Problems that men have to deal with

[SilverUchiha]

Interestingly enough, my dad never really drilled these ideals into my head about "how to be a real man". Most of the ideals I've been told (and generally ignore to one degree or another) have come from friends. Good ones too.

A good group of them back in college basically explained that in order to be a man, you have to have sex. Now, I'm assuming this is a bit of an exaggerated joke on their part, but there are people who hold this ideal up to be true. Problem with this logic is that women can have sex to and if having sex makes you a man then everyone would be gay and all this anti-gay nonsense has been an even bigger waste than the churches could have EVER expected. But, more than that, I'd argue it's more "you an adult" than anything. But that logic also fails when teenagers are having kids in high school and aren't mentally ready to be parents yet because (news flash) they're still fucking children and having sex does nothing to change that except give you bragging rights and possibly low-income-family status at a very young age.

Another friend of mine has some silly ideas to (some of which I get where he's coming from... but still). He's of the mindset that men can't ever show sadness or weakness in front of their girl. So no crying, complaining about being hurt, and always try to do physical labor by yourself as much as you can (or at least have another guy to help you). Fact is, I'll admit to crying. Not recently, but certainly in the past because it's a natural human reaction to bad shit happening and I don't give a shit if that's looked upon as "weak" because it's a more honest reaction to something than not emoting at all. And if I'm hurt, I'll fucking complain about I'm in pain and MAY need some assistance. And if she is willing and able to help do a physical task (like lifting something) then, yeah, I'd rather just get it done with her there and now than break my back doing it solo or wasting time trying to get someone else to help.

Course, I have a question now while we're on the subject. Why is it that guys have to stand up while using the toilet? I'm a guy and I don't because I'm a lazy sod that would rather sit down and relax while I do my business. Plus it helps at night when I don't have to worry about aiming. But any guy who hears another guy sits to pee just has the most hilariously disgusted reaction like they just learned said individual is an alien or a rapist or Hitler. (that escalated quickly)

 

[Thaluikhain]

And then this attitude causes men to lose most child custody cases, and virtually every harassment/rape accusation against women regardless of whether or not they're true.

Yeah, the latter isn't remotely true. The conviction rate for rape is very small, even for the ones that get reported. For one reason or another, the rates at which that happens has been blown out of all proportion.

Maybe, but simply being accused of rape is often enough to destroy your reputation.

(Yes I know I'm backpedaling)

For given values of "often". As mentioned, the Steubenville community rallied around the rapists even once it was clear that they were guilty. Likewise, you have lots of Polanski and Tyson supporters...including those who've campaigned against violence against women. Woody Allen was accused, and that's not slowing him down.

Having said that, though, bring intersectionality into it and there are problems. Everyone knows that rapists are all horrible monsters, not good people like Us, so if the accused is one of Us, she's lying. If the accused is, say, an immigrant, homeless or something, one of Them...then she is much more likely to be believed.

What many people don't realize (and what pisses me off when these discussions happen) is that this "men's problems" topic is DIRECTLY related to feminism, as feminism is fighting the same patriarchal society and rules that we currently have in place. But instead, people will point to this and go "you feminists see this... see how we have problems too?", instead of realizing that BOTH groups are being oppressed by a patriarchy that expects men to be tough and never be weak, and women to "know their place and serve her man".

I can definitely sympathise with that, though I suspect often it helps that these "men's problems" are ones individuals don't see affecting them. Male prison rape isn't usually seen as a concern for people outside prison (it really, really should be), so it's ok to just use it to attack feminism.

 

[Nicktrip]

While I recognise this is an issue caused by a patriarchal society, ie is a broader symptom of the privilege I enjoy as a cis-male: having a woman fell uneasy towards your being alone/intimate with them (in a totally non-romantic context).
Examples can be when walking a lady home, sleeping in the same room, helping them with an injury etc. Not all women have this response, surely; but when I can tell she feels that way it makes me think some minor prejudice is at play.

To be crude but frank, man have a stereotype as manipulative, brutish sex-fiends.

 

[Vault101]

While I recognise this is an issue caused by a patriarchal society, ie is a broader symptom of the privilege I enjoy as a cis-male: having a woman fell uneasy towards your being alone/intimate with them (in a totally non-romantic context).
Examples can be when walking a lady home, sleeping in the same room, helping them with an injury etc. Not all women have this response, surely; but when I can tell she feels that way it makes me think some minor prejudice is at play.
.

there is prejudice at play but unfortunately people can't afford to give other's the benefit of the doubt

the slightly eccentric seeming old guy who spoke to me last night while I was walking back from the supermarket was probably harmless but it didn't stop me from being on edge and a little fearful

 

[Vibhor]

-snip-

Why exactly can't you just piss in the stalls?

I don't remember seeing it in here, but it is a common one. I absolutely hate it when I sit down on the toilet to do the two, and my dangling participle accidentally gets dunked in the water. It is absolutely disgusting, and I feel the need to vigorously wash it afterwards. In fact this has gotten me kicked out of a store because an employee thought I was masturbating, but all I was doing was trying to ensure I had washed every microbe off of it.

Those squatting toilets might work wonders for you.

...Yeah I do have a keen interest on how different people shit and piss.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

-snip-

Why exactly can't you just piss in the stalls?

AHEM.

Therefore, if forced to use a urinal, I can be pretty much assured that I'll wind up with an errant drip and/or drop or two.

If! I do try to use stalls when I can.

 

[blackrave]

Over-share Incoming (read it in Borderlands 2's Dr. Tanis' voice for proper effect): Urinals.

I greatly dislike them. They're not efficient and, unfortunately, have the fun side effect of preventing me from adequately drying off the ol' mini-gryph.

Shakes are not sufficient for this task. Tissue or toilet paper, however, are.

Dabbing at one's genitals with toilet paper at a urinal next to some dude at a bar is not considered socially acceptable for males. Therefore, if forced to use a urinal, I can be pretty much assured that I'll wind up with an errant drip and/or drop or two.

This displeases me.

Also, they make eye contact problematic. And I've caught dudes glancing at my mini-gryph.

This also displeases me.

In short, I ask for higher dividers between urinals...or stalls. Urinal stalls. I see no reason why this should not exist and consider it a grave injustice to my sex.

Yeah, that is why I shake for longer time then others.
"No I'm not jerking off, I just want to get rid of all urine to keep my underwear clean, now, can you stop staring at my penis, please!"

And when in booth I always use toilet paper.


OT: Also "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]" classification
In my quarter of century lifetime I'm sick of this shit
You don't like to drink? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't like to fight? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't intimidate other males? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't drive a car? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You disagree with women? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't chase every skirt out there? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't fuck anything that spreads it's legs? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]
You play games? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't fish/hunt? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You don't run after ball like trained dog? You're not "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]".
You... well you get the point (hopefully)

Funny enough only once this crap came from a man, apparently most women are experts on "the Real Man[sup]TM[/sup]", because... um... because.

 

[Abomination]

Being considered the more disposable of the sexes and all the baggage that contains, essentially.

Killing a woman is seen socially as a more heinous crime than killing a man. Ergo, a man's life is worth less than a woman's - and sentencing duration in cases of murder or manslaughter reflect this.

 

[Proto Taco]

Maybe if the 'male movement' was less about oppressively romanticizing traditional masculinity and more about, ya know, changing the popular expectations of men and how they should/can act, there'd be some change.

I'm looking at you Vodka commercials -_-'

For my part, I'm trans, and it freaking pisses me off how the 'trans movement' is all basically a bunch of transvestites making softcore porn for television (see Orange is the New Black's Sophia Burset for a sterling example) and calling it 'empowering'. All the time I get asked if I'm 'full time' and when I tell them 'I can't turn it off' they just get this dumbstruck look on their face.

So what I'm getting at here is I understand your frustration. The only thing you can really do, though, is subvert those expectations yourself. Fact of the matter is people always have, and always will 'suck', so you just have to do you and let everyone else suck it.

 

[blackrave]

Men's fashion is shit. Women get all the pretty and fun stuff. They get interesting boots and colorful tops and jewelry and makeup and dresses, my god, don't get me started on dresses.

But no, I'm a man, so if I take an interest in dresses I am at best a pervert. God forbid if I actually would want to try wearing a dress some time, even thinking that makes me not just gay but a pervert and a freak as well.

I dunno.
Let me give an example.
Last year I bought boots and few months later my sister bought boots as well.
We both payed the same price.
My boots are scientific marvel, a result of development of chemistry, physics and ergonomics.
Her boots are... pretty.
My boots can go to hell and back, while keeping feet safe and comfortable
Her boots are great for... um... sitting?

I personally wouldn't change things around
(I wouldn't mind if female footwear would incorporate these advances as well, though)

 

[Twintix]

Men's fashion is shit. Women get all the pretty and fun stuff. They get interesting boots and colorful tops and jewelry and makeup and dresses, my god, don't get me started on dresses.

But no, I'm a man, so if I take an interest in dresses I am at best a pervert. God forbid if I actually would want to try wearing a dress some time, even thinking that makes me not just gay but a pervert and a freak as well.

On the other hand, your clothes are more comfortable. And you get pockets. Real ones.

God, fake pockets or no pockets on my clothes piss me off. Especially fake pockets. No pockets are one thing, but why does the fashion industry have to fucking trick me?!

OT: Well, I'm not a man, so I can't comment on it too much.

However, it pisses me off that men who get close to children sometimes get labeled as pedophiles or child molesters. I remember a thread here years ago where a 16-year old boy who worked in a daycare center got fired because the parents "weren't comfortable with a man working with children". The two girls he worked with, who never did their jobs and were more interested in styling their hair and looking on their cell phones than taking care of the children, kept their jobs. Injustice like that infuriates me.

I also hate the media-perpetrated opinion that "Guy hitting girl = Unrepentable monster, Girl hitting guy = COMEDY GOLD!" and its variation "Guy molesting girl = Creep and criminal, Girl molesting guy = HILARIOUS!". I don't mean that girl molesting should be played for laughs. I mean that guy molesting shouldn't. Rape and molestation can fuck people up something fierce, so why should the guys be made a laughing stock when it happens to them?

I believe that it's that attitude that makes it so hard for men who've been through those experiences to inform the police. Because they fear that they'll be mocked and laughed at. After all, guy rape is fucking comedy, right?

 

[Thaluikhain]

Killing a woman is seen socially as a more heinous crime than killing a man. Ergo, a man's life is worth less than a woman's

That doesn't necessarily follow. Killing a child is seen as worse than killing an adult. In many societies, killing a man in his sleep was worse than killing him when he was awake.

It's not about who is worth more, it's about who is seen as more vulnerable, which means attacking them is worse (somehow).

 

[barbzilla]

-snip-

Why exactly can't you just piss in the stalls?

I don't remember seeing it in here, but it is a common one. I absolutely hate it when I sit down on the toilet to do the two, and my dangling participle accidentally gets dunked in the water. It is absolutely disgusting, and I feel the need to vigorously wash it afterwards. In fact this has gotten me kicked out of a store because an employee thought I was masturbating, but all I was doing was trying to ensure I had washed every microbe off of it.

Those squatting toilets might work wonders for you.

...Yeah I do have a keen interest on how different people shit and piss.

Unfortunately for most men in the US, they use the standard size bowl, and the water is way too far forward on most of these bowls. I don't know who designs toilets currently, but the "classic" design isn't too comfortable for a man that would like to stay dry.

 

[likalaruku]

Only incredibly insecure juvenile-minded men spend 24/7 checking the manliness of themselves & other men. Those types of guys are also prone to sexism, racism, nationalism, poor hygiene, binge drinking, unprotected sex (provided they can get laid at all), road rage, making an ass out of themselves at sports events, & find animal abuse in movies & game to be hilarious.

 

[SweetShark]

It seems you need the classic recipe:
A baseball bat and an old mattress.
Work every time.
And yes, I am serious.

 

[SweetShark]

Now for a complete answer:
You must deal with it.
Sorry, but this how the world work. Most of the people will judge you because you don't follow the "flow"

Something similar happened to me today with a girl I am working with.
To be short, the girl told me I shall not play videogames. However she didn't told me straight, but she describe me four videos on Youtube of a Father destroying the Xbox of his son because he don't work.
I was like:
"Emm...girl [I shall not put real name], what the f*ck I am doing right now? I am working with you, f*cking b*tch! Just because I am playing videogames, I am an anomaly of your paradise full of muscular men?"

Anyway, I didn't say something. I win.
Because I do FFFAAAAAAAAAAARRR "worst" things than this. Pfft! Videogames? THIS ISN"T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!!!!!

Emm, well, I hope for her to reach her dream of her own perfect world and not be with her. Just only when I working.
Now excuse me, I need to hit a mattress. Her new name is *****.

 

[Vibhor]

Only incredibly insecure juvenile-minded men spend 24/7 checking the manliness of themselves & other men. Those types of guys are also prone to sexism, racism, nationalism, poor hygiene, binge drinking, unprotected sex (provided they can get laid at all), road rage, making an ass out of themselves at sports events, & find animal abuse in movies & game to be hilarious.

There there now, stereotyping people and being judgmental about them isn't going to solve anything.
The best way to deal with something you do not like is not to dehumanize it but to understand why exactly it occurs. Even the most deeply rooted racists will have a specific reason why he/she is racist. To be specific, the man you are trying to portray doesn't actually exist. It just seems to be a amalgamation of all the negative thing that piss you off in the general behavior of people.

 

[scw55]

Gender discrimination is awful.
Thankfully, feminism is a way to address this discrimination.

British society creates an idea that men need to be manly, studly, drink, and emotionally dead. Even "bromance" is quite, disconnected. It's got the name "bromance" to try and make it sound MANLY, when in reality, you as man love another man in a none sexual way. You consider them family/of blood. But the stigma of MEN BEING MANLY MEN cause these feelings to be hidden or directed into something else.

So yeah, if you have man problems, and you want to do something about it, you're a feminist. Because gender inequality affects us all.
Men - STRONK
Women - WIEK
is a mentality that needs to die.

If you're not a feminist, you're a hypocrite
Flipside if you're a woman and you don't care about men, you're also a hypocrite.

Unfortunately humans enjoy to contradict themselves. So all lets try and not be hypocrites.

 

[William Ossiss]

Screw stereotypes! I will call out to my wife with "Honey? Come emasculate me!" when trying to fix something. That's her department... I am the type of person who likes to cry over super happy movies or sad ones. I do not like sports.. for I would always get yelled at for doing poorly. I don't like that testosterone driven drivel. I can't fix cars; can't tell them apart. You put a controller in my hands and I shall show you something wondrous. You give me a wrench and I will probably end up breaking something.

I am a strange and foreign breed of male. I am known as a human being.

 

[Abomination]

Killing a woman is seen socially as a more heinous crime than killing a man. Ergo, a man's life is worth less than a woman's

That doesn't necessarily follow. Killing a child is seen as worse than killing an adult. In many societies, killing a man in his sleep was worse than killing him when he was awake.

It's not about who is worth more, it's about who is seen as more vulnerable, which means attacking them is worse (somehow).

At the end of the day, killing a woman is considered worse than killing a man. Whatever the reason, how disposable men are, weakness of the victim, or the age of the victim - killing a male isn't as bad as killing a woman.

If the destruction of one item is considered a greater loss then by definition that item is more valuable than the other.