Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[VaudevillianVeteran]

Granted. You're immediately shot.

I wish I was a ruler!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, you spend the rest of your life measuring objects and being used as a straight edge for drawing geometric shapes.

I wish for a catgirl.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, she tosses you around with her claws, like a ball of yarn.

I wish for a good show to come on right now.

 

[DOOM GUY]

Granted, but the cables out.

I wish for a giant statue of a Rubiks Cube.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, it crushes you.

I wish my old shoes hadn't worn out.

 

[Athol]

Granted, your feet fall off

I wish to My Little Pony never existed

 

[BigDeadMushy]

Granted.instead there are 15 spinoffs of carebears,and your favourite shows are pre-empted for them.

I wish for new pants for everybody!

 

[Quinadin]

Granted! but none of them fit anybody.

I wish for a new laptop.

 

[BigDeadMushy]

granted.you burn your hands badly because you didn't ask for a cup.

I wish I could speak and understand every language in the universe!

 

[Dango]

Granted. But only because you were banned...

I wish for endless amounts of waffles.

 

[Gypsy Ninja Pirate Zombie King]

Granted but there blue waffles

i wish for infinite hamburgers

 

[M0rp43vs]

Granted but you die of a heart attack BEFORE you get a chance to dig in

I wish for a girl to like me

 

[BigDeadMushy]

granted.she likes you so much that she locks you in the attic and steals your identity.

I wish my eyes were on stalks!

 

[Eumersian]

Granted, but they then get cut off by the ceiling fan and you can never see again. Also, your parents stop loving you.

I wish for another pie.

 

[Jammy Fingers]

granted but its poisoned and I didn't tell you that until after you ate it.

I wish for teleportation that went as far as I want

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, it just takes really long to get there. Years pass and you'd never know..

I wish for a never ending soda.

 

[BigDeadMushy]

granted.now sing along: neverending pee-break,aa-aa-aaah,aa-aa-aaah,aa-aa-aaaaaaaaaahhh!

I wish for pringles, in a tube wide enough to fit my man-paws in to get the delicious buggers.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but the pringles taste like very sour rhubarb.

I wish for relief.

 

[BigDeadMushy]

granted.you are relieved that you haven't been fired.just demoted.dramatically.to executive vice toilet cleaner.2 more promotions and they give you a plunger!

I wish my wallet had some money in it.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. Poison money.

I wish for an adamantium skeleton.