Relationship virgins.
- Thread starter Ossian
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Yeah thats my problem, but at least I know it. I never go anywhere. When I do, I don't usually talk to people until I know them well enough. I've always hoped that some confident Texan woman would find me charmingly witty on the internet and ask me out instead, removing all obstacles. But I'd have to be witty. Or charming.Usurpurus said:I think lots of people don't understand that things don't happen if you don't make them happen. 'Waiting' for a girl/guy to come up and ask will almost certainly get you no where, you have to be more outgoing and look.
It isn't really uncommon for people not to have a relationship for ages, it's just some people (the confident ones) tend to exaggerate their experiences and make the less confident ones seem like they're failing.
Personally, I'm 16 and am currently in my first proper relationship and I feel awkward a lot, but some girls like shy guys
I never was in a relationship either and have no interest in one. I would have to expend a lot of time an energy with a high probability of humiliation and sorrow being the end result for something of little to no value. If I wanted to lose a lot of money with very low odds, I'd just play the lottery more.
Why would anyone want to get into a relationship with a dumb-dumb woman? It's treated more like a necessity nowadays.. If you go like, I've no girlfriend everyone looks at you weird >.>
. One guy even questioned my sexuality!?
Hasn't it happened to any of you fellow bachelors out there?
[sub]no offense meant to any ladies out there, especially the pretty ones[/sub]
. One guy even questioned my sexuality!?
Hasn't it happened to any of you fellow bachelors out there?
[sub]no offense meant to any ladies out there, especially the pretty ones[/sub]
nah, it's not that unusual. I'm 21 too and the same.
I don't know whether or not this fact gets you down, but if it does, I wouldn't worry. I think the whole thing of high school relationships and the importance people place on having a boyfriend or girlfriend is pretty silly. It's not that easy for everybody to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, and of course, not being in a relationship can make people feel unnecessarily bad about themselves - you know, they'll think they're a loser because they haven't been in a relationship. To be fair, a lot of people may be losers. But others are just uncomfortable with that sort of thing. I know I am.
I don't know whether or not this fact gets you down, but if it does, I wouldn't worry. I think the whole thing of high school relationships and the importance people place on having a boyfriend or girlfriend is pretty silly. It's not that easy for everybody to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, and of course, not being in a relationship can make people feel unnecessarily bad about themselves - you know, they'll think they're a loser because they haven't been in a relationship. To be fair, a lot of people may be losers. But others are just uncomfortable with that sort of thing. I know I am.
I'm 19 and I've only ever had one girlfriend who was just using me. I know it's far too late, everyoe I meet now is gonna find out and hate me for it. No point even worrying about it, it just bothers me that I can't put such a useless want for such social interaction out of my mind. It is a need that serves no purpose, and it is impossible for me to attain, why does my mind waste my energy by forcing me to think about it?
I personally see no reason to pursue a relationship until you've educated yourself properly, acquired a minimum of financial stability, and the hormones and emotions have stabilized somewhat.
There's no denying such is outside the norm though (at least outside those bizarre religious communities who celebrates abstinence and whatnot), but that doesn't make it "wrong". If you don't want a relationship, then there's absolutely no reason to pursue one.
If you do want one, then there's absolutely no reason to not pursue one. The worst you can suffer is "no", that should certainly be bearable. My guess would be that some of those seemingly ever successful guys who hook up every night get at least 20 rejections for every score, it just doesn't bother them, so why would it bother you?
There's no denying such is outside the norm though (at least outside those bizarre religious communities who celebrates abstinence and whatnot), but that doesn't make it "wrong". If you don't want a relationship, then there's absolutely no reason to pursue one.
If you do want one, then there's absolutely no reason to not pursue one. The worst you can suffer is "no", that should certainly be bearable. My guess would be that some of those seemingly ever successful guys who hook up every night get at least 20 rejections for every score, it just doesn't bother them, so why would it bother you?
Why? Homeschooled and no sisters (only brothers) I've spent most of my time now that I'm going to college just figuring out I can speak and interact with femalesgillebro said:
I have no idea how to approach someone with romantic interests.Do I just go "Hey want to go out sometime?" or get to know them, but then you end up in this legendary "friend zone" I hear so much about.
Wauw.. Well no, nothing weird in your situation.
Im 20 and only been in one relationship, which turned out with her wanting kids and me not, I was 18 and she 22 so we just ended it there.
I was a "late" bloomer i thought - My first time was with a girl i met in WoW at the age of 17.. She was 5 years older and really sweet, learned alot from her
As it is now, i have no interrest what so ever in a relationship.. I do on the other hand have a girl, whit whom im friends with benefits, so the only reason for a girlfriend in my eyes are taken care of there.
As for the matter of you having done nothing at all? Well if you think it's totally lame, just make up a little white lie - but keep it simple and dont talk to much about it. That also gives you an aura of mystique that women find attractive.
All in all, just put yourself out there and say "hey" and just dont give a **** if she turns you down - Chances are you'll never see her again. And the guys that score alot, gets turned down at least 3 times as much as they score - they just dont let it get to them.
At last, fake confidence will get you a long way.
Im 20 and only been in one relationship, which turned out with her wanting kids and me not, I was 18 and she 22 so we just ended it there.
I was a "late" bloomer i thought - My first time was with a girl i met in WoW at the age of 17.. She was 5 years older and really sweet, learned alot from her
As it is now, i have no interrest what so ever in a relationship.. I do on the other hand have a girl, whit whom im friends with benefits, so the only reason for a girlfriend in my eyes are taken care of there.
As for the matter of you having done nothing at all? Well if you think it's totally lame, just make up a little white lie - but keep it simple and dont talk to much about it. That also gives you an aura of mystique that women find attractive.
All in all, just put yourself out there and say "hey" and just dont give a **** if she turns you down - Chances are you'll never see her again. And the guys that score alot, gets turned down at least 3 times as much as they score - they just dont let it get to them.
At last, fake confidence will get you a long way.
Having siblings of the opposite gender doesn't help remotely. I have two brothers and I'm hopeless with men.Ossian said:Why? Homeschooled and no sisters (only brothers) I've spent most of my time now that I'm going to college just figuring out I can speak and interact with femalesgillebro said:
Do I just go "Hey want to go out sometime?" or get to know them, but then you end up in this legendary "friend zone" I hear so much about.
Well there's no one magical way of doing it. Maybe go with what feels comfortable. I'd rather a person was my friend before I started going out with them, myself.
<---- Yo.
I'm 20 years old, and I've never been in a relationship. There are some contributing factors to this, of course. Like the fact that I went to an all-boys high school that was several towns away from me. Or the fact that most girls below the age of 25 have a level of insecurity that borders on criminally insane.
I went on my first (and second) date earlier this year. We had a blast, but the girl ultimately decided that we were better off being friends. I had my first kiss earlier this year as well, but I barely count it. Mostly because I was drunk and barely remembered it. Still got my v-card, too.
That being said, I'm very much on the fence about it. Part of me is really upset, because I am of an incredibly romantic disposition, and I often feel lonely when I don't get to express that. I also feel as though there is an entire dimension of my being that is being unexplored through myself and others.
But, I've also learned that it's really not the end of the world. My romantic situation might go against current social expectation, but to be perfectly honest, there isn't much about me that doesn't. And if I can't cool my heels long enough to be comfortable in my own skin, then how can I expect anyone else to be comfortable around me?
Rhetorical questions, of course. But really what it all boils down to, is that the longer one submerses themselves in doubt and self-pity, the more damage they are going to do to their self-confidence. And self-confidence = attraction. So really, if you don't break the cycle, you'll be doomed to be the victim of it. Learn to love yourself first, then others will follow.
I'm 20 years old, and I've never been in a relationship. There are some contributing factors to this, of course. Like the fact that I went to an all-boys high school that was several towns away from me. Or the fact that most girls below the age of 25 have a level of insecurity that borders on criminally insane.
I went on my first (and second) date earlier this year. We had a blast, but the girl ultimately decided that we were better off being friends. I had my first kiss earlier this year as well, but I barely count it. Mostly because I was drunk and barely remembered it. Still got my v-card, too.
That being said, I'm very much on the fence about it. Part of me is really upset, because I am of an incredibly romantic disposition, and I often feel lonely when I don't get to express that. I also feel as though there is an entire dimension of my being that is being unexplored through myself and others.
But, I've also learned that it's really not the end of the world. My romantic situation might go against current social expectation, but to be perfectly honest, there isn't much about me that doesn't. And if I can't cool my heels long enough to be comfortable in my own skin, then how can I expect anyone else to be comfortable around me?
Rhetorical questions, of course. But really what it all boils down to, is that the longer one submerses themselves in doubt and self-pity, the more damage they are going to do to their self-confidence. And self-confidence = attraction. So really, if you don't break the cycle, you'll be doomed to be the victim of it. Learn to love yourself first, then others will follow.
Men are partly to blame for this. I think more people get insecure and afraid by having nasty, terrible breakups than by just being insecure and afraid. When did having your heart shredded become some kind of Common Thing? I guess it always has been, but it really shouldn't be.Murais said:
Also, if people are feeling down about not having a relationship...go after one. Too many nerds wait for the other party to ask them. Sadly, especially if you're pursuing other nerds, initiative is rare and treasured. Have some.
I've never been in a relationship in the normal understanding of the term. I do think it's very beneficial to have some in your teenage years as it doesn't result in uncertainty in adult life... it just means I've been unsure on "protocol" when being involved with someone here in college.
It's not the end of the world but it would probably help.
It's not the end of the world but it would probably help.
Dude I know exactly what you mean. I'm 17 and I have been in a relationship(you might wonder that what the hell am I doing here then) but I have the same worries now. It may sound selfish but I think I am a great BF at least usually but I can't find anyone. And I basically overthink it too. But I know many cases where people get their first boy/girlfriend after they've turned 18. It is better to wait for a good relatioship. And well I don't think it really matters that you haven't dated before.Ossian said:
I'm 18 and never had a relationship.
I'm that strange, not-so-attractive, overweight guy that is good at making people and girls laugh. I would probably look pretty good if I lost some weight though.
There's nothing wrong with it, but that's doesn't mean you should just sit by and "wait for the right one." A lot of these earlier relationships give you experience that is good for maintaining healthier, long-term ones later one. You need to learn how to be intimate with people you really care about, learn how to respect their feelings and communicate. Even with the best of intentions, you aren't going to get it right the first time. So be outgoing, don't be scared of messing up or anything like that. Get to know people and girls, you don't have to just go for a romantic relationship. A lot of great relationships start with friendship. Even if you are home schooled, you could probably still go to your local school's events like dances, football or hockey games, whatever your school has. Try using a social networking site like Facebook. Pretty much everyone from my school is on there, and it's allowed me to get to know people more. Plus a lot of people schedule events and concerts through there, so you will know about them and can get to know people there.
I'm that strange, not-so-attractive, overweight guy that is good at making people and girls laugh. I would probably look pretty good if I lost some weight though.
There's nothing wrong with it, but that's doesn't mean you should just sit by and "wait for the right one." A lot of these earlier relationships give you experience that is good for maintaining healthier, long-term ones later one. You need to learn how to be intimate with people you really care about, learn how to respect their feelings and communicate. Even with the best of intentions, you aren't going to get it right the first time. So be outgoing, don't be scared of messing up or anything like that. Get to know people and girls, you don't have to just go for a romantic relationship. A lot of great relationships start with friendship. Even if you are home schooled, you could probably still go to your local school's events like dances, football or hockey games, whatever your school has. Try using a social networking site like Facebook. Pretty much everyone from my school is on there, and it's allowed me to get to know people more. Plus a lot of people schedule events and concerts through there, so you will know about them and can get to know people there.
Oh! Well, the technique's actually fairly streamlined.FarleShadow said:
Step ZERO, pick a target and stick with it. I recommend the shy, bookish types. They can be a little boring sometimes (the shyness), but they're intelligent, kind, and often happy for the attention.
Step one, conversation. Try to be funny, not romantic. I mean, you probably just met this girl, so singing praises of her radiance in the moonlight comes off way too strong. But if you can make her laugh, you can make her like you. Not necessarily LIKE YOU like you, but it's a start. You're on her good list.
Step two, get some alone time with her. Ask her to come back to your place to watch a movie. Tone of voice is important. Make it sound like a cheerful, friendly offer, not a date. At this point, she wants someone who makes her smile, not someone who gushes about his feelings.
Step three, make your move. This is the most difficult step, and requires careful attention to body language. If at ANY point she recoils, flinches away, or otherwise tries to evade your attempts at physical contact, you're done. Mission Failed. Enjoy the movie, smile when you say goodnight, and go find someone else.
So anyway, you're sitting next to her in a dark room watching a movie, and you're probably on a nice comfy couch so there's no barrier between the two of you. Your objective here is to move in for the cuddle, but there's an art to it. You need to try to come off as friendly and safe, not a lustful creep aping bad movies.
Whenever you shift in your seat, skootch a little closer, but don't LOOK like you're skootching closer. If she seems like she's happy, try to get your arm around her. Not across her shoulders like in the movies; the ideal height you're aiming for is the middle of her back, so when your hand curls around the other side, it's on her tummy (i.e. below the breasts, above the groin. Keep it Kosher!) Now, 9 times out of 10, she's sitting in a position that makes putting your arm there physically impossible unless she shifts her position to let you. THIS IS CRUCIAL! You're not trying to grab her--there are laws against that--you're trying to invite her in for a hug. Usually, the gesture is enough. Move like you're trying to snake your hand behind her, she'll instinctively look at you to figure out what the heck you're doing, so you give a friendly smile and something like "c'mere", as in "come here, friend, I am warm and safe and it is comfier to watch movies this way." Again, your body language and tone is crucial here: make it sound like a friendly offer. Warm and Safe.
If she skootches in to be hugged, you're basically in the home stretch. If not, game over, try again with someone else. Once you've got her in your arms, I recommend gently sort of... I dunno, "petting" sounds creepy, but it does accurately describe the motion. Tame areas only, though; no groping! It's like, you know how when you rub a kitty's tummy and they start purring contentedly? Similar principle. Eventually--EVENTUALLY--if she seems to be giving you that contented purring vibe? You can try for a kiss. I recommend a peck on the side of the neck. If she reacts positively, she'll probably turn around for a full-on romantic kiss on the lips. At this point, you are officially making out.
Have fun, don't go an inch farther than she lets you, watch her reactions, and be prepared to abort the mission IMMEDIATELY if she isn't enjoying herself. If you're lucky, she'll call you back a few more times, and you've got the beginnings of a relationship. If not, you might instead get the "Omigod, I can't believe I did that, things are going too fast, I'm not really ready for this, bye!" schpiel and she'll never talk to you ever again.
Hey, I said at the beginning that this technique had serious flaws! It's a work in progress. Satisfaction not guaranteed. If you attempt this technique, you absolve me of all liability. If you screw it up and she gets offended enough to press charges? Not my fault!