Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. lots of people drown in freakish tides, and it is all your fault!

I wish I could punt the talking box from those god-awful progressive commercials straight into a roaring fire.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you fall into the fire with them

I wish I journeyed into a fantastical land

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It is full of lightning fast predators that think you would make the perfect entree.

I wish I had a team of utterly loyal ninja monkeys at my command.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, their loyalty doesn't make up for their incompetence

I wish more people were like me

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the world became too boring for the Earth to keep living anymore...

I wish you'd have a happy V-Day!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Well it was just another day for me, though I did go see Deadpool and it kicked ass! How much ass did it kick? ALL OF IT!

I wish common sense was actually common.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it makes no sense, thus it's most commonly homeless due to poor wordplay of choice...

I wish I had more male friends to watch Girls with me!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. They make the experience incredibly uncomfortable.

I wish I was a fighter pilot.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will never lead to becoming a Green Lantern, thus getting into any [fighter] plane fills your with suicidal depression...

I wish Season 1 of Galavant was always available on ABC Go!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It's blurry, choppy, and has the wrong actors.

I wish I was a superhero.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you are Poo Man

I wish I was a metal bender

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can't metal-bend yourself despite being made out of metal...

I wish I'm not late to my next class!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. you are 16 hours early, the door is locked, and you can't go anywhere else.

I wish Anna Kendrick was my girlfriend.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it's a loveless relationship

I wish I had pirate treasure

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

It is cursed.

I wish I had a sweet pet mimic.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it uses your form to commit crimes and frame you

I wish I could imagine everything

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's more horrifying than anything quantifiably imaginable...

I wish anyone could smoke weed everyday!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you die

I wish downloads weren't so long

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they amount to gaining nothing at all![footnote]Nothing at all![footnote]Nothing at all![/footnote][/footnote]

I wish I could rap like a rich kid!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted, the kid is a complete and total wannabe dumb-ass.

I wish Paxton Lynch would drop to the broncos at the 31st pick in the draft.