Relationship Deal Breakers: The Other Side

The_Waspman

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Sep 14, 2011
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Hmmm, this should be easy, since its something I think about constantly.

If I'm being honest, I would say that I'm quite good looking, I'm reasonably funny, I'm smart, y'know, most of the boxes...

Trouble is, none of it really meshes. They're all disparate elements. I'm fairly awkward physically (especially, it seems, when attractive women are around). I'm not overly confident, I have zero social life, and, well, the biggest one probably is that I'm not sexy.

Oh, my personality sucks too.

I can be a bit of a rage machine at times too.

EDIT: Oh, I've got another one! My voice really sucks. Like, really. I hate hearing my voice the way other people hear it, it makes me fucking cringe.
 

Rose and Thorn

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May 4, 2012
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Generally if someone is interested in me, I just save them from wasting time and turn them down.

I have wasted much time.
 

Flamezdudes

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Aug 27, 2009
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Well... here we go.

.I'm not that romantic.
.I'm quite shy.
.I like time to myself.
.I'm introverted.
.I don't really drink alcohol.
.Quite nerdy.
.Dark humor.
.I can be quite selfish sometimes.
.Quite skinny and I don't like sports.

I'l add more later if I can think of any.

Vegosiux said:
I absolutely refuse to do any of the courting stuff. Get to the point or stop wasting my time is my attitude. (Note: "The point" means "Just give me a straight answer and quit it with the hint droping and compliment fishing")
Same. I fucking hate that stuff, why can't people just be straight up with their feelings? It stops time being wasted and gets to the point.
 

smithy_2045

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Jan 30, 2008
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Female friends tell me that I'm mean and annoying. I can understand annoying, since I annoy myself let alone others, but I don't get mean. I'm normally trying to be nice to people, not a jerk. Probably stems from the whole being annoying thing.
 

Frasman

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Aug 4, 2010
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-I work 2 jobs, so it doesn't give me a lot of free time. Plus at one of those jobs I'm not allowed to carry my cell phone on shift, so I can't pick up the phone for long peroids of time. When I do get home, I usually get caught up on sleep / errands or cleaning.
-"I don't dip my pen in the company ink", so if I notice a co-worker giving me the googly eyes, I annoy them as quickly as possible
-I don't own a car. I live within walking distance to my main job, and an 15 min bus ride from my second job, so I don't really have the need for one.
-No marriage! No kids!
-I'm very frugal with holiday gift giving. I'll buy the ladies flowers, or a romantic card out of the blue, but when I't comes to the holidays, I have a set limit of what I'll spend on a segnifigent other. Quite often it isn't enough for some ladies.
-Body hair, lots and lots of body hair.
 

White-Death

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Oct 31, 2011
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Wahey,this'll be fun.

-I'm incredibaly shy
-Athiest with a habit of mocking religion.
-I'm never at home on a weekend,usually out mountain biking,airsofting,camping,fishing etc...So no real time to spend with anybody.
-Big into vidya games.
-Incredibaly introverted,no parties,no going out to town.
-No sense of modern fashion
- Dont put any effort into appearence.
-Bolshevik
-don't like romantic stuff.
-Cynical.
-I'm quite an asshole.
- Sarcastically harsh.
- Most jokes I make when I rarely speak end up bieng very offensive.
-Lanky fucker.
-Fucking swear alot,bloody hate people who fucking call me outon it.Cunts.
 

SquidVicious

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2011
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It took awhile but I've managed to unlearn some of the socially stifling attributes I retained from my teen years. That said though, old habits die hard, and I don't always feel the need to censor myself for the benefit of others, so here are some things about me that could potentially drive people away.

1) My sense of humor is a mixture of dark gallows humor with a deadpan delivery, so people who don't know me well will definitely have a hard time figuring out if I'm being serious or facetious. This is one thing I do keep in check when meeting new people though, if only to help avoid angry lectures and drama.

2) My general lack of small talk subjects. Unless it's hockey or rugby, I could care less about sports so my conversations in that area really don't far and I try to avoid politics and religion because of my apathetic and cynical opinion on both.

3) I sometimes hijack topics I personally find are boring so some can find me a little commandeering, a "my way or the highway" kind of person. I've never liked indecisiveness, so if I have an opportunity to get my way I take it.

4) I would describe myself as very alternative in many respects, the music I listen to doesn't come from the radio, I don't generally like big budget movies or prime time TV, and I like fantasy and sci-fi novels so it really does limit what I can talk about.

5) This is less of a problem now that I'm 26 and no longer that connected to it, but my disdain for college students made meeting people in my early 20's hard. It's not that I dislike college students, I just dont' find their naivety and priorities to be that enduring and it makes it feel like we're living on two different planes of existence.


I think that's enough self-deprecation for today.
 

New Frontiersman

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Feb 2, 2010
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I'm kind of shy and not super outgoing. Some people might not like that.
Because of that it's hard for me to talk to new people. So I don't get many relationships anyway.

I can get kind of sulky sometimes when I'm feeling upset or depressed.

I've been told I can get whiny sometimes, I find it's usually when I'm in a situation that makes me uncomfortable.

I'm a bit indecisive on some things.

I'm somewhat of a passive person most of the time, I know there are a lot of people who don't like people like that.

Sometimes I'll speak without thinking and say something stupid.

Overall I think I'm a pretty nice person though, and I do have a lot of positive traits too.

AquaAscension said:
Joseph Harrison said:
I would list my negative attributes but I think the list might drag on for quite a bit and I'm in too good of a mood to make myself depressed.

Needless to say something must be keeping people away.
I bet you are a really good person, but your post implies that you do and don't understand why people stay away. Roll your shoulders back, act like you've got it together, smile some, and find something you really like to do.

Can we not have topics which ask people to belittle themselves?
I like your way of thinking. That's very positive, we should be more positive here.
 

QuartzQuadreant

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Sep 14, 2012
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I'm ugly, but that's a subjective thing, I guess. If I can find someone deranged enough to find me suitably attractive, they'd also have to wade through:

- Arrogance, manifested in an almost point-blank refusal to accept any viewpoint other than my own;
- I'm rather vain - I can spend about an hour choosing what to wear (although it never satisfies me);
- General nastiness, perhaps best illustrated by one occasion when I went off on a large tangent in which I relentlessly insulted every ************ in the room before leaving in a huff;
- I like to stir up drama (and I'm very good at it);
- I often engage in Mauerbauertraurigkeit just to see which people like me and how much;
- And I like to sit in coffee shops and sneer at people.

And I wonder why I have so few friends...
 

Mr F.

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Jul 11, 2012
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Well, the two largest deal breakers are things I am working on.

Firstly, my needyness. Had a fucked up life and I am constantly scared the people around me are either going to fuck off or do horrible things to me. It makes it hard for relationships, it makes it hard for everything. Cause my fear that they will fuck off or do horrible things makes it hard to get close to people. Getting counselling and stuff for my issues though, its not as bad as it was and my girlfriend is a very understanding person.

Secondarily, my arrogance. I know I am intelligent, in comparison to the national average at least. I know I am going to a world class University, I know I am top of my various seminar groups (Outside of one of my minors at least) you get the idea. Yet my girlfriend apparently has not noticed this, neither have my friends. It is rather odd, but apparently I managed to get over my arrogance in my sleep or something. My sisters both call me arrogant all the fucking time.

Thirdly, my past. This is something I cannot really work on. Got quite a few skeletons in the closet, things most people would not be able to get over. Things like drug use and being unfaithful, a brief stint of homelessness and a pretty fucked up family life. I can understand if all of the above can be dealbreakers for most people but I am with someone who is kind enough to just accept that the past is the past.
 

Dedtoo

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Aug 28, 2009
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-Shy as hell.
-Average looking.
-Bad at getting to know people.
-Limited range of interests. (Gaming, drawing, movies, that sorta thing)
-Not a party-person.(opposite of everyone else around here.)
-Usually wears jeans and shirts. (I dunno about this one really >_>)
 

AgentNein

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I do this thing, where I don't deal with my emotions super well. When a girl I'm seeing does things that hurt me or whatever it's not like I flip out, I rarely even confront those things. I just get super emotionally distant, put walls up till I'm a full two feet out the door.

I don't burn bridges so much as let them fall apart due to disrepair.

What else, in general I don't like seeing the same person every day no matter how head over heels I am. I like my space even when things are going well, and I'm sure that's not everyone's cup of tea.

When I drink sometimes I'm a dick for absolutely no reason. Not like, a huge dick. I just say dickish things and then later think "why did I say that?" Cute girl at a local venue a couple of weeks ago for instance. We're talking, she seems super into me, I ask what kinda music she's into. She tells me and I laugh in her face! What the fuck right? Your guess is as good as mine. The bands weren't even that bad and I'm not normally some musical elitist. I mean I like what I like and I'm passionate about music (what musician isn't), but I'm receptive to all sorts of music. Just in my head at that moment the dick-switch was flipped. Actually thinking about it now I think I understand what's going on. I get tired of the whole flirty game and my brain automatically asks "okay, how can I end this shit as quickly as possible" sometimes. It's a big "fuck it I no longer have the energy for this". Probably my worst character trait.

Oh gosh what else? Other than those things I'm a pretty swell guy.
 

SaetonChapelle

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May 11, 2010
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I have a fairly low self esteem. I act arrogant as hell to make up for it but I really don't think Im an attractive person. I know I'm okay in the looks department, and my personality has apparently gotten me quite a bit of attention, however I am ashamed of my figure. This, along with trust issues makes me not want to be intimate with anyone, and I end up pushing away said people who have found me attractive. xD
I am also very vocal about my beliefs and interests. My loud mouth has gotten me into more trouble then anything else.
Not a romantic at all. This is probably because of above. I don't enjoy mushy cuddling or romantic talk. I enjoy flowers and such, but not into "I love you." "Well I love you more!"
Due to an event I will not say of which I am also ashamed of I also don't enjoy being touched at all. Friends, yes, I don't mind the occasional hug, but keep your damn hands away from me.

There is a whole list. I'm making myself depressed. Heh
 

DevilWithaHalo

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Mar 22, 2011
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Spade Lead said:
I am an arrogant asshole, who is proud of both of those things.
Ninjad. Damn... what else can I add?

- The Long Hair. Most women prefer the clean cut type.

- Zero tolerance for bullshit. It's remarkable how quickly and how often this comes up with women.

Everything else stems off those so fuck it.
 

AquaAscension

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Sep 29, 2009
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New Frontiersman said:
I'm kind of shy and not super outgoing. Some people might not like that.
Because of that it's hard for me to talk to new people. So I don't get many relationships anyway.

I can get kind of sulky sometimes when I'm feeling upset or depressed.

I've been told I can get whiny sometimes, I find it's usually when I'm in a situation that makes me uncomfortable.

I'm a bit indecisive on some things.

I'm somewhat of a passive person most of the time, I know there are a lot of people who don't like people like that.

Sometimes I'll speak without thinking and say something stupid.

Overall I think I'm a pretty nice person though, and I do have a lot of positive traits too.

AquaAscension said:
Joseph Harrison said:
I would list my negative attributes but I think the list might drag on for quite a bit and I'm in too good of a mood to make myself depressed.

Needless to say something must be keeping people away.
I bet you are a really good person, but your post implies that you do and don't understand why people stay away. Roll your shoulders back, act like you've got it together, smile some, and find something you really like to do.

Can we not have topics which ask people to belittle themselves?
I like your way of thinking. That's very positive, we should be more positive here.
Thank you, I appreciate that.

It's surprising how far feeling okay with yourself goes. So you have flaws? Welcome to the human race. Flaws are the way you pay to play; everyone's got them; no one has a perfect hand, but we have to draw the line somewhere and accept the flaws and folds in our skin because you never know when someone's love line will fit neatly with your own.

Also, I do poetry a bit too much so speech becomes metaphor and communication lasts due to symbols, but I love it because I might know martial arts, but I know that the damage which lasts will be the scratches I've etched into paper with the point of my pens.
 

Sleepy Sol

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Feb 15, 2011
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Decidedly average looking, I guess. I've been called handsome occasionally by some, but I really can't tell if they're just trying to make me feel better or something.

Being a pretty skinny (not to mention short) guy.

Generally like to stay at home most of the time. I'm sometimes introverted, but I can also hold conversations with little trouble.

Despite all this, I'm still pretty confident in my chances that I'll eventually find the right person for me.
 

excalipoor

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Jan 16, 2011
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1) I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, at all, and have no interest in hanging around people that do.

2) I can't stand crowds.

3) I can't speak. Sometimes I open my mouth and nothing comes out, other times what comes out is just garbled nonsense.

4) I'm an omnivore. I wouldn't count it as a negative, but I used to think of myself as a pretty fabulous cook. However, in two relationships now, I've found myself unable to cook anything decent because it turned out the person I was dating was a vegetarian.

5) Some people say I'm snarky and arrogant. I don't know where they're coming from. Me never being wrong doesn't mean I'm arrogant.

6) If I was a dictator, the world would be a better place for everyone.

7) My wardrobe consists of two identical black pants and 10-ish plain black t-shirts.

8) I'm a massive geek. I have a big fat bookshelf full of videogames, manga, and anime/game related figurines, and I don't care to hide it.

9) I love ponies and wrestling, so that makes me a gay redneck pussy.

10) I don't do gifts, nor do I expect them.

11) I'm no good with birthdays.

12) I'm a massive slacker, and I take every shortcut I can get. I used to actually be proud of getting by with the least effort possible.

13) My hindsight is 20/20. My actual sight is near nonexistant. I can barely read what I'm writing right now. I need glasses, but getting them is such a hassle...

14) I'd very much like to have kids someday if I ever get my shit together. My poll says that's a dealbreaker for a good many people.

15) I've had potential suitors approach me thinking that I'm dark and brooding, when in reality I'm just awkward, and standing back and shutting up reduces the chance of people finding out.

16) I'm an expert in dishing out silent treatments.

17) I'm needy.

18) I'm paranoid.

19) Intimacy creeps me out.

20) Being touched creeps me out.

21) Being naked creeps me out.

22) Years of guzzling coke have left me with yellow teeth.

23) I've got massive canines (as in, fangs). Some people seem to find that gross, though I think they're wicked cool. After thighs, calves and arms, they're my favorite bodypart.

24) I've got psoriasis, on my face.

25) I've got a hairline like Vegeta.

26) I've seen people cutting steaks off of live cows, and the cows just went on their way afterwards. I wonder if I could do the same with my gut?

27) I sweat like a pig. I'd need a shower every 2-3 hours to stay at least somewhat fresh.

28) My hair refuses to present itself in an orderly manner. Also, it's pretty long, so that's a love or hate thing.

29) Disregarding all of the above, my body is dismally average at best. I've only ever been called handsome by women at least 20 years my senior, and the sincerity of those statements could be questioned.

30) If I catch the slightest hint that you're not enjoying yourself, I will pre-emptively dump you. But it'll okay. Nobody else ever seemed that broken up about it.

I think that's everything.
 

MidnightSt

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Sep 9, 2011
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Hm...
Probably the biggest deal-breaker in me might be that I'm full of extremes between which I alternate quite a lot. So usually on the beginning, when I start to like someone/fall in love with someone, I'm all "I want to be with you as often as possible, prefer your choices over my own, do almost anything in my might to make you happy", and over time it slowly changes to "now you're more like a part of my life, and I sometimes need quite a lot of time on my own, I never wanted you to adapt to my expectations, and I'm not going to adapt to yours, because I'm a free being as much as you are, I sometimes prefer other things instead of being with you"...etc. I know that this is probably a common thing, but most of the girls I dated didn't react that way, so either there is something uncommon in how it occurs with me, or they were not "mature" enough, I don't know.

Then, I'm often pretty lazy and passive type, so it is hard to get me to go somewhere or do something. Also, me organizing anything? Sometimes I'm literally scared of that, including calling someone to go out because then I feel responsibility and pressure that I have to make it worth their time, otherwise I just wasted it, and sincerely, I have no idea why exactly would people enjoy my presence, even if they look as they do, it's hard for me to believe that.

Next, I'm a geek... kind of. Not that kind of geek that socialises with another geeks, but that kind of geek who usually nothing to talk about even with geeks. It seems my way of thinking and percieving the world is very different from anything "normal" (meaning "mainstream"), but also different from anything generally considered different. And it usually turns out, sooner or later, that my ways are pretty much incompatible with everyone and anyone.

...NEXT (yeah, there's a lot of things) I'm struggling with practical life quite a lot, such as I've got problems with concepts of responsibility, duty, getting on time to places, I usually don't have money, etc...

Next, I love to analyze things very deeply, and talk about my thoughts and feelings a lot, which to most people appears as if I'm bragging about how smart/intelligent I am, or just plain narcissist.

To cap it off, there seems to be an intrinsic incompatibility with girls I usually choose to date, because I don't "choose" them based on similar interests or personalities, but exactly the opposite, as I am intrigued and fascinated by personalities and minds which I don't understand, and I'm drawn to try to understand them as deep as possible, which most of the people allow you only when you get into relationship with them. And sooner or later this comes back and bites me in the ass.

Generally, I'm a difficult person to be around, requiring immense amounts of patience, understanding, active will to understand, and most of all, being accepted the way I am. Sounds to me as one of the worst possible combinations.

Also, I tend to be VERY sincere, as in whatever crosses my mind I say, and I love when I have the freedom to do so, but usually after some time people grow tired of it and/or start to hate it, at which point I start to censor myself, and the number of "specific things I need to not say" slowly grows, and upon reaching certain threshold, I feel caged, the relationship looses the meaning it has for me, and I back out, or resign and start to be sincere again to make the other person "deal with it or back out".

(captcha: ladies first. fuck this :-D...
and it says I put it in wrong. the next one is: it's over. yeah, it is, for about two months now.)

Yeah, also, all the good attributes I have (there's probably not a lot of them) I automatically expect/need the other person to have too.

Edit: Oh yeah, I also have my arrogant streaks when I think that my opinion is
a) self-evident and logical
b) good
c) so stupidly simple that how the hell can you not agree or at least understand it, you stupid, primitive pitiful being, do you know how it insults me to share the same species with such an individual as you?

But this happens only with people I don't really know or care about, so my girls are affected only indirectly when they witness one of these and get angry/embarassed about how arrogant I was.
 

MidnightSt

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Sep 9, 2011
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excalipoor said:
26) I've seen people cutting steaks off of live cows, and the cows just went on their way afterwards. I wonder if I could do the same with my gut?
nope.

(captcha: "do you love me?" really? is universe playing stupid jokes on me, or is that capcha trying to be contextual?)

(edit: funny, I entered "no" as an answer and it was accepted)
 

kyuzo3567

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Jan 31, 2011
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I'll try to keep this short: I'm fat, I have Crohn's disease, I'm an atheist (but I only have a problem with strong religious people), Im a bit of a know-it-all (I tend to correct people alot if I've read/researched the topic and gotten a different answer), and I'm apparently a Jackass... i would be a jerk but I'm too smart for that (thats how it was explained to me anyways)