Coming from a script writer... People never speak how they write. I suggest that you listen to speech patterns and what people say as opposed to how you would write it. For example, I'll fix your text up for you:
Before
"No I am not saying its a bad idea at all, I am saying I wouldn't have the guts to do something like that myself"
After
"No. It's not a bad idea at all. I just don't have the guts to do it."
Read your dialogue out loud; get someone else to read it out loud. If it doesn't sound natural, change it so it does.
EDIT:
Ace Morologist said:
HELPFUL HINTS FOR PEOPLE APPLYING FOR VOICE-OVER WORK:
-Don't describe yourself as inexperienced if nobody asked.
(Offer credentials if you have them. If not, just introduce yourself and let your audition speak for itself.)
-Don't give reasons why you think you might not be right for the part.
(Just let the quality of your audition speak for itself.)
-Don't ask basic questions about what equipment you might need to do the job properly.
(At least, don't ask the person you want to give you the job. Ask elsewhere.)
-Don't ask about pay until you have a job offer.
(C'mon, dude. Seriously.)
-Don't criticize the quality of the writing.
-DON'T CRITICIZE THE QUALITY OF THE WRITING.
-Don't. Criticize. The. Quality. Of. The. Writing.
("Dear creative person who might want to hire me: Your hard work is shit. You are shit. You clearly don't know what you're doing. Nevertheless, I need a resume filler, so please bring me into your creative endeavor. Who knows... Maybe I can save you from the tower of shit you've built for yourself and lead you heroically into a new golden age of fame and fortune.")
-Don't offer condescending, unsolicited... advice... to...
(Oops. Okay, fair point, The Internet. You win that round.)
--Morology!
The first two I agree with unconditionally, but the rest fall into an interesting case. The case being that we didn't go to him; he came to us. And not a company nor a team- but as just one guy.
Asking about pay is a valid question. In a professional environment, this would be inappropriate due to the power relationship between the client and the employer, but in this case the relationship is reversed. If one wants compensation but there is none, then the audition is a waste of time.
Asking about equipment, is quite valid for someone who doesn't have a proper mic. If he can't produce the audio quality that is needed, then the audition is a waste of time.
Criticizing the writing... he's on a forum. A forum is a place to discuss ideas. He presents an idea, therefore, we will discuss it. This is especially true with writing when it comes to the Escapist. Will it get us hired? Probably not. Will he even listen to our advice? Deflection, excuses, and ignoring are to be expected. Is it worth it? In the amateur setting of a gaming forum, yes. If he takes our critique, then more power to him; if not, then that's his choice.
Being condescending... I don't think that anyone
intended to be condescending on this post. I'll admit that several others and I were very hard on him, but with the best intentions. He is making many of mistakes that quite a few of us, Escapists, have already learned from due to schooling or experience. We don't intend to put this on our resume or anything; we just want to see a fellow writer/artist/game maker improve.
