Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Not G. Ivingname]

Granted. Your first quest is to kill a man of virtue named Morton with this fork. Have fun!

I wish for the ability to cause the person who grants this wish pain and misery.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

Granted, but you can only inflict pain upon me that you inflict to yourself first, and I'm a masochist.

I wish I could flip eggs perfectly when cooking them.

 

[Agent Cross]

Granted. But the eggs must be spoiled.

I wish that the next poster can live happily ever after.

 

[Neuromancer]

Granted, but my living happily ever after entails watching you writhe in agony for the rest of eternity.

I wish that villains would win.

 

[Agent Cross]

Granted. But that means the terms of my agony gets placed upon you. *twirls mustache*

I wish for everlasting socks.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but they're all horrible garish colours, are full of holes and give you blisters.

I wish for one normal-sized, delicious-tasting brownie with no dodgy ingredients.

 

[Agent Cross]

Granted. But it has been in an urn for 7,000 years.

I wish for just one moment of silence.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: ...

Granted, hoped you enjoyed it, now crank up the death metal!

I wish it would be quite for one hour.

 

[Hemlock]

Granted, you are asleep during that hour.
I wish for more cowbell.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, the cowbell never ever stops.
I wish for prettyful fingernails.

 

[Fractral]

Spoiler

Was this what you ordered?
I wish for some manly chest hair.

 

[kailus13]

Granted, you now have hair everywhere, like a wookie.

I wish for smooth legs.

 

[thesilentman]

Granted. You can't clean it due to everything just sliding off.

I wish for some love.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted

Spoiler: Love pure and simple

I wish I had never seen that video.

 

[Jolly Co-operator]

Granted. Instead of watching that video, you watched "2 Girls, 1 Cup" . . . while eating chocolate ice cream.

I wish Nintendo would just tell us what type Sylveon is already!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but they have to kill you after revealing it.

I wish I could come up with better ways to ruin wishes when drunk.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but you are now perma-sober.

I wish for disappointment.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted here is a gluten free piece of bread.
It was more disappointing that you could even begin to wish for.

I wish for more great music.

 

[Fractral]

Granted, but as you are deemed to impure to listen to it, you'll never get to hear it. Guess you'll just have to stick to what the rest of us listen to.

I wish for some hot chocolate.

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted. You wanted it in your lap, right?

I wish I spoke latin