Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Ever hear of cat scratch fever?

I wish for my own personal ninja tuna.

 

[darth.pixie]

Here you go.

Spoiler: Tuna

He kills you in your sleep for eating his friends.

I wish for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's Raphael. His moodiness gets you stabbed in a fit of angst.

I wish for a regular turtle.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. It sheds all over the place. All over.

I wish for a new fish.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It is lightly browned and served with lemon.

I wish I lived in the matrix.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. You now live in a C++ program but it compiles you out of it...into obscurity.

I wish Keanu Reeves would stop making movies.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Too bad I got it from you. :/

I wish to be launched from a giant cannon.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's everything you ever imagined it to be. Too bad you're catatonic now.

I wish I could live on the moon.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. You were teleported there without a space suit and now you die out of lack of oxygen.

I wish Darth Maul was still alive

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You realize he isn't nearly as cool when he has more than one line of dialog.

I wish for a second season of Firefly.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. It's directed by Uwe Boll and written by Stephanie Meyers.

I wish vampire books were extinct.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. They are replaced by sexy zombie books. Our collective conscious will never recover.

I wish for lead poisoning.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. You are shot so many times you get lead poisoning. Then die.

I wish for more realistic werewolf movies.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's firmly embedded in a cricket and earthworm cookie.

I wish for Godzilla.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. It's the 1998 version which ruined the classics. You are now chronically depressed.

I wish Gillman would be more recognized, as he is awesome.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. HIV infected blood. Good luck!

I wish for Gary Oldman to come visit me.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. He brought Matthew McConaughey with him.

I wish I had some wine.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. And it comes in a collectible box!

I wish for a toaster.

 

[darth.pixie]

Granted. It's a broken toaster and plugging it in gets you electrocuted.

I wish for a cigarette...

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It may or may not be laced with nitro glycerin.

I wish for a wish with no drawbacks.