Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[The Rookie Gamer]

Granted, a guillotine should do the trick.

I wish for the perfect bed.

 

[username sucks]

Granted.

I wish for burritos.

 

[Basement Cat]

Spoiler: Granted

They give you food poisoning.

I wish for my credit card bill and student loans to be paid off.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but to pay them off, you have to sell yourself and your descendants into eternal bondage.

I wish for a 2013 where games' forums are not savaged by angry vocal minorities that endlessly repeat the same thing.

 

[Zantos]

Granted, in the wake of the Connecticut shooting there is a radical move which results in all video games being banned. As a result, games forums cease to exist, preventing both the vocal minorities and the not-so-vocal majorities posting on them.

I wish I had more space for my stuff.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, and here, let me take that stuff off your hands.

I wish Atlus would hurry up and finish Persona 5 already.

 

[MrCollins]

You wish is granted, however, Personna 5 is simply Final Fantasy XXIII, with the name crossed out and Personna 5 scribbled on the box.

I wish for peace and quiet

 

[SamtheDeathclaw]

Granted, you are now the only living human on Earth. The millions your wish callously slaughtered are piled in the streets. Feral, flesh-eating dogs patrol the streets. You are alone. For now and forever.

I wish Monday would hurry up.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted! It is Monday.

December 14, 3346.

I wish it was never monday.

 

[SamtheDeathclaw]

Granted. The system of days is abolished. As is sleep. You are the unceasing cogs of industry, proletariat! The day matters not! You must look to the health of the motherland before you look to time! Now back to work, and let your hammers ring out all across this earth before you stop again!

I wish for Eccles. 9:2.

 

[DotSlash]

Granted, all of your paydays happen to be on Monday, which no longer exists. You are poor forever.

I wish for Sonic '06 not to suck so much.

 

[username sucks]

Granted. The awesomeness to improve the game was taken from every other game in the universe, making them all suck.

I wish for better handwriting.

 

[MrCollins]

You get your wish, an evil friendly corporation decides to dump chemical in your garden, you are treated to ACID RAIN.

I wish for less revision

 

[Zantos]

Granted, they are both that particular shade of yellow/green that makes you want to vomit if you look at it for too long.

I wish I'd started my preparation earlier.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, you started working a fortnight ago, but the dead was 13 days ago.

I wish I was a lawyer.

 

[God'sFist]

granted welcome to hell lawyers in that line please

I wish for the destruction of all life.

 

[WhyBotherToTry]

Granted, but now you laugh uncontrollably every time something horrible happens and everyone thinks you're a psychopath.
I wish I could do well in my exams.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, you walk into the wrong exam hall and ace the entrance test for a nursery for gifted children.

I wish the movie I'm watching was better.

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, you now travel through time at double the rate, which means that your spare time also feels reduced.

I wish I had every game on steam and could play them all.

 

[MrCollins]

You have, it's a delicious delicious kebab, but what's that? The meat tastes odd and there this strange blue fur in it....

I wish I could break out of prison