Relationships

[Cowabungaa]

Nope, not for a while now, though not for lack of trying.

I've been trying the dating thing for a while now, mostly online because I don't meet that many single girls in daily life, but not with much succes. I seem too intense for the girls I meet. Like, when I love shit I love shit -hard- and the other way around as well. When I dive into something I usually do it with real gusto and that makes me waltz over more quiet people easily. I also seem to be too politically interested for the geeky girls I meet and too geeky for the politically interested girls I meet. Stuck between worlds, in a way. Not to mention the whole Asperger's thing, mild a case as I might be, seems to be quite a hurdle as well.

It is annoying though. I too really want someone to share my passions with, someone to share my energy with and who wants to share her energy with me. I'm not a real solitary person, I got a lot of love and devotion to give.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Been single for 2 years now, and I'm just now over it. That first breakup HURT.

Seriously, if there's a problem in the relationship, for the love of god, say something. Don't hide it for a year, then do the equivalent of "The last year was built on a lie, I haven't had any feelings for you for a year and now I'm miserable and want out Kthanxbai". It's not fair to anyone involved.

Anyway,

I've been getting out more and meeting new people. Unfortunately, no new relationships have formed. Either: She's not my type or I'm definitely not hers, she's in a relationship already, she's moving back to calgary/new york in a year or two so it'd be short-lived, she's lesbian, she's into polyamory (heeellll no. Relationships are already too complicated, I'm not doing that), or there's a missed connection (I met someone really fun at a gaming party a few weeks ago, and neither of us remembered the other's contact information and no one else knows, so I can't follow up and at least gain a new friend out of it. At least not unless she shows up at another one).

I'm actually not pressuring myself into finding someone, though. I'm able to handle being on my own, and my life isn't really in order yet (Still trying to finish this degree, and I still live with my parents until then so I don't end up with tons of student loan debt), so unless she's in a similar situation I don't feel quite comfortable. Like, I want to be able to accommodate guests and stuff and doing that while living with your parents when you're 28 and likely dating in that age range...That's a little awkward and/or boring.

As for what I look for in a relationship? There's basically 4 standards I look for.

Spoiler: Blah blah blah, really I TLDR below what I'm really looking for

1) A kind heart/soul. If a person is kind of a dick, I'm unlikely to be friends with them, let alone date them.

2) Open to nerdy things. Geeky stuff and gaming are what I know best, so I'd appreciate a future partner sharing my biggest interest so we have lots to talk about or do together.

3) Intelligence. I'd like to be able to have a solid conversation about more important topics from time to time, right? That and if someone is like "Why can't I spend all this money on shoes, what do you mean 'rent money'?" it's not likely to work out long-term for me. (Yes, I know that's a dumb stereotype, I'm using it as an extreme case example. I fortunately have met very VERY few people like that)

4) Well that ones a bit personal. I have a weird (but harmless) kink, and any future partner will need to at least tolerate it's existence. They don't need to be into it, they just have to at least be ok with me doing what I need to satisfy it on my own.

Edit: Really, though, I'm mostly just looking for a "super close friend" that I can hug and cuddle and do weird silly sweet things with, who is cool with a lot of my inner weirdness. That's basically it. I care more for the emotional side of relationships. It's why I was still satisfied during my former 3 year relationship even though we never got physically intimate, because for various reasons I let her set the pace and she was never ready for more than cuddling and stuff (well, we made out ONCE...).

Fortunately, My libido is mercifully low enough that I can get by with just some "alone time" every other morning and my personal turn-on. It's the emotional aspect that makes me happiest.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I've been in a pretty serious relationship for about 6 or 7 years now...I think...serious enough that I moved from my home state to hers 3 years ago but I don't foresee us getting married because I don't believe in it and she considers the whole thing a waste of money and time. Funny enough, that's also a major reason for us not wanting to have kids. We're really happy together though but we're just trying to save up enough money to find a place of our own. Her family is fully supportive of us staying with them but it isn't at all ideal. I kinda miss having time to myself but I don't really want to go back to being single. It's kinda weird making bad jokes to nobody after all.

 

[Harlemura]

Never been in a relationship and don't ever intend to be. Initially that was down to being a nerdy shut-in that couldn't get a girlfriend if he tried, but that kinda developed into having no real desire to try, which eventually led to the active decision to not want a relationship. There are a few different reasons for that decision, but the primary one is I'm happy being single. I'm lucky enough to have some close, reliable friends so I've not had to worry about loneliness, and I'm not really interested in sex, so I just don't really have a need for a relationship.

That said, I can see some cracks forming in my mindset for this very reason;

As for me, it may sound clich?, but I enjoy being able to share my interests with someone. A lot of what I talk about day-to-day with Boyfriend is about games or other nerdy interests, and it's nice to have someone who understands.

i want dat.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and they mean a lot to me, but we're quickly running out of overlapping interests. Like, anime is a pretty niche interest so I wouldn't expect my friends to be into that. That's fine. Same with their strategy games, I'm not really into them because I'm a little dumb and need action and flashing colours to keep me interested. Also fine.
But we played the Overwatch open beta last week and literally none of the guys I played with liked it enough to actually buy it, I mean come on. Like half the planet's hyped for Overwatch, how come my entire friend circle falls into the "doesn't much care for it" half?!

Abiding to the "single so state something that makes me happy" rule of the thread, I'm pretty much set to go to university in September and finally start making up for the mess I made of my life over the past 3-4 years, so I'm getting pretty stoked for that. It'll probably mean being a lot more social than I've ever been in the past too, so who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone real special and I'll realize what I've been missing. Or just someone that'll watch my garbage slice-of-life anime with me. Or even just someone that'll play Overwatch. Heck, maybe I'll meet someone that ticks all three boxes. A guy can dream, right?

Oh, and congrats on the anniversary, by the way. I may have discarded my own love life, but I still like seeing other people's relationships work out.

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

Yup! We share just enough interests to have conversations and enough different ones that we drag each other into things. I got her to play Skyrim and she got me to read pages upon pages of Johnlock fanfics.

... Honestly, apart from the one with the lake, it was pretty good.

 

[DeliveryGodNoah_v1legacy]

I've had the same girlfriend for about 4 years now. I think we're just now starting to get over that hyper "lovey-dovey" phase and spill over into the occasional petty fighting stage.
The last two weeks have been...irritating to say the least. Accusing me of valuing video games over her mostly, which is ludicrous.

We actually came back from a friend's birthday party last night, and she was pissed at me since then. I'm a couple years older than her and can drink, while she can't. And since everyone else there could (with the exception of D.D's) I think she was a little alienated.
And then she proceeds to be upset with me for taking a ten minute walk with my best friend that I haven't hung out with like that for almost 3 years, and we were reminiscing a little bit.

And this morning she got angry with me because I said I was excited about this new game I bought. ONE GAME. That I bought. To play on Tuesday. When she was at work anyway. And she was supposed to come over to my place tonight.

And of course, no matter what I say to remedy the situation, she finds some other aspect of it to make me look even worse, which rationally is irrelevant at best.

I honestly think it has a bit to do with her hormones to be honest. Without delving too personally, her doctor told her to take something to regulate her hormones to balance out this other thing she has messing with them to begin with. Things haven't been the smoothest since then.

Other than that, I'm outrageously in love with the woman and I can't find the right way to show her that without her just blowing it off as "you're just saying that to make me feel better".

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

Never been in one ;_;

Would like to, but I currently don't have the time (live too far away from campus), the will (work + general depression + general loneliness) or the confidence (I work security at a student venue, so I really get put off by people when most of my exchanges are 'you're such a dick' or with drunk idiots. Plus self-esteem issues).

Would like to eventually but I'm too much of a spaz to be able to tell if a woman likes me.

 

[Super Cyborg]

Never been in a relationship, and my ideas of what I wanted have changed a lot over time. Currently I'm in a situation where I'm not looking to be in a relationship for a number of reasons. One is that my work involves me to be gone for long periods of time, or the one I will be starting in a few months will be so sporadic that I won't have that kind of time. The bigger thing is I'm hoping to start Grad school in the near future, which means having to move where I go to school and that causes all kinds of problems. Lastly is how recently my personal politics and beliefs have changed quite a bit, and I'm still trying to figure myself out. There are some other reasons too but those are the major ones.

As far as what I would for in a relationship, it's being open (honest) with each other. I should be comfortable telling her what I feel and the same for her. This is anything from fears, annoyances, wants, and thoughts of the future. A big thing comes down to sex, which can make things tricky. While I most likely wouldn't wait till marriage, personally I only want to have sex with someone I have a deep relationship with. So she would either have to be willing to wait until a certain point in the relationship, or I would have to be okay with her having sex with others until I was ready, which in the former I probably would not like that. Another thing is while I would like to be close and have time together, I do like to have my alone time to just think and just have my space, so she would need to be okay with that. We don't have to have all the same interests, but enough to be able to talk about certain things. If she is a huge One Piece fan that's a huge plus. There's other things but most of those would be finding middle ground as the relationship went on.

As for what makes me happy, there's a lot of things. Travelling, whether in the states or some other country. Walking the dog in the park, whether it's 6 in the morning or close to sundown. Doing anything in the water, whether swimming laps, diving, snorkeling, or just relaxing. Playing video games, reading books or manga, watching anime or You Tube stuff, take a leisurely drive, cooking, and just learning about stuff I don't know.

 

[doggy go 7]

Other than that, I'm outrageously in love with the woman and I can't find the right way to show her that without her just blowing it off as "you're just saying that to make me feel better".

Try and see things from her angle, and consider why she could possibly be mad at you for these things. Emotions are stupid, and cannot be brought around by logical argument (or at least, not that alone), and if she's angry at you over petty shit, she's almost certainly not actually angry at you over the petty shit itself. There's probably something deeper there, which you need to try and figure out. When addressing it, don't say that she's wrong (you don't need to say she's right by the way, just say that you both feel differently), just that you either appreciate her perspective, or (possibly better if you aren't sure) don't really get what is going on and want to better understand her point of view. The best way of dealing with emotions is making the person having them feel like they're having valid emotions, and acting considerate and willing to listen to what they have to say, which is possible whilst still thinking that you haven't necessarily done something wrong (again, it's all perspective and possibly different expectations).

Sorry if you didn't need that bollocks, but it's generally good life advice anyway, hope you can work things out.

OT: I had a girlfriend a couple of years ago, but I was essentially a rebound for her, and she left me when the dude she really wanted was more available (that fucking hurt, and the worst part is I didn't really register how much it hurt until a few months after the fact). Haven't had one since, not because I don't want one, nor because I think I'd be that bad of a boyfriend (I guess I can't judge properly, but I'm a pretty relaxed guy and relatively emotionally mature, which I reckon are good qualities). Instead, I basically have zero belief that any girl could be interested in me, and so if I did try and approach a girl I just become a creepy dude in one of her stories (which I have no interest in being), so it sort of fulfils a vicious cycle where I don't approach anyone, or even really develop crushes that I could try and approach, and so I, inevitably, don't actually get anyone (because social pressure is still mostly on the guy to go to the girl, which means that confident girls will approach guys, but I'm not Tom Hiddleston so I don't evoke that, and I've got to be slightly more proactive to make myself appear as an option).

I do want to get back on that horse (pun intended), but I need to figure out how to be more proactive and believe in myself, which is I guess true for a lot of people.

Happy thoughts are the fact that my football team (Arsenal) have come second in the league, which is just glorious and slightly unexpected, but it makes me smile manically.

 

[Foolery]

"Signal and ready to mignal" as my siblings say. Not really. I'm mostly content being on my own. It's pretty rare for me to even think about relationships, I just focus on doing things for myself. There was a woman who expressed interest in me, and definitely put herself out there, but I turned her down. She's a lovely person, and there was mutual attraction on my part, I just felt it wouldn't work out. She was 6 years my senior and has two kids. The difference in life experience was too much, and I didn't want to lead someone on, who is very much looking for a partner they can settle down with.

It's all good, I still have video games, hiking, reading, fishing, and whatever else I want to do.

 

[Phasmal]

Other than that, I'm outrageously in love with the woman and I can't find the right way to show her that without her just blowing it off as "you're just saying that to make me feel better".

That's a lot to deal with, dude. Also, how old do you even have to be to drink where you live? Hope it all works out.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and they mean a lot to me, but we're quickly running out of overlapping interests. Like, anime is a pretty niche interest so I wouldn't expect my friends to be into that. That's fine. Same with their strategy games, I'm not really into them because I'm a little dumb and need action and flashing colours to keep me interested. Also fine.
But we played the Overwatch open beta last week and literally none of the guys I played with liked it enough to actually buy it, I mean come on. Like half the planet's hyped for Overwatch, how come my entire friend circle falls into the "doesn't much care for it" half?!

Abiding to the "single so state something that makes me happy" rule of the thread, I'm pretty much set to go to university in September and finally start making up for the mess I made of my life over the past 3-4 years, so I'm getting pretty stoked for that. It'll probably mean being a lot more social than I've ever been in the past too, so who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone real special and I'll realize what I've been missing. Or just someone that'll watch my garbage slice-of-life anime with me. Or even just someone that'll play Overwatch. Heck, maybe I'll meet someone that ticks all three boxes. A guy can dream, right?

Oh, and congrats on the anniversary, by the way. I may have discarded my own love life, but I still like seeing other people's relationships work out.

First off, how can people not be excited for Overwatch?! I don't understand it.
Secondly, good luck at uni. There should be loads of cool new people to meet, I hope you have fun.

Thanks for the gratz on the anniversary. We had a pretty fun day, baked a cake together and watched the new Star Wars. It's a good film, I hadn't seen it until now.

 

[Dizchu]

I had a nice relationship this time last year but we knew it couldn't last due to multiple factors such as the distance, my gender dysphoria, her life becoming busier, etc. We split up last summer and then around Halloween one of my best friends committed suicide and both incidents have sunk me into a much more extreme form of depression than I already had.

One half of my brain is delusional and thinks I can fix things but the other understands that it can't happen and they're in constant conflict. I've tried getting mental health treatment but it ended up being a dead end. Everything feels like a dead end, really. Every time my ex talks to me my heart just sinks, not because she makes me feel bad or anything but because it feels like a failure on my part. And now I feel extremely guilty because she wants to remain friends with me but since the breakup and my friend's suicide I have become a very cynical and withdrawn person, so I worry that I am a bad influence on her.

Life sucks.

 

[Jute88]

It's mine and Boyfriend's 7th anniversary tomorrow, so I'm thinking about relationships recently, and we haven't had one of these types of threads in a while (as far as I can remember).

So yeah, lemme hear it. Do you have a significant other? What do you like about them?

Hey! Our 7th anniversary is coming as well this year. High five!

So yeah, almost seven years together, lived together for almost four, got engaged last year. Yup, things are pretty well for us. I like that she's as nerdy as I am, though our tastes are different. We're both calm, somewhat introverted people. She likes Star Trek (I prefer Babylon 5), we both watch anime, we like tattoos, she has some BJDs (expensive dolls) that frighten me everytime I see them. She also likes how I make her laugh. On purpose, mind you. Also, the Escapist needs more romance and fluffiness, based on what I read here.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Never been in a relationship, and Im feeling kind of screwed now.

Ive stopped going to parties and drinking much, and Ive pretty much stopped meeting single women in my age bracket. I wish there was somewhere with a dating culture like a pub where people just hung out drinking orange juice...

But Im super glad I dont poison myself, lose sleep and dump a shitload of empty calories down my gut every weekend anymore.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

Plus we get some pretty interesting discussions out of it (like could Saitama from OPM beat the guys from DBZ, I say yes, Boyfriend says no)

DEALBREAKER! Any guy who thinks Saitama couldn't beat the guys from DBZ doesn't understand the true power of OPM. Both my BF and I agree, Saitama (Actually I haven't even asked him but he'd better agree dammit or start walkin!)
[sub][sub]I'm joking, though we can get heated in our nerdy debates, I'd never allow it to seriously cause friction.[/sub][/sub]

As for my love life, I met my BF a little over a year ago, we got off to a rocky start because awkward pandas are going to be awkward, but once we started actually talking to each other (imagine that) things have been golden between us and I feel like our relationship will only get stronger.

 

[Phasmal]

It's mine and Boyfriend's 7th anniversary tomorrow, so I'm thinking about relationships recently, and we haven't had one of these types of threads in a while (as far as I can remember).

So yeah, lemme hear it. Do you have a significant other? What do you like about them?

Hey! Our 7th anniversary is coming as well this year. High five!

So yeah, almost seven years together, lived together for almost four, got engaged last year. Yup, things are pretty well for us. I like that she's as nerdy as I am, though our tastes are different. We're both calm, somewhat introverted people. She likes Star Trek (I prefer Babylon 5), we both watch anime, we like tattoos, she has some BJDs (expensive dolls) that frighten me everytime I see them. She also likes how I make her laugh. On purpose, mind you. Also, the Escapist needs more romance and fluffiness, based on what I read here.

Whoo for sevens!
Boyfriend and I have actually been living together for like 6 1/2 years. We got serious suuuuper quickly. Partially because we lived 500 miles away from each other when we met and neither of us wanted to do the long-distance thing so I was kinda like 'Fuck it, I'll just move'. Congratulations on your engagement!

Plus we get some pretty interesting discussions out of it (like could Saitama from OPM beat the guys from DBZ, I say yes, Boyfriend says no)

DEALBREAKER! Any guy who thinks Saitama couldn't beat the guys from DBZ doesn't understand the true power of OPM. Both my BF and I agree, Saitama (Actually I haven't even asked him but he'd better agree dammit or start walkin!)
[sub][sub]I'm joking, though we can get heated in our nerdy debates, I'd never allow it to seriously cause friction.[/sub][/sub]

As for my love life, I met my BF a little over a year ago, we got off to a rocky start because awkward pandas are going to be awkward, but once we started actually talking to each other (imagine that) things have been golden between us and I feel like our relationship will only get stronger.

I know right?!? He's such a Dragonball fanboy, he knows everything about that series (I haaaate it, it's something about the art style I can't stand). I think deep down he knows he's wrong. Because he is.

I'm totally with you in the awkward boat. It took about a thirty-minute conversation for my boyfriend to get his feelings through my thick skull. I kept being like 'So you'd like to out with someone like me?' While he facepalmed. I'm pretty oblivious.
I'm glad your relationship is going well.

 

[Fappy]

Plus we get some pretty interesting discussions out of it (like could Saitama from OPM beat the guys from DBZ, I say yes, Boyfriend says no)

DEALBREAKER! Any guy who thinks Saitama couldn't beat the guys from DBZ doesn't understand the true power of OPM. Both my BF and I agree, Saitama (Actually I haven't even asked him but he'd better agree dammit or start walkin!)
[sub][sub]I'm joking, though we can get heated in our nerdy debates, I'd never allow it to seriously cause friction.[/sub][/sub]

I know right?!? He's such a Dragonball fanboy, he knows everything about that series (I haaaate it, it's something about the art style I can't stand). I think deep down he knows he's wrong. Because he is.

I have been a Dragon Ball fanboy since the tender age of seven and even I will admit that no one in Dragon Ball can top Saitama. If anyone could it would diminish the entire point of his character!

Also, piggybacking off of another discussion you were having a bit ago, I too only have a couple friends willing to play Overwatch when it launches next week. I know there's quite a few people on the Escapist who will be playing, so someone should totes make a user group for it or something (unless one already exists). Pre-mades are always way more fun than randoms in these games.

 

[Zen Bard]

Wife and I have been together for nine years and married for six.

We got together because she was a hot chick (think Natasha Bedingfield crossed with Kylie Minogue) with a sarcastic streak a mile wide and I had a wild sense of adventure and "got" her off-beat humor.

We stay together because, quite frankly, no one else would put up with our shit.

This isn't to say there's no romance or passion. My wife is funny, charming, silly and smart. She keeps me honest, alert and is often the voice of reason to my wild schemes. She says I make her laugh, think and challenge the status quo.

But when the hormone rush dies down, it's the day-to-day stuff that makes or breaks the relationship.

So we came for the fireworks but stuck around because we liked it here.

 

[RaikuFA]

Well my ex left her bf and is going to take a break for a bit but she might come back to me.

Wish me luck.