what is right and not doing it is a thousand times worse than not knowing at all.

Some say striking a child on the behind is sometimes the only way to communicate right from wrong, to infer negative reactions to certain behavior, because children are too young and too unintelligent to understand. In this case, perhaps those same people would be willing to strike a retarded man when dialog fails.

I'm not suggesting that you "abandon the right path because it's difficult." I'm suggesting that the "right path" doesn't work, and therefore is the wrong path. I would be willing to strike a retarded man when dialog fails. It's better than watching him hurt innocent people, or seeing him be sent to prison. And that's ignoring the obvious weak point of your "argument," equating spanking with striking. While spanking is technically striking, people think of a very different action when they hear the word striking.

Are you sure you were never hit? I ask because I always thought that I was only spanked once as a child, I only remembered it once, and then having this conversation with my parents and sister I found out that I was spanked all the time when I was a toddler, I just learned my lesson and didn't need to be spanked anymore once I could remember.

That said, you certainly can discipline some kids without spanking, some people are just naturally well-behaved, even as children. However, I will argue that some kids won't learn their lesson unless they're spanked.

Yes, I'm quite sure.
Me and my mother talk loads, and obviously cause I work with kids the issue of spanking has come up in conversation. She told me she felt spanking isn't appropriate because you wouldn't hit an adult for not doing what you wanted.
She always preferred the `Go sit on the bottom of the stairs and think about what you have done` approach, which always worked.

I just feel there are always other ways than spanking, if you have one child in the room or twenty.

Ok, I was just asking.

I feel that it depends on the child. Some children need spanking, or some other equally strict punishment, in order to behave. Not all children, not even most children, but some children. Also, I have never seen a child who was harmed in any way by being spanked, I have seen kids who were harmed by not being disciplined strictly enough.

 

[DazBurger]

Its illegal where I live, as all other civilized countries.

I'm looking at you America...

 

[Dragonclaw]

I was raised back when they actually sold wodden paddles that declared right on them they were for smacking your kids...I turned out JUST FINE and so did my sister. My son is 10 and a really good kid. I have spanked him exactly twice.

Meanwhile I had a guy in my shop yeaterday that I had to call the cops on because he was trying to calmly discuss the child acting up (because he wanted a toy and the dad was only going to buy a comic book) so whil this guy is being calm and try to talk like the 6 year old is a grown up the child is RIPPING comic books and kicking boxes of toys. I tried intervening and told him he'd need to pay for that was damaged and go, but the guy turned on me and said that he wasn't going to leave until he was done "diciplining his son" (Ummm...you are literally and calmly begging him to stop breaking things...the son CLEARLY wears the pants in this family and doesn't give a damn what YOU think sir) meanwhile the kid just keeps smiling, grabbing more product and tearing away. I again asked them to pay for the damages and leave...the guy again refused. Finally the guy caves and grabs the toy the kid wanted in the first place (CLEARLY there are no consequences)

So I ring the toy us as well as the rather large pile of destroyed merchandise.

"What are you doing?"

"Sir, your son destroyed all this product. You have to pay for it"

"The FUCK I DO!" (really?!?! Nice and calm with the kid, but an abusive prick with ME?!?!)

"Your son destroyed all this and you'll need to pay for it"

"He's a child, you can't hold him accountable for any of this"

"I'm not sir, you are the parent and I'm holding YOU accountable for it"

"The FUCK you are!" (really? again?)

"Sir I told you several times you would be held accountable for any damages and asked you to leave seveal times. You let your son continue breaking thing"

"you are a PRICK!" (really?...*I* am the prick?)

"Sir, your son destroyed over $400 in merchandise as part of his temper tantrum. It needs to be paid for"

"I'm not paying for anything! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY CREDIT CARD!" (he gave me the card when I started the transaction)

"Sir, you can either pay for all the merchandise that was damaged or we can call the police"

"Call the fucking police! They'll tell your dumb ass you can't hold a juvenile accountable!" (I believe they CAN actually...it's why we have JUVENILE HALL...but in this case I'm reasonably sure the dad will be totally in the wrong as he should be accountable.)

Sure enough the police show up and after the officer talks to both of us sure enough he tells the guy that he is responsible for the damages and since I had asked him to leave several times he could also be found guilty of trespassing. So the guy makes the BRILLIANT statement that he'll go ahead and pay for it and then just protest the charge with his CC company (so now credit card fraud?!?!) and gets verbally abusive with the cop. They ended up taking him in (I didn't see what happened outside, but they did tell me there were several charges they would be filing) and it looks like I'm going to have to sue him (they gave me his personal information) because he wouldn't do anything about his child. Seems to me a quick swat on the butt and this would have been a lot different.

 

[Naeras]

Let's teach your kids that violence is okay as long as you're angry while you're doing it, and possibly inflict serious emotional damage while you're at it.

.. no.