Retail jobs: the dumbest customer question you've been asked?

[Vausch]

*In the electronics department*

Customer: Excuse me, do you have clocks?

Me: Yessir, right this way.

*takes to them*

Customer: Oh these are digital, I'm looking for a normal one with hands.

Me: Those are in housewares, sir. *takes to them*

Later my boss said someone complained about me being rude to them about showing them around the store.

 

[Lonewolfm16]

snip

I don't work in retail, but I do help convert older machines to Linux and attempt to fix machines that have viruses and other issues. Considering that most of the people I help are rather tech illiterate, it's to be expected. But the dumbest question award has to go to the person who thought that she didn't need empty files on her computer. So she deleted them.

Turned out she deleted the entire Windows folder. All of it, not just System32. There's been some Linux mishaps, like the chap who thought it was a good idea to blow away the root filesystem, but the System32 one cracks me up as this is a decade old Windows joke that even most non tech illiterate know. I laughed quite a bit after I got done fixing it.

And oh? You're new? Welcome to the Escapist, stay out of the basement, and if anything goes wrong, blame Kross. Always.

I have heard the "stay out of the basement" thing alot when talking to newer people. Where is this basement and why must I stay out of it?

 

[chadachada123]

I was a cashier for a year at Target (basically a higher-class Walmart).

The most infuriating question/statement, by far, that I received on a weekly basis, when having difficulty scanning an item or locating the barcode, was this: "Oh, if it doesn't scan, that means it's free, right?"

Every one of them deserves a punch in the face.

 

[mitchell271]

I worked at a Future Shop for a while and I worked in entertainment (games, movies, music etc.). It wasn't so much a question but I heard a woman saying this. It's a conversation between her and her 8-10 year old kid.
"Mommy, can I get the new Call of Duty?"
"Alright, you have to promise to let your younger brother play with you."
"Can I get this too?" *holds up GTA IV
"No, it's too violent."
I think I gave myself a concussion from that facepalm.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I work in a movie theater, I've had people ask "What's 3D mean?" People who were at most in their 30's.

Maybe they were just trolling? A friend of mine who worked at Gamestop nearly punched me for all the times I've walked into his shop and loudly proclaimed, "YA'LL GOT DAT MADDEN?!" Kinda like the Battletoad prank-call only more local to my area I suppose.

As for when I worked retail...Well I don't remember too much honestly. I'm assuming this is just my brain repressing horrible memories.

 

[Druss the Legend]

Customer looks left, then right.

"Wheres your menu?"

Me points right above my head.

Or

"Hi, can I order a pizza?"

No you cant, you've obviously missed the point of this being a pizza shop.

 

[imagremlin]

I'll turn around the thread. This is a fairly stupid question I asked, and probably the among dumbest this hotel clerk ever heard.

I had been in Australia for less than a year, and had to travel for work. I must add I don't care for sports in general. I was staying in this hotel in Brisbane, and upon checking out I noticed that one of the four nights I had stayed was being charged fairly higher than every other night.

Naturally I asked why was I being charged like that.

Turns out that night, there was a big Rugby match, one on the State of Origin series, and those nights, scores of fans travel to the appropriate city to attend matches, maxing out the hotels.

In my defence, I had no way of knowing, but everyone, and I mean everyone in Australia knows about it. Its a big thing

 

[Tony Schonewald]

Someone asked one of our techs if we had the new iPad with the retina scanner.......we had to just look at her.

 

[Nantucket_v1legacy]

When I worked in McDonalds many years ago I remember one man accusing me of serving him cold fries.
I checked the timer on my till and it turned out he had bought the fries an hour ago. He then told me he lived half an hour away and when he had opened his bag they were cold. It took him another 30 minutes to get here and by that time they were stone cold. What was I going to do about it?

I just stared at him.
My manager dealt with it from there.

 

[The White Hunter]

Where's the ketchup?

In an isle marked "Ketchup, Sauces, Relishes".

The sad thing is this place had a uniform, and I didn't even fucking work there.

 

[lechat]

not really dumb but pretty scammy

i worked at a chicken place when i was a kid and every tuesday without fault a lady would show up telling us we had stiffed her on her chicken last time she was there. unfortunately due to the whole "customer is always right" policy we had to give her the chicken so the manager would spend 2 hours checking dockets to make sure she wasn't lying (which she was) and when he finally got done checking dockets and proving she was lying he would go out and appologise for the mistake and hand her a fresh chicken
tbh if you think spending 2 hours waiting is worth a chicken you prolly deserve it

 

[Chairman Miaow]

Not a question, but a customer said this to me once:

"What, £2.99 for this? It would be £1.99 anywhere else, but of course, nowhere else sells it!"

let stupids of great magnitude sink in.

 

[Angie7F]

Where should I start from...

A guy once asked me when purchasing headlights for cars, "Will this fit my car?".
Well, it helps if you told me what car you drive...

Also "why is this cheaper?"
I dunno. Why are Louis Vuitton purses more expensive than the ones in Target?

 

[snappydog]

While it wasn't a question, I had a woman come in and ask if she could return something she bought way too long ago, which she'd worn and which had been stained - by her. It's not our company's policy to do that, so I politely explained why I wasn't allowed to do that for her, but that I might be able to give her a discount for her next purchase. (Just to shut her up. It's a weird policy of my boss's that works surprisingly well.) Anyway, after a minute of trying to resolve her issue any way I could without breaching policy and potentially risking my job for it, I told her I would get the manager if she wanted confirmation that I'd offered her everything I could. At this, she threw her hands up, shouted 'I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE WITH YOU' and stared me down until I politely informed her of our policy to refuse service to customers who were hostile towards staff.

 

[CaptainMarvelous]

Personal favourites

"Do you buy shoes?" <- in a comic book shop.

"How much you give me for this consoles?"
"That isn't a console"
"What? It is"
"It isn't, that's a toaster, mate"

And an overheard one in poundland, not a question but infuriating
"Oh thats OK I like my crisps crushed"
"Oh.. sorry sir"
"See that you are"
-I roll my eyes, customers suck, I have the same girl, act nice because I work retail, walk past that guy and the store manager-
"I just want to complain, one of your staff was quite rude to me"
-Physically stop and wait to tell the manager that was bullsh*t-

Seriously, compulsory year in retail does wonders for human empathy >_>

 

[Tiger King]

Where should I start from...

A guy once asked me when purchasing headlights for cars, "Will this fit my car?".
Well, it helps if you told me what car you drive...

Also "why is this cheaper?"
I dunno. Why are Louis Vuitton purses more expensive than the ones in Target?

this reminds me of something that happend in halfords. myself and a friend went to buy a new stereo for his car, after picking and purchasing a stereo the teenager serving us offered to fit it. after 15 minutes of watching this guy mess about with wires with little progress we asked him
"do you know what you are doing?"
"uhhm no...I'll go get my manager"

been many a year since I worked in slavery, I mean "retail".
i absolutely hated it, having people screaming at you and acting like a five year old over something trivial.
I do feel sorry for people in that line of work.

 

[Sku1c]

Firstly, finally decided to register, hello escapists

On to customer stupidity..
---

Working in Holland, being asked by a german customer with a very noticable accent: "Do you speak English?"

Not really a dumb question I suppose, but rather one of time, we had an elderly individual ask where he could find the VHS tapes, this was in 2011.

Customers being infuriated because a discounted item is sold out, despite the add saying 'while stocks last'.

 

[barbzilla]

Well I have blocked most of my retail days out of my memory at this point, but for the most part it was people asking questions that would make Fred Flintstone look computer literate. For everyone still in retail, trust me it gets better. Once you make it to management or run the hell away to a real job like I did. Until that point, stick with it and get good references. (also it never hurts to talk to your customers about their jobs, that is how I got into law enforcement and paid my way through college).

 

[Antitonic]

Oh god, customer stories. I have two favourite standbys:
1) Customer asks for, and I quote: "that thing to mop stuff with, like a rake with a head". I ask "Like, a mop?". Customer visibly brightens and responds "Yeah! That's the thing!"
2) Customer returns a cordless screwdriver (tiny thing, basically no power), asking why it wasn't working. He'd jammed a rather large drill bit in it, and caused the motor to melt itself through the body. Turns out, he'd been trying to cut with it, like a saw.

Seriously, if a day goes by without at least one stupid person, something's gone horribly wrong.

 

[Blunderboy]

When I worked at Virgin Megastores someone approached me and asked "Do you sell CD's?"
I wish I was kidding.

Luckily I was leaving anyway so I said no.