Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Teoes]

Granted. You've lost your job, your home and your family. No more distractions = more time!

I wish I could create fire with a snap of my fingers.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Granted. But you set fire to yourself every time.

I wish for a safe to eat, legally acquired tasty sandwich!

 

[username sucks]

Granted! It has the tastiest legal poison sauce you will ever find! And the best part is that it doesn't take effect for two days, so it is perfectly safe while you eat it.

I wish for a door. That is all.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but it's really small and painted a horrible obnoxious colour.

I wish for my very own dragon.

 

[BQE]

Enjoy your Komodo dragon!

I'm sorry it's dead.

I wish I was prescient.

 

[MemLCol TBOT]

(Copied from google:

pre·scient
/ˈpreSH(&#275ənt/
Adjective
Having or showing knowledge of events before they take place.
Synonyms
foreseeing - provident
)

you become prescient. Aliens invade as you do so and kill you.

i wish i understood what it means to be prescient.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but the knowledge comes at the price of forgetting something else; like who you are and where you live.

I wish I had quesadillas.

 

[BQE]

Quesadillas are yours. Shame they are filled with cockroaches.

I wish it'd never stop raining.

 

[Teoes]

Granted. That wish ruined itself.

I wish for a bacon roll to go with my soup today.

 

[JasonKaotic]

An endless landslide of bacon rolls onto your house, and you die a delicious death.

I wish I didn't have work tomorrow.

 

[Mirakill]

Granted, today is your last day on earth.

I wish that MOBA communities were nicer.

 

[BQE]

Easy solution, MOBA communities are in fact, so nice that it's both disturbing and unsettling. These unbearably nice communities have now driven you away from MOBAs once again.

I wish people didn't idolize celebrities so much.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted; the homeless 100 is now the most popular thing ever and many lives are lost over it.

I wish beer could cure every problem.

 

[jesse220]

Granted, but you must now go through life so drunk on beer that you can't walk straight or you'll be plagued with a never ending stream of unsolvable problems.

I wish I could cook delicious meals.

 

[Mullac]

Granted, they are delicious but also volatile.

I wish I could dance.

 

[jesse220]

Granted, your sweet dance moves cause your friends to be incredibly jealous and they no longer speak to you.

I wish my TV was bigger.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

Granted, your TV is now the size of a city

I wish I could cook delicious food

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but only others can eat it as it is poisonous to you exclusively.

I wish for more time in life.

 

[jesse220]

Granted, you have a hundred more years. Behind bars.


I wish I had super powers.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Granted, but it's only oxygen dependency.

I wish for a pretty dress.