Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. You're in a coma that you can never wake up from.

I wish I could catapult a squirrel.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but it will land on your head and cause your head to be engulfed in squirrel flames.

I wish for popcron.

 

[steeple]

granted, it pops in your mouth with the force of a 5 megaton bomb...

I wish I could be as badass as teddy roosevelt

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. You're so badass people are afraid of you, and their irrational fear causes them to launch you into the sun.

I wish I was a witch.

 

[steeple]

granted, but the wish-granter has a slight case of dyslexia, and mistakes the w' for a b', enjoy...

I wish for a fishing net made of fishes

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. Sharks eat you fishy-fishing net net.

I wish I had a stick made of fishies to give you.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, it's made of Sharks.

I wish for a montage.

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. It's ten years long.

I wish I had wings. Although a Redbull could grant that...

 

[Trivun]

Granted. It's ten years long.

I wish I had wings. Although a Redbull could grant that...

Granted, but they would be fixed on with wax, and melt when you reach too high an altitude...

I wish I was able to date Shion Sonozaki...

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. She gets Level 4 Hinamizawa Syndrome and hangs you up as she stabs your arms, saying it was an act of love.

I wish for a pet dragon that won't kill me or hurt me.

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. You have so much time you do everything you want and need. So you go insane from boredom.

I wish I could enter the fictional worlds others have created.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you wake up the next morning to discover you're now just words on a page. And it's fan fiction... of Twilight. *shudders*

I wish for an assortment of chocolates.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. They are covered in sea salt, making that the only thing you can taste.

I wish for loose pyjamas.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but they are so loose they are pretty much just a bed sheet.

I wish I got bit by a dog.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, you get AIDS somehow.

I wish for a Captcha

 

[pyramid head grape]

What's a captcha? XDDD

I wish to be witty!

 

[Kuroneko97]

Granted. The hat is so nice it gets stolen.

I wish for a cake.

 

[Philol]

Granted, but it has 'special' icing on it

I wish to be rich

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You become a orange to rich to look at.

I wish for 1/2 of a red pen.

 

[lRookiel]

Granted, the pen will leak

I wish for a better internet connection (No really, I do)