"My honor is like a rock!!!, Cold and meaningless so yes.. yes I will do it."
During a DnD game playing as a C/E guy right after being asked to kill someone I knew for gold.
"Can I use a bluff check to feel him up?"
After a fail pickpocket attempt on my friend while playing a kleptomaniac.
Can?t change a leopards spots? Adobe Photoshop, *****! These days you can have that leopard in zebra stripes riding a fire-breathing bear that can fly
-From my blog
"Wait until the compactor's maw is opened, then bare witness to the entropy of the first world." -Me, throwing garbage into the garbage compactor at work
Heh, never thought of that... *Imagines being the only one with an arsenal of snow balls* What? You wouldn't want risk missing with just a single snowball!
Actual said:
"A stupid woman is a waste of perfectly good breasts."
Was something I said to a girlfriend trying to get across what I liked about her. Not sure I succeeded but I quite liked this phrase that came from all the awkward verbal stumbling I was doing.
Well, that and cybernetic brain implants. Just saying.
PsychicTaco115 said:
I knew this day would come...
I. "Distracted? Witty banter between opponents is ALWAYS how the match starts. It's a law... Somewhere... In my mind."
II."Because, da*n it, that's how science works!"
III. "I've hit pancakes that had more backbone than you!"
IV. "This yogurt is sh*t! And you know WHY it's sh*t? Because YOU'RE sh*t!"
V. "Rules were made to be broken... Except that one about murder. I think that still applies. But, bound to my honor, I shan't cheat the system."
VI."Yeah? Well, life owes me a refund!"
"Life, you got serious problems with your product. The instruction manual doesn't make any sense, every player gets the same exact ending and for some reason, it doesn't have any reset or pause buttons! Did you puke on a keyboard while programming the game and call it a day? Seriously, I want to see improvement, or I'll have to let you go."
VII. "That'd work...
But dang it, why aren't teleporters commercially available yet!? Science, do something about this!"
For more awesomeness...
VIII. "Yep, futuristic sunglasses will be awesome! Like with engineering suits, shoes and robotic killing machines!
I hate my future self for being able to experience such awesomeness. That guy's a d*ck"
IX. "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!... But I would prefer liberty a lot more than death. It's a no-win situation for both of us. I die and you get bad PR."
X. "WAIT! I have a movie idea, hear me out; cyborg ninjas from the future go back in time to fight pirates, but they bring a disease with them that turns them into zombies. As they're fighting, an alien god with an army of dinosaurs attacks them, forcing the enemies to become allies for the future of Earth...
It has everything awesome, how could this fail!?
In the future, ninjas and pirates are in a constant war, and the virus was experimental. The virus screws up the future, where NOTHING lives anymore
WHOOPS, I meant that the virus makes the PIRATES turn into zombies, my bad."
XI. "Life is more like a kick in the groinal area; it's sudden, it's purpose is confusing and it always ends up with someone in pain, usually you.
Weird analogies for the win."
XII. "This child shall make the two warring factions make a truce! It's the child Romeo and Juliet never had, to allude to Shakespeare!"
XIII. "Then I'll assassinate the world's most famous orphans!
Let's see...
Batman, Superman,Spider-Man, Wolverine Harry Potter, Annie, James Bond...
*Puts on hat*
I'm going orphan hunting!"
XIV. "People definitely say "Y'all" here to. I don't know if our southern brethren speak similar to us; ever since the Great Carolina Divide, it's forbidden to speak to those (literally) below us."
Haunted Sudoku Uncensored...
Obviously a NSFW Sudoku game that rewards you with risque pictures after completing each square correctly... with ghosts! OooOooOOoh!
Yeah, I'm thinking it would've been much more amusing if you hadn't explained the context.
TheMann said:
This world is mine. You pitiful creatures are but my playthings now. Your homes, your lives, your fate, are merely objects of my whim. Don't beg for mercy, it only makes me angry. Now kneel. Kneel before your GOD! Heh heh. Ha ha. Hahaha! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"So let me get this straight, we are the only creature that we know of that is aware, that we are aware, of us being aware, of being aware, of being aware, of being aware, of being aware, of being aware, being aware, oh where oh where did my little dog go?" -said to my psychology teacher when talking about consciousness.
"It's my logic, don't over think it or it just might make sense." -During an argument with a cousin.
Whose been touchin' those monkeys?! [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmLHOGT0v4c]
But that's a pretty awesome collection of quotes right there.
Wow, took a while to read through all those posts. I wasn't expecting such a large response!
Anyway, here's another one of my own:
"A shivering wind, a skeletal grin, a prickly pin, and elven kin.
These words grow faint with a vintage taint; old concepts now quaint like an old coat of paint."
- A short poem I wrote to emphasise the over-use of particular word combinations.
Meaning being sentient inevitably leads to questions of one's own existence, which leads to religion. And yeah, I do find religion to be a bit of a disease, hence the word "symptom" (the alliteration is a nice bonus)
"People don't hate you. I'm sure people like you, you're a likeable person! Heck, someone tried to rape you, so you must be REALLY likeable!"
...Maybe telling that to my long-distance, now ex-girlfriend (NOT because of this! Ahaha, completely unrelated) wasn't the best idea. She was the victim of an attempted rape, and after a few traumatic days, she seemed to brush it off, moving on very well. And I just couldn't resist this.
"I Have been playing far too sensibly for far too long" - me practically every week at poker just after a long run of folds and just before either a huge bluff or pocket royalty
My girlfriend bought a laptop that was a newer model than my version. She picked mine up and said "yours is much heavier". I replied "It's because of all the files I have on it"
I was pissing myself laughing about that for ages. She was not amused.
Friend: "No one finds your racism funny"
Me: "We're all drunk and happy, whatever I say is golden, now get off your first class high horse and revel in my stereotypes"
Entire room of people: "Yeah, lighten up whitey!"
Yeah, what is up with those peeps?
"The primary function of any language is as means of communication; if you can't or won't communicate effectively in that language, then stop wasting people's time."
- When I got fed up with those incomprehensible Youtube comments - you know, the ones in all caps, missing half the vowels, with no punctuation, and where every word either has its letters scrambled or it's in the wrong position. Those comments.
My raw unrelenting hatred for things I am indirectly involved in is what fuels my insatiable hunger for emerald studded dog kidneys. In hindsight Paul Revere was once quoted saying, "Excuse me sir, may you please extract the shit smeared walrus tusk currently in the vicinity of my scrotum?"
I was overheard by many saying this in school, it eventually got into the paper.
"No see the concept of the game is you are a llama. You can only see in black and white unless you are running really fast, in which case you can see in color!"
Felt pretty stupid after that one.
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
But I'm sure you have something original to say, too!
